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Thread: Post here instead of contacting your ex!

  1. #19281
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    165
    Today you broke up with me. We hadn't been dating long and I know you're new to the dating scene and don't know what you want. I pushed through and accepted how you felt because I just liked being with you because I like YOU. We butt heads a few times due to misunderstandings but we kept giving each other another chance. You'd cancel plans on me, change them around, show up late and on one occasion felt like you just omitted me entirely. I'd express my frustration and concern and you would say I stress you out when I do that. Your travel schedule is all over the map and unbeknownst to you I made sure my availability was wide open when you're around because I wanted to see you every chance I got. No matter what. Sometimes it felt like you didn't care. When we were apart it felt like you didn't care. But when we were alone the way you would look at me, touch me and talk to me made me believe you were more interested than you were leading on. My heart would skip a beat any time a message or video would pop up on my phone from you. I have terrible luck meeting people and for the first time in almost three years I met someone I really liked. I allowed myself to develop an attachment to you and despite everything it grew fast. Your actions speak louder than the words you would say to me, but then I would see you in person and my apprehension would melt away once again. You took me to a party last night where I knew no one and you would walk away and leave me alone, almost forgetting I was there. That hurt me. I called you out on it and today you broke up with me. You "like" me but dating me "stresses you out". Maybe it's for the best... Maybe we didn't get the shot we needed... You live mere blocks away from me and now I can't decide if I want to run into you or change my routes to avoid your part of town entirely. You want to still be friends but my heart tells me I wouldn't be able to handle it, but my head tells me that if we were friends I'd get to see you again. Today you broke up with me and my heart aches. I can't decide if I want you back or not. I miss you though. I really do. Maybe I'm focusing too much on the negatives of our time together, but there were good times too. I'll never forget a few weeks ago when you sat in my car staring at me and told me "I like seeing you sitting across from me smiling. Can I see you again? Do you want to see me again?" all while smiling the most handsome, cutest, most charming smile at me. I miss you and not 12 hours ago you left me. I feel responsible and confused. Why couldn't we have that chat in person? You always say you hate texting, yet you leave me through the privacy of your cell phone.

  2. #19282
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    267
    So close to my birthday. Will this be the first time since 2009 where you weren't a part of my birthday?

    I do hope I hear from you, I really do. I'm afraid of being hurt and of what comes if we speak again, though..

    I hope you're doing well.

  3. #19283
    Member Flipp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Location
    Norway
    Posts
    49
    Gender
    Female
    I donít know if you realized
    You didnít just break us
    You broke the memories
    You broke the future
    You broke the family
    You broke life

    I wonder if youíre lonely
    You didnít just break us
    You broke game nights
    You broke the gym team
    You broke the cabin trips
    You broke our friends

    I donít know if you realized
    She probably wasnít worth it
    All the broken glass
    Was she?

  4. #19284
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    133
    I am in a much better headspace today than I was 3 weeks ago when I last posted here. When i think of how you beat my ass in your living room for deleting a couple of text messages out of your phone that i had sent you- when i think about the time you smashed my head into your headboard when we were arguing, when I think about you slamming my head into the roof of my car and about to draw your gun on me- when I think about you calling my 3 year old special needs child retarded- when I think about how badly you treated me and tortured me the last time you saw me back in July of last year- I realized that there isnt a woman alive that you could make me jealous of. Going to jail for punching your own blood sister- the way you told me proudly of how you beat your other ex girlfriends- the barbaric way you busted her eardrum and swole her face up- putting a loaded pistol in her mouth and all that--- what woman on the surface of this earth would ever miss you when the relationship is over? None of your exes ever reach out to you or desire to maintain contact after the breakup. None of them have a kind word to say about you. Perhaps you trauma bonded other women along the way. Theres no way you can love yourself and beat on your own blood family and the women you "claim" to love. And no, we didnt provoke you, get in your face or hit you first either.

    Beating on women because they talk to you in a way you dont like or because they behave in a manner you dont approve of is nothing but abusive, selfish and controlling behavior. You are nothing more than an insecure f***boy who feels less than a man because his penis is small---and because lots of women have cheated on you because of it. Your self esteem is low and you really feel empty and hollow inside, devoid of emotion, except for anger and resentment, for the cards that life dealt you. Well you know what? We all have to play the cards that we were dealt and justifying abuse of any form in your mind makes you delusional.

    I do miss what we had in the beginning. The bouquet of flowers you surprised me with, the hugs and kisses. The problem with you is that you are a narcissist and when a woman doesnt live up to your expectations of being perfect, you split them. You criticize demean, insult and destroy your partners self esteem slowly over time with your jealousy, false accusations of cheating, etc thinking they wont leave. A healthy man that TRULY values himself feels no need to gaslight, be manipulative, controlling or play mind games. You are emotionally immature just like I was at the time. In the end, I possessed a strength that you didnt know that I had, and i walked away from you abrubtly and never looked back. I had told you that you'd never see it coming, and that you would one day miss me. Not me, you just miss having someone to beat on, insult and abuse. Women aren't lining up to be abused by you like you think they are.

    When I think of you, i just remember the hurt and brokenness that you amplified. I was already a wounded soul and you made it worse. I have taken time to fix my childhood wounds this time, because I dont ever want to attract another man like you. I will never let a man treat me the way you did, ever again. That being said, you were a love lesson. Mary J. Blige has a song called "love lesson" and it reminds me of our tumultuous relationship.

    I am still healing and working on preparing myself to be a wife. I am learning to cook more. God has to fortify and refine me some more, and I have some more maturing to do. The men at the church where I go are real men. They take their dedication to the Lord seriously and they value themselves. They would never tolerate a woman like me in my current state. I have to come prepared for these men. They are honorable and respectful men, fathers and sons who dont even engage with immature women. Once I get to my place of maturity, I will attract these type of men naturally, and not broken little boys in men's bodies like you.

    You trying to control me led to your downfall. Beating me continuously led to your arrest. The bond, lawyer fees, court cost and fines hurt you financially because you already lived beyond your means. You endured public humiliation when your mugshot appeared in the newspaper, and when the very colleague's you locked people up with when you worked at the jail- had to lead to you the same cells that you locked others up in. Word spread like wildfire to your former coworkers at the jail, your family, as well as our then coworkers at Security One. You were an ankle monitor for 6 months. As a result of the court case, you plunged into massive debt, foreclosure and then bankruptcy. All because you didnt like the way I talked to you. You had always said that other women wanted you- so why didnt you just leave me alone since you had so many other options? Because deep down inside, you know you're a failure. You are the worthless one. You had to much too lose over someone that was living with another man. And you tried to beat me into respecting you, but you only hurt yourself in the long run. You were free to leave at any time. You been beating and breaking womens spirit for the last 50 years, and when women who date you realize what you really are, they all leave you. Who wouldn't abandon a predator, who targets broken women to abuse? Who wouldn't abandon a monster like you, who actually enjoys the pain and torture that you inflict on others? Who enjoys playing mind games to deflect his own wrongdoing and avoid responsibility? Who stalks all of his current exes and keeps track of them, and wishes bad for them,all while being in a new relationship?

    You went through all of that for a woman that you cant even speak to now. I wouldn't even acknowledge you if I saw you on public. Was it even worth it? Why would I speak to you when all you did was get revenge, all while we were together ? You've always been a vindictive, vengeful person- ALWAYS got to "get someone back" or "one up" someone for perceived wrongs. You've never taken responsibility for anything in your life, and that hasnt changed. I believe you'd kill me if you had a chance- after all, you said you have a bullet in your gun with two of your exes name on them, right? Exactly. I'm just so glad to get all of this off my chest. I wasnt perfect in the relationship, but I admit and accept my wrongs while you deflect, deny and gaslight. Good riddance! Ps. Your $3000 that you tried to manipulate me into giving you (when I'm a single mom with kids) is still at the bank.
    Last edited by smJackson; 02-12-2019 at 10:04 AM.

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  6. #19285
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
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    73

    Post here instead of contacting your ex!

    Itís been over one month since we broke up. Less then a week since we stopped talking. You told me that you wanted to keep talking because it made the breakup easier for you. Because you liked talking to me and liked my company. But it wasnít easier for me. Of course I didnít want to lose you, but we both knew our relationship was toxic. I kept hoping you would ask for me back or try to work things out with me, the way I had so many times. But you didnít. I kept hoping for some grand gesture of love and affectionate, which I never got throughout our relationship. But that never came either. And thatís when I realized, I needed to cut you out of my life to start healing.

    Iím doing everything I can to rebuild my sense of self. Iíve been in longer relationships. And Iíve loved harder and more genuinely. But never has a relationship destroyed my self esteem the way that this one did. Never have I been with someone who withheld love and emotion from me for control. Never have I been with someone who can be so spiteful and cold, and yet claim to love me. You made me feel crazy at times. I didnít know what was up and what was down anymore. I didnít trust my own heart or head. You were so good at manipulating me, and the worst part is I donít even know if you knew what you were doing.

    You used to tell me I was beautiful and how amazing I was. That lasted about a month. You used to kiss me without me having to ask. That also lasted about a month. You completely withdrew from me. And all I could think was that it was because the more you got to know me, the less you wanted me. I blamed myself. Is that what you wanted? You made me feel unloved and unwanted. Constantly seeking your affection, and never getting it. You claim that sex is affection. You claim that I was the one who didnít show you love. You only said this in the end when I told you I couldnít do this to myself anymore. I told you this so many times during our relationship. You told me you were not the ďromanticĒ type. And if thatís what I wanted Iíd have to find someone else. And then in the end you blamed it all on me.

    I had to end it, for myself. I felt ugly, rejected over and over, and so self loathing. Partly for staying and partly because of how you treated me. With such a lack of empathy.

    Well now Iím in therapy, meditating, exercising , reading self help books, taking self help classes... hoping that one day I will be ok again. Hoping that I will repair the damage thatís been done to me in such a short time. But still missing you. And I donít know why.

  7. #19286
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    133
    Ps. In the end, you realized that I didnt give a damn about your new job with MLGW. You never helped me financially to begin with, but seemed to believe that I came back because I "needed you" financially. I always worked two jobs- before, during and after you. I didnt care about you having a 4 bedroom house, 4 vehicles and a boat either. I came back and tolerated your abuse because I truly loved you back then. I left you alone and accomplished some major sh**, and did better than you. But I'm the loser?? Lol.

    A real woman makes her own money- and at the end of the day, material things mean nothing . They are nice, but not a requirement. Superficial women will tolerate your beatings, jealousy and insecurities in order to live a certain way though. On another note, I dont see how Pam and Adrian tolerated you as long as they did. Two years was my limit and my threshold for the pain and torture. Ps. (Remember "epicurean"??)

    Deep down, you know you are a monster. You run from your true self. That's why you pretend to be a man of values, character and morals. Yet you have been a side piece for several women who were in relationships or married even-- like the doctor's wife who was addicted to xanax that you slept with repeatedly. You are an opportunist and predator and you deep down, you know this. You let other people talk and you listen-- because you listen for their flaws, vulnerabilities and weaknesses - and you let them confide in you, because you know you will use this information against them later during devaluation, or to get the upper hand in an argument. Because you are always right. You are never at fault. You are perfect. You definitely taught me to talk less and listen more nowadays. I refuse to discuss my fears, vulnerabilities or prior relationships with men. At the first signs of an insecure, jealous man, I disappear. Never again. Thanks for that lesson too. My kids father was a very well endowed man, and he had a confidence and swag about himself that was unmatched. This is the real reason you hate yourself. You let this one thing make you feel less than a man--and no matter what we did, it was a bottomless pit that we could never fill. Only beating on us made you feel like a man. Size doesnt make you a man, the way you treat others and live your life does. I know some confident "small" men too- so this is your insecurity in your head.

    I feel so much better having got these things off my chest. Its therapeutic. Now that tax season is here, it's time for me to reserve my summer vacations. I'll be distracted for quite a while and wont be online as much. Amen!!
    Last edited by smJackson; 02-12-2019 at 11:15 AM.

  8. #19287
    Platinum Member
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    Jul 2017
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    28
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    1,577
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    Female
    To ___

    It was so nice catching up with you, you haven't changed at all and I'm so glad we can be friends now :). I still see you as a great guy and I'm so happy you're achieving those dreams of yours.


    To ___

    Can't believe I passed you AGAIN last week. Dunno what is up with the creepily frequent run ins. Anyway, things are going great with life and I felt nothing. Hope you're well and good luck with things when you head overseas.

  9. #19288
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
    Posts
    73
    I hate this day. Yet still hoping you will make some sort of grand gesture to show me you still care. I know you won't. But I still hope that you will show up at my door with flowers. I know this is just a fantasy and your ego is way too important for you to every do something so thoughtful. I know you will never be the one to say you want me back, but I also know you are missing me. Probably not me per se, but just having someone there to call on your breaks or your drive from home. Missing someone to spend a lazy sunday with in bed. Missing the great sex we had. I know this because I miss all these things. And lets face it, our relationship was totally codependent. We had great chemistry yes, but we had nothing else. But when will I stop hoping that you will actually admit all this to me?

  10. #19289

    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Location
    USA
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    Male
    Today was supposed to be our wedding day! Sadly, i'm here posting to this forum to release some of the thoughts i have in my head. It's funny how it takes losing someone to realize (fully) just how valuable they are to you. I could kick myself! I wish I'd known just how much those words i said in the heat of the moment affected you. I certainly know now. S, I really do love you despite it all. However, I'm super proud of you for recognizing that this just would not have worked given our current state. You're truly a lovely and awesome woman.

    I've been seeing a therapist who has been helping me unpack many of the issues i refused to see during our relationship. It helped me to see that our marriage would have never succeeded the way things were. It's Bittersweet really. On the one hand i'm grieving the lose of my best friend and the love of my life. On the other hand, so much has been revealed to me about who i really am! It's really ugly. You don't (didn't) deserve that. You deserve far better. I'm trusting the process and believing that i will come out of this a much better man.

    If i'm being honest, i'm doing a lot of this for you. But, i know it's best i just do this for myself and hope that my next relationship (whether we reconnect or i meet someone new) is free of the deep rooted darkness that is inside me.

    Thank You for loving me and showing me so much grace while we were together. I pray nothing but peace and joy over your life... Especially today.

  11. #19290
    Member
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    Feb 2019
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    90
    You gave me hope baby girl. I hope you receive the best love that I wasn't capable of giving you. A piece of me is missing and I hope you can finally understand where I was going from. I hope one day we can sit down and laugh at how dumb we were. You great one fast. You are truly something special. M&M.
    ...



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