"Crying on the inside, bleeding on the out,"

I cannot deal with this insane lonliness. I have literly no friends and im not exaturating. they all ditched me cause im suicidal and switching schools. I hate authority and society so much i cant even explain it. like wat it the point 2 it all? im just so sick of it all. Ive got an aduly mind trapped inside the body of a child and i hate it. No one takes me seriously, my parents and grandparents wont get the f*** out of my business. I wish they'd f*** off and leave me alone. and as for cutting im gunna do iyt anyways wheather they take away my knives and sharp objects or dont let me close doors or take me 2 a shrink or whatever. and im gunna do watever the h3** i want 2 anyways so why even waste their time on me? im worthless im not worth their energy. and god i hate society so much.

and I hate how like its like illegal to commit suicide. its like a total f*** you to everyone who struggles with it. Its yet another thing 2 set us apart from the rest of society. another verifacation that were social defects. im seriously contemplating suicide. not like before. those naive attempts were nothing. I really need 2 find a friend like me. at least for the duration. All I need is a friend just one, and that may very well save my life.

but since there is no one willing 2 b a friend, im stuck all alone. I really cannot deal with this anymore. I really hope that life is just an introduction to whatever comes after, because if this is the big production, it basically sucks. f*** it. It's way to d**n complicated 2 dealk with. thx 4 reading and dont feel obligated 2 respond i dont want 2 waste ur time.

wow...um yeah if you dont actually try to make things happier for yourself, they arent gonna ever be better.

and even though suicide is illegal, people do it anyways. youre not gonna get put in jail for commiting suicide if you're already dead.

i agree with your family, see a shrink

I'm suicidal.

Even though I'm not depressed, I get flashes of killing myself every day. I get a knee jerk reaction to pull into traffic without looking. I'll get images of flipping a gun up to my head every once in a while.

It's something that I'm okay with now, because I've overcame it.

I'm so glad I stopped myself when I was depressed in high school. And, that keeps me going today.

All the good that has happened far outweighs the times where I have felt hopeless.

Don't give up. Make it better for yourself.

Most people who are interrupted in their attempts to commit suicide eventually recover and no longer have suicidal thoughts. Think about that.

plus, youre 13 years old. you've got your whole life to look forward to. make the most of it!

I'm suicidal.

 

Even though I'm not depressed, I get flashes of killing myself every day. I get a knee jerk reaction to pull into traffic without looking. I'll get images of flipping a gun up to my head every once in a while.

 

It's something that I'm okay with now, because I've overcame it.

 

I'm so glad I stopped myself when I was depressed in high school. And, that keeps me going today.

 

All the good that has happened far outweighs the times where I have felt hopeless.

 

Don't give up. Make it better for yourself.

 

Most people who are interrupted in their attempts to commit suicide eventually recover and no longer have suicidal thoughts. Think about that.

i have flashes somewhat similar to that and when u wer getting better, did u think things were looking up and all of a suddeen everytthing ets worse?

i have flashes somewhat similar to that and when u wer getting better, did u think things were looking up and all of a suddeen everytthing ets worse?

Yes, definitely.

I went to the hospital because I had a nervous break down due to the stress from the first year of college (my mom really brought it on too). I thought I was feeling better but then I cracked.

Therapists never really helped me either. I still go to them though. Because, it feels that I'm doing something for myself. It's like scheduling a little session in where you just talk about how you're doing. That's how I take it. The only happiness that will come from therapy is becoming self aware. Only you can make yourself happy. Knowing a little more about yourself makes you more capable of figuring out how to find that happy.

The best advice I have, is to just breathe.

Are your thoughts brought on by situational events? Such as, after a fight with someone or after you feel stressed, do the feelings get worse?

Or, are they constant? Do you feel depressed and down and out regardless of how good or bad things are?

Does the depression come in boughts? Such as, do you have long periods of depression followed by okay times. How long as those down boughts?

There is a lot of help out there. You just have to be good to yourself, breathe, and realize that the path to healing is developing a large amount of empathy for other people.

they arre constant, but they get worse after a fight or something stressful happens. and i do have "long peroids of depression followed by okay times" and it usually lasta about 3 weeks. about the therapists, i go 2 one but she dosent help so i just tell her wat she wants 2 hear and i only have on more session left with her. and i dont think help can really help me all that much.

they arre constant, but they get worse after a fight or something stressful happens. and i do have "long peroids of depression followed by okay times" and it usually lasta about 3 weeks. about the therapists, i go 2 one but she dosent help so i just tell her wat she wants 2 hear and i only have on more session left with her. and i dont think help can really help me all that much.

Are you on any meds?

nope. does it sound like i should b?

nope. does it sound like i should b?

You want to stay away from long term meds.

I tried taking anxiety meds that were taken on need based. As in, when I was having a bad moment, I took some. That helped a lot.

Ask your doctor about those.

since im trying 2 fool my dad into thinking in okay, i cant easily go 2 a doctor and get any meds.....

since im trying 2 fool my dad into thinking in okay, i cant easily go 2 a doctor and get any meds.....

Why would you want to fool people into thinking everything is okay?

It's okay if things aren't.

...it's too soon to be giving up. any time is too soon, but 13? you've still got a lotta potential to live a good life if you can change your attitude RIGHT NOW. I don't think you've got the mind of an adult, you've probably just been through enough to make you a little more mature than you'd like to be. it's a familiar tale to me: don't make the same mistakes I did. Don't resign to death, like I did. When I was younger I got put through a kinda hell and I assumed I'd be dead from illness and basically gave up on life, let myself deteriorate. that itself is a kind of suicide. but guess what? I'm still here, I got better unexpectedly. and all the years were wasted sulking and not doing anything to improve my life. it got me nowhere. you should change your attitude now while you can, not worry so much about society and whether or not you're a "social reject."

I grew up in a society that hated and shunned me because it was easy, to build up their image on my strife. I was the scapegoat of all time. but is that now a reflection of my character, or a measure of my worth? Hell no. If other people, even family, wanna try and get into my business or if my friends might ditch me (which most have, no matter whose fault) or if society wants to evaluate me, then it is of no concern to me. I don't care if I have to deal with things alone. I make my own life. it's no reason to even contemplate suicide. that is just unacceptable.

Why would you want to fool people into thinking everything is okay?

 

It's okay if things aren't.

because i'd just like to be left alone and I am sick of being treated like im going to explode at any second.

Okay..this is your ego/mind talking...all this hate and negative emotions are not going to help you, not now-not ever......

You need to stop thinking this way. Friends are important yes, but this isnt a guranatee of anything. This may sound cheesy but honestly its about finding happiness/peace in yourself, rather than seeking it externally/in friends-which isnt permanant. Maybe you'll have a best friend who then ditches you or dies or leaves etc etc. You cannt LINK your peace/happiness to "having friends" or having a gf/bf or having kids or being rich or being beautiful. This doesnt work for anyone. Thats why people get depressed so very often everywhere.

Maybe there are people would like to be your friend, but these kinda emotions/vibes are pushing them away. or they havent had the opportunity to get to know you...yet. You cant rule out that you will never have friends...you probably will, when you're in a better frame of mind.

In any case, its your mind(ego)'s chatter that is the culprit. It is for all of us in most aspects... You need to work on quieting it down...

We'e here for you if you need to talk/vent..hope this post made sense.

i totally understand how you feel. i feel similar.

let me take some guesses here? you are very full of yourself in certain aspects but hate yourself in others? like as in, your smart.. and you feel you are smarter than most of the people around you? you are extremely insecure about yourself but sometimes think you are very pretty/handsome/ better looking than others? Extremely anti-social but are social because you have to be.. u feel like you have to try to fit in with society even though you know you never really will and your just pulling the wool over everyones eyes so they don't know. You feel like telling people about wanting to kill yourself makes you sound stupid, and downgrades your serious life shattering feelings...you feel like your always 2 steps ahead of the game and usually know whats going to come about in every situation... am i close at all or no?

let me take some guesses here? you are very full of yourself in certain aspects but hate yourself in others? like as in, your smart.. and you feel you are smarter than most of the people around you? you are extremely insecure about yourself but sometimes think you are very pretty/handsome/ better looking than others? Extremely anti-social but are social because you have to be.. u feel like you have to try to fit in with society even though you know you never really will and your just pulling the wool over everyones eyes so they don't know. You feel like telling people about wanting to kill yourself makes you sound stupid, and downgrades your serious life shattering feelings...you feel like your always 2 steps ahead of the game and usually know whats going to come about in every situation... am i close at all or no?

hmmmm maybe you are right...i mean he is 13....but.....maybe he is just.....feel lonely....

let me take some guesses here? you are very full of yourself in certain aspects but hate yourself in others? like as in, your smart.. and you feel you are smarter than most of the people around you? you are extremely insecure about yourself but sometimes think you are very pretty/handsome/ better looking than others? Extremely anti-social but are social because you have to be.. u feel like you have to try to fit in with society even though you know you never really will and your just pulling the wool over everyones eyes so they don't know. You feel like telling people about wanting to kill yourself makes you sound stupid, and downgrades your serious life shattering feelings...you feel like your always 2 steps ahead of the game and usually know whats going to come about in every situation... am i close at all or no?

Your are almost exactly right. except i do not fell that i am smarter than everyone around me maybe in some aspects of being smarter, but mostly not. and I do not feel like im always 2 steps ahead of the game and usually do not know whats coming. but besides that, u hit the nail on the head. Or whatever that saying is. and um... i cut myself on my upper thigh and it bled alot more than usual and is bruising, like did I hit an arterie or something?