guy 30+ yr old living at home

I've been talking to a guy online for a while, and recently found out he's still living at home, according to him, to save money...

I don't earn that much money myself but i do hope my spouse be able to make as much as I do, geez, 30+ and still living at home.

should I just stop our online communication?

Depends. Some do not let that bother them. Saving money would be somewhat of a legit reason. However why is he learning to save so late?

I know Persians who have let their "kids" stay home while they attend Law School. So think, is he doing to be a complete loser, or is it a legit one time thing? Hell, a few months ago I may have had to move back home with this economy, and being out of work for so long. Good thing it did not get to that point though.

What's the big deal? Does it really say that much about him? I mean if you met him a year from now and he owned a house but told you he lived at home till his 30's would you hold that against him?

Maybe get to know him a bit more and really find out what his deal is.

well, its def doesnt mean he's a total freak, but it def is unusual (especially for a guy). maybe he is staying at home to save for a house/condo. maybe he is a momma boy. maybe he's a serial killer ahaha. any how i think if you like him, its worth continuing to talk to him. im 27 and still live at home (female). i live at home cause i couldnt afford to live on my own. now i can but am saving for a condo down payment... maybe he is too. my co worker who is 30 is home for the same reason as me, and also bc he broke up with the girl he was living with last year.

i say if there are no other red flags, there seems to be no harm.

I typically declined to meet any guy over 30 who was still living with his parents/parent unless it was an emergency situation, very temporary (between apartments) or he was a full time student. I can understand wanting to save to buy a house but I can't relate to making that a priority over the social/emotional maturity and insight you gain by living on your own. I moved out late - age 28, after grad school - and had no idea it would be such a huge difference in my personal growth/independence and relationship with my parents.

So what? My older brother stayed at home for a couple years to save up for a house. The other older brother stayed home for a while for a similar reason, and he was over 30.

Yes, there are many reasons why he could be living there. Even me, I'm 37 and am living in a 2 bit granny flat, paying next to nothing and yet I have a relatively high paying job. Why? It suits me right now. I have just paid off my car and am debt free, and am now saving for a deposit. Sure, in my twenties I could have been better at saving, I was in relationships and renting etc etc. 4 years ago I moved countries, used all my money finding a job, got a good one, bought a car, relationship went bad, now have just found my feet and am working to get my own place in a year.

I guess it would be best to find out if this guy is doing his own laundry, cooking, cleaning etc, or does he get everything done for him. This will tell you if he's a mamma's boy or just trying to get himself back on his feet because of the economy.

In this ecomony what is wrong with it. I enjoy having my own place, but over the last months with my divorce, a failed relationship/roommate deal, recertification fees, two hit and runs on my car, and small business fees. I was hit hard, talking about thousands of dollars. So at 38 I need a breather to get back on my feet.

And not to forget many people in America grew up on credit and not saving. Hence the housing meltdown now. If you look at it logically, why should he rent a house or apartment, so he can be attractive to women, when you are so easily ready to stop talking to him. I mean just $500 per month, living at home instead of rent, over 5 years is 30k plus interest. Or he could waste it on an apartment and hope for miss right. He can get out of debt or whatever.

Are you perfect? What is your debt like? You been divorced? You have kids? If you are not perfect don't expect to get perfect.

Cause if I was perfect, all I would except was perfect.

that's a deal breaker for me and a total turn off.

I was in major finacial crisis and never moved back with my parents. I sucked it up and made it on my own.

I was in major finacial crisis and never moved back with my parents. I sucked it up and made it on my own.

good for you.

I was in major finacial crisis and never moved back with my parents. I sucked it up and made it on my own.

Where did you live? Some consider a financial crisis a turn off or as "baggage". How would that make you feel given your circumstance and no chance to explain that you are responsible, but just dealing with a rough patch?

Some peoples expectations can be ridiculous. The reason would have to be presented first before making such a cut and dry "deal breaker" decision.

Does that really explain who they are?

Lives at home therefore must be a bit off?

I know a guy who lives at home not quite 30 but have been in a realtionship for ages because he is a genuime guy.

Nobody is perfect but really living at home with parents really that bigger deal?

that's a deal breaker for me and a total turn off.

Yeah, me too.

Where did you live? Some consider a financial crisis a turn off or as "baggage". How would that make you feel given your circumstance and no chance to explain that you are responsible, but just dealing with a rough patch?

 

Some peoples expectations can be ridiculous. The reason would have to be presented first before making such a cut and dry "deal breaker" decision.

No, most people thought my strength and determination was not baggage.

If any man thought my fight to be independent was "baggage", then that would be their issue not mine

Why does where I live matter? I live in a major city.

What, expecting a man to be strong and independent is a ridiculous expectation?

Does that really explain who they are?

Lives at home therefore must be a bit off?

 

I know a guy who lives at home not quite 30 but have been in a realtionship for ages because he is a genuime guy.

 

Nobody is perfect but really living at home with parents really that bigger deal?

Yes, actually, it does.

It shows neediness and NO WOMAN loves a needy man

This thread proves that since all the women are on the same page and all the men are defending some grown man living with his Mommy!

I moved out of home since 18 for college and work in cities far away so I don't quite understand why a guy in his mid 30s is still living at home. I've lived with roommates for a long time, and I understand its totally different than living alone. It's a feeling of independence. weird that after I moved out into my own apartment, I feel that I'm ready for a relationship; or maybe it's vice versa.

is it a deal breaker? don't know, I really have assumed that everyone after 30 live on their own....

am I perfect? no, but there're certainly compatibility and incompatibility between "not perfect" and "not perfect"

Does that really explain who they are?

Lives at home therefore must be a bit off?

 

I know a guy who lives at home not quite 30 but have been in a realtionship for ages because he is a genuime guy.

 

Nobody is perfect but really living at home with parents really that bigger deal?

well, i'd kind of feel like i'm back in high school. you know, i can't just go over to his house, and walk around naked. his parents wouldn't like that!!

i agree with batya, i wouldn't unless it was an emergency situation. i don't want to date a momma's boy, i don't want to date a guy who is lazy, and i don't want to date someone if his parents are in the next room!!! it is a turnoff.

MOST 30+ y/o's living at home obviously don't have high paying jobs/careers. There might be a few people with incomes of 100K+ still living at home but not likely.

but you know, at the same time, he should be paying rent to his parents too! or contributing to them somehow. i think if he's an able-bodied 30 something man, he should be helping his parents out! not vice versa. his parents must be nearing retirement, right? i think they could use some extra cash.

Where did you live? Some consider a financial crisis a turn off or as "baggage". How would that make you feel given your circumstance and no chance to explain that you are responsible, but just dealing with a rough patch?

 

Some peoples expectations can be ridiculous. The reason would have to be presented first before making such a cut and dry "deal breaker" decision.

let me tell you something, I lived alone for 9 yrs, owned a successful biz and made a ton of money. I lost it all when my ex left me.

I had not two dimes to rub together. I was 33 at the time.

I had no money for food, car payment, or morgage. Did I run back to my Mommy, no, I pulled my boot straps up and got a job and learned to live alone for the first time in my life.

Forward 8 yrs, I was dx with a serious illness, I had to leave my job and had no income, did I run back to Mommy to take care of me, no, I again, lived alone throwing up daily from illness, not being able to even cook food for myself or get to the store.

I healed and went back to work.

So if someone runs back to Mom every time they have a down-time, then yes to me, they are needy and needy is just well, not so nice.

Life is tough, suck it up!

but you know, at the same time, he should be paying rent to his parents too! or contributing to them somehow. i think if he's an able-bodied 30 something man, he should be helping his parents out! not vice versa. his parents must be nearing retirement, right? i think they could use some extra cash.

he said the rent is minimum

I think what I'm questioning is

first, whether he's ready for a relationship

secondly, is he earning enough money?

If he's never lived on his own then I would say you could definitely put him in the loser category. If he's just had his life derail for some reason and needed to move in with his parents temporarily then that's legitimate. Nothing wrong with that. You might want to consider that if you were to date him you may not want or be able to go over to his place but I personally wouldn't think of that as a huge deal. Outside of that I don't see a problem.

If he's never lived on his own then I would say you could definitely put him in the loser category. If he's just had his life derail for some reason and needed to move in with his parents temporarily then that's legitimate. Nothing wrong with that. You might want to consider that if you were to date him you may not want or be able to go over to his place but I personally wouldn't think of that as a huge deal. Outside of that I don't see a problem.

depending what the rerailment was, but I agree

he said the rent is minimum

I think what I'm questioning is

first, whether he's ready for a relationship

secondly, is he earning enough money?

so, you say you have been talking to this guy online 'for a while.' my take is that men who are doing online dating, who are single and ready to be in a relationship, will ask you out within 4-6 emails. many times, even less. because if they are really single and available, they will want to meet you in person as soon as possible. many guys asked me out after 1-2 emails. i mean, why bother emailing when you can meet for a drink or at starbucks and see if it makes sense to continue communicating?

guys who take longer than that to ask you out have something going on that is preventing them from a relationship.