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25 and Never Had a Girlfriend


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I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe to rant or just get it off my chest, maybe I'll get something good out of it, maybe I just want to vocalize my thought for clarity's sake, but here it goes:

 

I'm 25 and I've never had a girlfriend. I've been on maybe 6 or so dates, I've probably kissed around 15 women, two-thirds of whom were probably drunk and at a college party, and I've had sex exactly once in my life.

 

Three years ago I was as depressed as could be, I was overweight, I had lost my friends after a huge falling out, and I felt like I had nothing going for me. I sulked for months but then I decided that I was going to keep fighting and do whatever I could to improve myself. Improve myself is an odd term, the reality was that I hated myself, I hated everything about me and wanted to change each and every last bit, to make myself into what I considered normal, to turn myself into what I thought was attractive.

 

Since that day I've worked out constantly for three years straight, I'm now in incredible physical condition. I've made countless friends, male and female (although none that I want to date, bar one who I made out with but who ended up rejecting me), and I've graduated from one of the best schools in the country. I'm doing good in life, I have a high paying job, my own place, a respectable car, and a decent social life, but I still can't seem to get a relationship.

 

For the past few years, I've gotten more phone numbers than I can count and it almost never materializes into anything. I try to set up dates and get stood up, I get dates and after some point the girls indicate they don't want a relationship or that I'm a great guy but they don't want anything right now - I've literally heard the "you're such an amazing guy" speech so many times, usually it goes something like this "I think you're an incredible guy, my friends think you're hot - bla bla bla" which, from personal experience, every time translates into: I have no interest in you whatsoever and never will.

 

I'm beginning to reach a breaking point. I've been feeling just fine for a while, but I don't know what it is now. I've just had a string of rejections and bad luck and its getting to me emotionally, I've been down and depressed all week and I wonder what even motivates me in life. When I was in college I thought all my failures were because I wasn't popular enough, because I was pudgy, because I wasn't successful, and now I'm doing about as well as I expected to in either of those three categories, and I'm still not getting anywhere. I just say to myself "its not * * * * ing fair." I'm tall, I'm in good shape, I pushed myself so hard in the gym that some days I wanted to cry, I fought tooth and nail to graduate from my school, I built my social circle as much as I could and did things / experienced things I never really thought I would just to expand my circle and meet more people, I've slaved myself to get this job, and I've tried everything I've gotten my hands on to get better at meeting women. I've read these ridiculous books on attracting women (look up pickup artist), I've gone out to countless parties, I've signed up for classes / clubs / organizations just to meet people, and nothing has happened for me. Three years ago I got to feel lonely by myself in my apartment, today I get to feel lonely in the company of my friends at a nightclub.

 

I've gone for months now without feeling the least bit down. I've been in good spirits, and no matter what was thrown at me I'd keep on trying. But I think I've reached my end. I've just had a series of chances that have fizzles, girls that I became attracted to who ended up saying no, and I just feel like I am losing my drive. A week ago I was feeling perfectly normal, but today, I feel like breaking down.

 

I was happy for a while with my improved circumstances, but nothing has helped me in the area where I need it most, relationships. All I really want is to be with an attractive and intelligent, and to have a healthy relationship, and I'm not getting it.

 

I feel like all thats left for me now is to give up. Either I lower my standards, or just stop trying altogether, because for all the effort I'm putting into this, I'm not getting what I want out of it. I wonder if I put this much effort into work where I'd be.

 

I have no idea whats left to do. I'm beginning to be convinced that I'll never be happy in relationships, and that I'll either die alone, or end up settling down with someone I don't want to be with. I don't want to marry anyone right now, I don't even want a relationship that is all that serious, but I want the chance to at least experience a relationship, for whatever its worth. If my life so far is any indication though, this is never going anywhere.

 

I'm at my end.

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I'm sorry you're having such a bad time lately, especially as you have done everything possible to improve yourself etc. I really feel for you.

 

Either I lower my standards, or just stop trying altogether

This part caught my eye and I'm curious to know what your standard is at the moment? Do you aim very high? Perhaps expect too much? Look for perfection? Maybe the key lies in your expectations?

