Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: When people cancel plans..is this normal?

  1. #1
    Just Me85
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    380
    Gender
    Female

    Exclamation When people cancel plans..is this normal?

    Whenever I make plans with someone, whether that be with a friend or boyfriend or family member, is it normal to be secretly really upset and down if they have to cancel due to circumstances that cant be helped?

    I often feel really disappointed and low when this happens, and then I feel bad for feeling disappointed and low because its nobodys fault. But i get paranoid that its because they have found something better to do, or because they dont really want to see me.

    I know its really selfish but it makes me feel really rubbish, although i do keep it a secret that I feel bad because I dont think its normal to be so affected by a simple change of plans!

    For example, was supposed to meet with my boyfriend (only recently got back together after a break) today to go on a date for the first time since we broke up, but he text saying he is really sick and cant come today. Its stupid because i KNOW we will just do it another day.

    Its the same with friends and family though. Is it normal? I feel like such a selfish cow sometimes

  2. #2
    COtuner
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Gender
    Female
    Disappointment is a normal human emotion, unless you're obsessing about it. I feel disappointed when people cancel on me all the time. Sometimes I even wonder if they just don't like me, but guess what? I actually told someone that once; I said I understood that I wasn't the best option he had available (was PMSing that day!!) and I wasn't upset that he backed out. My coworker was totally shocked that I felt that way and I ended up hurting HIM because he felt bad that he had unintentionally hurt me.

    Lesson learned. Better to simply take people at face value for these things unless you have some facts.

  3. #3
    Just Me85
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    380
    Gender
    Female
    Its weird and it always ruins my day when this happens although I try not to let it.

    I wish i knew how to stop feeling like this about myself all the time

    Sometimes I even feel angry which is so dumb because its not their fault! x

  4. #4
    pheebs
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    33
    its a normal feeling. your not being selfish by it. You make plans with someone, and for what ever reason they cant, you get disappointed because you were looking forward to it, or wanted to see them.

    i ask my bf to do something, and i'll get a response like "erm i think so" (if he's free on a day) or some kind of response like that and get the vibe, he just doesn't want to and makes me feeling like i cant be bothered asking. I try to push that feeling away. again and again, it can get to you...

    As COturner said, take it at face value. you can over worry on these things that mean nothing

  5. #5
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,378
    Thanked
    1543
    disappointment is natural, sure. but if it's a real excuse, then i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and reschedule.

  6. #6
    arwen
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,935
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    The disappointment of plans being canceled is natural. But taking it personal (in the way that you describe 'that they have something better to do') is something else- this is due to feeling not good enough to meet them. As if them having unexpected things turning up is because you are not worth meeting them.

    I think that a bit of soulsearching and finding out if you have a negative self image and if so, why, would really help.

  7. #7
    xxsummerxx
    Member xxsummerxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    England
    Age
    27
    Posts
    9
    Gender
    Female
    I have always been disipointed when someone cancels on me even if its not there fault and it cant be helped...it really is normal to feel that way i think its just one of those things in life!!
    I think it becomes more of a painful emotion when the same person cancels alot and it become obvious they cant be bothered then i think that you have to evaluate the relationship between you and that person....but dont ever feel its your fault!!
    My best friend started to cancel on me all the time and it hurt so bad, i felt like it was my fault even though she said to me that that it is her that is letting me down...in the end she told me she lets me down too much and she doesn't think we should be friends any more....this happened over the period of a year, but in your situation i think its just disapointment and if you find it easier to handle you should talk to a friend or someone about it. xx

  8.  

Top Threads
BF's family visiting and staying with us... in our tiny apartment. HELP!
So... my boyfriend of 2 years told me his parents are visiting in October. They live in Europe so visiting means they are coming for 3 weeks! I've
Should I pay?
My girlfriend and I broke up in February. We've managed to stay good friends since then despite it being quite difficult at times. When we were
Pregnant and heartbroken ..
My life is in turmoil right now. After realizing I was two weeks late I tested positive. It was 100% unplanned and usually he pulls out but didn't
Should I be concerned about my GF and her friday night "business" meetings?
I am wondering what to think here. Without going into many details, I'm dating a girl I used to date years ago. She was unfaithful then. We did not
Looking for a Birthday present for my bf, connected to the modern tech
Hi, guys I'm quite lost as my bf is turning 29 soon and I have no idea what to get him. He is into modern technology, we have VR headset at home
He doesn't know when to leave...literally
My boyfriend of about six months is a great guy, but he is not great on picking up unspoken cues, and this particularly comes out when it is time to
Boyfriend got another woman pregnant
Hi, I'm new here, not posted before so hopefully this is in the right place (and I can figure out how to read responses!) I'm in a really

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
So my fiancÚ of 7.5 years has decided she isn't in love with me anymore so has broken up with me. Our situation is very complicated we have a 2.5
How far should I go with unfriending/blocking on social media?
Hi all, I'm going hard no contact. She originally unfriended me on Snap and Twitter. I recently unfriended her on FB and IG. I also went a step
missing atm
I think what I miss at the moment is having a friend to talk to like we used to. She became the only person I really talked to for the better part
Mum boyfriend inapropriate
Hi everyone, thought i would share an update on whats happened so far. Thankyou all for helping me out yesterday, everything you all said was really
Girlfriend always mad at me
Me and my girlfriend have been togetehr for almost a year. I love her more than anything and i know shes not cheating on me or anything like that
I [F/26] found underwear in my boyfriend's [M/30] pocket.
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Recently, my boyfriend asked me to look for some money, so I looked everywhere and I couldn't find it. I
Ex gf text me out of the blue
I guess I just want some feedback and honest replies as my head is completely gone again. Me and my ex gf have been in no contact for a few months
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •