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I hate people.


X3

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Maybe this should go into emotions and feelings. BUT..

It's here.

 

I hate men, specifically because EVERY man I meet or talk to either just wants sex, or hurts me, in some way.

I hate my family because even though I am an adult, they make me do what they want me to do, this includes aunts and grandparents. I have nothing for me. My mother chose what subjects to take and everything, saying I would get more out of it.

I hate "friends" because all they do is screw me over, I've made new friends and they still do that.

I think I should give up on everything. Move into the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere, grow vegetables, bread chickens and sheep/goats, and never have any more human contact, no internet no cell.

Me myself and I.

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you are in control of your own life, and you can choose who is in it.

so dont spit into the wind, you cant change those guys out there and you cant change your parents. what you can change is how involved you are with all of them.

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Sorry

I have had help for depression before. As well as Skitzaphrenia, bipolar and anxiety.

So what stops you?

 

And how old are you?

 

And what do YOU have to give to your friends? (The real ones)

Scared I guess.

20

And in what way? To be a general friend? I am a friendly person (well was), I help them when they needed it. And they've all put down my abilities.

 

X3 sounds like you need a gin martini, shaken not stirred. Relax, not everybody is out to get you.

I wish I could have some alcohol, but I've had to have an anti anxiety to stop me from hurting myself.

you are in control of your own life, and you can choose who is in it.

so dont spit into the wind, you cant change those guys out there and you cant change your parents. what you can change is how involved you are with all of them.

Yes, I understand that, this was mostly a vent. I just cant understand why I always get this.

I'm sorry I hope things get better for you.

I hope so too, but it feels like it wont.

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Well it's part of your condition to feel like this. Who helps you with your mental health issues? Ask them how to deal with feeling paranoid, they will have suggestions how to begin to deal with it, and there ought to be somebody you can talk to in person when things get really bad.

 

It's possible not all of your feelings are rational, but for those that are - well, life sucks sometimes for everyone.

 

It's good that you have lots to give friends. Just keep in there and you will find the right people to appreciate you. You must be a strong person to have got this far, don't give up now!

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Well it's part of your condition to feel like this. Who helps you with your mental health issues? Ask them how to deal with feeling paranoid, they will have suggestions how to begin to deal with it, and there ought to be somebody you can talk to in person when things get really bad.

 

It's possible not all of your feelings are rational, but for those that are - well, life sucks sometimes for everyone.

 

It's good that you have lots to give friends. Just keep in there and you will find the right people to appreciate you. You must be a strong person to have got this far, don't give up now!

I know many of my feelings are irrational, especially towards my family, although they have beaten me and such in the past. Ten years ago.

I just wish I had friends who could appreciate me, but now I am too afraid to try any more.

Strong for getting this far, or weak for allowing this treatment to continue for the last 10 years or so?

I had medication and therapy from October 2005 until January 2009. At that point medical proffesionals gave up on me.

"I fear people" is a direct translation of "I hate people." Just something to consider.

I fear being hurt again, and driven to harming myself more than I already have.

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image removed

 

sorry... I realize that's a little harsh but there is truth to that.

 

you are the only person in control over your own life... you pick your friends, you pick your SOs, you're old enough to move out of the house and not deal with your family if you so choose.

 

it's possible that you're just bad at picking friends and SOs... nothing wrong with that, it's a skill that can be improved and some people are just better at it than others. It's also possible that you're misinterpreting and misconstruing the actions of others out to be something they're really not... warping someone's good intentions into something with an ulterior motive.

 

Either way, I think the best thing for you would be to either see a counselor and talk about some of this stuff ... or go on a personal retreat and spend some time learning more about yourself. At very least put yourself in the shoes of the people you're hating... try to imagine all of the possible reasons they could be acting the way they are... ALL OF THEM, don't make assumptions and maybe you'll begin to understand other people better which will help you not only communicate but also pick better people to surround yourself with.

