Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: how to deal with guys who makes last minute plans?

  1. #1
    fatcat1999
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    305

    how to deal with guys who makes last minute plans?

    we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.

    I know I'd let him plan three days ahead, if he doesn't, then I'll be busy... but I think that'll become a stressful game, esp. I really want to see him and I'm sure he still likes me too.

    so how to deal with guys who always makes last minute plans (in another word, I'm not his top priority), I guess I've to date other guys and let everything fall in place?

    thanks.

  2. #2
    waveseer
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    11,826
    Thanked
    1
    Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option. In other words, prioritize yourself, there are plenty of men who would be happy to make plans with you ahead of time.

  3. #3
    COtuner
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Gender
    Female
    I don't make myself available if this becomes a pattern. I won't answer the phone, say I'm going out, or simply say, "I'm sorry, I'm really not up for scrambling to get ready and run out the door right now". It's ok if they are being spontaneous, but if it's just plain hedging their bets, no, I won't tolerate that for long.

  4. #4
    nutbrownhare
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    6,895
    Thanked
    1751
    Yes - if you're not consistently available at the last minute, then he won't keep making last minute plans if he wants to see you.

    You needn't approach it as a game - because then it WILL be painful for you - but if you really want to go out tonight, arrange something else. He may not be available later. And you may be stuck in alone when you could have been doing something else; depending on your situation, this could be depressing!

    If he's playing games, this will completely scupper him. If he isn't, and genuinely has had something come up which has left him dangling, he'll understand. Just don't let someone control you like this.

    By the way, have you ever read a rather good book called 'Why Men Marry * * * * * es'? Don't be put off by the title, it's not about being * * * * * y, but it does cover the issue raised in the original post, and similar ones.

    Hope this helps!

    By the way, when I put my post up, I realised it had automatically edited out the bit which described the female of the dog species.
    Last edited by nutbrownhare; 06-06-2009 at 12:58 PM. Reason: auto-editing on part of forum!

  5. #5
    Ariel85
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    3,695
    Thanked
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by fatcat1999 [Register to see the link]
    we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday, he paid last time, so I think it's ok I initiate this time, so I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet. so I told him to let me know later.
    None of this is good, IMO. Let's break it down:

    we've a tentative plan to get together Saturday - Why is this? Would he not commit to plans with you? So, why would you keep your day open for him, when he can't bother to confirm you?

    I think it's ok I initiate this time - so, now that he's showing signs of not being interested, you decide to pursue him, which obviously is making him run even faster.

    I txted him around noon and confirm time, but he txted back that he doesn't know yet - again, more pursuit on your part, and he is showing HJNTIY

    Hon, this is all SO simple, and I can't say it enough. If a guy is interested HE WILL CALL YOU. HE WILL ASK YOU OUT and HE WILL PLAN DATES.

    This guy is clearly not interested. I'd pull way back and start dating others.

  6. #6
    COtuner
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Gender
    Female
    It does work to make plans - you'll find out PDQ how interested he really is. My ex stopped yelling at me and began moping and getting upset because I was always busy without him, but it was his own fault because I'd sat home for 3 years waiting for him to have time and I was awfully tired of my own living room because he'd have to cancel.

    Don't end up like I did

  7. #7
    amipushy
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    3,452
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    89
    As much as I hate to agree with this 'chase thing' I have to agree with the fact that you are chasing him and thats where you're going wrong. And I know guys always say it would be great if us women did the running but from experience they don't really like it, they get spooked by the attention, and do a runner.

    If he wanted to see you he would make the effort first. Don't make the effort for him as all you will get is what you're getting now - a man who is 'running away' whilst making BS excuses.

  8. #8
    Maya_A
    Gold Member Maya_A's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Ontario_Canada
    Posts
    991
    Gender
    Female
    Never make someone a priority who considers you as merely an option.
    So well said^^^

    fatcat, if you both made tentative plans for a Friday for example, I'd say "let me know by Thurs. morning or I will have other plans & won't be available"...

    And even though you want to see him, if you haven't heard from him by the time line I would go ahead and make those other plans. It would be important to stick by what you say to him so he would know that he indeed won't see you if he can't decide.

    That will tell you more about his non/interest level.

    It's soooo unacceptable for you to wait out the entire day on the off chance that he may call. It is also insulting. Thirdly, it sends a message to him regarding how you feel within yourself & how you allow yourself to be treated...

    I wish you well in this...

  9. #9
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    53
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    23
    I see nothing wrong with her asking him out...he is not running away simply because she asked him out. A man who is truly interested in a woman does not get turned off or scared off if she takes the initiative. Only ambivalent men get turned off and insecure men get scared off..this would happen anyway even if the guy spent the whole first month initiating...because at a certain point a woman will start initiating as well..and if a man is the type that can't handle it from the beginning, he will not be able to handle it in the middle...why do you think a lot of male pursuers run the other way the minute the woman is hooked and starts feeling secure enough to be herself and not some demure, simpering being who waits for the guy to initiate. I also wonder why women think it is disgraceful and turns men off if they initiate but have no problems spreading their legs for the guy on the first or second date. Why is it simply calling a guy for a date is chasing but spreading your legs for him when you barely know him is something that women tell other women "well, if he likes you then it won't make a difference". I would say there is more on the line when women have sex with a guy early on than if they simply call a guy and say "how about going to a movie tonight". At any rate, in response to the OP...it is rude to keep someone dangling...when date plans are only tentative even right down to the day of the date..and a time is left up in the air, that should not be tolerated...I find that objectionable even from friends. If people want to see each other they make a definite plan and a definite time.

  10. #10
    amipushy
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    3,452
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    89
    Funny, I posted a thread about that very thing...

    [Register to see the link]

    Oh and IT DOES MATTER

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Question About Multi-Dating And Sex
This is to the ladies who multi-date, but men feel free to chime in too. Last summer, I multi-dated a little bit (no sex), but I never really
"Falling in Love" according to an evolutionary psychologist:
So, I've been listening to a podcast called "Beat Your Genes" by Dr. Doug Lisle, a clinical psychologist who approaches psychology from a
What if she doesn't say I Love You Back?
Hi everyone. I have been dating my girlfriend since January. After long hard thought I have finally come to realise that I love her. I totally accept
Head over heels over someone I've never met
So a few months ago I decided to try out online dating. After a weeks of trying it out, I found someone that was perfect for me. We had the same
dating pet peeve-can it be stopped?
Hi, all! I have this HUGE pet peeve. Just about every time I go on a first date, I get pressured for sex. It doesn't matter how I dress. I don't act
I can't quit thinking about him. What is my next move?
So there is this guy that I can NOT quit thinking about and I need some guidance. I'm 29 and haven't dated too much the last few years. I'm super
losing virginity to someone who cares but unsure about committing
The situation: Girl is a twenty something year old virgin, she was dating this guy with commitment and intimacy issues for half a year last year and

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
My boyfriend doesn't text me as much anymore?
My boyfriend would text me everyday all day and now he won't text me first anymore or at all sometimes. Last night he stopped replying to my text so
Is she the rebound
If he leaves a 17 year relationship to date his High School Sweetheart from 32 years ago, is she a rebound ?
I want to break NC after almost 2 months to invite my ex gf to a concert
We have been in NC for almost 2 months after being together for 6 years. She stopped responding to a text i sent her. I saw she was interested in
Online dating, and why it doesn't work well for most men
We discussed this before, and for some reason people got personal and mean about it. So I have no intention of returning to this thread, but I wanted
PLEASE HELP, boyfriend talks to mom 4-5 times per day, very odd relationship....
Hi guys, Always been hesitant to post my personal business online. Anyways... here it goes... So my boyfriend is amazing...(just to throw this
Hurtful joking
My bf jokes about things that are very hurtful. Today was probably one of the most hurtful. He tried to grab my breasts and he does this a lot. He's
He dumped me and won't return my stuff
So I was seeing a guy for a short amount of time. Out of the blue....he blocked me? Fair enough, I get the message, I think it's rude but
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •