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Thread: he hasn't spoken to me for a week....what's going on?

  1. #1
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    he hasn't spoken to me for a week....what's going on?

    I said something to my boyfriend that he didnít like (it was about a gift he bought me). I didnít know he did not like what I said until he texted me about 15 minutes after I spoke to him. Two days later I texted him and asked if heís speaking to me. He responded saying he will speak to me later. I never heard from him. A few days after that I texted him once again and asked him if heís still not speaking to me. It has been over a week and I havenít heard from him. Iím just wondering if I should call him to see whatís going on or wait until he calls me. Whenever something like this happens Iím usually always the one to call or go over first. I just think that over a week is too long to go without speaking to someone who you care about. What do you think I should do?

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    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
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    What do you want to do?

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    i just want to hear from him. my mind is saying don't call, wait till he calls you. but my heart is saying call him cuz it may be more to it. but at the same time if he is still mad or upset at what i said, i don't want to call him and make matters worse. but i do feel that he should call me to let me know wats going on. idk........im torn

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    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    I think your mind is giving you solid advice.

    Here's how the issue breaks down. First, what's on the surface - he's upset with something you said. His way of dealing with it is to completely shut you out for a week. You do your due dilligence by contacting him a couple of times and he tells you he'll contact you. So he knows that you would like to hear from him. There is no need for you to contact him again.

    The second issue is how he deals with his feelings of frustration towards you. In a relationship, you have to make a deal about how you are going to deal with conflict. That means that you must negotiate appropriate boundaries in your relationship. Although you would prefer to hash out issues that day, maybe he really needs time to think about his emotions. So you agree to two days of no contact and then it's his responsibility to call you and iniate conversation. This is the ideal situation.

    Instead, he simply takes all the time he wants while you are left in limbo, feeling heartbroken, confused, and frustrated yourself. You don't deserve to feel this way. You deserve to know what is going on. BUT, the time to take action is not while he is ignoring you. It is either before this happens again or after, when he finally contacts you. If you continue to contact him, you will start to seem desperate and he will take advantage of this - stringing you along further. If you wait, you will show him and yourself that you do have some self control in this and this will be very important for this next issue.

    The final issue is that you need to evaluate this relationship. While I noted that you do not need to take action while he's ignoring you, I simply meant that you don't need to take action to CONTACT him. I DO think you need to take action in your own mind to really think about what you want and need in this relationship. You need to brace yourself. For a man to do this, you can't help but wonder if he's really invested in you or using this as an excuse to do some dirt on the side or simply pulling away from you emotionally. As such I would recommend:

    1. Making a list of the pros/cons of this relationship
    2. Making a list of the things you will need for this relationship to continue (especially concerning how long he goes without contacting you)
    3. Examining the reasons why you contact him so much (journal about it if you need to)
    4. Writing out some of the qualities an ideal relationship has for you
    5. Comparing your list from #1 to #4
    6. Talking to trusted friends and get their perspective on his actions
    7. Writing out, right now, how you would feel if he broke up with you. This is hard, but I want you to prepare for this possibility.

    This will not only help you keep busy but also help you create a plan of action. You need to be strong and ask for what you want in this relationship - once you start talking again. If he can't give it, you need to be able to walk away.

    How long have you two been bf and gf? How old are you both?

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    It will be 5 yrs this year. were both in our early 20's. I really appreciate the advice that you have given me. it makes complete sense to me. especially about me seeming desperate and him stringing me along because that's exactly how i feel.

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    awww...that seems like a painful situation to be in... i have the same problem with my bf.. he switches hes phone of for weeks and doesnt talk to me.. i mean it was our 8months.. he switchd his phne of half n hour before 12 and hasnt even calld bak or anything..i totally agree with Ms.Darcy.. preoccupy urself till he calls.. to show him that u need him as much as he needs you... its reali hard than done..but i dnt want u too sink totally like me..cause that makes it harder to hit reality.. all the best.. nd MS.DARCY.. HELP ME tooo plsss..hehe..

    thanks

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    What was it you said to him? Was it something you should apologise for - and if so, did you apologise?


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