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Thread: Boyfriend of 2 years hides things from me. Not sure what to do.

  1. #11
    Bronze Member
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    You need to stop snooping, whether he says it's ok or not. He wouldn't have deleted those messages if he didn't think you would snoop through his phone. Sounds to me like he was ignoring them and avoiding accusations from you because for some reason (your trust issues) he feels he CAN'T be honest with you.

    The only person you can change is yourself. If you trust him more, he will be more trustworthy.

    You should make it known like this:

    "Honey, I need to talk to you about something. I was snooping in your phone and I found these messages. I want you to know that I don't want you to feel like you need to hide things from me, so I'm going to stop snooping around, and trust that you will tell me everything you think might be important for me to know."

    Then, if you catch him in any more non-disclosures or lies (without any snooping!), you should break up with him. But if you love him, this isn't that big of a deal. Just nip it in the bud before it becomes one.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I got a little uptight just reading that. I'm not even in the relationship! Final warning. Holy wow - sounds like a threat.



    I agree.

    And I think that the "everything is open to each other, no privacy" thing you have going on is more likely to cause lack of trust than build it (which I assume was the idea behind it). You either trust or you don't - I don't really agree that all personal privacy should be sacrificed to try and earn trust. Especially considering, this isn't a situation where he cheated on you or something and then later had to prove things are different.
    I'm sorry that some of you don't like the no privacy thing. My boyfriend and I totally disagree. This relationship is one of the most healthiest ones I've been in. It's not like we give each other no privacy, of course we do, but everything is an open book. If I feel uneasy about something, I ask him and he shares, and the same with me.

    Previously I was in a relationship with a man who hid everything. He held on to his e-mail passwords like they were the most valuable thing in the world. And now I know why, he was a liar and a cheater.

    My theory is why hide things if you are innocent.

  3. #13
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    Do you know whats really funny...If I had saw these messages, I would have read them, saw they were totally innocent (hopefully) and not said a word about them. I don't care that he talks to girls, HE KNOWS THIS!! He has plenty of girl friends that he talks to, phone, my space, texting, instant messaging. He's usually totally open but for whatever reason decided to delete these messages. Wonder what they said that made him decide to delete just these.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Guilty until proven innocent. lol.

    Well, it was only an opinion. good luck.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member arcadefire's Avatar
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    I know what it's like to be in a relationship with a cheater. My last boyfriend was cheating on me the entire time and I trusted him. Approaching him calmly and asking him about his "relationship" with the other woman only resulted in him telling me what I wanted to hear.

    It's a touchy situation to suspect he has relations with someone and not 1) accuse him and lose him, or 2) tick him to be more careful about hiding his evidence.

    Since he knows you have his password, etc. I say be up front and say that you've found out he's been deleting his texts and ask him, calmly, about this other girl. Hopefully he will be truthful. And if he isn't, and you catch him lying, you know what to do.

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