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Thread: My g/f is lazy/selfish in bed...what should I do?

  1. #1
    Double J
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004

    My g/f is lazy/selfish in bed...what should I do?

    She and I have been together for more than 4 years now. We love each other dearly, but I think she needs to make a few changes in the bedroom to spice things up a bit.

    My g/f is a bit overweight, but I don't mind that at all since I am drawn to thick/curvy/voluptuous women. She wasn't blessed in the athletic department to say the least, and she has always been exercise-averse.

    I wonder if this, sheer laziness, or a combination of both account for her sluggishness in bed.

    When it comes to foreplay, she tends to be the only one on the receiving end. Yes, I might get an early handjob here and there, but that's about it. Aside from going down on her and fingering her, I massage and bite her all over.

    Her favorite position is "woman on top," and it's usually the only one that induces orgasm in her. Once she's had her orgasm (and I haven't), things tend to go downhill from there. She doesn't enjoy going down on me because she claims she has a small mouth, and keeping the mouth open for a prolonged period of time "causes discomfort." She agrees to do it -- rather reluctantly I might add. However, lines like "Don't hold it in," "Are you close to c*mming?," "We have to go downstairs soon" follow, which all seem like ways of saying, "I came and am no longer in the mood -- hurry up and end this already."

    Her and I have great sexual chemistry -- and she really does get into the missionary, riding and doggy positions. However, I sometimes feel as if scales are not balanced fairly when it comes to pleasing one another. I feel I do a lot more stuff to her than I get in return. I love to do those things, but she could probably step it up a few notches. She is the only girl with whom I have been intimate, so I cannot draw any type of comparison with a past lover.

    Does my g/f sound as if she's lazy, selfish, or both? Has anyone experienced something similar? How should I go about dealing with this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    I'll vote selfish and perhaps a little insensitive.

  3. #3
    Sparkly Eyes

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Ontario, Canada
    have you talked to her about it? I think you should say what you told us to her.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Houston, TX
    Dude, take control. You're the man in the relationship, so do your thing with her until you're done. Don't let her control it every single time, you need to step up to the plate and flat out take control of the situation.

    eta: not trying to be harsh, but sometimes you might have to make it about you.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Other than going down on you - which as she says causes her discomfort, what do you want her to do? Is that something you could say to her when you are in bed to let her know it would really turn you on?

  6. #6
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    somewhere here...
    talk to her about the matter, period.

  7. 06-28-2009, 04:17 AM
    TMI hunting

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Sounds pretty insensitive to me. I think some women go so far into the whole idea that it's their right to have an orgasm since women are typically harder to please than men, that they forget of course the man should actually enjoy sex as well.

    Talk to her about it. Maybe the next time she complains mid-sex just stop and say 'okay that's really killed the mood, can we please talk about why you say things like that?'. It might hurt her feelings briefly but she's hurting yours with her behaviour anyway.

    And if all else fails, don't tell her you're going to cum during sex, do it and then get her off afterwards :P

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    is oral sex the only way you'll come?
    If she genuinely doesn't like oral, is there some other way she can please you?
    Can you talk to her? I agree with housekitten & ilivewithmymom above.

  10. #9
    Member iiidioteque's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Hm, I understand this but I'm kind of in the opposite situation. I tend to do all the work...but I am slender and have a higher stamina while my bf is about 20 pounds overweight, give or take.

    The thing about this is, my bf acknowledges that he feels as if he is lazy and fat (he's not 'fat') and says that I do all the work. He's down about it, I assume it makes him feel like less of a man, etc. However, he does do foreplay on me, happily, and often gets on top...etc. It's just that I guess in the long run, I do these things more often.

    In your situation, it seems like she has no clue, or if she does...she doesn't care. I'll vote selfish and lazy as others have. I'll tell you this though, I have jaw problems and went through a period where going down on my bf was VERY difficult. It's not always the most pleasant for a girl, honestly. It gets uncomfortable, etc. She should be willing to make this sacrifice though, especially if you do so much for her. This is what I do, and what will probably help you guys too, if it's not what you do already. Have that as the foreplay, and make sure she's already turned on. I think you'll see a huge difference in how she reacts if she's in the mood. It's way more enjoyable. Less painful. And I personally enjoy it. Good luck!

  11. #10

    Join Date
    May 2009
    My ex used to complain about exactly this to me, but all I could say was that I was doing what I felt comfortable with and enjoyed. I did not feel like I could change anything but did try.


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