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Thread: My Girlfriends Past is Bothering me! Why?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by richpart
    Telling it like it is, aye CAD. That's what I like about you. Although the graphics did give me cause to block a few mental pictures of my own...yeesh!

    How old are you guys? I don't think 4 and 14 are necessarily off of the same page. You have been in LTR's, and she hasn't found the right guy. Maybe that guy is you? How lucky is that? Just shift your thinking.
    This really made me smile. Great advice. I am 26 and she is 23. Ive had three relationships that were 2 1/2 years, 1 1/2 years, and 5 years. So ive been with less woman. She tells me all the time that she feels so lucky to have found me and that I am the one she has been searching for. I think ill take your advice. I need to focus more on her words of finding me rather than her past.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    She is very attractve and gets alot of attention and I know she was probably getting picked up by the wrong type of people. She even told me that these guys were all jokers.

    I think its that I hate knowing these jokers got to experience something special with her. Its not so much the number she has been with but the type she has been with. She is different now and proves it to me over and over again and thats why I feel terrible that I cant stop thinking of her past partners. I know how guys talk and I hate knowing they can be talking about her like this.
    She made the choices to be with those kind of men...also, if it was just empty sex they didn't really have her in any special way. What makes sex special are the feelings and intimate emotions that go along with having sex with someone you love. If anything, she should feel more intimidated by you because the sex you had with the four other women was more meaningful sex..you had feelings for those women at the time so your sex with them was indeed special at the time.

    At any rate, if the guys are talking about her what can you really do about it. Nothing. You are with her now, not them...just like you are with her now, not your exs.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs
    She made the choices to be with those kind of men...also, if it was just empty sex they didn't really have her in any special way. What makes sex special are the feelings and intimate emotions that go along with having sex with someone you love. If anything, she should feel more intimidated by you because the sex you had with the four other women was more meaningful sex..you had feelings for those women at the time so your sex with them was indeed special at the time.

    At any rate, if the guys are talking about her what can you really do about it. Nothing. You are with her now, not them...just like you are with her now, not your exs.
    Thanks Crazyaboutdogs. I like your point of view about meaningful sex. Perhaps her experiences were not special like what we have now. And she does tell me this. I feel like the more and more I read from you guys the more I am realizing how much good there is for me to focus on. Also, there is nothing I can do regarding her past talking about her. She is with me now and by choice! Thank you

  4. #14
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA,
    CAD is right.

    So 14 is to many? Exactly how many would be okay? 10? 6? As you can see these are just numbers. I know it bothers you as your mind recreates things you know nothing about. Our imagined minds can really ruin things if we let it.
    The wedding will be fine. When any of this enters your thoughts just ask yourself this "what good will come from this thinking" answer "NOTHING" Think about how beautiful she is and relax.

    Remember this: These 2 guys will be standing there thinking "man I wish I was still with her" as she dances, talks and looks deeply into the your eyes.

    Lost

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  6. 06-30-2009, 03:27 PM

  7. #15
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    Thanks to Lost and Hurt and shuttlefish. You both are right. She is with me now. The past doesnt matter. There is no changing it and nothing I can do about it. It is really my mind that creates these terrible images of her past. And when I dont know I assume the worst which is aweful of me. I must say though that I took the opportunity yesterday to block out all images of the past. If they came up, I thought about the now and how happy she makes me feel right now. I also listened to her words and really took them in and felt how important I am to her.

    I am so happy I shared this problem on ENA. This board has been a HUGE help. Although I know I wont be able to just flick a switch and feel different in one or two days, I have definitely received some great advice on here on how to alter my thinking and it is helping alot.

    I will do my best to hold my head high and enjoy the wedding this Saturday. When I meet these guys, I will act like I know nothing and that it doesnt matter. Ill show them that I am her man and nothing is going to change that.

    Thanks again everyone!

  8. #16
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I am glad I could help. You actually had it within you the whole time. The imagined mind is cruel to us at times.

    Have fun this weekend with your beautiful gf on your arm.

    Lost

  9. #17
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    Canadian10,

    I'm in the same situation as you. Been with my gf for 6 months now. This being a problem we both have, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me how your relationship has been going with this issue. Are you guys still dating? Are your feelings under control? Are you happy in the relationship?

    Appreciate it very much!

  10. #18
    Member klynnd's Avatar
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    Everybody has a past and that makes them who they are. At least she was honest about her partners, she could have lied and said she's been with 4 guys and you wouldnt have known the difference. As long as she is with you then its all good.
    Your a lucky person to hold the heart of an honest woman in your hands

  11. #19

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    canadian- it sounds like you are intimidated by the men she was with in the past and feel that you cannot 'measure up' in your eyes- then you fear she'll leave you for one of these guys some day who are better looking or have more money than you have to offer.

    so if she says 'oh but i'm in love with you and never loved them" ok fine...we all say this...she's young so maybe that's true.

    i'd give it a lot of time for you to work thru these feelings of inadequacies and for you to be sure that she in fact DOES love you...because for a woman- if she truly loves a man she will feel that what she has with you is far greater even if you look like elmer fudd and she's used to Brad Pitt...

  12. #20

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    ps- my ex gf told me how she'd only been with 3 men previously and was only with men sexually when she was in a relationship with them...

    well first off- we had sex after the 3rd date so we were not 'together' when we had sex.

    first time we had sex- she was giving bj and grabbed my hand to push her head down on me and control her movements...she appeared to be very experienced...she was very in control of her body and what she wanted sexually...

    some time later she was like "i've only had 3 men in my life prior to you" unsolicited...

    i did not ask her and i was fine with her answer...now i'd be hard pressed to believe based of her sexual process that she'd really only been with 3 men in her life...

    but what does it matter?

    i've been with more than my share of women and would never tell her how many.

    then one day she found some pictures (right in the middle of her telling me she wanted me as her friend or nothing) of 6-7 women i'd been with in the year/half since my divorce...(i'd actually been wtih more than that)

    she could not deal with this...

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