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I can be picky, I do have high standards, but even when I go for girls that are more, whats a polite way to put it, attainable, I'm not getting anywhere. I just want a cute girl with pretty eyes, doesn't have to be superhot, just cute, who is intelligent.

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If it makes you feel any better, I'm 26 (almost 27) and I've not only not had a girlfriend, but I haven't even kissed a girl or had sex (I'm a virgin.) Your situation isn't hopeless, you're way more ahead than me.

 

I think what you do is not to lower your standards, but to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're beating yourself up, and women do notice that.

 

I feel for you man, and I hope your situation improves. Along with mine as well.

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Well man this is a tough post to read. Only because you really seem you have done everything one would think of to turn your life around... still without luck. I agree with Capricorn... maybe you are glazing over a lot of good women because you aren't initially attracted to them. therefore you don't even get to know em?

 

I guess my only other question would be what are some things you are passionate about aside from trying to get a girlfriend? Maybe you have to work on better rounding your interests or polish up things that you like to do / make you unique? I mean from this post you have no problem attracting women. You got a good job, good place good friends... I guess what are your passions outside of that? Do you love sports, hiking, being green / saving the world, rescuing animals? I got no frickin idea haha just somethings maybe that will really spark the girls interest. And if you already have some of these things maybe you just have to better display the fact that you are passionate about them, show how driven you are.

 

Either way I agree with some other posters don't lose hope you are very close... It seems part of this is your standards you are holding yourself back there I'm sure... which isn't bad. Then for the girls you are interested in something is missing.

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Guess what????? I'm 26 and I've never had a boyfriend!!!!! I know isn't that freaking unbelievable? haha

 

By what you've said, you seem to be working on yourself and you seem to have accomplished a lot. You're making an effort to meet girls.....but where are you meeting these girls? Maybe they're not looking for a BF? Try not to dwell on it so much. I've noticed when people are really looking for someone it can get to the point where they become a bit overbearing (too interested, too desperate) because they reallllllly want a GF/BF and that can scare people away. It has for me! Maybe you should think about those dates or those girls and try to remember things you said or did or things they said or did and realize maybe it was a good thing you didn't end up together.

 

For me, it has become something I have started to think about more and more recently. Seeing my friends getting married and having kids doesn't help. I'm moving through my twenties here pretty fast. I graduated college not too long ago and while I was there I just focused on school, and now that I'm out, I'm like clueless about where to start. It gets annoying hearing everyone ask me all the time......where's your boyfriend? Why don't you have a boyfriend, you're so pretty? It's not all about looks. I'd rather be with someone who isn't that great looking but that I can feel comfortable around and who I can enjoy being around.

Try to enjoy being young and being on your own. I always try to think about how one day it will happen, but if I keep thinking about how I'm still on my own, I'm not going to fully enjoy being on my own. ya know? Stay Positive!

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I feel for you man, and I hope your situation improves. Along with mine as well.

 

As with all of these threads I just have to post the "me too" type of message.

Good luck to us, not that I have any reason to believe it.

 

Ouch. You've done so much too with no results. I haven't done anywhere near that much but already getting down. I'm sure you know very well the pain of how others with much "less" don't have to work anywhere near so hard

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From what you've written, it seems that you're trying to find women from nightclubs, but logic tells me it's not really the best place to find the love of your life. Also, you've done really well for the past three years - you set goals and fulfilled most of them, you've done more in three years that many people take a decade to complete. What I'm trying to say is, that you shouldn't lose faith in yourself and the world (25 is not really old, is it?) and just move on, somewhere along the way you most likely WILL meet HER. In other words, i think you should just chill out about it and stop frantically trying to get a girlfriend and maybe observe how other people's relationships have developed.

One more thing: the pickup artist I think is not really about finding love but rather about just scoring with women, i might be mistaken though.

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One more thing: the pickup artist I think is not really about finding love but rather about just scoring with women, i might be mistaken though.

It can be about either. I've said this on these forums before: it's about enabling men to put their best foot forward when meeting women. It's about understanding how to talk to them, how their mind works. This can be used to find a wife or a one night stand, but ultimately, it's still just about helping guys get what they want out of life.

