Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: how to deal with guys who makes last minute plans?

  1. #1
    fatcat1999
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    305

    how to deal with guys who makes last minute plans?

    we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.

    I know I'd let him plan three days ahead, if he doesn't, then I'll be busy... but I think that'll become a stressful game, esp. I really want to see him and I'm sure he still likes me too.

    so how to deal with guys who always makes last minute plans (in another word, I'm not his top priority), I guess I've to date other guys and let everything fall in place?

    thanks.

  2. #2
    waveseer
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    11,826
    Thanked
    1
    Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option. In other words, prioritize yourself, there are plenty of men who would be happy to make plans with you ahead of time.

  3. #3
    COtuner
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Gender
    Female
    I don't make myself available if this becomes a pattern. I won't answer the phone, say I'm going out, or simply say, "I'm sorry, I'm really not up for scrambling to get ready and run out the door right now". It's ok if they are being spontaneous, but if it's just plain hedging their bets, no, I won't tolerate that for long.

  4. #4
    nutbrownhare
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    5,431
    Thanked
    249
    Yes - if you're not consistently available at the last minute, then he won't keep making last minute plans if he wants to see you.

    You needn't approach it as a game - because then it WILL be painful for you - but if you really want to go out tonight, arrange something else. He may not be available later. And you may be stuck in alone when you could have been doing something else; depending on your situation, this could be depressing!

    If he's playing games, this will completely scupper him. If he isn't, and genuinely has had something come up which has left him dangling, he'll understand. Just don't let someone control you like this.

    By the way, have you ever read a rather good book called 'Why Men Marry * * * * * es'? Don't be put off by the title, it's not about being * * * * * y, but it does cover the issue raised in the original post, and similar ones.

    Hope this helps!

    By the way, when I put my post up, I realised it had automatically edited out the bit which described the female of the dog species.
    Last edited by nutbrownhare; 06-06-2009 at 12:58 PM. Reason: auto-editing on part of forum!

  5. #5
    Ariel85
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    3,695
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by fatcat1999 [Register to see the link]
    we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.
    None of this is good, IMO. Let's break it down:

    we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday - Why is this? Would he not commit to plans with you? So, why would you keep your day open for him, when he can't bother to confirm you?

    I think it's ok I initiate this time - so, now that he's showing signs of not being interested, you decide to pursue him, which obviously is making him run even faster.

    I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet - again, more pursuit on your part, and he is showing HJNTIY

    Hon, this is all SO simple, and I can't say it enough. If a guy is interested HE WILL CALL YOU. HE WILL ASK YOU OUT and HE WILL PLAN DATES.

    This guy is clearly not interested. I'd pull way back and start dating others.

  6. #6
    COtuner
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Gender
    Female
    It does work to make plans - you'll find out PDQ how interested he really is. My ex stopped yelling at me and began moping and getting upset because I was always busy without him, but it was his own fault because I'd sat home for 3 years waiting for him to have time and I was awfully tired of my own living room because he'd have to cancel.

    Don't end up like I did

  7. #7
    amipushy
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    3,452
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    89
    As much as I hate to agree with this 'chase thing' I have to agree with the fact that you are chasing him and thats where you're going wrong. And I know guys always say it would be great if us women did the running but from experience they don't really like it, they get spooked by the attention, and do a runner.

    If he wanted to see you he would make the effort first. Don't make the effort for him as all you will get is what you're getting now - a man who is 'running away' whilst making BS excuses.

  8. #8
    Maya_A
    Gold Member Maya_A's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Ontario_Canada
    Posts
    991
    Gender
    Female
    Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option.
    So well said^^^

    fatcat, if you both made tentative plans for a Friday for example, I'd say "let me know by Thurs. morning or I will have other plans & won't be available"...

    And even though you want to see him, if you haven't heard from him by the time line I would go ahead and make those other plans. It would be important to stick by what you say to him so he would know that he indeed won't see you if he can't decide.

    That will tell you more about his non/interest level.

    It's soooo unacceptable for you to wait out the entire day on the off chance that he may call. It is also insulting. Thirdly, it sends a message to him regarding how you feel within yourself & how you allow yourself to be treated...

    I wish you well in this...

  9. #9
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    16
    I see nothing wrong with her asking him out...he is not running away simply because she asked him out. A man who is truly interested in a woman does not get turned off or scared off if she takes the initiative. Only ambivalent men get turned off and insecure men get scared off..this would happen anyway even if the guy spent the whole first month initiating...because at a certain point a woman will start initiating as well..and if a man is the type that can't handle it from the beginning, he will not be able to handle it in the middle...why do you think a lot of male pursuers run the other way the minute the woman is hooked and starts feeling secure enough to be herself and not some demure, simpering being who waits for the guy to initiate. I also wonder why women think it is disgraceful and turns men off if they initiate but have no problems spreading their legs for the guy on the first or second date. Why is it simply calling a guy for a date is chasing but spreading your legs for him when you barely know him is something that women tell other women "well, if he likes you then it won't make a difference". I would say there is more on the line when women have sex with a guy early on than if they simply call a guy and say "how about going to a movie tonight". At any rate, in response to the OP...it is rude to keep someone dangling...when date plans are only tentative even right down to the day of the date..and a time is left up in the air, that should not be tolerated...I find that objectionable even from friends. If people want to see each other they make a definite plan and a definite time.

  10. #10
    amipushy
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    3,452
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    89
    Funny, I posted a thread about that very thing...

    [Register to see the link]

    Oh and IT DOES MATTER

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
He lets me pay for half? When He suggested we go eat?
Starters: me-F/20. Him-M/23 So I met this guy 2 weeks ago. He's pretty cool, he asks me to hang every other day and he texts me daily. He always
I slept with him - now what?!
Hi everyone, So I'd been chatting with a guy on Tinder for just over a month before we met. We have a lot in common and spoke on the phone for hours
I've caught feelings where I shouldn't...
So annoyed at myself... So- bit of history. I've been single for 6 months after getting out of a 4 year serious relationship and have only been
Is she still interested? Advice for communication.'keeping this alive'
I went out on a first date with a woman I met on an online dating site this past weekend. She had messaged me initially, and we exchanged messages
I became engaged with a girl who calls herself a "free spirit"......need clarity
I met a wonderful and bright girl 3.5 years ago and she by far stole my heart. She is appositely beautiful, funny, intelligent and outgoing. She is
The 'Time wasters' on dating sites
So here I go again and I'm pretty sure I am not alone here. A woman my age (early 30s) I have been talking to for about a month now just admitted
Dating a single mother for the first time...
We are both women and she is a great person. She is very stable, trustworthy and knows what she wants which are all things I LOVE about her. She has

Featured Threads
Who is in the wrong?
This person isn't really a "friend" she is 24+ years older than me. I have a feeling I'm getting taken advantage of because of my age. I started
I became engaged with a girl who calls herself a "free spirit"......need clarity
I met a wonderful and bright girl 3.5 years ago and she by far stole my heart. She is appositely beautiful, funny, intelligent and outgoing. She is
Has anyone ever totally given up on finding love?
Hello everyone! Well I been wanting to post this for a few weeks now. I don't really know how to say it or word it. But, who here has or knows
Today "should" have been our 6 year anniversary
Today was suppose to be our 6th year together. Today is the first time on this date that we are not together. We made this date a big deal
Shoud I break up because my girlfriend hooked up with my cousin in t
I'm jealous because my girlfriend had casual sex with my cousin before she met me. We've been dating for a year, she's very funny, caring, sexy
I'm in love with my co-worker 😥
My coworker and I started working together about 10 months ago. We work closely together all day just the two of us mainly. From the day he started
Aggressive Courting
There's this girl I really, really like, and would really want to be in a relationship with. Unfortunately, recently I messed up, and now I think she
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •