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Results 19,261 to 19,270 of 19298

Thread: Post here instead of contacting your ex!

  1. #19261
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    I think I may have passed u while on the coast today. Either way the guy really looked like you and was looking down. I would have assumed u were on a trip overseas. What a mad coincidence if it were you.

    Why did u message me again? This is what, the 7th time you have since I cut u off.

    I won't be replying. U and I both know this.

  2. #19262
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Iím laying here in my rack on the boat wishing I was with you instead of here. We talk every day, video chat, very few days, itís like we are starting all over again. I canít tell you how I feel yet bc I donít want to scare you off but simply put I love you, always have always will

  3. #19263
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    I miss you so much even though we're in the same home right now. I'll miss your gentle voice beside me. I love you and I miss you so much.

  4. #19264
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    I forgot to mention that Faulkner has never ever touched me except to hug me a few times. I told you what I told you to distract you from the attention that he gave me after your verbal and physical abuse. We've never had sex of ANY kind, we've never even kissed. He did tell me to get away from you and he did try to steal me away from you- he was shooting his shot but I never gave him the time of day.

    Ricardo told me 2 weeks ago that you are no longer at Security One. (He paid for my hotel rooms when I was homeless and while you lived alone in a 4 bedroom house-- never offering your home to me and my "retarded" child- he sheltered me when nobody else did and he will always be a lifelong friend) I may choose to return there at some point in the future- but Amazon pays me $25 per hour. You are no longer there to bad talk me to everyone else so I feel safe to return there should I need a job in the future. I withdrew my job application from MLGW so that we wont cross paths.

    Your girls lost a lot of respect and admiration for you after your arrest. They still love you, of course. But they also realized that maybe their mother wasnt as bad as they thought she was. After seeing what happened with us- they understood what their mother had went through in her relationship with you. They had more love and sympathy for her. When she fell ill with cancer, they may have wondered whether your brutal beatings shortened her life span by a few years.

    But they are women. You raised them to never allow a man to beat them, while you busted eardrums in women, put a pistol in your exes mouth, choked me and put your hand on your gun on that night(which is a felony and that's why you were arrested) but they know that you are an abuser and that's a stigma that will follow you for the rest of your life. They love you but they will never ever view you through the flawless lens that they did before. They know how you treat women behind closed doors and they cant "unknow" that. Your youngest daughter is so disappointed in you- you aren't the man that she thought that you were.

    We were abusive to each other and just toxic but you brought the physical abuse dynamic into the relationship. I never provoked you, got in your face or touched you first. We had a very intense relationship and there was never a dull moment between us. I knew that marriage and stability was something you'd never see me a worthy of or good enough for. After you targeted my toddler son and called him retarded, I knew that I could never feel safe bringing my kids around you. Men like you---who target innocent children-- when they are angry at their mother-- will kill those children. We see it everyday on the news. There was no real hope for us so why continue to waste my life and my time with you?

    Rollercoaster is the only way to describe our dynamic. But whomever I'm with, it's going to be a rollercoaster- no doubt about that. But I am much more stable with my meds, my new 4000 sq ft home, and my new career. I have too much to lose now.

    I must admit, its times like this that I wish that I could just call you up and chat for old times sake. Your sole mission was to hurt me, and hurt me you did. Rather than just leaving me alone, you set out to use me for sex and get revenge while you groomed your new woman. Did you really think that my self worth was THAT low? I have men shooting for me on a daily basis- in person and over the internet. I wasnt going to keep tolerating your cruelty-- when I have countless men vying for my attention. But i didnt want their attention, I wanted yours. And for the entire months of May and June, you didnt call or return my calls much. So I learned how to live without you during this time. You dropped Adrian for Pam, then dropped Pam for Vicki. Did you really think I was going to hang around for the same treatment? Hell no, and Pam never got over catching you at Vicki's house and I'm sure that's why she went on and left you alone too. All you did was compare me to Pam anyway- but she rode the ship to the bottom of the sea, whereas I jumped ship earlier.

    When you told me to stay the F away from you and get out of your personal space, and drew your fist back to hit me, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I did what you wanted me to do and I walked out of your life forever. You CANNOT say such things to someone with BPD or abandonment issues. YOU JUST MIGHT GET YOUR WISH-- for we dont hang around where we aren't wanted. We've felt unwanted and unloved for all of our lives and we run from people who remind us of these core wounds.

    That's exactly what you have not seen or heard from me in 6 months. For as close as we once were, I never imagined that I would live 3 miles from you and never desire to make contact. But then I remember what happened the last time I stopped by your house- and how you drew your fist back at me- I remember the hatred I saw in your eyes. I remember that love no longer lived for me at your address. And so I continue to drive by your house without any longing or desire to stop.
    Last edited by smJackson; 12-30-2018 at 10:53 AM.

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  6. #19265
    Three and a half weeks apart now, and back in my own apartment after being home with friends and family for the holidays. They have saved me during this ordeal. While alone in our respective cities, we would always skype at times like these, just leaving the connection on while going about our business. The first night back is difficult after the progress I made at home, but that's to be expected. Habits are hard to break. I won't have any trouble sleeping tonight, but I still miss you.

    The last few weeks have given me perspective after all the hurt and anger, and I keep uncovering ways I could have better handled the last two months with you. I think I pushed you into walking away. These realizations make me want to reach out even more, to let you know I've discovered what went wrong, what I can now do to improve, but I know the breakup is still fresh, and that the both of us still need space and time to gain more clarity. I know you're the only one who can choose to change your mind, but I wish you had sought out my opinion and help before unilaterally deciding our outcome.

    We agreed that we would give it 60 days to speak to each other, and it has been 11. I'm comforted by the fact that tonight is my first night alone from family since you walked away, so it will be the hardest of many of the nights to come. I so hope that I'm no longer in so much pain when you call; otherwise, I will not pick up. I miss you, I miss having you, of belonging to you. I am a little lost without you, but each day I allow myself to notice that the discomfort becomes more bearable. Resisting the urge to call you becomes easier and easier each day. I know we can't be together now, and that I'm not thinking clearly. We shared everything, so it's painful to be unable to tell you any of this. That week we broke up was hard on both of us; both of our judgments were impaired when we made our decisions, chose the words we used. I have enough distance to know that confiding in you now would just push you further away, and hurt me more in the process.

    I am bearing the pain better and better each day. I am finding the pieces of myself that I lost, as I slowly made you the center of my world. Overtime, I let her go, and I now realize that she became lost to you too. Before even looking for you again, I will find her and get her back. I miss her dearly as well.

  7. #19266
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    We nearly bumped into each other again. You were only like 10 seconds of steps away from me so it's getting super weirdly coincidental, almost like it couldn't have been a coincidence. Dunno why you messaged me again after bombarding my phone in the early hours week and a half ago, by now it should be more than clear I won't ever speak to you again.

    I really am completely over you, it's such a strange feeling.
    I still remember how I helpless I'd felt for so so so long...But that was once upon a time.

    Now it's all faded and I am completely free.
    Last edited by Honeycomb8; 01-13-2019 at 10:28 AM.

  8. #19267
    Bronze Member
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    Itís coming up on a year pretty soon. Probably that long since I touched you. Iím doing ok I guess. The waves still come but when they do there is more time between them. But when they hit, they hit. The memories, the thoughts of what couldíve been, the longing.

    I feel that I shouldíve been over you long ago. I still hope that one day youíll look back wirh regret at your decision. I hope that Iíll hear from you. Just something to show that I meant something to you. Some credit for being better than you made me out to be. Anything. Iím pretty sure that day will never come, short of a miracle from God.

    I just canít believe it happened to me at this age. I thought I was stronger and more hardened than I am. I didnít expect this. Iím not all that happy with my life. This year has led to a lot of self discovery. A lot of pain, loneliness, and hopelessness. I canít imagine ever replacing you. Regardless of my bad feelings, I canít take away from how special you were to me. I guess I can at least say that I am somewhat at peace with that and no longer need to vilify you that much.

    Iíll just keep trudging along. Maybe it will be just a distant memory one day. Until then, I still love and miss you.

  9. #19268
    Bronze Member
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    Mar 2018
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    I broke down and looked at your Facebook page. God I just miss you so much. Now that Iíve been sufficiently torn down to my core, I can see how I handled things so wrong. I thought I was doing things right and justified in my actions. I just let all the surface issues rule my mind and forgot how much I truly adored you. Now Iím left with such an empty void. Nothing means anything to me anymore. There is no more color. If only I couldíve stepped back and seen things objectively. Iíll never stop loving you. Sometimes that person just comes along in your life that you never let go of.

  10. #19269
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    Dear **,

    So, I found out that he boyfriend-busted somebody else, some girl he had been abusing/manipulating for years. I found out that her reasons for breaking up with someone were basically identical to what you were telling me for your reason.

    All those made-up incompatibilities, the lies about who I am/was and everything..

    **, he lied to you. :/ You should have just talked to me about everything.

    What a waste. I want this drama past me.

  11. #19270
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    I asked you to give me time and distance to heal from this breakup. You contacted me shortly afterwards to ask if I wanted the gifts you got me, a message with some implied urgency. The following two nights, I suggested we meet for me to receive the gifts. Both times, you told me you were busy. You then said Ďearly next weekí. The following week, I did not hear from you as planned.
    It is yet another let down. I do not need this, and have never needed this. I have never deserved to be treated with the contempt and neglect you have treated me with in the last several months. Rather than showing compassion, being a loving partner and providing companionship during the most difficult period of my life, you consistently showed up late, and were neither emotionally or physically responsive to me, often saying extremely unkind things. I found myself lowering my boundaries and sabotaging myself again and again in a bid to preserve a relationship that was well past its sell-by date. I understand that this must be difficult to comprehend for someone who is unable to access any deep emotions, but I am working on piecing myself back together. Allow me to deal with my grief in peace. You have not served me for so long, if only I had realised that. My life has no place for you in it.


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