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to the OP- if you make a decent salary, why not consider hiring a dating coach. You can google search the phrase and you will find a bunch out there. Most of them have websites so you can read about their background etc. These folks typically do the coaching via phone and email, but if you can find one in your city, some of them will do in-person meetings where they will observe you on a date and then give you feedback. Many of them will do a free initial phone consult so you can decide if you feel comfortable talking to them.

 

If you've got the rest of your life together and this is an important goal for you, it might be worth investing some $$$ to figure out what is holding you back. It sounds like there is something going on that you are not aware of - a good dating coach should be able to help you figure out what this is and then give you tools to get past it.

 

Good luck!

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You are the typical nice guy. You have got everything going for you and would make a much better partner than these bad boys that seem to get women. By the sounds of it you are a much better catch than most guys and It's pretty much the womans loss.

 

Just dont accept any unnessecery demands from a woman, and act like you dont care if she dates you or not. Im a bit younger than you but this is what experience tells me. Women are cruel thats one lesson I have learned. I have been burned numerous times and it hurts, dont give her anything or do anything nice for her until you REALLY trust her.

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That's all well and good to think or know you are, but it doesn't do much to change the situation (I for one am getting a little tired of the tactics where I convince myself nothing is not-right). And we're talking mid-20s, it's not just bad-boys getting dates anymore (it might be true at nightclubs but not elsewhere)

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I guess i have some insight from my personal experiences. I think you did all of this to really get away from your problems. Ive had a really harsh life and to me i just thought if i made things in my life better, overall my life would be better. Its just you cant keep avoiding problems by making things around you better. I tried to be the best person i could be and i soon realized that i wasnt being who i really was. I was being someone that i thought everyone would want me to be. I can also relate to having actually had some pretty good experiences with woman being attracted to me but it wasnt enough for me because i never got what i wanted. I also wonder if the real problems your having are things you didnt talk about because you usually end up having things that are unconscious be the real problem.

 

I think having issues with depression it can make things seem completely bad. I consider it like a black hole being able to suck everything into it and pretty much destroy it. I also think you are focusing too much on the outside perception of things. Alot of people that are successful can find it kinda empty in reality. Its all about how good things make you feel personally. I think people just want results but in the end they dont take everything into account. I think you might want to try to take some time to figure out what is really important to you. I think if you can see the good things you have already done and use those as tools to work on more whats going on inside of you then you will hopefully end up better then you might even think.

 

I know the struggles and battles of depression so it might not be something you can deal with and not have really bad times. So I cant say for sure what your time dealing with this will be like but just try to not get too discouraged. I also believe that like attracts like so if you can see what you liked and dont like about people then you can work on that. I dont know the exact reasons why things didnt work out and sometimes thats the hardest thing because your doing pretty much everything you could up to this point and things still turned out in a way you werent expecting.

 

I guess i dont really know much about your past to see how it made you the person you are today. I would try to see how my past effected me and hopefully try to correct anything that could continue causing you problems. I really wonder what you might found out about yourself and hopefully those changes will end up working out for the better. Its just along the way things will happen that can really complicate things and really push you to your limits.

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Hmm... you seem pretty successful and such, and since some girls say you're hot or w/e it probably means you're quite attractive as well. So you've got independence/security and attractiveness down already....... which apparently means the only thing left that may be hurting you is your personality. If it's not, I don't really know why you can't find anyone.

 

Where do you usually meet these girls? Think about what you had in common with each girl.. think about what they liked about you. I'm not sure but... I also think most girls don't like guys who seem desperate.. and you seem to come off as desperate (but of course its cause thats what your post is about lol.. but do you come off that way irl as well?) I think if girls could sense how desperate you are, that may scare them off... and also not respect you as much since it seems like you'd go out with ANY girl as long as they said yes. But yeah..... if you're successful and attractive the only Reason I could think of that girls may not like you is because of your personality.

 

I think you just need to find someone that has stuff in common with you, like similar core values/goals, similar outlook on life, or similar favorite hobbies/activities... it could help you become closer. Maybe try joining and participating in some club/activity that You enjoy. Then you could meet some people that are similar to you and if you don't, you're still doing it for yourself!

 

umm Pluuus I think most girls like guys who seem confident and comfortable with themselves. So just try to be happy with yourself and all your accomplishments for now.. just do what you like and have fun, don't have to try so hard to Get someone. You may by chance meet someone who gets along with you well just by doing what you enjoy and they'll also be drawn to your confidence. -.- I guess what I'm trying to get at... is it's probably because of your personality and how you come off and you may not notice it yourself. But maybe the girls you knew so far didn't connect with you well... maybe they didn't feel like they had much in common with you and was looking for something different in a guy that you didn't have.

 

Girls want to feel special, not like they could be Any girl that you just happen to pick up because they were an attainable target. So have more confidence in yourself and don't act so desperate ;o.... just be comfortable with yourself and girls may be drawn to you.

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hey man i have been in this exact position before i here u when u have never had a girlfriend. U have been spending to much time on working yourself to death trying to get in good shape and get a good job. U have been missing out on the relationships. like u i never dated a girl until i was 20 years old and even then she came on to me. The best thing I can say for u is to get out of ur usual crowed go to the club by yourself have fun get out there don't take anyone with u and try to mingle. Ur not there to get a girl but to get better at attracting one. the more woman u can attract the easier it is for u building up ur self esteem and learning the turn on's woman like. It helps u in the long run when u actually find a girl u like u are able to communicate better and draw them in to u. sometime u dont have to try so hard in chasing a woman try sitting back flirt with a girl but don't act to fast some women want u to work for it even though yes the tell u there not interested but actually they want to see if u well work for them well instead turn the table on them flirt but don't get to close try backing off let her come on to u a few times. if a woman will do that u know no matter what they say they are into u they just want u to work hard.

 

hope this helps good luck

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Hey everyone,

 

Thanks for all the replies.

Hmm... you seem pretty successful and such, and since some girls say you're hot or w/e it probably means you're quite attractive as well. So you've got independence/security and attractiveness down already....... which apparently means the only thing left that may be hurting you is your personality. If it's not, I don't really know why you can't find anyone.

I'm about average looking. I'm 6'2, 200lbs, 8% body fat. I'm not hot. I don't put any faith into what women tell me while they're rejecting me.

 

I'll put up some pictures link removed.

 

I do think my looks hold me back. I have several friends who literally just have girls flock to them, they don't need to say anything and women come up to them to talk to them, and if they say anything the girls spend the entire night trying to get with them. These same women of course, ignore me or only answer me as some form of courtesy. I've also heard several women say that they would never date Middle-Eastern guys, always fun to hear.

 

Where do you usually meet these girls? Think about what you had in common with each girl.. think about what they liked about you. I'm not sure but... I also think most girls don't like guys who seem desperate.. and you seem to come off as desperate (but of course its cause thats what your post is about lol.. but do you come off that way irl as well?) I think if girls could sense how desperate you are, that may scare them off... and also not respect you as much since it seems like you'd go out with ANY girl as long as they said yes. But yeah..... if you're successful and attractive the only Reason I could think of that girls may not like you is because of your personality.

I definitely come off as desperate from that post, I was really down when I wrote it. I'm not now.

 

At the time, after about 2 months of not meeting anyone I was attracted to, I met about 3 girls who I found attractive, physically and intellectually, and they seemed to reciprocate it. With the first two girls, we ended up hanging out, I ended up making out with them, and they later told me that they had boyfriends and weren't really sure what they were doing, they both kind of hinted that they weren't sure they enjoyed their present relationship, but I don't exactly thrive off ruining other people's relationships. The last one I really liked and got along with, we ended up going out and really clicked, except it was too late since she was a tourist and her flight back to paris was 2 days later. Owned. That was when I felt really down. I hadn't really met anyone I felt attracted to for two months, then, when I finally did, every single last one fell through. Normally the fact that I haven't been in a relationship doens't affect me in the least, but after those experiences all those little things started really bothering me. I was just incredibly down for about a week.

 

I'm out of that funk now though. I'm not desperate for a relationship. If I meet someone I end up really liking, then great. If not, I just want to have a fun time. I'm not desperate, or at least I hope I don't come off that way, someone else would have to tell me. Well, with women who I'm not attracted to, even if I do find them very pretty but for other reasons wouldn't consider it, I have no problem talking to them or socializing. But when I do meet girls who I find attractive, physically and personally, I either manage to screw it up or run into some ridiculously bad luck. It doesn't bother me in the beginning, but after a while of having the same things repeat over and over it does get to you.

 

There are, periodically, girls who are interested in me. But I'm picky. We all have some things we like in people and some things we don't. I don't find every girl attractive. There's 5 girls that I run into every now & then who've tried to hook up with me that I politely turned down. They're not unattractive, I'm just not all that attracted to them either though. I don't know, its the women I'm attracted to that I have problems with.

 

As for where I meet women, its really anywhere. Nightclub, friends, houseparty, work, near work, school (I take classes every now & then), the gym.

 

I think you just need to find someone that has stuff in common with you, like similar core values/goals, similar outlook on life, or similar favorite hobbies/activities... it could help you become closer. Maybe try joining and participating in some club/activity that You enjoy. Then you could meet some people that are similar to you and if you don't, you're still doing it for yourself!

Yeah, thats what I'm trying, but its not like every organization / club is a singles bar. Its, as of late, really rare for me to find someone I find attractive. Cute girls are never in the weight room at the gym, and you can't exactly strike up a conversation with someone on the treadmill. There's no cute single girls at my job. And my friends are all in relationships now and aren't interested in meeting more women. I always have to try to meet someone new.

 

Nonetheless, I do lots of these activities because I do enjoy them (martial arts, volunteering, gym - 1.5hrs/day - 6days/wk).

 

umm Pluuus I think most girls like guys who seem confident and comfortable with themselves. So just try to be happy with yourself and all your accomplishments for now.. just do what you like and have fun, don't have to try so hard to Get someone. You may by chance meet someone who gets along with you well just by doing what you enjoy and they'll also be drawn to your confidence. -.- I guess what I'm trying to get at... is it's probably because of your personality and how you come off and you may not notice it yourself. But maybe the girls you knew so far didn't connect with you well... maybe they didn't feel like they had much in common with you and was looking for something different in a guy that you didn't have.

Yeah, personality definitely has an effect. For a fair amount of girls I'm really convinced it doesn't matter what I do, they will just never be interested. I can just see from the way they respond to me that its only out of courtesy, I don't even factor as a potential partner. But there's also a group of women who I do find attractive, who probably would at least entertain the idea, but I just can't escalate it into anything more.

 

Tbh, I think I responded to your post because.. I knew someone similar to you. He seemed very desperate in wanting a girlfriend... and to me (can't speak for All the girls though..) that was a very big turn off. Seemed like he would go out with Any girl (But not ugly ones >.>... wow) as long they would say yes to him. Girls want to feel special, not like they could be Any girl that you just happen to pick up because they were an attainable target. So have more confidence in yourself and don't act so desperate ;o.... just be comfortable with yourself and girls may be drawn to you.

I agree in theory, but I've never had women "drawn to me." Girls don't really approach guys, unless the guys are ridiculously hot. For any average guy out there, the odds of a girl approaching you are close to zero, and its not like i'm in college anymore, I can't just meet girls by showing up to class, I work in finance, its all dudes. still always have to do the footwork and some women are just giant * * * * * es when you talk to them, even if you're not hitting on them. Its really not an enjoyable experience.

 

You're right. The 'laid back' approach is the one that works best for me. When I meet women 'organically,' i.e., friends introduce us, we're always at the same place, we have friends in common, low-key house party, something where we should know each other for reasons other than flirting. In those cases I can usually display my personality and get the girl interested enough to give me her phone number and to hang out with me. Problem is, its incredibly rare for me to meet someone I'm attracted to under these circumstances. If I rely solely on that, I can easily go another 5 years and not have anything work out for me. If I want to meet women, I have to approach them, and thats what generally gets much, much more difficult for me, and women can be really standoffish.

