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Thread: "I love you"

  1. #11
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    I have a hard time with the part about: if they were really in love with us they would have stayed and talked or worked things out with us. For me, I struggle with the disappearing act. Last I knew, he really cared about me and was very kind and loving and then - gone.

    It's the 'gone' part with no explanation that upsets me and I guess keeps me connected. That's my issue, why I want to hang on to slim hope when maybe I should be very very angry at him.

    I really struggle and yet I am trying to sort it all out. But, they can't be 'the one' if they are chosing not to be here with us. Doh!!! I feel so thick sometimes.

    Great post and very well said.
    Last edited by HighRoad; 06-08-2009 at 08:07 PM.

  2. #12
    Member RachelNY's Avatar
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    That was a great post and it helped answer some of my closure question. Thank you for posting that Lauren.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member Lauren.xo's Avatar
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    No problem! We are all in this, and will all be ok. I posted because we all have those weak days, and sometimes we need a reminder. Its tough, but we can get through it! It will pass. Just stay strong!

  4. #14
    Silver Member chewy21's Avatar
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    I've noticed that alot of doubts of many people on here (including myself) are connected to a desire for reconciliation. If we weren't so worried about what we might have lost and how to get it back, then I doubt half of us would be so distraught.

    A few weeks ago I watched Swingers. There's a line at the beginning of the movie when Favreau is talking to Ron Livingston. Favreau just asked if he could pretend being over his ex so that she would come back. Livingston responds with something along the lines of "well, that's the rub: they always seem to know."

    I've been keeping that idea pretty close to me since. Yeah, our exes will know if we're still pining for them, and it makes us seem buried in the past and offers no hope of change. They left us because they want change. So the best course of action seems to be to get focused on moving on, and focused on ourselves. It's a win-win, because even if it doesn't make them want us again, it gives us a firm foundation for ourselves and whoever is lucky enough to share our lives with us in the future.

    I don't know if this was an appropriate place to post this, but I was just reading the thread and something I read (not sure what) triggered this thought. Hope it helps you guys as much as it's helped me.

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  6. #15
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    Hi Lauren,

    Just wanted to say what a great post this is. This is everything I've been thinking but too lazy to write about.

    I agree, our exes know we love them - it's no use to us or them repeating those feelings and even if you think for a slight second, it will make them change their mind.. think again. They really do need to see this on their own without us in the picture and you're right, they should feel life without us. It was THEIR decision, not ours to remove ourselves from their lives so we do not owe them anything. Agreed, if they wanted to profess their love back to us or whatever, they know exactly how to find us. The thing is, they don't want to find us right now - they want us gone so we should want the same. If we keep telling them we love them, they will have the upper hand and they will think that "oh she/he still loves me so therefore I can up and leave them whenever I want and still come back to them once I tire of having fun". That should not even be allowed to think that! I love what you wrote in the end "If we're going to go out, go out with dignity and self respect. If they loved us, nothing will stop them from coming back." And that's what I'm doing. As many bad days as I will have, I refuse to contact him. I may have my urges but I know in the long run, to contact him I will end up the weak one again. I will not stoop so low as to beg him back - he should be doing this to me.

    I believe it is very important to maintain NC because I truly believe that our exes are the ones to feel shame, not us and by doing NC, we lift our heads up high, knowing we gave our all and therefore nothing that we did could have prevented what happened. It is not our wrongdoing.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
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    Of course, in my case, I think my ex also feels exactly the same as Marton described, therefore we'll not talk to each other again. And that may be ok too, if we're not meant to be together. Hurts though

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