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Thread: Completely lost and unhappy with myself

  1. #1
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    Completely lost and unhappy with myself

    Hello everyone,

    Iím not doing well at the moment. Things arenít going the way I want them to be. But thatís life, right?

    Social media and comparing my life to others is killing me. Iím 28 years old, been single for 1 year now after an on-off relationship with my ex who I saw (not see) as the love of my life.

    But that breakup isnít the reason why I am unhappy. Iím getting at an age where most of my peers are getting children, are buying their homes, getting maried. While I live at my parents home. Positive note, Iíve almost saved enough money to buy my own house, but I rather do it with someone I love. Itís not that I hate it here. I love my parents, but I want to move on. But my parents are strongly against renting a place, so they insist that I buy (with their financial help) a nice home.

    I miss having someone that really likes me. Lately Iím feeling lost. My bestfriends went on a holiday without me, because they went with 3 couples. So no room for single me. I have another group of friends who goes out a lot, and while I enjoy to go out sometimes, itís just not 100% who I am. So I struggle to feel myself completely at home.

    So whatís the problem. Not being loved? Not feeling appreciated? I donít know. Itís like all social gatherings at my age are linked to couples. Couples inviting other couples over for diner etc... You want to buy a house? You need a partner.. It justs puts an enormous pressure on me. Itís like: ďas long as you are single, you wonít be happyĒ.

    And I just want to be happy. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    Hello everyone,

    Iím not doing well at the moment. Things arenít going the way I want them to be. But thatís life, right?

    Social media and comparing my life to others is killing me. Iím 28 years old, been single for 1 year now after an on-off relationship with my ex who I saw (not see) as the love of my life.

    But that breakup isnít the reason why I am unhappy. Iím getting at an age where most of my peers are getting children, are buying their homes, getting maried. While I live at my parents home. Positive note, Iíve almost saved enough money to buy my own house, but I rather do it with someone I love. Itís not that I hate it here. I love my parents, but I want to move on. But my parents are strongly against renting a place, so they insist that I buy (with their financial help) a nice home.

    I miss having someone that really likes me. Lately Iím feeling lost. My bestfriends went on a holiday without me, because they went with 3 couples. So no room for single me. I have another group of friends who goes out a lot, and while I enjoy to go out sometimes, itís just not 100% who I am. So I struggle to feel myself completely at home.

    So whatís the problem. Not being loved? Not feeling appreciated? I donít know. Itís like all social gatherings at my age are linked to couples. Couples inviting other couples over for diner etc... You want to buy a house? You need a partner.. It justs puts an enormous pressure on me. Itís like: ďas long as you are single, you wonít be happyĒ.

    And I just want to be happy.
    Buy the house when you want to buy the house. That way it's yours. Don't wait until you find someone. And if you're counting on finding someone to restore your happiness, then you'll be co-dependent. And that pushes people away. You're still really young. You got time. Do the things you want to do. If it's buying a house, then do it. If it's finding a new job, hobby, etc. But don't get caught up in desperately trying to find someone. You can end up settling.

    And you're not alone. Many people are going through rough times right now.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    The time to buy a house is when you know you can afford it and you really like it. You dont wait for someone to share it with. The housing market always goes up and the sooner you get in it, the sooner you will have it paid off. I am totally in favour of home ownership.

    When you do buy the house, your life will be different because of it. Hopefully you meet new and interesting people and expand on your life. You are letting life pass you by.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Your parents have no say unless you choose to accept their financial help. If you want to move, you can move. If you want to stay and have their help in buying a house, do that. Just realize it's your choice, you are an adult and can do whatever it is you choose.
    Likewise, you can choose to look at your life differently. You can choose to consciously stop feeding the comparison game in your head, and instead put that energy into pursuing those things that you really enjoy and care about.
    It's impossible to gauge happiness by outward goalposts. For all you know, some of your friends may be struggling or unsatisfied with where they are at and choices thry have made. Doesn't matter, what matters is being engaged in your own life to the point where you just don't have time or inclination for comparing to others.
    Honestly, when you are strongly engaged in your own, it doesn't matter quite as much to reach milestones you have arbitrarily decided in your head will bring happiness. It's trite but true that the joy is in the doing, the living and striving and creating. There is always the next milestone, the next goal post, and sometimes what makes you happy is the surprises along the way.
    Last thing I'd add is the value of a gratitude practise. Life is wild, but taking time to be grateful for what we do have has scientific merit. It's proven to help increase a sense of groundedness, a place to make room for joy.
    Good luck!

