Does spooning mean anything to guys???

I just spent a night with a 27 year-old guy friend I've known for awhile. We talked into the night and then spooned/cuddled the rest of the night. Whenever I moved away, he gently pulled me back. But, he never attempted to kiss me.

The last time we were together a couple of months ago (we're long-distance, but a drivable distance) I asked him for a kiss and he excitedly gave one to me. But, then nothing. He never responded to my cute text referring to the kiss. So, I took it as a sign that he wasn't interested.

Fast forward to now and he's trying to move to my city. I'm so confused. Do guys just like to cuddle/spoon with a girl and it not mean anything? I really want to date this guy, but I was recently rejected by another guy and I'm not up for just asking him. So, I figured I would ask for help here. My sister says he's not interested in me, but then she contradicted herself by saying no guy cuddles/touches/spoons with a girl he just wants to be friends with.

I'm so confused! ](*,) What do you think is his level of interest?

I am not interested in spooning, holding or cuddling with a woman unless I am really into her. I don't know about every guy but I only desire that kind of closeness with someone I want to be with.

some guys do. Some guys (such as myself) just enjoy embracing the person we love much more than a kiss, some guys don't. I think it has something to do with how protective a guy is. the more protective ones enjoy the cuddling more.

I'd say, a guy who enjoys cuddling is better then one that just wants sex, and if you like him, go for it. See where it goes, see how it ends up and try to have fun and enjoy it.

It really just sounds like you need to get to know him more before a "is he interested or not" decision can be made. So go for it.

My opinion is that he may be trying to take things slowly with you. I can tell you this for sure; no guy will cuddle/spoon with a girl that he's not attracted to, myself included, so you can safely assume that there is some physical chemistry there.

You say he is moving to your city. So why all the panic? This should give you some time to interact with him more on a regular basis and see if things develop.

Bottom line, with all the info you provided, I say he's interested. If you told your sister exactly what you wrote here I don't know where she would get the idea he's not into you. If he wasn't into you, he'd get up as fast as he could upon first sign of contact and leave saying that he's tired or something like that.

Perhaps he didn't reply to your text about the kiss because he knew he's going to be far away and didn't want to get dragged into a LD situation. You know sometimes text messages don't go through or he may have not received it/read it. Things like that happen.

Thanks for the help! You don't take the fact that I kissed him a few months ago and got no response back (other than the cuddling) as a bad sign?

not really, cuddling ranks higher (in my opinion) than kissing. cuddling is more intimate, and deeper. It represents deeper, truer feelings.

Spooning and cuddling may mean something for some men, but not all men. This is what a male friend wrote to me one time on this very same issue you're discussing:

"I have always thought that you can be male and female friends and simply hold hands or cuddle - and if both are comfortable with that, it should be guiltfree and very comforting. I can assure you that for me there is nothing sexual with that."

Cuddling/holding hands with a guy means something romantic to me....but it did not mean

anything romantic to this guy. This guy actually tore my heart apart too. Be careful with who you cuddle/spoon/hold hands with. Make sure you're on the same page....otherwise you can get hurt like I did.

Yeah, I'd place spooning higher than kissing on my scale, as well, personally.

Okay, thanks. I'm panicky because I don't meet men that I like as much as I like this one very often. And there are sooo many beautiful, fun women out there who could snatch him up!

not really, cuddling ranks higher (in my opinion) than kissing. cuddling is more intimate, and deeper. It represents deeper, truer feelings.

I think that depends on the kiss itself. If you kissed him a few months ago by means of a peck or quick smooch then I agree completely with the above. But if it was a long lasting french kiss leaving both of you breathing faster then I would probably put the two on par or kissing higher on the intimacy scale.

Okay, thanks. I'm panicky because I don't meet men that I like as much as I like this one very often. And there are sooo many beautiful, fun women out there who could snatch him up!

Sage advice:

You should not worry about who could snatch him up. He should be worrying about who would snatch you up. If a guy is interested in pursuing something worthy/meaningful-you will see real action, not just words etc. You won't have any doubt. It will be crystal clear when a man has real and active interest in a woman.

It was a quick peck. But, I guess I'm leaving out one essential part to the story (just didn't want to make it too long). We have done this once before a few months ago and cuddled all night. We kissed more intimately then, but it went pretty awkwardly. It was the first time we had gone out together and the date lasted from 10am until making it back to my place at 1am. We were both tired and I think we were trying to force things too quickly because the kissing was a little off. But, since then we've had some nice chemistry moments. I can't speak for him, but when we cuddled and sometimes when we look at each other I get a nice tingly feeling.

hosswhispra, are you my sister?

It was a quick peck. But, I guess I'm leaving out one essential part to the story (just didn't want to make it too long). We have done this once before a few months ago and cuddled all night. We kissed more intimately then, but it went pretty awkwardly. It was the first time we had gone out together and the date lasted from 10am until making it back to my place at 1am. We were both tired and I think we were trying to force things too quickly because the kissing was a little off. But, since then we've had some nice chemistry moments. I can't speak for him, but when we cuddled and sometimes when we look at each other I get a nice tingly feeling.

I would not advise cuddling with a man you're not exclusive with. Women have a chemical called oxytocin that circulates in our bloodstream. It causes you to bond with the man you cuddle with. This is all fine and dandy when you are in a defined (let me stress the word defined) relationship. Men have oxytocin too-but their testosterone blunts the bonding effect. So in other words, cuddling is not going to give the man the same feelings you are experiencing. There are lots of scientific papers on oxytocin and bonding.

