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i don't get it. i'm not even sure i want to get it, but nevertheless i'm seeking a justifiable reason.

 

i'm bisexual and i am tired of seeing lesbians refusing to date bi girls, or accusing them of being confused/drunk/fake/whatever. i don't understand it. how is a lesbian discriminating against a bisexual any different than a straight person discriminating against a gay person? or someone saying they won't date a black person? it's prejudice any way you slice it. even one of my friends (who is a lesbian) said would date a bi girl, but understands why others might not. maybe they got hurt by a bi girl in the past, etc.. and i still don't get it. that's excluding an entire genre of women for the actions of one. it just irritates me.

 

what are your thoughts?

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exactly. i'm glad you see it that way lol. it's okay to be hurt by or jealous of an ex's current lover, but what they have going on between their legs or what the ex's orientation is should have no bearing on anything.

 

True and I thought the heterosexual world was complicated enough...

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Agreed with the above, it sounds like a petty ego thing. Another thing might be if they're jealous/insecure, they'd have a much larger scope of people (men) to be suspicious or jealous of. Which is still pretty dumb.

 

I'm straight and I think I'd just be thrilled if I ever dated a bisexual guy. We could check out hotties together.

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Agreed with the above, it sounds like a petty ego thing. Another thing might be if they're jealous/insecure, they'd have a much larger scope of people (men) to be suspicious or jealous of. Which is still pretty dumb.

 

I'm straight and I think I'd just be thrilled if I ever dated a bisexual guy. We could check out hotties together.

 

Yep they must be insecure to have an attitude like that.

 

Yeah checking out hotties might be fun but 9 times outta 10 he might disappear with them!

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True and I thought the heterosexual world was complicated enough...

 

lol oh god no. trust me. as someone who plays for both teams, let me tell you women are MUCH more complicated. men are easy. stupid sometimes, but easy lol. i heard a saying once, "if you can't figure out a man, chances are you're thinking too hard".

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lol oh god no. trust me. as someone who plays for both teams, let me tell you women are MUCH more complicated. men are easy. stupid sometimes, but easy lol. i heard a saying once, "if you can't figure out a man, chances are you're thinking too hard".

 

Hahaha, well just stick with men then. At least I know how to keep them happy-ish.

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Yep they must be insecure to have an attitude like that.

 

Yeah checking out hotties might be fun but 9 times outta 10 he might disappear with them!

 

I wouldn't say 9 times out of 10, but if he disappears for someone else I figure he's not worth it anyway, regardless of being straight or bi.

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I don't think it's discrimination to refuse to date someone because of their sexual preference. Everyone is entitled to their choices. In my experience, it's not *just* about being with another woman, it's about being with someone with whom I am in sync, sexually.

 

But, I think it's wrong to judge or deny the existence of someone because of ignorance. It seems like bisexuality is very misunderstood. I know women who are not just able to be with someone of either sex, they feel they actually need the qualities of both men and women in their lives. This is problematic, especially if they are monogamous. I believe I would be afraid that if I dated a bisexual woman, she would eventually find that she also needs to have a man in her life, and that monogamy with me would be a great compromise.

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Bi hating lesbians? Just because a lesbian doesn't want to date a bisexual woman doesn't mean she hates them. That's like saying lesbians are man haters, which I know a lot of people say and it annoys me!

Anyway, back to the question. I wouldn't rule out dating a bisexual woman completely but nor am I looking to date one. I don't feel I would be able to relate to them as well as another lesbian because there would be a part of them I'd never be able to understand. That would make me feel slightly uncomfortable. I have similar feelings towards deeply religious people. I am an atheist and whilst I wouldn't rule out dating somebody with religious beliefs, I think I would find it more difficult to relate to them because I wouldn't be able to understand such an important part of them. Having said that, I haven't actually dated a bisexual woman or someone with religious beliefs so I cannot say I'd definitely feel this way.

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I think it really comes down to insecurity. It's a person's insecurity of thinking they aren't enough for someone, and it makes it worse when a bisexual could be attracted to the opposite sex as they are.

 

i agree. people are afraid of what they don't understand.. and i think lesbians who are afraid to date bisexuals only do so because they don't understand them.

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see, that's kinda what i'm saying. that's always what it seems to come down to -- insecurity that a bi girl would leave a woman for a man. what you don't understand though is that most of us only want or need one person at a time. there are some who are nonmonogamous and do require both in their lives, but any who actually are monogamous don't (it'd kinda defeat the purpose of being monogamous otherwise). once in a while i do get a little bored with womens' complexity and want the simplicity of a man, but i am single so i'm entitled to that. when i'm with someone, i don't think of anyone else. i don't flirt with other people, i've never cheated on anyone -- because i believe it's wrong. and i don't think my sexual orientation has anything to do with that.

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you're right, in this particular instance, hate may be a bit of a strong word. i use it as a generalization though. not just for lesbians who refuse to date bisexuals, but also ones who refuse to hang out with them at all and routinely disrespect them by saying they're all confused and need to make up their minds, etc. it sure feels like hate to me, but i suppose it's kinda subjective.

 

i can understand your hesitation, and i really appreciate that you're still keeping an open mind regardless of your insecurities about bisexual women. it's not that i can't see the reasons lesbians have, it's just that i don't think it's fair to run so far with those reasons as to entirely exclude an entire genre of perfectly good women. if you were to try dating a bisexual woman, you may very well never understand her attraction to men.. but you don't have to. no more than you have to understand her circulatory system or why her favorite color is purple. these are all just inherent aspects of a person that are neither good nor bad -- they just are. i am not saying every lesbian should be actively pursuing relationships with bi women, the choice is still theirs to make.. i just ask that more of them try to be open-minded, as you are. a woman who loves women is a woman who loves women.

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The only bi-identified woman I've ever dated ended up going back to her husband (if she ever actually left him, I am not sure). She wanted me to move in with them but this wasn't for me. There was a time when I identified as bi, also. Many years ago. I was with a woman, but left her to be with my husband of 20 years.

 

I wouldn't say I'd never be with someone who is bi, but I do think it's my perogative to decide this without being called a hater or insecure. We all have preferences and qualities we prefer in a partner.

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i'm confused. your husband of 20 years? are you still with him?

 

i'm sorry, but i just don't agree with you. i appreciate that you're not saying never, but since your "preference" excludes me because of the fact that i also like men, i can't help but feel discriminated. i can certainly sympathize with you having been left for someone else, i'm sorry that happened to you.. but if you're claiming that as a reason for holding a bias agains bisexual women, i just don't see how that's fair. if she had been a race other than your own, would you "prefer" to exclude that race of people from your dating pool? i don't see how it's any different. you're excluding people based on something they have no control over.

 

i'm just saying, color it whatever you want to.. but prejudice is prejudice.

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i'm confused. your husband of 20 years? are you still with him?

 

i'm sorry, but i just don't agree with you. i appreciate that you're not saying never, but since your "preference" excludes me because of the fact that i also like men, i can't help but feel discriminated. i can certainly sympathize with you having been left for someone else, i'm sorry that happened to you.. but if you're claiming that as a reason for holding a bias agains bisexual women, i just don't see how that's fair. if she had been a race other than your own, would you "prefer" to exclude that race of people from your dating pool? i don't see how it's any different. you're excluding people based on something they have no control over.

 

i'm just saying, color it whatever you want to.. but prejudice is prejudice.

 

I was married for twenty years, but now I am divorced and have been for close to seven. And, I will agree to disagree. The fact that you call me prejudiced or discriminatory for my preferences is just as biased. You can't tell me that you don't have preferences...more feminine than masculine, more tall than short, more slim than heavy? How about mental illness vs none, alcoholic vs non, democrat vs republican, working vs unemployed, criminal background vs none...etc. Why aren't people entitled to choose the qualities they want in a mate? I think they are, without your judgment.

 

I personally am significantly overweight. I'm healthy and pretty, but the majority of men and women will exclude me from their dating pool. I honestly don't call that prejudice, I call that preference. I prefer women who are more masculine. This is my type. If I don't date someone because they are more feminine, that isn't discrimination, it's just not what I prefer in a date.

 

If you have NO qualifications in a mate, then good for you. I hope you find the one for you. If someone excludes you because of an attribute that you have, then this is their problem (or perogative), not your's. But, it does tell you that you don't belong together and I wouldn't waste a moment trying to convince them otherwise.

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I think it's only prejudice when you use your preference to limit what others can and cannot do or can or cannot have. Such as rights, marriage, use of same facilities, etc.

 

When choosing a mate, your right to choose someone that makes you feel safe, happy and confident overrides any other considerations - no positive discrimination or quotas! I for one thing, wouldn't want to date someone from one of the clubs of Those Who Must Not Be Named. It doesn't mean I discriminate against them, I just don't want one of them in my bed telling me I should feel ashamed because their club considers my intimate relationship as sinful.

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i just don't see the things you listed as being the same as sexuality. by that same logic, you could justify racism, sexism and pretty much any other ism. you're talking about physical characteristics of a person and detrimental attributes -- both things that can be changed. sexuality can't be and it has no ill effects. i'm sorry, but comparing a bisexual to an alcoholic or someone with a mental illness seems pretty prejudist to me. yes, i do have a preference for sober and mentally sane people, but that is not prejudice. that is self-preservation. what i'm trying to say is that a person's sexuality has nothing to do with anything other than who they sleep with. not their morals, not their loyalty, NOTHING. all you're doing is trying to justify excluding someone for unfair reasons. yes, it's your choice, i get it. but i'm not going to see it as fair. no more than it was fair for people long ago to "prefer" that black people sit in the back of the bus.

 

it is what it is.

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