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Thread: 25 and Never Had a Girlfriend

  1. #1
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    25 and Never Had a Girlfriend

    I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe to rant or just get it off my chest, maybe I'll get something good out of it, maybe I just want to vocalize my thought for clarity's sake, but here it goes:

    I'm 25 and I've never had a girlfriend. I've been on maybe 6 or so dates, I've probably kissed around 15 women, two-thirds of whom were probably drunk and at a college party, and I've had sex exactly once in my life.

    Three years ago I was as depressed as could be, I was overweight, I had lost my friends after a huge falling out, and I felt like I had nothing going for me. I sulked for months but then I decided that I was going to keep fighting and do whatever I could to improve myself. Improve myself is an odd term, the reality was that I hated myself, I hated everything about me and wanted to change each and every last bit, to make myself into what I considered normal, to turn myself into what I thought was attractive.

    Since that day I've worked out constantly for three years straight, I'm now in incredible physical condition. I've made countless friends, male and female (although none that I want to date, bar one who I made out with but who ended up rejecting me), and I've graduated from one of the best schools in the country. I'm doing good in life, I have a high paying job, my own place, a respectable car, and a decent social life, but I still can't seem to get a relationship.

    For the past few years, I've gotten more phone numbers than I can count and it almost never materializes into anything. I try to set up dates and get stood up, I get dates and after some point the girls indicate they don't want a relationship or that I'm a great guy but they don't want anything right now - I've literally heard the "you're such an amazing guy" speech so many times, usually it goes something like this "I think you're an incredible guy, my friends think you're hot - bla bla bla" which, from personal experience, every time translates into: I have no interest in you whatsoever and never will.

    I'm beginning to reach a breaking point. I've been feeling just fine for a while, but I don't know what it is now. I've just had a string of rejections and bad luck and its getting to me emotionally, I've been down and depressed all week and I wonder what even motivates me in life. When I was in college I thought all my failures were because I wasn't popular enough, because I was pudgy, because I wasn't successful, and now I'm doing about as well as I expected to in either of those three categories, and I'm still not getting anywhere. I just say to myself "its not * * * * ing fair." I'm tall, I'm in good shape, I pushed myself so hard in the gym that some days I wanted to cry, I fought tooth and nail to graduate from my school, I built my social circle as much as I could and did things / experienced things I never really thought I would just to expand my circle and meet more people, I've slaved myself to get this job, and I've tried everything I've gotten my hands on to get better at meeting women. I've read these ridiculous books on attracting women (look up pickup artist), I've gone out to countless parties, I've signed up for classes / clubs / organizations just to meet people, and nothing has happened for me. Three years ago I got to feel lonely by myself in my apartment, today I get to feel lonely in the company of my friends at a nightclub.

    I've gone for months now without feeling the least bit down. I've been in good spirits, and no matter what was thrown at me I'd keep on trying. But I think I've reached my end. I've just had a series of chances that have fizzles, girls that I became attracted to who ended up saying no, and I just feel like I am losing my drive. A week ago I was feeling perfectly normal, but today, I feel like breaking down.

    I was happy for a while with my improved circumstances, but nothing has helped me in the area where I need it most, relationships. All I really want is to be with an attractive and intelligent, and to have a healthy relationship, and I'm not getting it.

    I feel like all thats left for me now is to give up. Either I lower my standards, or just stop trying altogether, because for all the effort I'm putting into this, I'm not getting what I want out of it. I wonder if I put this much effort into work where I'd be.

    I have no idea whats left to do. I'm beginning to be convinced that I'll never be happy in relationships, and that I'll either die alone, or end up settling down with someone I don't want to be with. I don't want to marry anyone right now, I don't even want a relationship that is all that serious, but I want the chance to at least experience a relationship, for whatever its worth. If my life so far is any indication though, this is never going anywhere.

    I'm at my end. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're having such a bad time lately, especially as you have done everything possible to improve yourself etc. I really feel for you.

