Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: When people cancel plans..is this normal?

  1. #1
    Just Me85
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    380
    Gender
    Female

    Exclamation When people cancel plans..is this normal?

    Whenever I make plans with someone, whether that be with a friend or boyfriend or family member, is it normal to be secretly really upset and down if they have to cancel due to circumstances that cant be helped?

    I often feel really disappointed and low when this happens, and then I feel bad for feeling disappointed and low because its nobodys fault. But i get paranoid that its because they have found something better to do, or because they dont really want to see me.

    I know its really selfish but it makes me feel really rubbish, although i do keep it a secret that I feel bad because I dont think its normal to be so affected by a simple change of plans!

    For example, was supposed to meet with my boyfriend (only recently got back together after a break) today to go on a date for the first time since we broke up, but he text saying he is really sick and cant come today. Its stupid because i KNOW we will just do it another day.

    Its the same with friends and family though. Is it normal? I feel like such a selfish cow sometimes

  2. #2
    COtuner
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Gender
    Female
    Disappointment is a normal human emotion, unless you're obsessing about it. I feel disappointed when people cancel on me all the time. Sometimes I even wonder if they just don't like me, but guess what? I actually told someone that once; I said I understood that I wasn't the best option he had available (was PMSing that day!!) and I wasn't upset that he backed out. My coworker was totally shocked that I felt that way and I ended up hurting HIM because he felt bad that he had unintentionally hurt me.

    Lesson learned. Better to simply take people at face value for these things unless you have some facts.

  3. #3
    Just Me85
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    380
    Gender
    Female
    Its weird and it always ruins my day when this happens although I try not to let it.

    I wish i knew how to stop feeling like this about myself all the time

    Sometimes I even feel angry which is so dumb because its not their fault! x

  4. #4
    pheebs
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    33
    its a normal feeling. your not being selfish by it. You make plans with someone, and for what ever reason they cant, you get disappointed because you were looking forward to it, or wanted to see them.

    i ask my bf to do something, and i'll get a response like "erm i think so" (if he's free on a day) or some kind of response like that and get the vibe, he just doesn't want to and makes me feeling like i cant be bothered asking. I try to push that feeling away. again and again, it can get to you...

    As COturner said, take it at face value. you can over worry on these things that mean nothing

  5. #5
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    45,755
    Thanked
    951
    disappointment is natural, sure. but if it's a real excuse, then i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and reschedule.

  6. #6
    arwen
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Age
    36
    Posts
    5,935
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    The disappointment of plans being canceled is natural. But taking it personal (in the way that you describe 'that they have something better to do') is something else- this is due to feeling not good enough to meet them. As if them having unexpected things turning up is because you are not worth meeting them.

    I think that a bit of soulsearching and finding out if you have a negative self image and if so, why, would really help.

  7. #7
    xxsummerxx
    Member xxsummerxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    England
    Age
    26
    Posts
    9
    Gender
    Female
    I have always been disipointed when someone cancels on me even if its not there fault and it cant be helped...it really is normal to feel that way i think its just one of those things in life!!
    I think it becomes more of a painful emotion when the same person cancels alot and it become obvious they cant be bothered then i think that you have to evaluate the relationship between you and that person....but dont ever feel its your fault!!
    My best friend started to cancel on me all the time and it hurt so bad, i felt like it was my fault even though she said to me that that it is her that is letting me down...in the end she told me she lets me down too much and she doesn't think we should be friends any more....this happened over the period of a year, but in your situation i think its just disapointment and if you find it easier to handle you should talk to a friend or someone about it. xx

  8.  

Top Threads
Let's talk about Standards
So, on the subject of standards: is it best to keep them high, so that you don't settle and you keep your dignity; or to lower them so that you're
Boyfriend is getting cold feet about buying a place together?
I recently purchased a one bed room apartment for myself to live. My boyfriend is a doctor and he graduated about a year a half ago and started
Is sexting cheating if it makes your relationship/sex life better?
So I've been with my boyfriend for five years and I love him. I wouldn't dream do anything unfaithful or that would hurt him. A (male) friend and I
Do oposites attract?
My fwb has theory that 2 people that are different are better for relationship than 2 similair people. I dont necesarily aggree, because I think
We are 17 years apart..... Advice Needed.
I never ever thought in a million years this would happen to me, but I met a man who is 17 years older than me on a dating app. And because I had
I want to go to a music festival but my girlfriend is not ok with it.
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for roughly 5 years. There is a music festival coming up that all my friends are going to and that I've been
Past Relationships
My wife and I were talking about what it would be like if we weren't each others first relationship/sex partner. When you are with someone who you

Featured Threads
Controlling or very opinionated?
Hi, my name is Michael. I came here for some advice on my girlfriend and I's relationship. I am 17 and she is 16 and we've been dating for just shy
Women who prefer/only date younger men
I am dating a woman who is 9 years older than me. However, going after younger guys doesn't appear to be her pattern. In fact, the age difference
Still feels like the first day...
Long long story short.. I'll Coles notes it. I meet the love of my life at a gig I was playing, we ended up not spending a single night apart for
My partner and I have different goals, values, and thinking, should we continue?
My partner and I met a couple years ago when she moved to the city I lived in. We had shared a group of friends but never really knew each other
I'm hurt and not sure what to do ...
So ,this is my first time posting here ,but My mother always said it helps to write things down .So here it goes ! ^^ For a couple of weeks now
Who Am I and What do I Want?
Hi everyone, and thanks for reading this. At the moment I feel like I am having some sort of identity crisis, whilst not knowing what I want for
Is it wrong that I still talk to my ex boyfriend?
My ex boyfriend dumped me last week because he was pressuring me to have sex and I wasn't ready to have sex and he keeps calling and texting me every
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •