ugly truth about women and 'alpha' males?

I'm a sort of geeky, funny tall thin married guy. I'm a great talker and listener but am not really macho. I used to work out but I was still no alpha male. I was raised strictly religious and only dated a few girls in high school but I eventually became non-religious as I am now. I think I missed a lot of learning along the way as I realised I know nothing about people. My AD/HD doesn't help this, but I'm working on that. I was very insecure and nervous around girls I liked. I always loved the women in my life (mum, sister) but my mum would blow up at me and was very strict so maybe that put fear of women into me, or the idea that I must please her, so I know I put women on a pedestel. I was not physically abused but I know I still have hang ups about sex.

Anyway, all evidence suggests that my wife slept with my ex "friend" who IS an alpha male: mesomorph body and attitude, smart, manipulative, self-centred. She denies it but I don't believe her.

Since trying to learn to understand people I've come accross a disturbing notion: that a beta male can have his female stolen from him or used by an alpha male pretty much at the whim of the alpha male. In reading, I've thought of specific examples of guys I know who have slept with others' wives/girlfriends and the women just carry on in the marriage, blah blah blah. It's like, to the women, it's just sex and then they get their needs for conversation, nurturing, revenue.

I guess I'm at the point where I'm seeing that with or without my wife, I am a 'wuss male' and it would explain why women will always treat me as one, even though they will tell me they love me and want committment from me. I mean at work, I get treated well; women even flirt with me. But I think it's only because they're comfortable with me. They would prefer the god-like alpha male when he comes calling.

I'd appreciate anyone's feedback but specifically, I"m hoping to hear from people with real examples regarding this: Do alpha males truly roam the tribe and boink who they want? Are betas doomed?

I've been seriously considering leaving my wife for over a year now. It has hurt me terribly and I barely drag my butt into work each day. I have lost all motivation and am kind of in the doldrums. I do suffer from depression, but before, I always had this eagerness to press on.

I feel like if alphas can screw whomever they want, what is the point of me finding someone else? I might as well live alone and just try to be a good dad and maybe have a couple guy buddies to hang out with (not alphas, not mesomorphs EVER again). And, with this attitude I have of not wanting to hang around the big gorillas that are my physical superiors (and often, surprisingly, pretty smart), does that make me totally pathetic?

I have a couple guy buddies, but I don't trust them as I've caught them in lies to me. I just like to laugh with them. I don't trust my family as they are liars and cheater too. I used to trust myself, but that's gone now too.

Sorry for rambling, but I think a lot of other guys must be having similar thoughts.

Anyway, all evidence suggests that my wife slept with my ex "friend" who IS an alpha male: mesomorph body and attitude, smart, manipulative, self-centred. She denies it but I don't believe her.

 

 

I've been seriously considering leaving my wife for over a year now. It has hurt me terribly and I barely drag my butt into work each day.

Ok, did she cheat on you or not?

I don't think this has to do as much with alpha/beta males as it does with you simply married a dishonest woman that doesn't deserve you. (If she did cheat).

I don't think this has to do as much with alpha/beta males as it does with you simply married a dishonest woman that doesn't deserve you. (If she did cheat).

I agree. I don't see men as alpha, beta, gamma or delta, I just see them as either decent human beings or jerks. Same with women. Jerks and selfish people cheat on their partner or sleep with people who already have a partner..it has nothing to do with being alpha or beta. In fact, they are more like Omega..the last letter of the Greek alphabet..in other words, the bottom of the barrel..and according to Wikipedia, Omega means "great O"...which could mean these men and women think they are great...or they are both searching for that great O!

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Just cause a guy is bigger than you or a "mesomorph" doesn't make him alpha. Had to say that..

The only time a "beta" male can have his wife taken away from him is if said wife is unhappy to begin with and/or desires a more dominant male.

The thing about women is that we are all very different. We are individuals, with different values, beliefs, and wants, etc... The one thing that I can tell you is that women don't like to be reduced to a stereotype. Crazy, I know.

Well there is a saying in the UK that girls go for 'bad boys'.

I don't agree with that.....stupid girls go for bad boys.

Sensible girls go for blokes that treat them decently.

I'm also a skinny guy...some girls go for skinny guys and some prefer well built guys. Everyone is different in their tastes in other people and what they find attractive.

Do alpha males truly roam the tribe and boink who they want? Are betas doomed?

Anyone denying the fact that there are males who are naturally better at attracting women is living in a fiction. This is the law of the kingdom of nature, natural selection applies. But luckily for our species we have the ability to adapt and learn at a quicker rate, so any beta male has the opportunity to advance into an alpha male. And these characteristics are much more than physical which you have concluded. I know plenty of beta "big guys." I know a few alpha small guys (only because there are fewer alphas in general, they are harder to find).

So your decision is, and it is purely your own, whether or not to try and become an alpha or live out your life as a beta.

I have a couple guy buddies, but I don't trust them as I've caught them in lies to me. I just like to laugh with them. I don't trust my family as they are liars and cheater too. I used to trust myself, but that's gone now too.

Notice a trend? Could it be that it's not everybody else, but actually the way you make everybody treat you?

I know that you are trying to find a way of making sense of your pain and what happened to you- but do not catorgorize people, races, sexes ect like this.

No not ALL woman will go after the alpha male- i don't - i'm not very unattracted to the "alpha" male.

no, not ALL woman just have sex and go about our lives like it's "just sex".

Heal - take care of yourself- judge people on a case by cases basis.

I also have adhd and its very easy to want to put things into little compartments so we understand them- like goes with like- but when you segragate people based on a preconceived notion-you truly miss out on the beauty of each and every individual.

Ok, did she cheat on you or not?

Well, as you quoted, all evidence suggests that it happened. I don't have video of it happening, but the guy said he did later. I pressed him and then he said he didn't, but it wasn't convincing. I cannot know 100% whether it happened or not, but I believe it did happen.

Just cause a guy is bigger than you or a "mesomorph" doesn't make him alpha. Had to say that..

 

The only time a "beta" male can have his wife taken away from him is if said wife is unhappy to begin with and/or desires a more dominant male.

I did not say he is an alpha because of his build, he just is an alpha. It's all part and parcel.

My wife was very unhappy with me and I think she did and does want a stronger MAN. She says no, but like I said, I see this as women using betas for their nurturing and an alpha for sex.

I have a couple guy buddies, but I don't trust them as I've caught them in lies to me. I just like to laugh with them. I don't trust my family as they are liars and cheater too. I used to trust myself, but that's gone now too.

Sorry for rambling, but I think a lot of other guys must be having similar thoughts.

you sound like you have some serious trust issue with some depression thrown in there.

your post is not about alpha males... its about you feeling very unworthy and inadequate.

Well, I am attracted to alpha males. Strong, confident men, who stand up for themselves and arent doormats. I left my ex who was a doormat for my current partner who is definitely an alpha male. I am so sexually attracted to my partner but it isnt just looks. I love his confidence, his very presence excites me. With my doormat ex, I lost respect for him and ultimately my attraction for him. I couldnt stand to kiss him, let alone have sex with him.

EDIT: some women like myself are very confident, strong, independent and aggressive women, so we need the equivilent in a man. With my ex, I bulldozed right over him in every aspect of our relationship, but with my current partner, he doesnt let me do that. He gives me his opinions and wont let me run over him for anything. I, personally, need that. Otherwise I get bored, lose respect for them and leave them.

Well there is a saying in the UK that girls go for 'bad boys'.

 

I don't agree with that.....stupid girls go for bad boys.

 

Sensible girls go for blokes that treat them decently.

 

I'm also a skinny guy...some girls go for skinny guys and some prefer well built guys. Everyone is different in their tastes in other people and what they find attractive.

As I'm sure you know Canada isn't THAT far from the UK in many, many aspects, so that rule is true here. Or, what usually happens is girls complain that they want a nice guy but always go for a bad boy. They often marry betas but are miserable because he's not a knight or something. That's what I'm saying- they inevitably drift back to the guy they perceive as strong, in charge, desired by other girls, powerful. It doesn't just have to be muscle power, but it is power.

I don't know if this helps at all but I don't like the muscle-man type at all. And I would never cheat on my man. Sorry that happened to you. But I don't think it is because you don't have muscles or whatever qualities you are referring to. Sorry if I oversimplified things.

Well, I would just overlook that particular incident and don't let it bother you. Don't divorce her on this. Hey, this gives you license to cheat too I guess right. Two can play at that game. So, if you see a hot girl that's more prettier than your wife, or a working girl, maybe it's because the hot girls are just getting into a woman's husband's pants because it's the law of the jungle, it's the hot girls that always takes the money, time, energy, and penis of women's husbands out there. We can make the same argument "law of the jungle" to rationalize cheating on your wife. After all, she's probably not the hottest women out there. But, don't listen to me, you'll be sinking down to the same level as her, and maybe giving her STDs (let's not be revengeful).

This is insightful for me because it shows that even a marriage can not help you deal with that 'wuss' factor you are talking about. This means your wife settled on some part of you or is not completely satisfied, and this other guy picked up the slack. It's important to know from the get-go - I'm sure you must have seen signs from your wife's history going to your marriage that she may had a preference to the alpha-male type of guy, unless she is a frigid dead-fish or asexual or something.

That is why, I recently went out with an ugly woman I was not the least attracted to -- to avoid issues like the ones you are going through, but, since she was defiicient, I was constantly thinking lowly of her and looking elsewhere during the relationship and had to break-up with her today. Part of the reason I would string a woman I'm not attracted to is to avoid a woman like the one that you are stuck with that you are attracted to. It's so difficult to find a right woman these days. You have my sympathies.

Or, what usually happens is girls complain that they want a nice guy but always go for a bad boy.

The flip side of this is that a lot of guys who think they're "the nice guy" are actually bottomless pits of emotional need. Clingy and insecure. These are not attractive traits in a mate.

This piece says it better than I could:

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The flip side of this is that a lot of guys who think they're "the nice guy" are actually bottomless pits of emotional need. Clingy and insecure. These are not attractive traits in a mate.

YES!!! Exactly my point!!

Well, OP what are you going to do about it? Have her tested for STD's?

Maybe if your alpha-male guy has been with lots of ladies, supposed he passed herpes or some other STD to your wife? You should at least find out so you don't get infected too.

The flip side of this is that a lot of guys who think they're "the nice guy" are actually bottomless pits of emotional need. Clingy and insecure. These are not attractive traits in a mate.

We have a winner.

Well, OP what are you going to do about it? Have her tested for STD's?

 

Maybe if your alpha-male guy has been with lots of ladies, supposed he passed herpes or some other STD to your wife? You should at least find out so you don't get infected too.

That is a good point. Odds are decent that she didn't use a condom with the guy.

I'd say yes, for the most part. Of course, I know women who will cheat on their alpha male partners... But generally for other alphas.

I generally am happier with a guy that has some of the characteristics of an alpha male (because I'm very alpha female by nature), but I have never dumped a "beta male" or cheated on one to be with an "alpha"

Notice a trend? Could it be that it's not everybody else, but actually the way you make everybody treat you?

Maybe. I don't know much about this concept. I mean, if you are being yourself, why should you have to act another way so people will treat you a certain way?

you sound like you have some serious trust issue with some depression thrown in there.

 

your post is not about alpha males... its about you feeling very unworthy and inadequate.

regarding trust, right, I have trust issues. I don't see how to get over that. yes, a lot of changes have resulted in depression. I'm sensitive and the world can be a nasty place. I'm not that hard done by but a lot of illusions and delusions from childhood took a while to shatter I guess.

betas in primate societies show these same symptoms of anxiety, etc. their body language is more accomodating to the dominant alpha male. I've seen it in humans and now I need to know more.

My wife has had crushes on no less than three guys that were alphas and better built and tanned, all unlike me, and all VERY popular with the ladies. She only denies that and says it was just that they were cute, no real crush and that she REALLY likes skinny geeks like me.

More recently she said I was effeminate. Then within a month she called me her b*tch after I said I wanted her to be confident and independent when we're out walking (she can be a little shy or timid). Any time I try to discuss things, she just brushes it off or tries to back pedal.