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Thread: It can happen if you really get your act together

  1. #521
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    Feb 2017
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    BUMP. This is an amazing thread, and one I really needed to read right now. Thank you all for your insight. If you have read my other posts, you will see that I am having a lot of highs and lows currently. After a four year relationship that ended in a very intense and sad way, I guess it is all very normal for the ups and downs. One thing my ex mentioned is focusing on bettering myself, and further down the line, we would take it from there. I also know he needs the space to improve himself. I still love him, and I think the breakup made me realize just how much I took him for granted. Neither of us was perfect, though. No one is.
    My question is... now that I have spent time creating space, improving myself (getting a great new job, taking care of my health, with no contact, I feel compelled to write him an e-mail and let him know all of these things that I have done to better myself. I know not everything can change overnight or in the few months we have been broken up. I just want him to know these things. I am afraid, though, that because I still love him and want to reconcile someday, that it may come across as needy or disingenuous. I want him to be proud of me, and I want him to know I started to take these steps. I've since moved from California (where we lived together) to Arizona... it would be hard for him to be aware of all these changes. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #522
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    Originally Posted by jstudio
    BUMP. This is an amazing thread, and one I really needed to read right now. Thank you all for your insight. If you have read my other posts, you will see that I am having a lot of highs and lows currently. After a four year relationship that ended in a very intense and sad way, I guess it is all very normal for the ups and downs. One thing my ex mentioned is focusing on bettering myself, and further down the line, we would take it from there. I also know he needs the space to improve himself. I still love him, and I think the breakup made me realize just how much I took him for granted. Neither of us was perfect, though. No one is.
    My question is... now that I have spent time creating space, improving myself (getting a great new job, taking care of my health, with no contact, I feel compelled to write him an e-mail and let him know all of these things that I have done to better myself. I know not everything can change overnight or in the few months we have been broken up. I just want him to know these things. I am afraid, though, that because I still love him and want to reconcile someday, that it may come across as needy or disingenuous. I want him to be proud of me, and I want him to know I started to take these steps. I've since moved from California (where we lived together) to Arizona... it would be hard for him to be aware of all these changes. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
    You don't need to tell him anything!

  3. #523
    Bronze Member
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    Keep doing what you're doing! As vesper said, no need to tell him anything. This is for you, not him. If he's curious enough about you down the line, he will reach out to you.

  4. #524
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    Reading this thread again for the second time, I needed it because I broke contact with a drunk dial and text.

    BUMP.

  5.  

  6. #525
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    Worth bumping this I think

  7. #526
    Silver Member valavoo's Avatar
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    This thread is beautiful.

    *sits in it and reads*

  8. #527
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    Wow, surprised how long this thread went for. Havenít been here in close to 10 years? Memories.
    Canít say I didnít learn from this and that helped a lot. I donít do crappy relationships anymore. No time for it, and Iíd rather be single. Wish someone had shook me and said that years ago, maybe lightbulb would have went on. I guess its hard when youíre lonely and hurt and it seems like the source is someone else to see that clearly. The source was in me, but I selectively forgot that maybe. BS theories, Iíve got lots of em.
    Iíve been happily in love and married several years with a different ex that I got back together with (from even before), and we arenít having these kinds of problems anymore. Mysterious stuff. Onward.

  9. #528
    I have been lurking here for several weeks and made an account, partly to respond to this one.

    I'm glad I found this thread early-ish on in my healing journey. It teased out all the nuances to the questions I've been having about the typical rules we, the heartbroken, find on internet forums, youtube, and from well-meaning friends. I really needed this. Thanks to everyone who posted here.

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