There have been a couple of recent threads where a woman was hanging out with a male friend (not her bf) only to discover that he has an ulterior motive, namely that he wants to have sex with her. Most women are so clueless and naive about this, there ought to be a sticky on ENA about this, but in lieu of that, I'll just start a thread.
So here it is ladies:
1. Many of your male 'platonic' friends, unless they are gay, would have sex with you if given the opportunity. This applies to even your bf's friends. Are there guys who wouldn't? Sure, but it is safer for you to assume that they would.
It never ceases to amaze me how often a guy (usually a bf or close trusted friend) will say to a girl "That guy is definitely interested in you" and the girl will respond "No, he's just a friend, and that's the way he always is". Next time you hear that, BELIEVE IT. We guys know the signs when another guy is interested in a woman. It may not be interest in a relationship, but it will most certainly be interest in sex.
2. Many guys will interpret nearly everything as a woman being interested in them. I joked in another thread that if a woman's lips are moving while facing me, all I hear is "I want you". While that's a joke, there is an element of truth to it. If you are hanging out with us, we perceive that you are interested. If you are hanging out alone with us and drinking with us, we definitely perceive that you are interested. If you come home with us, or allow us into your home, we assume you want sex, even if you have a bf or a husband.
3. If you see *any* behavior that indicates your male friend might be interested in more than just friendship, and you are not interested in the same, you should shut him down HARD on his first advance. Anything less that a firm and forceful rejection can easily be misinterpreted by the guy as the girl playing hard to get, especially if the guy is already intoxicated/high. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it happens.
After he indicates interest, and after you've strongly rejected his advance, LEAVE. If you stick around, time and a little more alcohol may reignite in his mind the thought that you really are interested and that's why you're still hanging around. Call your bf, a friend, a taxi, whatever, just leave. If you absolutely, positively, cannot leave, make it very clear to him you have a boyfriend you love (make one up if you have to) and are not at all interested in him (the friend) - say those words: "I am not interested in you as anything more than friends"; don't just assume that he will get subtle hints.
4. This may seem a bit over the top, and not every guy you know wants to have sex with you, but for your safety, you should assume they do. And the more physically attractive you are (not in your head, but how others view you; in fact, the hot girl who doesn’t think she’s hot may be even more vulnerable to this type of behavior), the greater the percentage of your male friends who want to have sex with you.
Men can transition from friendship to sex much more readily than women can. For us, the 'friend zone' is a firm barrier only when we are not physically attracted to you, or if you are dating our brother, best friend, etc. (and for some guys, even that's not enough to stop them if given an opportunity).
And while many guys will get the hint after a mild rejection of their pass at you, some will not, so, again, for your safety, better to shut us down hard the first time. While it may be overkill to the guy who would’ve gotten the message with a milder rejection, it is easier to explain away a forceful rejection than it is explain to your bf or to the police why you allowed the guy to kiss you or have sex with you.
5. Yes, if men were better behaved, none of this would be an issue. But many men are not so well behaved, and alcohol makes men behave worse. Sure, we can pooh pooh all this with some politically correct gibberish, but none of that will make you feel much better if you put yourself in a position where things get out of hand. Protect yourself first, worry about a guy’s feelings second.
EDIT: Some people are interpreting this post as suggesting ALL your guy friends are plotting to have sex with you. That is obviously not the case. I'm just advocating that you stay aware and don't blind yourself to advances from a male friend that you would notice if it came from a male stranger.