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I know how you feel

 

I tried therapy and antidepressants (and even went through a period of suicidal thoughts that nearly lost me) over the years and none really helped, and it was only when I realised that I was in full control of my own happiness and that happiness was a choice rather than a magic thing that would just happen to me one day, that I got better and got full control of my life.

 

Of course it's easier said than done....the main thing though is that, whatever happens, we can all choose to be happy or choose not to be.

 

The book that really helped me turn a corner in my life was "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I got given it by a friend and was very hesitant to read it (probably due to the fear of actually being happy for once) and it truly changed my outlook on life for the better. I'm certainly not trying to preach to you though....just telling you what worked for me.

 

Take care.

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I do control my own life as much as I can.

Yes I can pick my friends and SO's, no I am not exagerating their general behaviour towards me.

Example "Holly*" and me.

 

Holly - So are you trying to get a job?

Me - Yes, and I am going to go back into education.

Holly - What are you planning to do?

Me - I am planning to do psychology.

Holly - Don't even think about it, your too dumb to be able to do that, and anyway, there are hardly any jobs in that area.

 

 

 

I have seen the professionals, and they give up on helping me. I have tried to see other therapists, and they have either said "sorry your problems need more specialist treatment" or "sorry you will have to wait 6months+ to see a therapist" After I have had the initial assessment.

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Thank you for your reply. I know I am in control of my own happiness, but its hard to be happy when it feels as though the whole world is against you, and you have no friends to support you.

 

 

I have tried online support groups, and online therapy. Neither have worked for me.

 

The medication I was on, was beginning to help me, then the professionals stopped seeing me, and when I would call to make an appointment I was told sorry there are no available appointments, your doctors will post you an appointment.

It got very frustrating, and I have not once in the last few months received such letter.

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So they haven't given up on you, just told you it will take time.

 

Basic assertiveness stuff would help - you can find books in the library or online information. You just politely disagree. eg -

Holly - So are you trying to get a job?

Me - Yes, and I am going to go back into education.

Holly - What are you planning to do?

Me - I am planning to do psychology.

Holly - Don't even think about it, your too dumb to be able to do that, and anyway, there are hardly any jobs in that area.

Me - It's amazing how many people say that! Guess I'm just going to prove them wrong.

Holly - You won't though.

Me - (quiet smile) So you say...

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No this girl means what she says, it is noticeable in her voice. Although she is no longer a friend.

This girl has always been this way, and said things like "your only going to be able to work in a factory as your so dumb." Then she was bought up to think she is better than everyone else, and she hates competition.

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Exactly.

 

That's why you need to learn to be assertive. SHE won't change, so you may need to...

 

Although losing her as a friend also works, if everyone in your life treats you badly, then yes, the link is you. So perhaps you could make some changes and stop some of it happening...

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What can I change? I do all I can to try and make my life better. Including trying to seeing professionals, trying to get onto some of my old medication.

Trying to ask the few people who have managed to help me, but do not talk to me any more, what there is I need to do to change, to help me get my life onto the right track.

I go out, I do things, I try and make new friends. I do things for "friends" and they hurt me. Put down my abilities without even knowing me very well.

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The poster before my last post mentioned it, no idea why.

 

Right, so what I am doing now is not being assertive, looking for advice on to try and change is not being assertive. Trying to get help from the so called professionals?

 

Maybe I am just a lost case. 20 years old and totally f******* Screwed. Brill.

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Assertiveness is not about anger. You are angry. Understandably so.

 

Aggression drives people away. Assertiveness attracts the right ones. You're far from a lost case.

 

Getting help from mental health professionals is a dreadfully hard thing to do. If your problems aren't too bad to start with, they probably will be after fighting the system for a few years. I sympathise.

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We are not all bastards. there are noble men about, but the world can be as grim as it can be beautiful. stand up for yourself, but be nice, no longer let people walk on you. you are (insert name here) and this is your life, and this (insert things here) is what you want.

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