Originally Posted by jstudio
BUMP. This is an amazing thread, and one I really needed to read right now. Thank you all for your insight. If you have read my other posts, you will see that I am having a lot of highs and lows currently. After a four year relationship that ended in a very intense and sad way, I guess it is all very normal for the ups and downs. One thing my ex mentioned is focusing on bettering myself, and further down the line, we would take it from there. I also know he needs the space to improve himself. I still love him, and I think the breakup made me realize just how much I took him for granted. Neither of us was perfect, though. No one is.
My question is... now that I have spent time creating space, improving myself (getting a great new job, taking care of my health, with no contact, I feel compelled to write him an e-mail and let him know all of these things that I have done to better myself. I know not everything can change overnight or in the few months we have been broken up. I just want him to know these things. I am afraid, though, that because I still love him and want to reconcile someday, that it may come across as needy or disingenuous. I want him to be proud of me, and I want him to know I started to take these steps. I've since moved from California (where we lived together) to Arizona... it would be hard for him to be aware of all these changes. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Question to consider yourself:

What was your true purpose for making all these positive changes in your life?

Did you make these changes for yourself, to improve, grow and evolve?

Or did you make these changes for him, hoping to capture his attention and love again?

If you made for him, then I am afraid your mindset still isn't where it should be.

Never change yourself for a man or anyone, to recapture his love, or to impress him or anything else.

Change for yourself, seek improvement for yourself, to be the best person you can be - for yourself. To increase self-esteem and confidence.

Unless you changed for him, an attempt to recapture his heart, there is absolutely no reason to mention to him..

Not to mention, he will most likely see right through it, and see it as some sort of maneuver to get him back, a manipulation of sorts. Disingenuous as you said.

It doesn't matter what he thinks - he is your ex.