Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: My g/f is lazy/selfish in bed...what should I do?

  1. #1
    Double J
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    USA
    Age
    31
    Posts
    731
    Gender
    Male

    My g/f is lazy/selfish in bed...what should I do?

    She and I have been together for more than 4 years now. We love each other dearly, but I think she needs to make a few changes in the bedroom to spice things up a bit.

    My g/f is a bit overweight, but I don't mind that at all since I am drawn to thick/curvy/voluptuous women. She wasn't blessed in the athletic department to say the least, and she has always been exercise-averse.

    I wonder if this, sheer laziness, or a combination of both account for her sluggishness in bed.

    When it comes to foreplay, she tends to be the only one on the receiving end. Yes, I might get an early handjob here and there, but that's about it. Aside from going down on her and fingering her, I massage and bite her all over.

    Her favorite position is "woman on top," and it's usually the only one that induces orgasm in her. Once she's had her orgasm (and I haven't), things tend to go downhill from there. She doesn't enjoy going down on me because she claims she has a small mouth, and keeping the mouth open for a prolonged period of time "causes discomfort." She agrees to do it -- rather reluctantly I might add. However, lines like "Don't hold it in," "Are you close to c*mming?," "We have to go downstairs soon" follow, which all seem like ways of saying, "I came and am no longer in the mood -- hurry up and end this already."

    Her and I have great sexual chemistry -- and she really does get into the missionary, riding and doggy positions. However, I sometimes feel as if scales are not balanced fairly when it comes to pleasing one another. I feel I do a lot more stuff to her than I get in return. I love to do those things, but she could probably step it up a few notches. She is the only girl with whom I have been intimate, so I cannot draw any type of comparison with a past lover.

    Does my g/f sound as if she's lazy, selfish, or both? Has anyone experienced something similar? How should I go about dealing with this?

  2. #2
    TheSmilingTurnip
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    39
    Posts
    2,030
    I'll vote selfish and perhaps a little insensitive.

  3. #3
    Sparkly Eyes

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    4,935
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    have you talked to her about it? I think you should say what you told us to her.

  4. #4
    JustBeachy

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Age
    35
    Posts
    230
    Gender
    Male
    Dude, take control. You're the man in the relationship, so do your thing with her until you're done. Don't let her control it every single time, you need to step up to the plate and flat out take control of the situation.

    eta: not trying to be harsh, but sometimes you might have to make it about you.

  5. #5
    onewithbooks

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,702
    Gender
    Female
    Other than going down on you - which as she says causes her discomfort, what do you want her to do? Is that something you could say to her when you are in bed to let her know it would really turn you on?

  6. #6
    denise_14
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    somewhere here...
    Posts
    591
    Gender
    Female
    talk to her about the matter, period.

  7. 06-28-2009, 03:17 AM
    Reason
    TMI hunting

  8. #7
    HouseKitten

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    England
    Age
    29
    Posts
    2,498
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds pretty insensitive to me. I think some women go so far into the whole idea that it's their right to have an orgasm since women are typically harder to please than men, that they forget of course the man should actually enjoy sex as well.

    Talk to her about it. Maybe the next time she complains mid-sex just stop and say 'okay that's really killed the mood, can we please talk about why you say things like that?'. It might hurt her feelings briefly but she's hurting yours with her behaviour anyway.

    And if all else fails, don't tell her you're going to cum during sex, do it and then get her off afterwards :P

  9. #8
    melissa2009
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    68
    is oral sex the only way you'll come?
    If she genuinely doesn't like oral, is there some other way she can please you?
    Can you talk to her? I agree with housekitten & ilivewithmymom above.

  10. #9
    iiidioteque
    Member iiidioteque's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Age
    28
    Posts
    39
    Gender
    Female
    Hm, I understand this but I'm kind of in the opposite situation. I tend to do all the work...but I am slender and have a higher stamina while my bf is about 20 pounds overweight, give or take.

    The thing about this is, my bf acknowledges that he feels as if he is lazy and fat (he's not 'fat') and says that I do all the work. He's down about it, I assume it makes him feel like less of a man, etc. However, he does do foreplay on me, happily, and often gets on top...etc. It's just that I guess in the long run, I do these things more often.

    In your situation, it seems like she has no clue, or if she does...she doesn't care. I'll vote selfish and lazy as others have. I'll tell you this though, I have jaw problems and went through a period where going down on my bf was VERY difficult. It's not always the most pleasant for a girl, honestly. It gets uncomfortable, etc. She should be willing to make this sacrifice though, especially if you do so much for her. This is what I do, and what will probably help you guys too, if it's not what you do already. Have that as the foreplay, and make sure she's already turned on. I think you'll see a huge difference in how she reacts if she's in the mood. It's way more enjoyable. Less painful. And I personally enjoy it. Good luck!

  11. #10
    Sparkley

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    544
    My ex used to complain about exactly this to me, but all I could say was that I was doing what I felt comfortable with and enjoyed. I did not feel like I could change anything but did try.

  12.  

Top Threads
Adulterous STD
I am single but have been in a noncommitted relationship with a married man for the past 10 months. It is a no strings attached situation. We hang
41 year old male lover not interested in sex?
He is very insecure in bed and has low self esteem. I'm very sexual and it upsets him? What's going on?
Straight Guy in Gay Relationship
Hey everyone, if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated. I've been in a relationship with a man for the past 3 years. We started out as
Sex is always excruciating
I'm 16 years old and I know that's very young to be having sex but I feel that I'm ready for it. To begin with the pain isn't caused by poor
Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •