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Thread: How do I stop being shy around my Girlfriend

  1. #1
    Member RedDragon's Avatar
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    How do I stop being shy around my Girlfriend

    I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 months now we have been living at my apartment for 3 months. I have just given up my place and moved in at her place. I have difficulty communicating with her even though when im next to her i want to talk and ask ?'s but i can never think of enything. its like my brain stops thinking when im with her and i am so nervous to talk to her though i do love her and she loves me i know if i don't fix things now we will probably break up soon.

    On another note I am a very shy person and also have this problem with friends and even family.

    I thank u all for any help and suggestions u can give me.

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    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    This is the exact same thread that you posted this morning.

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    Member RedDragon's Avatar
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    yes i know i wanted to put in another category to see if i can get some more responses

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    If you've been together for five months and you're living together, yet you are still so nervous around her and having trouble thinking of something to say, it seems not right to me. Do you feel a connection with you? Why do you think you can't talk to her? You shouldn't feel so uncomfortable and shy around a girlfriend who you live and and have known for so long.

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    Member RedDragon's Avatar
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    yes I know i shouldn't be shy around her but its not just her i am like this with everyone even family we have a connection but its hard for me to get into conversations I can say the normal things like how is ur day, how u feeling, but when it comes to to actually communicating to her i have difficulty nothing comes to mind and im stumped.

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    Member RedDragon's Avatar
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    I think that its not because im shy but as i was growing up i never had to many friends to learn how to communicate i was always a loner and never talked. plus i had stuttering problems now those are fixed of course but im still in the mind set of not knowing how to communicate.

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    Gold Member Maya_A's Avatar
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    It doesn't mean it has anything to do with your relationship at all. You also say you are like this with family even, and friends.

    It sounds like you say, that you are shy (a physiological condition in many ways) and/or are perhaps experiencing some type of anxiety disorder.

    If you can, I strongly recommend speaking with a counselor about your feelings & behaviors. And know that there are tons of people who feel the same way that you do, day in-day-out. There are cognitive (re-thinking, re-perceiving, etc.) exercises you can do to become more comfortable. They truly work & can be very much life changing.

    Whatever you do, don't be down on yourself - you've no reason to be regarding this. Always work to build your esteem up.

    I'd also suggest that you share how you are feeling with your gf. You can also let her know that you are working on this inner struggle. I think it's important to share it because otherwise she may think you are just not interested in sharing with her, or that she is boring to you, or that you have lost interest in the relationship, etc. You say that you feel the relationship might end if things don't change.

    If she knows what is really going on & also that you would like things to improve, that can only be a good thing IMHO.

    Best of luck...

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    Member RedDragon's Avatar
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    Thanks maya a u hit the nail right on the head and i didn't even have to say it i do have anxiety disorders i keep looking for a counselor but it is tough i will admit i was depressed before and did some stupid things and ended up on house arrest. It is hard for me to find a counselor when i cant leave the house and dont have a job to pay for one.

    but yes I know i should tell my GF i think about it often but can never figure out the right way to say it if u have any suggestions of how to tell her i would appreciate it.

    I actually had a mental break down the other day thinking about this so much and couldn't tell her what was wrong with me other than my head hurt. that's why i joined this site its already helping me think fast normally takes me days to right and days to come up with things to talk about.

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    Get some help ASAP...you obviously have some extreme type of social anxiety...Why dont you write down your thoughts and how you feel, and struggle with words etc.. and show your girlfriend what you have written.. Then you can sit together and discuss it by referring to your notes rather than struggle with silence... ask for her support tell her it frightens and worries you, and it also makes you fear losing her due to it. get some self help learning books immediately if you cannot afford a psychologist right now.. let her help you..make it our problem .. she is likely to be very willing to help you IF SHE understands what is going on. IF she is in the dark about it all and watches you have extreme mood swings followed by silence etc she is likely to become confused and hurt and feel rejected and question WHY you are like this, and WHAT has she done to deserve it.... Remember the old saying A problem shared is a problem halved...Involve her in how to help you and Herself...teamwork will make you stronger together....and get a job!! You will at least have something to talk about..make it happen..
    Last edited by loulee; 08-11-2009 at 11:35 PM.

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    Member RedDragon's Avatar
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    thanks for the advice loulee i will give it a try and sit down with her to talk. ill let u know how it goes that was some great advice.

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