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  6. #5
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    You just sound like your lonely and bored, to be honest. Use a small portion of that money you've saved and perhaps invest in new clothes,
    workout, and consider having your pictures taken by either a professional or someone who knows how to take quality pictures and use them
    on dating sites. Bumble is a good sight. Trust me, you'll eventually meet someone. Just be patient man,
    you're still so young and stop being so hard on yourself. Good luck!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to move out of your parents house and cut the apron strings. At your age living with parents and them making lifestyle and financial decisions for you is stunting your growth and preventing you from dating as an independent adult .

    Step number one is to move out. Whether you buy a place (on your own, NEVER buy a place with someone you're just dating) or renting.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's no longer about what your parents want as you've been an adult for quite some time. So if you don't want to buy, tell them, "Thanks for your input, but I've decided I'm going to . . . " Think about if their financial contribution for your house comes with too big of a price emotionally. I don't know them, so I don't know if that offer comes with strings or expectations from them.

    There are plenty of cheap in-law suites you can rent if you don't feel like buying right now. If you do buy, know that it doesn't have to be a forever home. If you and your future spouse want something different, you can sell the house and buy something together.

    Starting a new hobby you can be passionate about can reignite some joy in your life. After my first marriage ended, my friends weren't always available to hang out since the all worked different schedules, and most of them were also partnered up. I took dance lessons that were followed by a dance (East Coast Swing). If you research types of dance classes offered in your area, you might be surprised at how much is going on that you didn't know about, and that's a great way to meet new people. I also started attending Meetup.com group activities for singles in my age group. During that time I also did OLD, and after a lot of frustrating and hilarious experiences, I did finally meet my future husband.

    Of course you'll have to wait until vaccines are available for the virus to get really social, but it's something to mentally prepare for and look forward to. I recommend the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne to get into a positive mindset about life in general. Good luck.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Firstly, you are not alone with those feelings. Just yesterday there was another woman going through the same kind of thing. read this:
    [Register to see the link]

    So in summary, don't compare yourself to others. EVERYONE has a different path! You need to choose the Pikachu path, not what "everyone else is doing"

    Speaking of your own path....I will add that making a move towards independence and out of your parents home can do nothing but good things for you at this stage.
    Sounds like you have been good with your money, so if you want to continue to let your money grow, have you considered buying a home, living in a part of it and renting out the rest to help pay the mortgage?
    IN my mid 20's, I bought my first home with my girlfriend and it was the best financial decision I made even though I had to work 3 jobs to afford it. But looking back, I wished I was single and rented out the rest of the house.
    I would be a millionaire today if I continued with real estate investment. (buy, rent out, buy 2nd home, rent out, etc)

    Keep your head up and draw out a new plan for YOU and don't worry about matching to the norms.

  10. #9
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    Why are you allowing your parents to dictate how you live at 28 though? Or is it that you can't move out because they're pressuring you to save money instead? End of the day you can do what you want. But I think it's not good to just blame your parents and circumstances for your life because you're making your own choices. You are not just a passive victim of your life. You actually decided to live your life like this.

    Also I think if all your friends are in couples and don't wanna hang out, maybe it's time to make new friends. Through single friends you may be able to meet guys too. Hanging out in couples' friendship circles is probably not doing you any favours regarding your self-esteem and opportunities to meet like minded friends or a partner. When covid is over, maybe you should start getting out there as much as possible and meet new people. And you could do online dating too.

    I think you're actually wrong in thinking that life is only made for people in couples. There are also so many single people in this world. Most of my friends are actually single and I am too. I go on holidays with my single friends and it's fine. Also keep in mind that to attract a partner you also have to present as a good catch. No offense but still living with your parents probably doesn't give off that impression. When do you think you might be able to buy the house?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I agree with Tinydance; it would have been considerate of your friends to take some time to do something with you without their partners, especially knowing your situation and your feeling a bit lonely.

    Sorry you're feeling this way. If it helps, many people are going through a tough time right now. Take care of yourself.

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