Anyone feel like they'll never love again?

It's been a year to the day since my GF of ten years walked out on me for nothing more than "the spark has gone" and some days I really do feel like I'll never meet someone again and almost certainly will never open up my heart as much as I did before to love that strongly again. Is this normal to feel like this? This is my first real breakup.

I seem to have everything going for me.....kind yet strong personality, got my life together, totally trustworthy and supportive, good job and prospects and women telling me I'm gorgeous and the "perfect man" (can't be that great if my ex left though. LOL) and yet I still date very rarely and have yet to meet anyone in the past year that came close to my ex.

Has anyone else felt like this and, more importantly, has anyone felt like this and then all of sudden met someone amazing and realised they were wrong to worry so much?

I'm with you on this.....I get told all the time of my good traits and so on and even though I am doing okay, I privately fear I won't find anybody. There just seems to be so many dynamics that make it impossible at times.

Wish I had some words for you....I am trying to let my strong personality come through and my personality hoping that somebody will see me for the right reasons.

You're still comparing prospects to your ex, and they just will never be her. Maybe if you shake things up a bit, date anyone except her "type," or people who remind you of her... Instead of thinking or looking for a relationship that could be "as good as or better," maybe you can just seek to get to know another female.

An analogy: You went to Paris once and found it was the best place. Great food, great sights, awesome. Well you can't go back. Then what? Are you going to quit traveling because there isn't a place identical to it that makes you feel the same way? No, you try Tokyo, London, Dubai, Sao Paolo. No, they're not Paris but each place has its own special something. JUST LIKE PEOPLE.

Sounds like you've got everything going for you but you're just not ready to put yourself out there yet. Nothing wrong with that. No point in trying to force something you're not feeling. When the time is right, it'll happen. Until then, just enjoy life.

I'm on the verge of breaking up with my BF of one year because he is abusive. And yes, I am afraid I will never find love again. I really thought he was the one.

Yeah I know what you mean abut the dynamics that make it impossible at times.

Funny thing is, I find myself gettin hit on by women that are already in a relationship, and at the very least these "taken" women get all giggly and nervous around me and it makes me wonder what the heck they're doing with their partners if they're so obviously not so happy that they wouldn't stray. Makes me think that maybe the alternative to being single and scared you'll never meet someone is to be SO scared that you settle for the first person that comes along, which sadly seems to be what a lot of people are doing.

I refuse to be one of them....but I'm getting closer

God, I know exactly how you feel. For the last 8 months since my 'big' breakup I've dated a few men and not felt anything close to what I felt for my ex, nor the possibility that it could get to that place again. I felt incredibly hopeless about it. I really did believe that it was just impossible that I'd ever find that kind of love and connection ever again.

But, I met someone a couple of weeks ago. It's not the same level as a four year relationship, of course not, but I feel that possibility. I was so shocked and surprised when I realised how I was feeling that I nearly burst into tears in front of him.

It is possible. It's just about meeting that person who can make you feel that way again. In some ways, I think because you've known how good love can be, you're pickier the second time around, so it can take longer to find again!

Wow, loads more posts while I was writing that one.

spinstermanquee - Great analogy. I love it and it's really made me think. I guess I'm really not over Paris yet though so aren't ready for that next trip yet.

jul-els - You're right, I guess I'm not ready. Just everyone I know is settled down, so it's weird being the only singleton while they're all doing family stuff.

CallingAllAngels - Sorry you feel the same way. If he's abusive though then being single is a WAY better option (of course you know this though)

And thanks HouseKitten - that's exactly the kind of inspiring stuff I needed to hear

Yeah I know what you mean abut the dynamics that make it impossible at times.

 

Funny thing is, I find myself gettin hit on by women that are already in a relationship, and at the very least these "taken" women get all giggly and nervous around me and it makes me wonder what the heck they're doing with their partners if they're so obviously not so happy that they wouldn't stray. Makes me think that maybe the alternative to being single and scared you'll never meet someone is to be SO scared that you settle for the first person that comes along, which sadly seems to be what a lot of people are doing.

 

I refuse to be one of them....but I'm getting closer

 

Some good points. I have been hit on by women who already have someone too. I personally have never settled, I would sooner wait for the right one or at least somebody that you see potential with. With the dynamics, you just can't do right for doing wrong. But then I guess the right one will not score you by what you are doing or compare you to others but will instead just accept you as you are....

I also think that I'll never meet anyone as special as my ex again...someone who will understand me the way she did, and care for me the way she did (see post on "anyone else have a nice ex?" lol!). So someone share some success stories please!

jul-els - You're right, I guess I'm not ready. Just everyone I know is settled down, so it's weird being the only singleton while they're all doing family stuff.

Like my Mom used to say when I was a kid: "If everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you do it?" We've all got to take the path that fits us as individuals. As long as you're happy, stay on the bridge!

^^^^

Very true. It's just very strange to be in a relationship that I thought was forever and then the rug gets pulled and I'm back at square one. It's my first break up so it's all new to me (lucky me!!)

I'm also in the strange position that everyone I know thinks I'm amazing but I have very few social-friends as all my friends are raising kids, so I'm very rarely out and meeting new people. Seems even less likely I'll meet anyone when I'm home alone 99% of the time and I'm not into bars or clubs

Maybe online dating?

^^^^

Very true. It's just very strange to be in a relationship that I thought was forever and then the rug gets pulled and I'm back at square one. It's my first break up so it's all new to me (lucky me!!)

 

I'm also in the strange position that everyone I know thinks I'm amazing but I have very few social-friends as all my friends are raising kids, so I'm very rarely out and meeting new people. Seems even less likely I'll meet anyone when I'm home alone 99% of the time and I'm not into bars or clubs

 

Maybe online dating?

