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Thread: distance and parenting

  1. #1
    Member pivotal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    distance and parenting

    To parents or children who's parental involvement requires travel and less contact.

    I have a daughter who recently turned 13. I have been with her almost every day until my divorce when she was 11. In the past two years we have adjusted to our weekend or more relationship. My involvement in her life has been often between time directly with her and volunteering at her school. She has all the necessities between her mother and I.

    A recent change in location is due to lack of opportunity in our hometown. I moved 2 hours north to attend school and to look for work. A weighty factor is also the ability to experience more art and culture in a larger city. We have begun working out a schedule (she'll be with me a week a few times over the summer) which seems workable. I offered to have her full time, but all her friends are in our hometown and she seems comfortable there.

    I think she understands the situation, that Dad is a complicated guy and can't be idle in his life. However, I never want to be the "abandonment" parent or see future emotional effects because of the distance. If our relationship begins to slip, or I see changes in behavior I will have to return on her behalf. These thoughts and emotions became very apparent as I am getting more comfortable in my new setting, but feeling some sense of loss and guilt.


  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    My dad hasn't lived in my home state since I was 8; Our relationship has never been the best.

    Then again, my dad is a moron.

    You sound like a good person and, from your post, I read that you are trying to be a good father. She's 13 and probably wants little to do with her parents anyway (that phase comes eventually).

    I wish you good luck and I wouldn't worry since you seem to care so much.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member HealingHandsWarmHeart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    New Jersey
    the best thing you can give your child is your love- frequent phone calls, listen, be yourself, be honest- but most of all love her for who she is.

    i would take you as a father living two hours away then my own father who lived with me my entire life.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Get each of you a webcam, so you can have some face-time every night...

    After discussing with your Ex, of course, who would need to supervise her online activities a little more carefully if she has a webcam....

    Just a thought.

    But otherwise, I believe that if you do the best you can with the most loving intent, it will all work out ok. She's at an age now where her friends are going to be front and centre- and she'll appreciate your understanding her not wanting to relocate away from them.....So contact with her at this point can be less. In fact, I think it's normal in any event for teenagers to want to spend less time with parents & more time with friends.

    It's more about quality time than quantity in any event.....


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