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Thread: When your girlfriend says she feels she doesn't deserve you?

  1. #1
    Iwantittoend
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    When your girlfriend says she feels she doesn't deserve you?

    What the hell do you say back to that? I hate when she says that, and it's been coming up more and more lately.

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    SighSob
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    i smell cheating

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    vertigoxo
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    Either she's cheating or has serious issues with herself.

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    acinom
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    I don't know if it's cheating but it is definitely some sort of manipulation technique. The next time she says it, reply casually "yeah, you're probably right.". This is not what she expects and if shes planning to leave you she will leave you regardless.

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    Iwantittoend
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    Quote Originally Posted by vertigoxo [Register to see the link]
    Either she's cheating or has serious issues with herself.
    Well she's had self-esteem issues since I've known her. She basically hates herself.

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    _Asti_
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    Well, thats a main problem.
    Sometimes my SO and I say "What did I do to deserve you..." sort of thing, but its during a sweet moment, or more romantic based..not insecure based. And from the sounds of it, she is very insecure and doesn't feel like she deserves someone who treats her well or right. And quite frankly, it may just be a matter of time before these insecurities leach into every area of the relationship.

    She needs to realize that yes, she does deserve you..but that will only come from being secure with herself, and knowing her self worth and what she deserves in life..and only she can do that..thats an inside job.

    Hve you questioned her, probed it further? Asked "Why do you say that? Why don't you feel like you deserve me?" What does she say?
    Or make it known how frustrating or upsetting it is to hear her say that.
    But ultimately, there's nothing you can do or say. She needs to fix herslef and know her personal worth before she can appreciate someone loving her fully.

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    Iwantittoend
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Asti_ [Register to see the link]

    Hve you questioned her, probed it further? Asked "Why do you say that? Why don't you feel like you deserve me?" What does she say?
    Or make it known how frustrating or upsetting it is to hear her say that.
    But ultimately, there's nothing you can do or say. She needs to fix herslef and know her personal worth before she can appreciate someone loving her fully.
    Yes, I ask her all the time, and she comes back with things like: "I'm fat, ugly stupid, insecure" etc...

    Then I try to reassure her that I'm fine with who she is but she doesn't believe it. It never ends.

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    g84
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    The first thing that i would probably think of is self-esteem worries/issues.

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    _Asti_
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    Of course, because its a problem with herself, and only one she can fix.
    It's just a matter of how much you can tolerate her lack of self confidence, it just doesn't go away by itself, it will take work and effort from her.

    Have you asked her about what she would change? How would she feel if you exercised together? Ate healthier together? Have you tried working on these things with her? Asked her to speak to someone? Does she know how frustrated you are about this?

    In my opinion, someone who doesn't care about thesmelves, or doesn't love themselves cannot accept love and being loved.
    How does she treat you? How is the relationship as a whole?

    This will be a constant battle until she can love and appreciate herself..and there's only so much you can say or do, because this is about her and her fixing and feeling good about herself..if she doubts herself..no compliments will change that because in her eyes, she's still fat and ugly and whatever else she feels, and she can only change that perception through personal work.

  10. #10
    Iwantittoend
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Asti_ [Register to see the link]
    Of course, because its a problem with herself, and only one she can fix.
    It's just a matter of how much you can tolerate her lack of self confidence, it just doesn't go away by itself, it will take work and effort from her.

    Have you asked her about what she would change? How would she feel if you exercised together? Ate healthier together? Have you tried working on these things with her? Asked her to speak to someone? Does she know how frustrated you are about this?

    In my opinion, someone who doesn't care about thesmelves, or doesn't love themselves cannot accept love and being loved.
    How does she treat you? How is the relationship as a whole?
    I try to offer her these options all the time but she usually isn't very receptive. She gives up very easily, which makes the situation 10 times more frustrating. It's like no matter what I say it just won't get better.

    She has her moments when she's great and other times when she's just in a terrible mood. Lately it's been more of the latter, and I'm getting really fed up with it.

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