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Thread: Post here instead of contacting your ex!

  1. #19301
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Hey you,

    Hope things are adjusting well. I dunno why I thought about you today but I dunno. Some part of me still remembers the love I felt for you in the past and I had this flashback of us laughing our heads off, drunk with elation as we swayed, hips touching down _________ street.

    Maybe this year I'll finally find someone else I can actually love again.

    That feeling has been gone for too long.

  2. #19302
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Running into you last month was totally unexpected. I never would've pulled in that cove had I known you would be there. But seeing you wasnt as bad as I imagined it would be.

    You still blame me for the breakup- If thats what helps you sleep at night, ok. You told me to get the f*** away from you and get out your personal space. You told me you didnt give a f*** about me and never did b***h. Then you let me sit in that hurt for 6 days while you pursued another woman. You didn't care about my feelings. When you came back after those 6 days, like nothing ever happened, I just couldnt get past what you said. I tried for the last 7 days that we talked but it was never the same. The trust was gone. I couldn't trust that you wouldn't hurt me again and again if you had the chance to. I have to protect myself from people who cannot forgive and move forward. People who only stay in my life so that they can gather Information to turn around and try to destroy me and my mental well being. People like you and April, who are really dangerous to be around because you hold grudges for a lifetime.

    We both know what REALLY happened that led to the breakup. After 8 months NC you still tried to alter the reality of what happened. What I found surprising is that you thought it was acceptable to sexually assault me by grabbing and touching on me, trying to see if I've shaved my private area, etc. I hope you enjoyed rubbing on me though, because that's the last rub you will ever get.

    When we were seeing each other, you never gave me oral sex or even foreplay. And I got bored with sex with you, which led to me cheating. There are men out here that are sucking toes, giving oral, licking whip cream, chocolate and other desirables off of womens bodies. You just dont turn me on anymore.

    There are men out here who are ok with being a side dude too- and they understand that the side dude is supposed to do everything that the main guy isnt doing. You claimed that you were okay with being my side dude after we broke up on valentine's day, when you called my toddler son retarded. So after you said that about my child, you knew that while i still cared for you, I'd never take you seriously as far as a relationship- because if you got SO mad at me, so full of anger and rage that you would TARGET my special needs son, who was 3 and never did anything to anyone- that I needed to protect my son and my other kids from you. You knew the trust was gone as far as bringing you around any of my kids- then you turn around and demand to be able to come to my house for us to have sex.

    You knew this was not an option because my kids father lived there, and you didnt know that from day one but when you found out, you tolerated it because you didn't have to financially provide for me or my kids, and you still had access to effort free sex from me. You didn't have to wine and dine me, or anything and you was okay with that for 2 years. You beat on me, degraded me, put me and my kids down and talked about us. I gave you sex in any position that you wanted it and you still didnt appreciate me. So I cut back on the sex and started distancing myself from you to break that emotional detachment.

    I just find it odd that you would want to restart a sexual relationship with me when you didnt appreciate me or our "arrangement" the first time around. I guess you've been dating and you see that these women want money, they want respect, they want to be courted and dated properly- and with me, you got effort free sex on demand and didnt have to give me money or respect.

    When you was grabbing on me and pulling me close, it made me very uncomfortable. I had no problem with a platonic, break the ice hug, but getting sexual with you hadnt crossed my mind in damn near a year.

    You know good and well I cannot be alone for long, and while I dont have a man per se, I am sexually active, even though it is only once every 3 to 4 months. And you know that I'm not in this huge house alone every single night either. So maybe you were trying to see if I am still that old cheating, dishonest woman but I am NOT. I am terribly lonely at times; but I dont want or need anyone disrupting my peace. I do acknowledge that having a main man and a side man isnt right, even though that's what I would still prefer at moments in time. But I am evolving, and old habits die hard. I refuse to hurt any other men, so I choose loneliness until I am ready to seriously date one man only. No more fwb, no more side men, no more looking for external validation and forms of "love." I am learning to love myself and a sense of peace comes with that too.

    That all being said, you never once said you missed me, or that you would like to invite me over for some lamb. My aunts 2nd death anniversary was the day we saw each other, and I talked to you in the hot sun for over an hour because i had nothing but a large empty house to come home to that day. While I may not have had sex with you that day, who knows what could've happened? But you thought that you could toss me a few crumbs of affection and get me in bed. And that old, needy, low self esteem woman that you once knew is long gone now. I listen to what men DONT say. Saying you miss my "chunky" was an insult, not a compliment. There are plenty of men that miss my intense sexual prowess- you're one of many men from my past that try to get me back under the sheets. My Facebook inbox is full of messages from my exes and sexual partners from past conquests. I require mental stimulation,(I bore of men easily) genuine love and affection, and lots of attention among other things- things that I realized 9 months ago that I will never get from you.

    I didnt ask you questions about your life or your family-choosing to let you tell me what you wanted me to know. You are an ex and I respect that we are forever done. I am very nosy and inquisitive and always in someone's business-- that I "care"about. So the fact that I didnt share much about myself or ask about Tommi or who you are dating should let you know what it is. I am a work in progress, but I am still impulsive at times. We could've probably had some one time, no strings attached sex had you simply came with a respectful approach; and not grabbing me like some hooker on a street corner. I dont sit by the phone and hope you will call me anymore. When it got to that point with us, you triggered my abandonment. Kinda like waiting for my mother to come back, that never came back. So I have zero expectations where you are concerned. I dont care who you sleep with, where you go or what you do. I'd be lying if I didnt say that I dont miss the 5 and 6 hour telephone conversations that we had though. The mental stimulation is what I miss, not the sex, honestly.

    I still enjoyed talking to you though, for what it's worth. I never let a man tell me more than once that he doesnt want me. Telling me how Pam sucked your D like a champ, and telling me to get away from you and out of your personal space, and that you never gave a f*** about me and never did b**** just caused a hurt and brokenness in me that I could never get past with you. You set out to hurt me in every way possible Kenneth, and you finally succeeded. My kids father had already wounded me so deeply, but I didnt love him the way that I loved you. After my aunt died, their father was the only blood relative that they have, other than me. Ann nurtured the girls and Gary nurtured my special needs son. Taking away the last sense of normalcy that my kids had in their father brought a sense of guilt that I just couldnt bring myself to do. If I had taken my son from the only person in the world who loved him, I could never forgive myself. You called him retarded so I knew you could never love me or my son, because he is a part of me and calling him retarded is the same as calling me retarded.

    That is why we ended up in the scenario that we had. It wasnt right but I had lived without love, affection and attention for decades. Even now, I wished that I had done things differently but like I told you, it's all in the past and it doesnt even matter now. I hope you find a woman that will make you happy, I really do. And now I will never speak on you here on this forum again- so that I can close the door on you and truly move forward. Seeing you took away the resentment I had. And it also showed me that going back to you would only mean more bad sex, more getting blamed for everything and more bad treatment from you- none of which is more appealing than loneliness.
    Last edited by smJackson; 04-15-2019 at 08:43 PM.

  3. #19303

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    I am so so sorry. I did love U with all my heart and soul. U were the love of my life. Out of the blue, so i think, U left me. After 4 years. I now my mistakes, I just hope someday U realise yours.
    I know U are having a hard time right now but all I desire is to help you. No strings attached.
    But U are 2 proud and 2 stubborn to accept my help.
    I do love U so much!
    I can't believe that so much ego can surpass the love that we have.
    Maybe someday U'll miss me but I know that is not enough to call me. I do miss you much.
    All I ever wanted was to grew older beside you and to love U.
    4 years that I will cherish, the best, the worst of my life. Now just accommodating living alone in hell.
    Take care of you as I can't do it any more.

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