Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: How to be/become Emotionally Distant?

  1. #1
    mintblossom
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    961

    How to be/become Emotionally Distant?

    I've always been the type that falls too easily, too quickly, too fast, and cares too much. After having been stupid, naive, and burned too much...I want to be emotionally distant now. I don't want to get attached to anyone, I don't want to care, I don't want to open up, and I don't want to see anyone too often.

    Please give me tips on how to be and stay emotionally distant. I enjoy attraction and flirting, but I just don't want to have real feelings anymore.

    I waver between wanting to get to know someone and bolting...

  2. #2
    ellandroader
    Platinum Member ellandroader's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,002
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Why would you want to be like that? Life is about ups and downs. Okay there is some pain involved but surely the gains are worth it?

    Look around these boards, especially the abuse ones and the breakup ones and read the stories of people who fell for someone that became ambivalent, nonchalant and inconsiderate to their needs.

    Trust me, it is no walk in the park being involved with somebody like that.

    Is that really something to aspire to? Sure, life gets hard but we all have our battles.

  3. #3
    Lusif
    Member Lusif's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    200
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Please don't... I'd give anything to be like you.

    I can be as cold as anything, and find it hard to feel without bounds... there's always some trust issue/cynicism holding me back, and I just wanna give my all. I'm with the perfect guy right now, but still keep one foot on the ground just in case. One day I'll be full of love, then the next it's like my brain's forced that love out and made me cold again... it's hard.

    Someone will love you for how you are, and I bet loads of people already do.

  4. #4
    Celestialagape54

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    The land of gray skies..........
    Age
    30
    Posts
    1,420
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    I know exactly what you mean...but I dont think there's an actual way not to have feelings. If it were like a switch I am sure that a lot of us would turn it off more often. I am myself trying to figure out how not to seem too needy...

    I am pretty confident regardless of how some of my posts might have come off...I mean is it so wrong to feel that you have found a great person and you just want to make sure you dont drive them off? Don't worry and dont give up because I am sure that something great is around the corner for you...

  5. #5
    mintblossom
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    961
    Being warm and fuzzy hasn't helped me. Well, I only like to be warm with girl friends because there's no attraction and no complications.

    But with men...I don't want to care. It's no fun....caring. I don't want to get burned.

  6. #6
    greywolf
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Good question...
    Age
    31
    Posts
    10,404
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    49
    OP, the reason you don't have problems getting close to people is because it's something that is enjoyable. I have always been the opposite of you. I struggle to get closer to people and while being emotionally distant makes you safer, you don't get to experience that wonderful feeling you get from loving someone with all your heart.

  7. #7
    Celestialagape54

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    The land of gray skies..........
    Age
    30
    Posts
    1,420
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    I agree with greywolf and mintblossom but how do do this and not seem like you are too needy? I posted something earlier and the responses that I got were that I seemed like I was not confident at all. I am very good at recognizing my faults believe me...

    I was just asking cause I finally met a guy who I can be this way with and he seems to be the same however I dont want to push him away...

  8. #8
    DropToZero
    Platinum Member DropToZero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    1,628
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by mintblossom [Register to see the link]
    I've always been the type that falls too easily, too quickly, too fast, and cares too much. After having been stupid, naive, and burned too much...I want to be emotionally distant now. I don't want to get attached to anyone, I don't want to care, I don't want to open up, and I don't want to see anyone too often.

    Please give me tips on how to be and stay emotionally distant. I enjoy attraction and flirting, but I just don't want to have real feelings anymore.

    I waver between wanting to get to know someone and bolting...
    Trust me when I say you don't want to learn to become this way...

    I'm like this, and I regret it because I've been fighting for about 2 years now to try and get back to feeling...

    I've given myself(at least the only thing I can find to describe it) alexithymia... and I do not feel. I can get angry, upset, but emotions don't overcome me whatsoever and I don't get rises(adrenaline) or anything. In the best way to describe it, I *know* I've got an emotion going, but I can't feel it. Like knowing I'm angry, but not feeling the affects of it... same goes with love or anything else...(which makes it easy to ignore, or shut off the thought quite quickly)

    I don't know how I did it other than convincing myself I never wanted to feel again and drowning myself in emotionlessness... I promise you, you do NOT want to be like me, or like that... you will regret it. It still causes problems in my relationship now to this day because I don't process or understand feelings. It made me just sleep around, and it gave no meaning to anything, not even sex. It's quite dangerous, and can lead to other types of dangerous thought to become this way.

    All in all... give up this notion, you do not want this.

  9. #9
    greywolf
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Good question...
    Age
    31
    Posts
    10,404
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    49
    Quote Originally Posted by DropToZero [Register to see the link]
    It still causes problems in my relationship now to this day because I don't process or understand feelings.
    I am getting better, but it still causes problems for me sometimes too.

  10. #10
    bebeblondie
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    938
    Gender
    Female
    If you ever plan on falling truly in love...stay the way you are. It's better to be the way you are than cold and unemotional.

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
Weight and eating during dates
Hi, been a while since I've posted here. Anyway been dating a guy for last few months, everything seemed to be going pretty well for the most part
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship. Heís great in every sense. Heís smart, funny, attractive, but he seems way too preoccupied
Does she like me or not?
I met a girl from online dating, after the first date we kissed, she told me at the end of the date that she wanted to see me again and asked if I
Dating a highly functional alcoholic
I have realized over time that my boyfriend of a couple of months has a problem with alcohol. Every time we hang out, he drinks a whole bottle of
Am i being materialisitc/superficial
my friend has been bugging me for some time now, saying that I will never settle down with a man unless I lower my standards. I'm a young 29 year
How important are looks in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?
How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love? What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face?
shes playing hard to get i think!!
we're both 20, on a night out I bumped into this random girl we kissed in the nightclub and spent the rest of the night chatting, even going back to

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Dating younger guy 24 years difference
I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be
Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months. He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they
Should I let my boyfriend stay overnight with his friends?
Hi there. Firstly thank you for reading this post. I am a new member to this forum, and also will soon be new immigrant of the UK so basically there
Is this abuse?
Iím desperate for some advice. Iíve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and everything has been ok, except from when he drinks. I really do not
Is there hope for me?
Me and my girlfriend of two years had been talking about moving in together lately. We didn't actually go look at any place in person, but browsed a
Bringing up trust issues at the start of a new relationship? My situation...
Haven't been on these boards since my last break up a couple years ago, and here I am about to begin a new relationship with feelings from the last
Whats my next move - Dating a girl fresh out of a relationship
Hey guys, So heres the deal. Met a girl in class and I asked her out. Her answer was "maybe" because she didn't want to say no to me but just
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •