Is this weird?

The subject of crying came up in conversation with a friend of mine. I told him that I can't cry in front of people, I simply refuse to. I prefer to keep my feelings pent up until I can be somewhere alone and cry by myself until I'm ready to show my face. I said that I am overcome by shame and embarrassment, I can't stand the idea of someone seeing me cry, and I'm not entirely sure WHY.

He asked me "What about boyfriends?". I thought about it, and realised that the only time that I cried to a boyfriend was about 2 years ago when I was in a terrible relationship and I was really emotionally messed up. He told me he loved me, and a few months later he took it back. I cracked at one point and cried in his shoulder, but I refused to let him see my face. And even when I walked away, I hid my face. My friend found this very strange, and said the idea of it makes him very sad that I have problems in expressing myself, that I refuse shoulders to cry on.

I have a history of problems; depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts etc. I'm much better than I was before, I managed to "self-council" myself, so to speak. I understand and handle myself way better these days after getting a dose of reality.

Is this weird? I never really thought about it until now, and by my friend's reaction, it has made me worry a bit if I've developed yet another emotional flaw from over the years.

Thanks for reading,

Pi xox

I'm like that too, I don't even remember the last time I cried in front of someone yet I'll cry when I'm alone. I wouldn't consider it an emotional flaw, if anything it shows how strong you are...

It's good to hear that I'm not the only one then

I do the same thing, I try not to let other people see me cry. Even when I'm crying by myself I always stifle it and try to not let it get past the watery eyes stage...probably because I was raised on the mentality that crying doesn't solve problems. However, I'm discovering that bottling emotions in has made me unable to deal with things in ways that I probably should, so you might consider if your tendency to hold back tears is affecting your life in negative ways. If not, then I'm sure you're fine. It's probably just a facet of your personality, nothing wrong with that.

It's not strange at all. For you as a girl sure it is more unusual. But how many guys do you see cry? mostly you don't see guys cry because of the expectations of man in society and what it is to be a 'real man'. But guess what, guys have feelings just like everybody else, but don't let it show.

Anyway, it is natural for people not to want to cry infront of other people, perfectly normal, i think, because crying can feel very vulnerable, and people like to be seen to be strong and able. There is nothing wrong with you.

I would disagree with Bad Wolf, it doesn't show how strong you are if you don't cry, it actually takes alot of courage to be able to cry infront of somebody, to allow yourself to be transparent. In some ways you are stronger to be able to cry. It is a typical male response to think that you are strong not to cry- but that simply isn't true.

Bottling things up and not crying infront of people are not neccessarily tightly related either.