I am in the same boat. Which is why I don't want to give up my BF. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to do on line dating. It's scarey out there.

 

I seem to have everything going for me.....kind yet strong personality, got my life together, totally trustworthy and supportive, good job and prospects and women telling me I'm gorgeous and the "perfect man" (can't be that great if my ex left though. LOL) and yet I still date very rarely and have yet to meet anyone in the past year that came close to my ex.

Believe them-- I have met men whose girlfriends had left them, and I thought the darn woman had to be crazy... last one was super broken up about it- and its really sad to see. don't let her break your self-esteem. i haven't met you, but i bet you are everything they said and then some.

someone else will come along and will be even more compatible with you as a result. take your time to know yourself again, take it slow, but you will love again. and try not to compare- even though it's hard- just not fair to the next lady.

yes i do feel like you too...that i will never find someone. twice in a row now i have felt like they have used me for something and once they were done, they went their way.

i also have realized that the second time, i did not give as much of myself as i did the last time. i protected myself. and now after the recent episode, i feel like i will protect a little bit more of myself because there are way too many selfish people out there. at this rate, there will be a time when i will not be able to give any part of me to anyone and i will be all by myself.....till the end.

yes i do feel like you too...that i will never find someone. twice in a row now i have felt like they have used me for something and once they were done, they went their way.

 

i also have realized that the second time, i did not give as much of myself as i did the last time. i protected myself. and now after the recent episode, i feel like i will protect a little bit more of myself because there are way too many selfish people out there. at this rate, there will be a time when i will not be able to give any part of me to anyone and i will be all by myself.....till the end.

oh this makes me so sad...

i've totally had awful experiences, and so i'm more cautious. balance out intelligent caution with an open heart....

don't close your heart up!!!

I can totally relate to what you said Perfection. I sometimes feel like I'm closing myself off, but I refuse to let it happen. I have too much to give and won't let a silly person like my ex cut me off from who I have the potential to be. I hope you can find the strength to do the same....it's the best way even if it's also the hardest way.

And thanks Volpe for the lovely words....that really put a smile on my face

I sometimes worry for my ex. We were together for her entire twenties and I was her first love, so she has no frame of reference on whether I was a real catch or just one of many fish in the sea, so if these women I meet are right about me being quite a rare kind of guy, surely my ex will also have to face that at some point

I am in the same boat. Which is why I don't want to give up my BF. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to do on line dating. It's scarey out there.

Yeppers, I'm in the same situation. It's so hard. Don't even know what to think any more.

Yeppers, I'm in the same situation. It's so hard. Don't even know what to think any more.

Isn't it awful? Don't you feel trapped?

^^^^

Very true. It's just very strange to be in a relationship that I thought was forever and then the rug gets pulled and I'm back at square one. It's my first break up so it's all new to me (lucky me!!)

 

I'm also in the strange position that everyone I know thinks I'm amazing but I have very few social-friends as all my friends are raising kids, so I'm very rarely out and meeting new people. Seems even less likely I'll meet anyone when I'm home alone 99% of the time and I'm not into bars or clubs

 

Maybe online dating?

Im in the same position thinking the same exact things as you are. Friends are the same, the ones I do have and I hate clubs, 99 percent of the time Im alone as well ](*,) I feel trapped.

oh this makes me so sad...

 

i've totally had awful experiences, and so i'm more cautious. balance out intelligent caution with an open heart....

 

don't close your heart up!!!

+2! It's a choice. What's important is choosing what will make you happy and suit you current needs. There is no right or wrong, just options.

^^^^

Very true. It's just very strange to be in a relationship that I thought was forever and then the rug gets pulled and I'm back at square one. It's my first break up so it's all new to me (lucky me!!)

 

I'm also in the strange position that everyone I know thinks I'm amazing but I have very few social-friends as all my friends are raising kids, so I'm very rarely out and meeting new people. Seems even less likely I'll meet anyone when I'm home alone 99% of the time and I'm not into bars or clubs

 

Maybe online dating?

Online dating is a good way to "get your feet wet", so to speak, as long as you keep in mind that it is the internet, so don't build up too many expectations and you'll do fine. Good way to socialize.

Isn't it awful? Don't you feel trapped?

It's god awful. I feel trapped. I feel scared. Fear is an awful place to live in.

oh this makes me so sad...

 

i've totally had awful experiences, and so i'm more cautious. balance out intelligent caution with an open heart....

 

don't close your heart up!!!

i don't want to...but after two back to back episodes, i feel like i can't trust anyone when it comes to this. people have hidden agenda and i am the type that puts it all on the table and i am very straight forward. i don't have a hidden agenda and i am a bit naive when it comes to "reading" people.

i just don't feel like trusting anyone anymore. it seems as if it's written on my forehead, i am a sucker, come use me and once you are done move on. everytime someone comes to me (and i don't have a lot of trouble attracting female attention) i immediately think she will do the same to me. that thought automatically comes in my mind. and i don't know what to do.

You're still comparing prospects to your ex, and they just will never be her. Maybe if you shake things up a bit, date anyone except her "type," or people who remind you of her... Instead of thinking or looking for a relationship that could be "as good as or better," maybe you can just seek to get to know another female.

 

An analogy: You went to Paris once and found it was the best place. Great food, great sights, awesome. Well you can't go back. Then what? Are you going to quit traveling because there isn't a place identical to it that makes you feel the same way? No, you try Tokyo, London, Dubai, Sao Paolo. No, they're not Paris but each place has its own special something. JUST LIKE PEOPLE.

I like this advice! Spread it to everything about life since the break up, not just dating.