Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 53

Thread: In love with a Muslim man..

  1. #1
    Janne
    Member Janne's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    23
    Gender
    Female

    Question In love with a Muslim man..

    I am a Christian girl and I have a Muslim boyfriend, who is my fiance now..
    We've dated with for almost 3 years by now and last year we got engaged officially at his family's house.
    Our relationship was like a pure fairy tale, we never discussed any religious issues and that differences in religions can be an issue between us, we used to agree on everything, and shared all our views together; until the official engagement, when my Lebanese 'prince' suddenly turned into a more possessive type.. He suddenly implemented a subject of religion as # 1 item on our agenda list.. And asked me if i was ready to convert to Islam yet?
    I said I wasn't, and not sure that i will want to, and I didn't feel great to be pushed on this matter.. I am not that religious though but still...
    Then he said that if i don't take Islam, we will probably not be able to get married, coz his family will never accept this and he also wanted to raise kids in Islam.
    Well, he is not that strict a Muslim, practicing just basic things like 1 week praying and Ramadan, and i won't have to cover.. But still..
    I respect his religion.. why can't he respect mine??
    We used to love each other so devotely and still our love is so strong, and i can't imagine that we will have to break up eventually coz of this religious matter..
    He is waiting for me to change.. But didn't he fall in love with the "old" me? With who i was already?..
    I read dozens of articles on this subject "Western lady - Muslim man",
    and i can't understand, WHY does it seem to be such a common pattern of events, when Christian girl and Muslim guy's fabulous relationship suddenly turns into a hell of arguments and religious issues obstacles, when it comes to a wedding?..
    What is the best advice for me, and for us both in this case? Shall we break up now, or maybe we still have a chance?
    Can i still convince him somehow that i don't convert into Islam and we can still get married?...

  2. #2
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18
    When two people embark on an interfaith marriage then these kinds of discussions need to be had long before the relationship gets serious. The problem is that both of you swept it under the rug...you assuming he would be fine if you followed your own religion, he was assuming you would ultimately convert for him and follow his religion. Both of you feel strongly about your respective positions and in something like this compromise is not really possible because this kind of issue goes to the core of a person's being. I think perhaps it is time for you two to go your separate ways because for either of you to compromise would lead to major resentment and unhappiness.

  3. #3
    Capricorn3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    11,590
    Thanked
    1606
    You are in for a VERY VERY rocky road from now on. This seems to be a very common thing that once you get engaged, things can change literally overnight and you find your loving man is a totally different person.

    I highly doubt you will EVER manage to convince him that you can still get married if you don't convert. he will not stand for it and is against his beliefs. You either convert, or he (and his family) will not accept it. The writing is on the wall with this one (imo) and you should think very very carefully about your future.

    If it were me, I'd end it as I don't think you have a chance here. (I could be wrong of course, but I've seen this type of thing happen too many times and it always ended in disaster).

  4. #4
    Sunflour
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    410
    Gender
    Female
    What would he say if you tell him that although you love him, you are not willing to convert to a faith you don't believe in?

    It's a big red flag to me that he expect you to be the one making the big changes & concessions in this marriage. If he can't accept as his wife the same person he fell in love with and proposed to, I think you're headed for big trouble. Perhaps some counseling with a therapist who has experience with cross-cultural couples would be helpful?

  5. #5
    McLovin oo7
    Bronze Member McLovin oo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Age
    38
    Posts
    283
    May be you should ask him to convert to your religion?

    I have seen many of these marriages as I lived in that part of world but to tell you the truth, they all are just compromise and you are never going to be happy in it.

    My advice - walk away since even though you marry him and don’t change your religion, this religion thing will always be there and will always be a sour spot in your relationship.

  6. #6
    Capricorn3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    11,590
    Thanked
    1606
    Quote Originally Posted by McLovin oo7 [Register to see the link]
    May be you should ask him to convert to your religion?.
    I knew a woman who suggested her b/f convert (he's muslin) and he almost turned violent on her with shock and disbelief that she should even suggest such a thing. He was horrified and looked down on her with such contempt. She left him soon after she saw the other side of him.

