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Thread: Boyfriend showing signs of financial irresponsibility

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2008

    Boyfriend showing signs of financial irresponsibility

    I've been noticing over the past few weeks that my boyfriend tends to be (imo) irresponsible with the way he is spending his money. He is currently in the army reserves and receives a check for almost $200 once a month. He is desperately searching for another job as his father is kicking him out at the end of the month. His father believes this is the only way to get him on his own and to grow up some, while they also don't get along very well.

    He found out 2 weeks ago that he had about a month to get out and his stay is ending next week. He still has no job, which i dont blame on him because he has been desperately looking every day and its just the economy is horrible. Even I have been looking for a job for the past 8 months and still nothing. Friends and family too. edit: (his own father was even layed off and is currently jobless!)

    He recently received about $1000 from the army which you think he would have put towards moving out and paying bills. Instead he talks about spending $400 on an item and now another $250 or so on a car he wants to fix up only for show. He's already spent the $1000 and on what idk.. His own car doesn't work half the time and it uses a ridiculous amount of gas (not to mention he is uninsured because he can't pay for it). He also complains how he never has gas money and yet he drives himself and friends everywhere accross the city to wherever everyone is hanging out. He goes out at night and also eats out and gets fast food all the time when his mother provides tons of food at home.

    He has told me he wants to buy a house in the next year and sort of settle down a little. He will be receiving a large bonus from the army at the end of the year but is already talking about blowing it on his show car and other recreation.

    Maybe i'm just being crazy or controlling but he is being really financially irresponsible and it scares me for our future. I can understand that he is still young (early 20's) and wants to have fun but the few responsibilities that he currently has aren't even being taken care of. It doesn't bother me that he has no money and i'd rather him not spend a penny on me right now but i'd like to help him i'm just not sure what to say or how.
    When I do say little things to him about it, i think it may come off as controlling but that is the last thing that i want. I just don't know what to say or how to say it.?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    i'm not sure it's your place to say anything. he'll have to figure things out on his own. but i wouldn't rush into marrying this guy until you get the finances under control.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    His father is right... he does need to be out on his own and figure out what it means to not have someone housing, feeding, and clothing him.

    It also sounds like he's not taking it seriously that his father is going to throw him out. He's acting like a teenager the way he's spending money, not a guy in his 20s.

    So sometimes you just have to let him fall and experience the consequences of his actions. Hardship is the best teacher. If his parents do throw him out, he will probably try to sponge off someone else.

    You can try to refocus him by asking him what he intends to do at the end of the month, whether he will live etc. He will find out soon enough if he is on his own how quickly money goes when you have to pay rent and buy food and finance yourself.

    You could also talk about watching some self help videos on financial management and budgeting or taking a class together on it. But i seriously doubt he'd be interested until he's actually felt the pain of having to support himself.

    But i most definitely would NOT consider mingling finances with him or marrying him until he has shown that he's learned how to take care of himself and deal with financial priorities. Otherwise you most likely will be paying all the rent, food, necessities, while he spends all the money he earns on toys for himself.

  4. #4
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    I felt the same way about my ex...he was very irresponsible and well, made me uncomfortable. I couldn't see myself with him if he had such responsibility like that. So now I am even pickier with who I date (we had a mutual breakup, which was not over finances but you know what they say, people don't change until they don't want to, and guess what? my ex is still the same). So I guess I don't have much advice expect I have to agree with the above posters.

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