Post here instead of contacting your ex!

6 week anniversary of breakup, 2 week nocontact i was crying on the plane,train, at home today. I miss u so much. And i know you miss me too. I switch between thinking we shouldnt get back together to hoping/wishing we can work things out. I miss hugging you. Hugs.

I'm still trying to let you go.

Maybe I'll have to be resigned to the fact I may never really do that.

Tomorrow marks exactly six months since you broke up with me and one month since the last time we had contact.

After all this time, and believe me when i tell you i've never in my life felt so desperate and sad as i've been these six months, i still don't understand why you left.

How could you just walk away from everything we had, from the life we had built together, from the house we made ours with so much love, from our litte dog who was like a child to us and whom we both loved so much, from our dreams, our hopes, everything we planned for our future...

You loved me so much, you couldn't stand to be without me even for one night..

And then you just walked away, and never looked back. No regrets, no second thoughts, nothing.

For 14 years you were my life, i gave you all of myself, the only thing i really wanted in this world was to make you happy.

Since i started working, the only thing i looked forward everyday was to come home to you, to our house, to our life.

Now, i don't look forward to anything. I'm a wreck, and even though you hurted me so much and you put me through so much pain, i can' get you out of my head.

I just wish i wake up one day, and i don't think about you.

You don't deserve me. You don't deserve the love i had and still have for you.

You are a narcissist and I have had enough of your empty words.You used me years ago and I let you use me again. But this time I stopped it before I let you totally destroy me and self-esteem. Cutting you off is both the best and worst thing I can do for myself. I still love you and I pray daily that God will touch your heart and you will be the man that you could be. I will always love you and I forgive you because I know I must forgive you and myself so that I can move on.

I don't know why but looking at your picture brings me comfort , even though I'm stressed and I know you aren't a part of my life, you're my past and I understand now that is what you want. But I loved you so much, I still do, and all that goodness makes me happy and hopeful I'll have it again. Except this time maybe I'll be able to stop it from going bad, maybe I'll recognize destruction before it rears it's head . You bring me calm, and for that I'm thankful even though it means nothing for you and I am a mere memory to you, it doesn't have to. The positive feeling I felt tonight was simply that, a positive feeling and reciprocation is irrelevant. I have many fond memories of you now, the dock, School, the home we shared. And the good thing is, the bad ones don't seem so bad anymore and I'm able to enjoy the good ones because I am no longer breaking myself trying to get them back, I'm not bending over backwards to some how conjur them back. Bc it's over and so is any shred of us now it's just a memory

I hate you. No, wait I don't hate you, I despise you. I honestly think it would have been better for me if you died. But, unfortunately, you are still alive. Enjoying your life away from me. Away from the life we built. Away from the responsibilities that come with a family. Away from everything. I hope I never see or hear from you again. You don't even deserve to hear my name spoken. You want to be friends? Never. I would never give any part of myself to you, except my cold shoulder. That's me being generous.

I don't understand. I just don't understand. We were so happy. So happy with our move, so happy with the great place in the heart of the city that I found and we bought. So many future plans. How did it change so suddenly? How? I've never cheated on you. I've never been abusive to you. We never fought about money. I was welcoming off the idea of your mom moving here with us in severs years. Could I have worked harder on some of my anxiety and control issues? Absolutely. And I was apparently selfish at times without fully realizing it. But never once did I realize or fully comprehend the pain that you are now saying I caused. And apparently for the entirety of our marriage? How could I have? I thought we had a good marriage, with typical immature fights on occasion. We were still saying I love you all day everyday, still talking about future plans, everything was a "we" discussion and I was your best friend, your own weirdos. But now? Nothing, nothing that I ever thought was making you unhappy with the entirety of our marriage. And then you blurt out that you don't want kids, when we've been talking about and making plans for such during most of our marriage. What. The. F***. I'm so lost. And hurt. And sad. I should probably move on, but I can't give up. I will do anything to save our marriage.

You never posted photos of me. So why do you constantly post photos of yourself with every other female you know? Do you do it on purpose? Did you hold me emotionally hostage just to be cruel? You couldn't give me that one tiny piece of validation in a strained long distance relationship yet you happily and continuously show the world your abundant female classmate "friends". Yes I see her. The same fake boobed girl who photoshops all of her photos (but you wouldn't know that because you aren't clever enough to notice). Of course you post photos with her whenever you can. Because YOU KNOW it hurts me. Her specifically more than anyone else.

You broke my heart and crushed me continually for our entire relationship. I can't believe I wasted a year of my life on such scum. You hurt me. Knowingly, purposefully, and continuously. I wish you never happened so I could waste less time feeling such emotional pain. I don't wanna hurt anymore.

Well, what goes around comes around. You don't know this, but your "best friend" is hooking up with me. Nope, not sorry.

Congratulations on graduating from Uni! I am so proud of you. I wish I could of shared that precious moment with you.

I miss you and love you every second of every day. I want you to know how sorry I am for the pain I put you through.

I hope one day our paths will cross again, thinking of you always.

Why do you keep giving me hope that i can save this. Why do you keep contacting me then leave me hanging. Why after i delete you from facebook do you decide to like my instagram photos. I am an irrational heart broken ham and you are making it way to difficult to get over you. You are my favorite person in the world and i hate not hearing about your day. I hate opening my eyes every morning and realizing your not there. And no matter how great in life im doing i feel bad because i cant share those experiences with you. I wish you would just let me off the hook and quit toying with my emotions. It takes every since ounce of strength and endurance i have to not tell you how i feel. I hope one day i can look back on this and not feel anything and to not have regret but for the first time i do.

Dear Ex,

I wish I didn't make the mistake I made. I wish you were here with me now. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I communicated better. I wish my heart didn't hurt so much...You will always be the one that got away.

I honestly feel fine right now. I hope that you are having a good time in college. I finally have come to the realization that we are just too different. I think we would have had a better understanding of each other if we had been friends at first instead of jumping head first into a relationship. Anyways, I see now that we are not compatible whatsoever. It's fine. I'm sure you enjoyed a lot of the time we spent together and I did too. It was a great experience and I'm really glad I had it. I would like to be friends with you because you are a important part of my past but I'm keeping caution from contacting you just in case some internal part of me still is holding on. I really am enjoying college right now and I love my life. I think I need to continue loving my own life first before we should talk. I hope you don't regret being with me even if I did act like an ass towards the end. I should have let go earlier. I had trouble letting go and it really took a toll on me because I was trying to make something work that deep inside I knew wouldn't. I hope you understand. I hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling life.

I hope you treat her the way you treated me and make her as unhappy as you did me because she is a stupid little tramp who believes your bs, you will bully her and force her into a box like me and your ex and I turn I hope your still unhappy because you don't know how to look very or respect a woman. Your a lying a hole and have destroyed a massive part of me, I don't know if I will ever trust anyone again. Right now I actually hate you but I'm so angry at myself for allowing you to treat me like you did for 6 years!!!!!

When going through crisis I find I miss u the most and even with the closure I still feel confused... I left you and when I left you said you'd never forget. Yet you did. ?!?!?! Everything you ever "felt" or said u felt is a lie. You are a lie and a sad excuse for a man. I'm struggling now more than I ever had and I just want love, I want a best friend and I had both in you. Before you decided to suck as a bf not show u cared at all and never change then get all this is you're fault when I left bc u had no idea how to treat me and now you've forgotten me. I'm in such a bad place w money I'm going to default on my loans , I've been lied to and kicked around. This entire situation is a joke and I am all alone left scrambling. So many people seem to be getting sick and dying this week , smokey is gone . I wonder if it's that stupid blood moon: I still can't believe your last message to me " we are no longer a part of each other's lives" as if some skank u just met can replace living together... Me holding you through your dads death. All of that is nothing bc otou met someone meaningless and ur finally getting a tiny taste of success after I toought u about wanting it. Bc before me all u wanted to be was a standard, run of the mill vet. You're a low class who is secretly gay and has no idea how to treat women and no matter how many lines you come up with, it'll eventually come out

Is the life that you’ve chosen free from regret?

Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?

Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?

Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

You have made my life miserable. You have caused me so much pain. When you started sleeping with the her i was no good anymore i was pitiful...i was a trailer trash and best of all i was going crazy. You wanted me to go crazy. She had an abortion and you went with her while i was crying my heart out at home. You destroyed what we built together. I cried for months and you never for once said you were sorry in fact your words were you never regret. The 's husband does not want to believe anything i hope one day he finds you on top of her and then maybe he will believe dumb a hole. I hate you with a passion now i wish i never have to look at your ugly a anymore. I trusted you i loved with all my life and you took it all away from me thank god i came from nothing so all the material crap never bothered me. Your time will come and her time will come too. She thinks she will get away for what she did of course not Karma is a b . I hate the both of you. I moved away and now you are coming around telling me i am cute, asking me for hugs and kisses and saying how much you miss me too little too late. The only reason i talk to you is because of our child. Everything in the dark will come to the light. Your precious friends they will all see through the lies eventually go ahead blame me say i am a liar they will all see who the liar really is. I hate you and i will hate you until i die.

your head was unbelievable, no im joking, of course (it was though). I think about you every day, you are a pain in the arse. I loved you so much and still do a smidge, which, man, I'm shocked about (not cuz u aint worth it) but because it has just been so much time that I thought by now i would have forgotten my own mother. You were perfect in every way to me, a frekin dreamboat. When i said I wanted you to be happy I meant it, more sincerely than anything. Love you, Miss you, gawjus bum xx

I can't stop thinking about you, I know it's partially bc I'm home again and last time I was here I had hope for us. That was before you crushed all of that .. You didn't even have the decency to tell me that you didn't see a future ever and I should move on like I asked you when I proposed we try again and you said you thought it would be possible. I got into a horrible car wreak and was having a difficult time adjusting , you called and e talked, for me it felt good just to hear your voice. For you, I got the sensation that you just wanted to get off the phone.. When the call ended you said talk to you later but what you really should've said was goodbye. Because that's what you meant. I kept reaching out and you gave me the greatest form of rejection, silence. I asked if you were getting my messages or just ignoring them and you responded w a cliche breakup speech which is quite ridiculous as I had dumped you 4 mos prior to this ... It still cut like a knife, you said "I was there for you in your crash bc I wanted to make sure you were alive. But we are no longer a part of each other's lives and I choose not to read your messages. Please respect my email" so cold and crass , I responded with anger telling you if you didn't see what we had now, you never would and that I was going to forget you. You responded "thank you". Probably the worst thing I could've heard. I should've seen it coming , I guess for you it doesn't matter how much you "loved " someone you will always cut it the moment it's done. Clear and crystal , no its ands or buts I disappeared the day I needed to leave bc u didn't treat me right. You always told me you shut anyone out who leaves no matter how u feel, and I could see this pain and anguish in your eyes but I thought it didn't matter bc I thought we'd never separate. You also said "you are a friendly person you will make friends put yourself out there and go on a date. I know you're unhappy but you've gotten everything you want and now you just have to sort it out. Wish the best for you" that part was probably the worst. "Go on a date" that made it fairly clear he has a gf or he's over it somehow already sleeping with tons of people. I have been on many dates and all it does is make things worse for me . Like last night, started talking to this stylish, successful man in San Diego, he didn't really get me. I made a fool of myself bc I was drunk and he called and I was just trying to hard. I need to go back to dating school or something, my game is just off and I'm embarrassed. Maybe after that I'll be over you. But that wound feels like a scar because you and I had something special for me and it can't be replaced. The fact that you just forgot and diminished everything we were makes me confused as to if you ever felt the way u said u did . If your love is so fickle it was never forever

I guess it may be true that I may never get over you.

I feel exactly the same way *hugs to you*

God I wish you would just talk to me...tell me you don't wanna speak to me anymore so I can just move forward...tell me you hate me,and never wanna see me again...I just wanna hear it...I don't know how someone can just drop off the face of the earth like we didn't spend 3 years together...If I hear that theirs no chance then I can at least carry on in a positive direction..instead of holding onto hope..ive called,ive texted...I refuse to go on your Facebook because I can't even see your face without getting upset..yet I hear our pics are still all over the place on your profile..take them down then already...you are the most difficult person to understand

Sounds like me...good luck to you...hope is a dangerous thing...I'm holding onto it myself

I miss you so much...I keep checking my phone whenever it goes off, hoping its you...but it never is. You played me like a fiddle and you abused me, but I still love you and your children. I'm still not sure what I would say if you messaged me, everyone is telling me I should tell you off, but the only thing I wanna say is "I love you" and desperately try to figure out how to make this work....I hope some day you will find out what you had and threw away with me, that our problems were problems you caused but could never take blame for, so I boldly took the blame for the problems, even when my feelings were hurt.

I'm in so much pain. I cry all the time. My heart literally hurts. I want you to understand how much you hurt me and the kids. I want you to CARE. I don't understand how you could repeatedly reject me, emotionally and verbally abuse me...and I don't understand how easily I always believed it was my fault. How often I would go back and ask you to try again. I am so hurt. And I am angry. It especially bothers me that you have all these mutual friends convinced you are the victim. You walk around acting like a sad sack (I know because I've seen it before) and they buy into it. They have no idea how cruel and vicious you are behind closed doors. Because I chose NC I have lost much of our social circle. I have heard from your "friends" telling me how you supposedly put me on a pedestal and worshiped me. And how you are supposedly sad. That isn't the truth and you know it. You feel sorry for yourself, and that is not remorse. Remorse brings change and you are incapable of it. God, this hurts. I want to trust myself I will maintain NC this time. I've gone as long as three months. I have to do this if not for my sake then my kids. They deserved so much better than you. I want to rail at you and I want to beg you and more than anything I want this pain to stop.

i miss you . feel better than when we broke up (a lot better), lost desire to see you, but i miss you, and i think of you a lot. ran into you in that city as a coincidence and it was SO AWKWARD. meh. why r u using pics i took of u online on kc?