    Originally Posted by Reeling
    Either I lower my standards, or just stop trying altogether
    This part caught my eye and I'm curious to know what your standard is at the moment? Do you aim very high? Perhaps expect too much? Look for perfection? Maybe the key lies in your expectations?

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    I can be picky, I do have high standards, but even when I go for girls that are more, whats a polite way to put it, attainable, I'm not getting anywhere. I just want a cute girl with pretty eyes, doesn't have to be superhot, just cute, who is intelligent.

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    If it makes you feel any better, I'm 26 (almost 27) and I've not only not had a girlfriend, but I haven't even kissed a girl or had sex (I'm a virgin.) Your situation isn't hopeless, you're way more ahead than me.

    I think what you do is not to lower your standards, but to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're beating yourself up, and women do notice that.

    I feel for you man, and I hope your situation improves. Along with mine as well.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member zzprometheuszz's Avatar
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    26 here and never had a girlfriend. but like you, i made out with at least 15 women in college. funny how that works...haha

  7. #6
    Member Rain-man's Avatar
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    Suddenly I'm looking forward to college more.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member testcase's Avatar
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    Well man this is a tough post to read. Only because you really seem you have done everything one would think of to turn your life around... still without luck. I agree with Capricorn... maybe you are glazing over a lot of good women because you aren't initially attracted to them. therefore you don't even get to know em?

    I guess my only other question would be what are some things you are passionate about aside from trying to get a girlfriend? Maybe you have to work on better rounding your interests or polish up things that you like to do / make you unique? I mean from this post you have no problem attracting women. You got a good job, good place good friends... I guess what are your passions outside of that? Do you love sports, hiking, being green / saving the world, rescuing animals? I got no frickin idea haha just somethings maybe that will really spark the girls interest. And if you already have some of these things maybe you just have to better display the fact that you are passionate about them, show how driven you are.

    Either way I agree with some other posters don't lose hope you are very close... It seems part of this is your standards you are holding yourself back there I'm sure... which isn't bad. Then for the girls you are interested in something is missing.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member rollingalong's Avatar
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    Guess what????? I'm 26 and I've never had a boyfriend!!!!! I know isn't that freaking unbelievable? haha

    By what you've said, you seem to be working on yourself and you seem to have accomplished a lot. You're making an effort to meet girls.....but where are you meeting these girls? Maybe they're not looking for a BF? Try not to dwell on it so much. I've noticed when people are really looking for someone it can get to the point where they become a bit overbearing (too interested, too desperate) because they reallllllly want a GF/BF and that can scare people away. It has for me! Maybe you should think about those dates or those girls and try to remember things you said or did or things they said or did and realize maybe it was a good thing you didn't end up together.

    For me, it has become something I have started to think about more and more recently. Seeing my friends getting married and having kids doesn't help. I'm moving through my twenties here pretty fast. I graduated college not too long ago and while I was there I just focused on school, and now that I'm out, I'm like clueless about where to start. It gets annoying hearing everyone ask me all the time......where's your boyfriend? Why don't you have a boyfriend, you're so pretty? It's not all about looks. I'd rather be with someone who isn't that great looking but that I can feel comfortable around and who I can enjoy being around.
    Try to enjoy being young and being on your own. I always try to think about how one day it will happen, but if I keep thinking about how I'm still on my own, I'm not going to fully enjoy being on my own. ya know? Stay Positive!

  10. #9
    Bronze Member rollingalong's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rain-man
    Suddenly I'm looking forward to college more.

    haha, college is a fun time! Enjoy it and don't dwell on petty things......it will be over TOO FAST!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by silentwisdom
    I feel for you man, and I hope your situation improves. Along with mine as well.
    As with all of these threads I just have to post the "me too" type of message.
    Good luck to us, not that I have any reason to believe it.

    Ouch. You've done so much too with no results. I haven't done anywhere near that much but already getting down. I'm sure you know very well the pain of how others with much "less" don't have to work anywhere near so hard

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