  7. #7
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18
    People who are very strongly mired in their religion, no matter what religion, may expect their partner to convert to their religion and bring up the children according to their religion. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to be of your own religion and raise the children as such..but if those are a person's beliefs then they should not be dating outside of their religion. If they date outside of their religion then they should not have an expectation that their partner convert. The partner should only convert if they really want to, not because they were forced into it for 'love and marriage".

  8. #8
    McLovin oo7
    Bronze Member McLovin oo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Age
    38
    Posts
    283
    Quote Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs [Register to see the link]
    People who are very strongly mired in their religion, no matter what religion, may expect their partner to convert to their religion and bring up the children according to their religion. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to be of your own religion and raise the children as such..but if those are a person's beliefs then they should not be dating outside of their religion. If they date outside of their religion then they should not have an expectation that their partner convert. The partner should only convert if they really want to, not because they were forced into it for 'love and marriage".
    Why one should expect their partner to change religion? I thought love was all about accepting you for what you really are???

    That is such an outlandish thing to expect someone to change their religion so that you can marry them.

  9. 08-07-2009, 10:28 AM
    Reason
    Nevermind

  10. #9
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18
    Quote Originally Posted by McLovin oo7 [Register to see the link]
    Why one should expect their partner to change religion? I thought love was all about accepting you for what you really are???

    That is such an outlandish thing to expect someone to change their religion so that you can marry them.

    I agree with you...but that is just what some people expect..and that is not right to impose their religious views on their partner.

  11. #10
    Qut81

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,093
    Gender
    Female
    I have Muslim family members and friends. One thing I can say about this is they are EXTREMELY loyal to their religion. I have never met a "not so strict" muslim. Even if they dont pray everyday, they still feel very strong about their beliefs.

    Saying this, I honestly do not think this marriage will work unless one converts to another. I am not one of those ppl that say "break up" right away. I do think some things can be worked out but this is not one of them. If you do not see yourself as a Muslim and he can not see himself as a Christian this is not going to work. The reason is that both religions have fundamental differences in their beliefs.

    Have you been to a Masque? Has he been to church with you before? Maybe you guys can start off by learning more about each other religions and going from there. I wouldnt make any plans to marry until this is resolved.

  12.  

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
Picture/video taking of girls in public.. Does he even want me anymore?
So ill try to cut this story short as poss.. Me and my partner have been together for nearly 8 years. Hes 30 and im 22. 3 years into our relationship
Love my GF but having attraction isssues
Ok here's the deal. This is a tough topic, hence why I've come on here. I am putting trust into this community by even talking about this, but based
I snooped through my bf's fb and of course I found something I shouldn't have
Let me first say, I know I'm in the wrong here and it's my fault I'm in the position I'm in now. When I opened fb last night, it was on my bf's
Relationship Help - Should I stay or should I go?
I am 25 years old. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now and this is my first real relationship. Our relationship has had its ups and
Can't control jealous about my boyfriend.
Hi guys. Me and my boyfriend are dating for almost 2 years. We've been in a long distance relationship, which is already hard. But we can take it
My boyfriend is now the "alpha male" after dad died
So my boyfriend (21) lives with his mom, brother (17) and half brother (10). His step dad, who was the father of his 10 year old brother, had
Meeting up with male internet friend - OK?
This weekend I was out with people from work. When they were heading home (like I also should have done!), I got messages from an old internet friend

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I met guy at a bar - what next??? Please read it through!! Pls advise!!
So Iím 33 & happen to move the Chicago city very recently from NYC. The first weekend; Saturday I was bored & didnít feel like sitting at home on a
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Spouse's lack of ambition is frustrating
I recently got married. About eight months prior to our wedding my now husband was laid off from work. He decided not to look for work as wedding
Petty, petty arguments
Hello all!! My partner who I've been with for a few years is 7 years older than me yet his maturity level is not where mine is. This is not a
Blocked by crush. Will NC work?
Last month a guy I had being talking to for about 3 months blocked me. He said the excessive calling and texting was starting to he to much. Prior to
Child Support.. Pursue or Not Pursue?
I'm needing a little advice about how Child Support works. My Ex Fiance decided at 7 weeks he didn't want my child. I was told in no uncertain terms
Millennial-aged men: could you really date someone like me?
(I'm sorry if this is disjointed. It's hard even to type about.) Three years ago, I had been working as a prosecutor for two years. My boyfriend and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •