"Always Her Fault"

My girlfriend seems to have a belief that everything in the world is perfect except for her. Even when things are totally in my court in our relationship, she feels like it's her duty to fix it, stress over it and take fully responsibility of it. My example: sex.

She is my first and our my first time with her ended quite dull-fully due to a tight condom (literally was cutting off circulation, and I went limp). At first I felt bad, but she reassured me it was the condom and made the point clear. For our next time we went out shopping for a better fitting condom and found some. And sure enough, I was able to keep going to the end.

Ok so far, except for one other problem. I last a bit longer than usual and sex mostly goes from 1 to 2 hours, and I can't really help it that much. I feel like I sort of set my sensitivity standards off with masturbation and sort of rely on speed to get to a climax.

My girlfriend, however, thinks that the problem is all her, no matter how much I try to reassure her, this time. She's only gotten me to cum once while giving me a handjob and once as well from a blowjob, and thinks she is just an awful person just because it's something I can't get my jolly off through ways besides sex. And now she wants me to go slower and cum in a shorter amount of time. Even though I do find it romantic to slow it down from time to time and just enjoy the moment with her, which I do, I can't fathom how I can get close to climax and such a slow speed.

All throughout sex as well, she is constantly trying to get some critique from me, asking if "I even feel anything" once we change positions and asking me what she can do to make me feel better, when I am constantly responding that everything she does makes me feel great, but she just gives me this disbelieving look and I don't wanna sound like a jerk, but this really kills the mood for me. She just doesn't listen and seems to comprehend that I will only get pleasure once I ejaculate. She is even starting to think I have no sex drive, when the fact is that I'm pretty new with sex and am still learning the way of initiating sex myself. I tell her my theory of how I became accustomed to my standards from masturbation and I will try to change them for her, but she doesn't listen and still goes on about how it's all her fault.

It is getting to a point where it seems to be killing her on the inside and no matter what I say, she will just deny it and claim that it is all her fault and if I were with another girl, I would cum at the drop of a hat, which I find ridiculous. And now it's starting to get to me and I'm feeling pressure that if I don't perform the way she expects me too and cum right away, she's just going to feel worst and worst.

Sex started out fine between up but it is gradually becoming something of an inconvenience with her. Don't get me wrong, we both love each other and have a happy and healthy relationship outside the bedroom, but there is always a time in almost every single day that I'm with her that she goes from happy to guiltily sad and begging me to tell her what to do to make me feel better.

We have experimented multiple times with different positions and such, and to no prevail. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore, seeing I can't get to her with my words and I just can't easily change the rhythm I need to climax and meet her expectations.

sex mostly goes from 1 to 2 hours,

This part stood out to me and I have to say, 2 hours (even 1 hour) IS A LONG TIME! I can understand why she thinks something is wrong and is anxious for it to be a little quicker. You have to remember, it HURTS after such a long session, so that's probably another reason she feels like she does.

I can certainly understand her side of it too.

That said, I understand you can't help it, and I also understand your frustration with her always blaming herself for everything, etc. The only thing I can suggest is to sit her down and explain to her that things just work differently for you and ask her to be patient. Do NOT have "the talk" when in bed together. Talk about it at another time when you are both calm and there's no tension in the air.

Not sure what else you can do.

My guess is that her worrying about it so much as made you self-conscious of your performance. If that's the case, next time you two have sex, tell her that you want to make her feel good instead, ask her to close her eyes, stroke / lick her body or do what ever she likes so the focus isn't on her trying to make you get your rocks off and in turn you'll be able to relax. That said it's true that if you've made yourself believe the only way you'll get off is by hand then you'll only be able to do it that way. The good news is you can reverse that pyschology to your benefit if you like, even though it might take a while.