Jump to content

I'm having a hard time breaking up with my girlfriend


Nil

Recommended Posts

I love my girlfriend very much, but she has done so many wrong things and I really just want to leave her. I've been wanting to end it for a few days now, after she once again betrayed my trust. Every time I try to break up, she comes over a few hours later begging and crying for me to take her back, and I just can't deny her. She makes me feel guilty by saying things like "If you really love me you'll stay no matter what" or "If I have to live without you I'll kill myself"

 

I've tried three times now, and it's the same routine each time. I know I just need to grow a pair and end it, but I hate seeing her so sad. Any advice on how to do this the right way?

Link to comment

Good call leaving someone who threatens to kill themselves if you dump them. That's a really manipulative and selfish thing for her to say, and if a breakup is gonna work you're probably going to have to cut contact with her right away so she can't say these things and guilt you back in.

Link to comment

We've been dating for almost two years now, and over the course of the relationship she has been dishonest. But one thing that has been coming up over and over is her contacting her ex boyfriend. Earlier in the relationship we ended up having a big fight about it, and she told me she wouldn't speak to him anymore. This last June however, I found text messages from him, where he was saying things like "you're so beautiful, I really miss you". I confronted her about it, and she said that she was going to talk to him, and if I didn't like it I could leave. So I did. 2 weeks later she calls and begs for me back, so I took her back.

 

A week after getting back together she admits to have STILL been talking to him, but she swears on her dead mother's grave she won't have anything to do with him anymore. I believed her once again, and everything went back to normal. A few days ago, I needed to use her phone to call someone. When I opened the phone it was on her myspace mail inbox, filled with messages from him. I read through them, and she's telling him how much she misses him, and how she would leave me for him if it came down it it.

 

So now I am beyond the point of forgiveness, and I don't think I can be happy with her anymore.

Link to comment

I don't know I can cut contact though. If I don't answer the phone she just drives over to my house, it doesn't matter what time it is. Last time I woke up to her knocking on my window at 5:00 in the morning.

Link to comment
I don't know I can cut contact though. If I don't answer the phone she just drives over to my house, it doesn't matter what time it is. Last time I woke up to her knocking on my window at 5:00 in the morning.

 

Make it clear it is over and make it clear that you want no further contact with her. If she comes knocking at your window tell her to leave or you will call the police.

Link to comment

Woah dude I know exactly what your going through. I applaud you for having the stones to end it. My advice would be that you know she's never gonna change her ways. She's using her threats to keep you around but also allow her to be "untrustworthy". And that's not fair. End it and stop caring about her feelings or do the same things to her she's doing to you. Either way she obviously doesn't care for you cuz if she did shed change her ways. Girls come a dime a dozen always someone else out there who will treat you like a normal gf should. Gl.

Link to comment

This is just so stressful, because I know what I should do, and what I want to do, but I just don't have the courage to actually do it. I need to do it soon though, because I know that by staying with her I'm just leading her on.

Link to comment
I don't know I can cut contact though. If I don't answer the phone she just drives over to my house, it doesn't matter what time it is. Last time I woke up to her knocking on my window at 5:00 in the morning.

 

Then you have three options. (1) Get a restraining order; inconvenient and dramatic, but effective; (2) Go and stay somewhere else (friend, vacation etc.) for a short while, and break up with her by phone while you're there. I wouldn't normally advocate that, but in your case it seems impossible to do it in person, so that's an inconvenient but possible approach; or (3) Be nasty to her, and I mean really nasty, so that she actually doesn't want to see you anymore. That risks ruining your reputation somewhat, and it's a tough thing to do, but it avoids the inconvenience of the first two.

 

Please note that (4), stay with her and remain miserable, should no longer be considered an option.

Link to comment
I love my girlfriend very much, but she has done so many wrong things and I really just want to leave her. I've been wanting to end it for a few days now, after she once again betrayed my trust. Every time I try to break up, she comes over a few hours later begging and crying for me to take her back, and I just can't deny her. She makes me feel guilty by saying things like "If you really love me you'll stay no matter what" or "If I have to live without you I'll kill myself"

 

I've tried three times now, and it's the same routine each time. I know I just need to grow a pair and end it, but I hate seeing her so sad. Any advice on how to do this the right way?

 

She doesn't hate seeing you so sad.

 

To be honest, this won't end until you see her for the manipulative loser she is (kill yourself threats? classic loser) and get over feeling bad for her.

 

She's not sad, she's pathetic.

Link to comment

She's just having a tantrum because you made the break before she had the other guy set up. I'd stop playing her social worker and make a final phone call. Then turn off the phone and stay with a friend for long enough for her to get her act arrested for disturbing your neighbors. If she persists, go fill out the form for a restraining order. This is beyond done.

 

In your corner.

Link to comment

There's some things she said when I was confronting her about this that kind of confused me. She told me that she only wanted me, and no one else, but she thought that I was too good for her, and because of that, she assumed that I was going to leave her for someone better eventually. So she was going to use this other guy as a backup for whenever I did leave her. She also said that she liked the way this other guy made her feel when he said nice things to her, so she wanted to make him feel good by saying nice things back and flirting with him. What is everyone's thoughts on this?

 

Also, thank you to everyone who has given me advice. I've read through all the comments a dozen times and I'm starting to get an idea of what I'm going to do. Thank you.

Link to comment

I know your heart wants to believe the bunk she's trying to sell you, but it's cliche and useless. Sounds like a carbon copy of the same stuff everyone else who's been caught in disloyalty tries to backpeddle with. Turn the tables--make it about the questioner, tell them they're too good for you--which makes you insecure and prone to behave badly, and yada yada yada...

 

You don't need to prove your distrust of anyone beyond a reasonable doubt as though you're a lawyer in court. Your own observations and gut feelings about those are all you need to base your own private decisions upon--and you DON'T need agreement from anyone else, and certainly not the one who is making you so unhappy.

 

Frankly, even if she were a saint you wouldn't need an 'excuse' to break up if you are unhappy. Relationships are voluntary. Nobody needs to explain to anyone why they want to end one, and nobody finds it pleasurable or easy. Nobody is obligated to secure approval for the choice, and it's disastrous to attempt to counsel or wean or support an ex after a breakup. Breakups are just a job to do in order to get done so that the rest of your life is open to the happiness you deserve. GO there.

 

In your corner.

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

Mate, no one has pointed out the obvious in that she's clearly still in love with her ex. Did he break up with her? Well to me its quite possible she has feelings for both of you but I would guess her feelings for her ex are just slighter stronger hence what's been going on.

 

To be honest I feel sorry for both of you but I guess you have no choice but to end it. Might be wise to even say look if you have feelings for your ex then go for it ... hell that'll take some burden off your shoulders.

 

Tough situation man. Good luck.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...