self-esteem. What does it mean to you and what do you do to get it?

I have low self-esteem and I believe this has greatly contributed to the break up of both the long term relationships that I have had.

I really want to sort it out but I dont know how.

I believe I am a good person, I am kind and generous and I always try to do the right thing. However, I am always plagued by self doubt and something in me feels that I am not good enough.

What sort of things do you guys do to make yourself feel more confident or at least to quiet the voices that put you down?

The rejection from my exs and lack of any interest in a long time simply feels like proof that the insecurities I feel are simply acknowledgments of the truth - how to combat that?

Thanks

One thing that recently helped me a lot was traveling... alone.

One thing that recently helped me a lot was traveling... alone.

How far do you usually go and what do you do when you get there? I was thinking abotu doing this same thing. I feel bad that my ex and I really never even did that together and now here she is arleady doing it with her new guy who she has only been with for like 3 months.

How far do you usually go and what do you do when you get there? I was thinking abotu doing this same thing. I feel bad that my ex and I really never even did that together and now here she is arleady doing it with her new guy who she has only been with for like 3 months.

I did the whole "couch surfing" thing in NYC for nearly a month. The trip was extremely fruitful for a couple of reasons: (1) I have never traveled to a big city by myself and completely out of my own pocket (which was almost exactly in line with the budget in mind, thanks to the couch surfing), and (2) It made me appreciate the people in my life so much more, while making me realize my strengths and weaknesses.

I mean, I did meet up with someone I knew from home, but it's not quite the same as hanging with friends every week. Traveling there alone and single, in a very populated city for a decent amount of time (not a tourist visit) was powerful.

When I came back, I immediately felt more open with people. I went from recluse to open in just a short amount of time. Socially, I am a lot less afraid than I was, even just a week prior to the trip, and that was back in the beginning of July.

I went to NYC to begin meeting people in my career field, but the experience and self-esteem that grew from being there didn't really have anything to do with that.

This is an interesting question. I JUST had a conversation with a friend the other day in which I kept mentioning someone's "low self-esteem" getting in the way of her performance at work, and my friend's response was, "What's the big deal about self-esteem? Do we really NEED to like ourselves?" I couldn't believe she was serious, but apparently, she was!

To me, self esteem is sort of a mixture of things: When you like/love yourself, you respect yourself, value yourself, and you act in ways that are conducive to your physical and emotional well-being.

I used to have low self-esteem, and it manifested itself in me being very negative, jealous of others' happiness, very pessimistic, etc. Over time, as I've cultivated strong relationships with others, traveled, found hobbies and interests I enjoy, developed an exercise routine, etc., I have found that I like myself more and feel more comfortable with myself.

Good news is, self esteem is exactly what is says, so it's not boyfriend esteem or parent esteem or friend esteem. Those all tend to follow the example you set with your own self esteem, not the other way around.

I love the travel alone idea, because it puts you in observation mode. You can start to view other human beings through a forgiving lens that allows for all different shapes and sizes and colors and sounds, and this can teach you that nobody is really any better or worse than anyone else. We're all a bunch of curious, frightened human animals and we're all just doing the best we know how at any given moment.

Once you can view humans-at-large in an uncritical way, I think you might tend to view yourself less critically, too.

The other thing solo travel can teach you is a lack of self-importance. There is liberation in invisibility, and the idea that all eyes in a room must somehow be sizing you up fades into oblivion. Most people are focused on their own story lines--nobody's really out to judge you because you're barely a blip on their radar unless you prompt a response.

While this can sound lonely, it's really just the opposite because it puts you in control of your own visibility. When you offer others attention and kindness for its own sake, you'll be astounded at how well its received in most cases.

As you start to feel a part of a larger picture rather than apart from it, you'll appreciate human vulnerabilities as something you can also love about yourself. What you perceive as your weaknesses may actually be precious qualities, and by recognizing this you expand your ability to hold yourself in high esteem.

In your corner.

I agree with the travel alone thing. Even better than travelling in your own country is to travel to another country and experience other cultures......alone. I have done it a few times and it really does help to take the focus away from our critical selves and just observe the world and it's people.

We tend to get so enmeshed in our daily lives and routine and what we need to achieve and why we aren't achieving and we get suffocated by our own negativity and cynism. Travelling opens our mind to think more creatively and to imagine and dream. It also has a way of making us feel as if we are part of something much bigger, much more vital and much more vibrant than the daily microcosm of life that we make our lives at home.

Seeing new surrounds, new cultures, new ways of going about life triggers a change in your own perception of life and this is important in facilitating personal growth.

It starts with a know of who you are. Who you REALLY are. When you know that you come from the same source as everyone else, then what makes anyone better or worse than you are?

You do have to accept that your form (which is not your true self) is not ideal for all things, for example, my form is not suited to play in the NBA.

That does not change my essential being however, my true self, which is part of the unmanifested.

Finally, if other say you are not good enough, that is their problem, not yours.

One thing to keep in mind, however, is that seeing yourself for who you really are can be scary. You may not be satisfied with that. That's ok too. Accept yourself as a work in progress.

Namaste

I definitely do not always do the right thing and I still think I'm a good person. Why? Because I try to put myself in the other person's shoes and see things from their point of view.

It starts with a know of who you are. Who you REALLY are. When you know that you come from the same source as everyone else, then what makes anyone better or worse than you are?

I like this. Thanks NowandZen

I like this. Thanks NowandZen

You are quite welcome. Are you familiar with the "Glass of God" concept?

I experienced similar feelings before. take a lootk at link removed. They have some very insightful content on the subject.

You are quite welcome. Are you familiar with the "Glass of God" concept?

No, I haven't heard of it before. Can you explain it?

Here is a great ressource I found recently. It will shed some light on the issue for you:

Having a high self-esteem is essential to happiness, success and fulfillment. Having self esteem simply means to appreciate yourself, to regard yourself as worthy and important, purposeful, accepted and confident.

How you esteem yourself is reflected in your self image and it is your conception of your beliefs about yourself. How you see yourself therefore will influence your thoughts actions, feelings and behavior and ultimately your abilities and the results you produce in your life.

If your self-esteem is not high, you will tend to carry an image of yourself as a defeated person, a person of little worth and regard, an object a victim of injustice and defeat. On the contrary, when you have high self-esteem, you will have a positive self-image and carry a picture of optimism, positivity and purpose.

" All the traps and pitfalls in life, self esteem is the deadliest and hardest to overcome. For it is a pit designed and dug by our own hands, summed up in the phrase: It is no use, I cannot do it." Maxwell Maltz

On the contrary, some symptoms of high esteem include

- Having a sense of direction of knowing what is important

- Not beating yourself up when you have failed

- Being optimistic rather than pessimistic

- Not being emotional when things do not turn out as expected

- Being able to stand back and think clearly when things do not work out right

- Enjoying what you do most of the time

- Being able to think deeply about the connectedness of different parts of your life

- Knowing that you have a chosen mission or purpose

- Knowing your strengths and making use of them

What is the secret to high self-esteem?

Basically, accepting the self, and then peeling off the layers of conditioning and lies that have caused self esteem and self confidence to decrease and be buried.

Here are some steps to increasing self esteem and self confidence

1. Accept your past, present, accept your weakness and strengths.

Take yourself less seriously. After all, everyone makes mistakes now and again. It's not the end of the world. Realize that.

2. Accept yourself.

You are unique, and you have your own set of strengths and weakness. Don't try to be like someone else. Love yourself. You are here for a purpose. You have your own set of DNA, your own finger print, your own unique brand. No one in this world will ever be exactly like you , not in a million zillion years to come. Not even your twin brother or sister. You have your place in the universe. Claim it.

3. Remember your successes, no matter how small they may be.

They are yours and yours alone. Do not downplay the positive parts of your life. Remember when you hit that homerun, or shot that perfect bowling score? It was definitely not fluke or luck. You achieved it. Or when you learnt a new skill and were proud of this new achievement? Remember and recall all your achievements and claim them. Do not ever think they are unimportant. If you can succeed in one area, you can in the others.

4. Think about what you really want.

Do not live your life for others. Someone you regarded highly, your parents, your friends, may have wanted you to do something, and you have lived your life following what they have wanted. Spend some time thinking through what you really want in life and decide what is you really want to achieve. Thinking is the hardest work, ( that's why so few people indulge in it) but it is worth it. Once you have thought through, that is half the battle won.

5. Use positive affirmations and tools.

To confirm and drill these positive self affirming self confidence boosting thoughts into your mind. Repeat them. Write it on a card and paste it on your mirror. Use a vision board. Remind yourself daily. Drill deep into the subconscious. Affirmations like:

I am loved

I love myself

I am creating a life of positive value

I am positive, motivating and liked

I am committed to excellence, and I will attract success in relationships, career and life

( you can think of more yourself- create great positive images and go for it!!)

6. Finally, set yourself up for success.

Plan. Set achievable goals. Take small steps and achieve them. Then celebrate your successes along the way. Reward yourself when you have succeeded.

Take action now.

Increase your self esteem, self confidence.

Take steps to living the life of your dreams now.

No, I haven't heard of it before. Can you explain it?

Imagine the Pacific Ocean. It is vast, and stretches from The West Coast of North America to Asia.

Suppose you stood on the beach in California, and scooped a glass of seawater from the ocean. What do you hold?

Are you holding the ocean? Yes and no. You are not holding the ENTIRE ocean, it wouldn't fit in a glass. At the same time, though, you are holding everything that is the ocean.

So it is with us. In us resides the energy force of all things. This energy flows through all things, you could call it god if you wished.

While none of us are all of god, all of us possess a "glass" of god.

One thing that gives me a good deal of self-esteem is making sure that my inner-monologue is positive. Anything from congratulating myself for doing well, to telling myself that I look sexy...it really does the trick, especially since it keeps me from looking for "validation" from others. I guess it might sound weird...but it works for me!

One thing that gives me a good deal of self-esteem is making sure that my inner-monologue is positive. Anything from congratulating myself for doing well, to telling myself that I look sexy...it really does the trick, especially since it keeps me from looking for "validation" from others. I guess it might sound weird...but it works for me!

I have started to do this, too, and it does work!

I have always had problems with my self-esteem, but another thing I have found to have helped me so much recently is, I joined a local social group. I was pooping my pants when I went to the first event (a walking trip) and thought I would be alone. But it worked out and my confidence has started to go upwards for the first time in, well, my whole life

I love everything you have wrote I may even take this with me and use it. Thank you x

I have some issues with the concept of self esteem.

It doesn't necessarily a healthy person maketh. That is self esteem in tandem with a realistic view, intelligence, ability to discern between right and wrong.

Otherwise you just get stupidity and narcissism.

I know plenty of a**holes with great self esteem.