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You're right. I've had a really, really * * * * ed up childhood, and life. Racism / bullying / friends killed. It took me a long time to be able to trust people and want to go out. I'd like to think I've overcome those problems. I have a large circle of friends, we road trip to Vegas for birthdays, we throw parties, we have a good time. I also have had some success with women, not what I've wanted but enough success for what I'd at least term socially healthy.

 

I don't know though. Do you ever really overcome a personal problem? I think its always a part of you, you just learn to work your way around it. I guess thats what I'm still doing, although to a much lesser extent than years ago.

 

 

I'm not a depressive person (I've had friends who were depressive and I've been there for them when they went through problems, I've never gotten that down). I'm generally pretty upbeat and laid back, and I can usually take emotional hits a lot better than my friends can (small consolation for a * * * * ed up childhood). Like any other person, sometimes things happen that will cause you to be depressed, and thats a natural response. Years ago, I wasn't really depressed, but I was unhappy, I had very low self-esteem. I was mistreated a lot, and it made it hard for me to get what I wanted out of life. I've grown a lot since then, but I know those self-esteem issues are still there at the periphery. For the most part I manage to shut them out and go on with my day to day affairs.

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Its not just night-clubs, but I don't really agree, there are some really incredible women who I know who enjoy going to nightclubs, you can meet anyone there.

 

I guess what I'm losing faith in is that I'll be able to do the things I wanted. I'm 25, and thats not really old, but its not really young either. If there's one thing I've learned is that time goes by a lot quicker than you think. What if I never really get to enjoy my 20's, I turn 30, I end up settling with a nice girl, but she's not the woman of my dreams, and for the rest of my life I get to wonder: what if?

 

Thats what I don't want. I want to be able to enjoy these years. Do the things I wanted. And when I settle, I don't want to ever think to myself: "what if?" I don't want to have missed out on anything, and when I commit myself I want to know that thats where I want to be so that I can be at peace.

 

As for PUA, Bartok says it pretty well:

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Hey everyone,

 

Thanks for all the replies.

 

I'm about average looking. I'm 6'2, 200lbs, 8% body fat. I'm not hot. I don't put any faith into what women tell me while they're rejecting me.

 

I'll put up some pictures link removed.

 

I do think my looks hold me back. I have several friends who literally just have girls flock to them, they don't need to say anything and women come up to them to talk to them, and if they say anything the girls spend the entire night trying to get with them. These same women of course, ignore me or only answer me as some form of courtesy. I've also heard several women say that they would never date Middle-Eastern guys, always fun to hear.

 

ok I saw your picture and I say you look just fine/average/normal! ..so I don't think it's your looks that hold you back.... I read some study thing they did on appearances vs personality... and interesting thing is, better looking people had the same chances as average looking etc. Only people who looked extremely below average had lower chance of entering relationships. So in a way.. it's like saying appearance Does matter somewhat, but it doesn't matter as much as Personality... as long as you're decent looking enough ;o you're date-able lol. ..and just saying.... you look average or better to me... so I don't think it's your appearance that is holding you back. BUT ANYWAYS... >.> do you want a relationship just based on appearance??? If a girl gets turned off just Because of your appearance then they aren't worth it anyways imo. ok sure, maybe your friend has girls flock to him because he looks hot, but if his personality sucked then I bet the girls would get bored of him as well... unless they just want his body lol and not a serious relationship.

 

 

I definitely come off as desperate from that post, I was really down when I wrote it. I'm not now.

 

At the time, after about 2 months of not meeting anyone I was attracted to, I met about 3 girls who I found attractive, physically and intellectually, and they seemed to reciprocate it. With the first two girls, we ended up hanging out, I ended up making out with them, and they later told me that they had boyfriends and weren't really sure what they were doing, they both kind of hinted that they weren't sure they enjoyed their present relationship, but I don't exactly thrive off ruining other people's relationships. The last one I really liked and got along with, we ended up going out and really clicked, except it was too late since she was a tourist and her flight back to paris was 2 days later. Owned. That was when I felt really down. I hadn't really met anyone I felt attracted to for two months, then, when I finally did, every single last one fell through. Normally the fact that I haven't been in a relationship doens't affect me in the least, but after those experiences all those little things started really bothering me. I was just incredibly down for about a week.

