The Ex who returns after a few Months....

Does anyone else find it really odd that a lot of exes will return and around two to three months after the initial split? After reading a few stories here and elsewhere, I note a lot of exes will reopen the lines of communication, after this time period has elapsed.....2 to 3 months.

Why I wonder, does it take that long for them to decide they want to speak to you again? Can it really take 2 to 3 months, for someone to realise they miss you? Because for me personally, if someone exits my life I really cared about, I miss them immediatley and would feel an urge to contact them, immediatley...I wouldn't leave it, 2 to 3 months. In 2 to 3 months time, I would have likely forgotten who they were, let alone still be thinking about them....

Which makes me think, that if they return 2 to 3 months after the initial split, the chances are, they are not looking to reconcile. If they come back almost immediatley after the split, then they likely are looking to reconcile.....

My exes have all taken different amounts of time to reoopen communication after our splits.

I think it could have to do with a lot of things--starting with the reason(s) for the split, and then down to their personal feelings, and also their concern for your feelings. I think at least one of my exes waited several months to contact me after the split because he left me for another woman, and he knew he hurt me--so I believe he thought he was being respectful by giving me time to heal. Not that I wanted to talk to him by the time he contacted me, anyway.

But I don't think there's just one reason why guys would typically take this long to begin communicating again. I think maybe that's just coincidence for the situations you've been in. I've also had exes who wanted to talk every single day from the initial breakup date.

Hey there D Lish!

They usually come back around the 2-3 month mark, which is how long it takes for them to realize that you are not coming back. Also the fact that you have ignored them that long, usually does not sit well with them, so they come back for an ego boost.

In most cases if you happen to take them back in your life, a couple of months later after their curiosity has been satisfied and they have proven that they can "get you back", they will often bail again.

I do not have anything against reconciliation, but from my experiences, once the relationship has been broken, 95% of the time, it stays that way. Broken.

I assume you're referring to how long it takes for a dumper to re-establish contact with a dumpee?

Maybe after 2-3 months the dumper feels comfortable talking again?

Now I don't know about other dumpees but I only feel resentment towards my ex and would not contact her even if she did reopen the lines of communication.

I have had two who never came back and who I did not go back to (one dumped me, the other I dumped). My most recent ex stayed in contact with me several times a week because he was depressed and wanted to get back together about 3 months later (probably earlier but he was convinced I was having this great life without him)... and like cristal said above, it was a complete failure. He had done nothing to fix the problems, just moped about not having me in his life. So we broke up again. This time around BOTH of us are in NC from the get go and things seem very very final.

Hey there D Lish!

 

They usually come back around the 2-3 month mark, which is how long it takes for them to realize that you are not coming back.

Lol, yeah maybe. I know that they can sit around and await you to go begging back. Done it myself, in that I've broken up with someone and awaitied them coming back and when they don't, PANIC! lol...and then I got in touch. I didnt leave the getting in touch, 2 to 3 months though....maybe two weeks and then got in touch again. 2 to 3 months is an awful long time to wait around, in the hopes they are gonna come begging and also the longer it's left, the harder it becomes to go back. Plus if you leave it that long, the chances are high, your ex has moved on, met someone else, or will meet someone else....

I do not have anything against reconciliation, but from my experiences, once the relationship has been broken, 95% of the time, it stays that way. Broken.

Same here.

I assume you're referring to how long it takes for a dumper to re-establish contact with a dumpee?

Yes, that is what I mean

But I don't think there's just one reason why guys would typically take this long to begin communicating again. I think maybe that's just coincidence for the situations you've been in.

No, nothing to do with my own experiences, it is what I've noticed when reading other peoples threads.

The amount of time taken between coming back, has differed among my exes too. I've had them return, 2 days after and one even 10 years after, lol.....

But in my experience, the ones who returned almost immediatley, were the ones looking to reconcile.....the ones who left it a while, were communicating to catch up.

My most recent ex, has come back after two months and admittedly it has me wondering why, it has taken that long?

2 to 3 months is an awful long time to wait around, in the hopes they are gonna come begging and also the longer it's left.

It has taken some guys years to come back. It all depends on what is going on in their lives.

It is not unusual for a guy from 3 years ago, to come knocking at your door, reminiscing about old times.

Guys keep a different time line than women.

It has taken some guys years to come back. It all depends on what is going on in their lives.

 

It is not unusual for a guy from 3 years ago, to come knocking at your door, reminiscing about old times.

 

Guys keep a different time line than women.

I don't think this a male/female timeline difference, i think more the truth of the matter is a dumper/dumpee timeline difference. I'm male, and a dumpee, my ex left about 2 months ago and it has felt like an eternity, from all indications for her I think it is still really fresh so she hasn't reached out to me yet.

In a previous breakup where i was dumped, my ex made fishing expeditions at 3, 6, and 8 months. I had moved on and was with my most recent ex. And now 2 years later this original ex has made contact again since I am single, and no, I'm still not interested.

From what i've read it looks more like 6-10 months for a dumpee to really, miss, regret and seek serious reconciliation. I think that these 1-4 month attempts are just because they are momentarily lonely.

I don't think this a male/female timeline difference, i think more the truth of the matter is a dumper/dumpee timeline difference.

This might be true in some cases. I do not want to open up a debate about this, but much of the times when women moved on, they have pretty much made up their minds that the relationship is over.

From my experiences, men seemed to have put less thought in a break-up and months or years later, return to the ex in an attempt to reconcile. This has been debated many times on this board and I have seen it happen to me and my women friends in real life. My male friends however, does not yield such a huge rate of return.

There have been less data about women returning to a relationship. I am not saying that it does not happen, but overall, there is more data about men, who are known to return months and years later, in an attempt to reconcile.

From what i've read it looks more like 6-10 months for a dumpee to really, miss, regret and seek serious reconciliation. I think that these 1-4 month attempts are just because they are momentarily lonely.

I dont see the difference between 1 to 4 months and 6 to 10 months. I think that if you want to rekindle, love someone and want to be with someone, it doesnt take months to figure it out.

I think they come back and perhaps after long periods of time, not to reconcile, but most likely because they are feeling lonely or reminiscing and once they make contact and their curiosities satisfied, then off they gallavant again.

Or they may return, because in the meantime and while they were away from you, nothing 'better; came along.

I've actually never returned to an ex after a long period of time. After two weeks and because I regretted my decision to dump him, yes I did return.

But I've had exes return, after two days, six weeks, two months, two years and even ten years. None over the 2 month mark, were looking to reconcile. It was more 'Was thinking about you and wondering how you are', as to why they claimed to have called. Shortly after, they were gone again.....

People react differently to time. Male, female, dumper, dumpee, doesn't matter... Some take just a few months to miss an ex, and some take even more time. Besides, it is strongly recommended you do not go back out with an ex after only a few weeks/months because people need a hella lot of time to really change...

I have had this discussion with a few of my female friends and they have agreed on one thing:

From their perspective, once a man has crossed the "line" there is no going back, ie. no reconciliation, never, ever, no matter how much he changes his ways. Each friend had their own set of rules that defined this "line".

Which I think reinforces my view that men and women leave relationships for different reasons and that it is more likely that a man will reconcile with a woman than vice versa. That's just my opinion.

In my experience it has taken 2-3 months for 3 ex boyfriends to come back. Twice I did the dumping and once I was dumped. The time I was dumped the 2 months it took him to contact me felt like an eternity but with the others, that I didn't want to be with, it felt like they were chasing me right away.

I think it takes men longer to realize what a nice relationship they had, especially if the guy left you because he has commitment issues. Commitment scares many men and it will take some of them a loooong time to get past their fear. They run away because their afraid to commit and then they come back because they're afraid to be alone!