I feel like I got to warn you because I was in a similar situation where I cuddled/spooned/held hands with a man that I interacted with for over 5 years. When I asked him to define what it was we were to each other, he went bye-bye.

It was a quick peck. But, I guess I'm leaving out one essential part to the story (just didn't want to make it too long). We have done this once before a few months ago and cuddled all night. We kissed more intimately then, but it went pretty awkwardly. It was the first time we had gone out together and the date lasted from 10am until making it back to my place at 1am. We were both tired and I think we were trying to force things too quickly because the kissing was a little off. But, since then we've had some nice chemistry moments. I can't speak for him, but when we cuddled and sometimes when we look at each other I get a nice tingly feeling.

If cuddling gives you "a nice tingly feeling" then you should go after him. and if you and he can have a strong relationship that isn't based around sex or pure physical attraction it is worth fighting for.

hopefully he feels the same, and it sounds like it.

hosswhispra, are you my sister?

 

No, just a gal that has been down the same path. If I could have warned myself before all this happened, I would have. Us women have got to stick together

 

I am not saying that this man doesn't have good intentions....just guard your heart and watch his actions toward you. Words do not mean anything.

Thanks for the warning. But, my only thought then, is why would a man want to cuddle ever?

If cuddling gives you "a nice tingly feeling" then you should go after him. and if you and he can have a strong relationship that isn't based around sex or pure physical attraction it is worth fighting for.

 

hopefully he feels the same, and it sounds like it.

A woman should never "go after" a man. She's setting herself up for failure if she "goes after" him. That defies the biological role of a woman. In the natural order of proper courtship, it is the male that actively pursues the female.

If a man is truly interested in a woman, he will make it quite obvious with action (not words).

Thanks for the warning. But, my only thought then, is why would a man want to cuddle ever?

Because it feels good physically. Men separate the physical from emotion.

Physicality and emotions go hand-in-hand for a woman.

I used to think that men were women in male bodies. Boy, was I majorly wrong on that. Men do not think the same way women think.

A woman should never "go after" a man. She's setting herself up for failure if she "goes after" him. That defies the biological role of a woman. In the natural order of proper courtship, it is the male that actively pursues the female.

 

If a man is truly interested in a woman, he will make it quite obvious with action (not words).

if a person (man or woman) wants to be with someone, they need to go after. You can't around expecting other people to give everything to you, including their love (or at least affection). It's not the man's "job" to go get the girl, nor is it the girl's job to get the man, if you want, go and get it. If you're not willing to put effort into getting him, that tells him that you're not that interested in him.

Because it feels good physically. Men separate the physical from emotion.

 

Physicality and emotions go hand-in-hand for a woman.

 

I used to think that men were women in male bodies. Boy, was I majorly wrong on that. Men do not think the same way women think.

he could do it because it is emotionally enjoyable. Some men do that, some do things because they enjoy how it makes them emotionally feel, not just physically.

if a person (man or woman) wants to be with someone, they need to go after. You can't around expecting other people to give everything to you, including their love (or at least affection). It's not the man's "job" to go get the girl, nor is it the girl's job to get the man, if you want, go and get it. If you're not willing to put effort into getting him, that tells him that you're not that interested in him.

I know you have good intentions, but....

You're giving male advice-in other words, advice that will work for a man pursuing a woman. This advice is sound for you because this is the way a male thinks. Men may be initially flattered by being pursued by a woman, but eventually, the man loses interest in a pursuity woman.

Take it from a woman (who has pursued men in the past and has mega experience in testing this theory), this advice doesn't bode well for women who are interested in relationships of the exclusive, committed kind.

he could do it because it is emotionally enjoyable. Some men do that, some do things because they enjoy how it makes them emotionally feel, not just physically.

I would argue that in general, more men compared to women can separate the physical from the emotional.

I agree in not going after a man. They say that as a woman, giving him the green light, or responding to his advances is what you need to do, rather than pursuing him on your own. If he is trying to move to your town, he is making a move. He may just be a sensible guy.

I was long distance with my ex husband - it was hot and heavy and then by the time i moved to his town, it cooled off. Much better to start out getting to know eachother and cuddling than being in an "instant relationship." Maybe also he is not the type of guy to sleep with someone (if he has) unless he is for sure in love, etc., and all that. Not that he doesn't like you, i think he most definitely does. But better to start out with what you have than to fast forward and crash and burn.

If he does move to your town, don't have him move in with you. if he is doing this on his own, he is probably looking for roommates etc

I know you have good intentions, but....

 

You're giving male advice-in other words, advice that will work for a man pursuing a woman. This advice is sound for you because this is the way a male thinks. Men may be initially flattered by being pursued by a woman, but eventually, the man loses interest in a pursuity woman.

 

Take it from a woman (who has pursued men in the past and has mega experience in testing this theory), this advice doesn't bode well for women who are interested in relationships of the exclusive, committed kind.

"the way a male thinks"?

I have never asked out a girl, I've always been asked out by the girl. And I started with my wife as her friend and we would cuddle out on the play structure in the park at night. We did that for months before we even kissed (let alone did anything else physical).

If we want to go by how stereotypical men and how stereotypical women think, I am far more of a woman then a man.