 

I'm out of that funk now though. I'm not desperate for a relationship. If I meet someone I end up really liking, then great. If not, I just want to have a fun time. I'm not desperate, or at least I hope I don't come off that way, someone else would have to tell me. Well, with women who I'm not attracted to, even if I do find them very pretty but for other reasons wouldn't consider it, I have no problem talking to them or socializing. But when I do meet girls who I find attractive, physically and personally, I either manage to screw it up or run into some ridiculously bad luck. It doesn't bother me in the beginning, but after a while of having the same things repeat over and over it does get to you.

 

Well... from what you said, Girls did like you.. they just didn't work out the way you hoped.. all these bad experiences, you're relating it to your own faults, when really it's not your fault at all it seems... just bad luck and bad timing! If they weren't already taken and she wasn't going on the trip, it might have worked... Look at the good side at least you know the girls liked you lol so you did Something right! Just keep trying and maybe you'll find someone who Isn't already committed and leaving lol. Or maybe you can ask girls first before you get attached to them ;o

 

There are, periodically, girls who are interested in me. But I'm picky. We all have some things we like in people and some things we don't. I don't find every girl attractive. There's 5 girls that I run into every now & then who've tried to hook up with me that I politely turned down. They're not unattractive, I'm just not all that attracted to them either though. I don't know, its the women I'm attracted to that I have problems with.

 

Well .. yeah it's ok to be picky, everyone wants to be with someone that fits them. I guess just keep trying, you can't expect things to be Perfect and work out the exact way you want lol. But apparently it's not that you are having a hard time entering a relationship with anyone (in your original post, you made it sound like you wouldn't be able to get Anyone).. you're just picky and you want to be with someone you like, but yea it doesn't always work out... liking someone that likes you back that is. >.> I think that goes for everyone.. just keep trying?

 

 

As for where I meet women, its really anywhere. Nightclub, friends, houseparty, work, near work, school (I take classes every now & then), the gym.

 

 

Yeah, thats what I'm trying, but its not like every organization / club is a singles bar. Its, as of late, really rare for me to find someone I find attractive. Cute girls are never in the weight room at the gym, and you can't exactly strike up a conversation with someone on the treadmill. There's no cute single girls at my job. And my friends are all in relationships now and aren't interested in meeting more women. I always have to try to meet someone new.

 

Nonetheless, I do lots of these activities because I do enjoy them (martial arts, volunteering, gym - 1.5hrs/day - 6days/wk).

 

 

Yeah, personality definitely has an effect. For a fair amount of girls I'm really convinced it doesn't matter what I do, they will just never be interested. I can just see from the way they respond to me that its only out of courtesy, I don't even factor as a potential partner. But there's also a group of women who I do find attractive, who probably would at least entertain the idea, but I just can't escalate it into anything more.

 

 

I agree in theory, but I've never had women "drawn to me." Girls don't really approach guys, unless the guys are ridiculously hot. For any average guy out there, the odds of a girl approaching you are close to zero, and its not like i'm in college anymore, I can't just meet girls by showing up to class, I work in finance, its all dudes. still always have to do the footwork and some women are just giant * * * * * es when you talk to them, even if you're not hitting on them. Its really not an enjoyable experience.

 

You're right. The 'laid back' approach is the one that works best for me. When I meet women 'organically,' i.e., friends introduce us, we're always at the same place, we have friends in common, low-key house party, something where we should know each other for reasons other than flirting. In those cases I can usually display my personality and get the girl interested enough to give me her phone number and to hang out with me. Problem is, its incredibly rare for me to meet someone I'm attracted to under these circumstances. If I rely solely on that, I can easily go another 5 years and not have anything work out for me. If I want to meet women, I have to approach them, and thats what generally gets much, much more difficult for me, and women can be really standoffish.

 

Have you ever tried a dating site? lol ... maybe that will be easier finding someone in your area with similar interests. Just be careful, but I think it Can work. Just a suggestion.

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