**obsession**

My gf and i have been together for 2months. We have dated for a while and known each other for years. In our first month together we immediatley fall in love. I love this woman more than anything and she makes me so happy. She lives in my neighborhood so we see each other alot. She sleeps over every night and i love every minute of it. My reason for making this thread is because she hangs out with her friends alot. I respect her space for wanting to spand time with her friends, but I get very selfish and get upset when she hangs out with her friends because I want her to be with me all the time. Not because i think she is doing something behind my back. It's only because I'm so dedicated to our relationship that i wanna see her 24-7. I know I'm over dedicated and have an obession when I'm in relationships because I act that way with any committed relationship that I'm in. I know it's not healthy, but it's who I am. And i don't have many friends so that doesn't make things better. Having no friends does not bother me as long as i spend time with my other half. Is this really a problem? I feel like an outcast because most men would love that a woman hang out alot so they can hang out with the fellas. (But not me) I'm the complete opposite. I need advice. Someone pleaes help me. What should I do about myself?

Get a hobby ..join a gym or play a sport to get a little more balance in your life. It will help expell your anxiety somewhat and calm you down as well.

it will cause serious problems for the relationship unless you control your dependancy. As you know, its not healthy and you need to learn what it is that you are so afraid of that you have to cling so tightly when you get into a relationship. You may end up suffocating your girlfriend in this relationship.

You need balance in your life. If you are young and in school, then focus on doing your schoolwork and maybe join some clubs at school. If you are older, then you should be focusing on work, perhaps taking some online courses to get a better job.

Remind yourself that such obsession is not healthy for either of you or the relationship and she will feel smothered if you continue, and most likely break up with you because your life is not balanced.

Develop a hobby, go work out, learn a new skill, read something that interests you, get out where you meet guy friends. But most important, tell yourself whenever you feel this way that it is not healthy to be so dependent on another person for your own sense of self. You need to work on getting an interesting career/hobby and making some male friends. Put your effort into that rather than obsessing about her. If you can't get over the obsession, then consider counseling.

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, go and get some culture and substance in your life! get some other skills other than channelling your passion into one thing.

that will fizzzle out my friend and then you'le be in a heap of emotional turmoil.

show her how dynamic you can be, save all the 24/7 for when you marry, there is plenty of time my friend, you may not show your concerns about her friends but i bet you its eating away some place in you.

your gut in knots waiting for her to come round or hook up with her after shes been to see them. dont do it to yourself. give her something else to talk about to her friends, like, oh hes gone fishing/golf/library, anything..... rather than hes at home waiting for me...... i hope this helps, you can do anything in life, absolutely anything, just dont let a girlfriend get in the way, do something that could even contribute to your future.

its easy to sit and obsess, its a job harder not to, dont fall into that trap so early on!

hope this helps

jahur

you can keep acting like this and watch this relationship die, and then learn your lesson from that.

Think about how quickly she'll lose interest. If you don't do anything but think about her, wait for her, and spend time with her...then you're not offering her anything interesting that she can't get on her own. She already gets to enjoy her own company! What are you bringing to the table? Your frustration and annoyance about her having her own life on top of you not having any friends or any of your own interests will bore the crap out of her until she leaves.

So, smarten up and get a life of your own!!

Don't ever say "that's just the way I am" as if she should accept that you're unhealthy and co-dependent. She should not and probably will not.

You are wrong. Being "obsessive" is not who you are. Being obsessive is a behavior you have enabled and my advice is to get a life. I don't mean that in the rude "get a life loser" way. What I'm saying is go out with your friends and force yourself to have a good time or risk losing this girl. You will lose her if you suffocate her so you can work on this now or nurse a broken heart later. It's up to you.

Don't have friends? Go find some. Have a free schedule? Get a hobby or join a club. Volunteer or something! Find something you are passionate about and NEVER cancel your obligation to spend time with your gf unless its her birthday or your anniversary. There is nothing less attractive than desperation and right now I can smell you from here! *a facetious attempt at humor*

You are on the road to singledom and only you can take action.

Cheers.

thanks guys. I'm gonna take this into deep consideration. thanks again

QUOTEI know it's not healthy, but it's who I am.

You have openly stated your possessiveness and definite jealousies but at the same time you DEFEND yourself. How can you do this?? What gives you the right to get UPSET because your Gf is being healthy and maintaining friendships... How does SHE feel about your insensitivity and selfishness when she sees her friends...??

QUOTE I know I'm over dedicated and have an obssession when I'm in relationships because I act that way with any committed relationship that I'm in...

Once again you have stated a negative action and defended yourself...saying the word "because" does not in any way justify your actions...

QUOTE Having no friends does not bother me as long as i spend time with my other half.

basically you are saying here i dont need friends i just have huge expectations that MY girlfriend should spend ALL OF HER TIME with me and place undue pressure on her also.....selfish..thoughtless..needy...co dependant.. a good way for you to lose her over time

QUOTE I respect her space for wanting to spand time with her friends,

No you clearly DO NOT respect her space at all in fact you get upset AND JEALOUS when she sees her friends as you have verbalised..so this statement is more a contradiction..self denial..

QUOTE I love this woman more than anything and she makes me so happy.

She makes you HAPPY when she is paying you attention but when she pays attention and spends time with her firiends you pout sulk get upset and jealous..

So perhaps YOU need to find other things that you love..invest YOUR time into more interests of your own..gain some friends..take up a group sport..join the gym whatever..you are highly insecure..No girl finds a guy that wants to spend every minute with her some sort of extra special boyfriend..she will sense and see clearly these possessive and highly insecure traits.. If you love her so much let her breathe, tell her to enjoy herself the next time she is out with friends...you will lose this girl inside of 12 mths if your possessive behavour continues..or else she will take you for granted and stop appreciating you...work on yourself broaden your scope for seeking and feeling happy....emotional co dependancy is a painful grieiving process to go through should you and your girlfriend ever part.. If you do not know why you are really like this perhaps some counselling into your history will help give you some insight to why you feel this way and you can adapt some stategies to stop...you are allowing fears to run your life and they are very powerful things if you do not get a grip on them..make a choice to get on top of this and put healthy energies back into your relationship..otherwise this great love you have for just your girlfriend will be the very thing thats will destroy your relationship..then what will you have to fall back on..nothing that i can see..take a hard look at this...