Have a gf, but I also want to have some fun....

...okay, this is a silly thread title, but I'm in serious need of councelling here.

I made a RESOLUTION with myself on April 2, 2009 that if a relationship with my gf falls apart, it CAN NOT fall apart on the basis of me seeing someone else and cheating on her. I have to either not-pursue anyone else, or I have to break-up with her. I signed this resolution in writing and it is a self-contract. So far, interactions that fall below the "radar" do not impact this RESOLUTION. When it is on "radar", then it's in force. Most below "radar" stuff is either "childsplay" or it's "socialization", but if it gets too serious, then this is looked at with a fine tooth comb. I do not want this RESOLUTION self-contract challenged here, I merely want to put it to public scrutiny to see if I'm following it or not.

Now, that being said, there is I believe a SINGLE girl at the office that's way more attractive than my gf that I just asked out to see a movie with me. I told her I would follow-up later on it (but the reality is, I have to consult the RESOLUTION and general ethics (which is why I'm posting here) before following-up. I may choose not to follow-up at all.

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The only excuse to proceed otherwise without breaking-up with my gf is it's child-play and I can not form a serious enough intention to do anything serious with her (i.e. we are just hanging out as just friends and there is no potential for anything more serious), and given my low experience or exposure to women, this is healthy socializing and child-play.

In the back of my mind I'd like to have mad animalistic sex with her.

There is no history with her, touching wise, and interactions have usually been a "just friends" distance.

Even so, my gf has told me she considers hugging another girl cheating (if there is a little too much satisfaction out of that hug than normal), and pleutonic encounters may also be viewed the same way -- assumedly, if a dispropriate amount of satisfaction is being derived from it.

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That being said, I'm familiar with advice from under_my_umbrella, which is to stop analyzing everything and follow my intuition, and other people who object to the way I just overanalzye things to death.

I'm unsure of whether this is child-play or socializing, or if it's a direct threat to the RESOLUTION and has to be resolved as directed in the RESOLUTION with just two options. What do you think?

Secondly, this is a long-distance relationship. She is sending money for me to buy a plane ticket for her to come down for the summer. She's currently in North Manitoba.

Thank you for reading and providing input. I need to know if I'm breaking a contract with myself (and potentially someone else) or not on whatever is going on here.

It sounds like you're making excuses to yourself. you want to go on a date with a hotter girl than your girlfriend, and as long as you're within a certain set of "rules" then you're allowed to...

Meh, i think its morally a gray area.... personally, I think you're just making excuses to yourself, and you know that you're setting up to cheat on your girlfriend...... but who knows? I'm not inside your head....

I think you should just break it off with your GF, and date whoever you want, whenever you want: until you find someone that you wouldn't cheat on anymore~

Just break up with your chick. She deserves someone that doesn't want to take his coworker that he thinks is hotter than her to a movie and then have "animalistic" sex with her.

In other words, the RESOLUTION is in effect leaving to a two option scenerio.

One of the other options is to walk and not pursue the other co-worker at the office.

Agreed with the others. Do your gf a favor, break up with her and let her find someone comitted to her. Then you can date at will.

I think I may be more comfortable or compatable with my gf. I never had a girl before her with this level of commitment, and I don't want her to go insane (happened before) if I break-up with her. Suppose she really is the right person for me and this is just some sort of temptation to test me out?

I only see her for about two months in a year since she lives in a far north place - but she is very accomidating with me (as long as no other women is involved).

For the record, I never had sex with anyone (I"m a virgin), and I've french kissed my gf (she initiated) and made out with her briefly. We are just dealing with emotional infidelity or emotional potential only as issues here on this thread.

Well, if I were your gf I would definitely want to know about your dilemma because that would allow me to make the best decision I could for myself. Do you think it's okay to only look out for you own interests? If so, maybe having a gf is not for you at this time.

Well, if I were your gf I would definitely want to know about your dilemma because that would allow me to make the best decision I could for myself. Do you think it's okay to only look out for you own interests? If so, maybe having a gf is not for you at this time.

There is no dillemma, there is a resolution, the resolution solves any problem with a two option solution. I'm not going to see two women at the same time. That's not a dillema to me, that's a choice.

People seem to agree on here that this is a significant thing that is not below the radar.

A third option is to get my gf's PERMISSION to go out with this girl, since this was never brought up before, but I think a movie is a little too far and will defeat the purpose. No, left to a two option scenerio only.

You have to make a contract with yourself not to cheat on your girlfriend? What the hell? Who does that? I'd say you would be doing her a big favor by breaking up with her.

There is no dillemma, there is a resolution, the resolution solves any problem with a two option solution. I'm not going to see two women at the same time. That's not a dillema to me, that's a choice.

 

People seem to agree on here that this is a significant thing that is not below the radar.

Is your gf aware of your resolution? If not then I will restate my previous post:

If I were your gf I would want to be aware of your resolution so that I could make a decision based upon it. Keeping this information from your gf is akin to lying by omission. If you cannot be completely open and honest with your gf about your resolution (which is really about how you feel) then perhaps you are not quite ready to have a gf.

The fact that you are even considering this, let's me know that you shouldn't be with your gf.

You FINALLY have a girlfriend, and you can't even stay loyal to her.

Is your gf aware of your resolution? If not then I will restate my previous post:

 

If I were your gf I would want to be aware of your resolution so that I could make a decision based upon it. Keeping this information from your gf is akin to lying by omission. If you cannot be completely open and honest with your gf about your resolution (which is really about how you feel) then perhaps you are not quite ready to have a gf.

The resolution is a commitment with her that if this falls apart, it's not going to fall apart because of disloyalty, but it can fall apart for any other reason. This goes for total honesty and disclosure and therefore no cheating potential.

Of course she would love a resolution like that.

The fact that you are even considering this, let's me know that you shouldn't be with your gf.

 

You FINALLY have a girlfriend, and you can't even stay loyal to her.

I think I'm going to very great lengths to ensure that I am loyal to her by responding with knee-jerk reactions, such as writing threads like this on here, if there is any perceived threat to that loyalty.

I still did not pursue that girl for a movie and therefore I am not disloyal, unless I willfully do something that my gf is not aware of. I'm siding with under_my_umbrella that if you are going too far if you are looking at thought-life.

In fact, I have asked my gf for permission to view pornography before and use a fleshlight ealrier this year and she granted permission because she was away in a long-distance relationship. This shows that she's not too concerned about what is going on in my thought-life and it is okay with her.

The resolution is a commitment with her that if this falls apart, it's not going to fall apart because of disloyalty, but it can fall apart for any other reason. This goes for total honesty and disclosure and therefore no cheating potential.

 

Of course she would love a resolution like that.

You are already being disloyal. In reading what you wrote, you have already betrayed your girlfriend.

If I were to just read the first post in this thread, I would have left your rump in a second.

The resolution is a commitment with her that if this falls apart, it's not going to fall apart because of disloyalty, but it can fall apart for any other reason. This goes for total honesty and disclosure and therefore no cheating potential.

 

Of course she would love a resolution like that.

So, then what is the problem with sharing it with her if you are so certain she'd love it.

You might be better off just dating, and not try to be in committed relationships until you feel mature enough to be with one person only.

I would tell your long distance girlfriend that you can't committ to a real relationship, before she gets hurt.

You are being very selfish and should break up with your girlfriend. She deserves someone worth her time.

You are already being disloyal. In reading what you wrote, you have already betrayed your girlfriend.

Oh, how was I disloyal?

Tell me. I'm for full disclosure. I'll tell her if I did anything inappropriate today.

Oh, how was I disloyal?

 

Tell me. I'm for full disclosure. I'll tell her if I did anything inappropriate today.

If you think you are innocent, let your girlfriend read this thread.

So, then what is the problem with sharing it with her if you are so certain she'd love it.

Fine, I'll share it with her.

If you think you are innocent, let your girlfriend read this thread.

My girlfriend doesn't care about my thought-life, as I discussed before. There is no sense troubling her with what is going on between the ears.

I've already troubled her once before by asking her permission to view porn.

I don't view porn anymore. That's over. This is all thought-stuff.

Why did you create this internal conflict in the first place? As a general rule, you don't do date-like things with someone who is not your SO while you are in a relationship. You are wondering why this "happened" to you, but it didn't just happen. YOU did it. Why are you even wanting to go to a movie with this girl? If you were already friends, and you were going with a group... different story. But why are you initiating contact with a person whom you already said you find more attractive than your gf? You are setting yourself up. The question is why the heck you are doing it.

A good way to determine if what you are doing is ok is by asking yourself if it would be ok if the situation were reversed. If your gf asked a guy to a movie, and she found that guy to be more attractive than you, would you be ok with it?

My girlfriend doesn't care about my thought-life, as I discussed before. There is no sense troubling her with what is going on between the ears.

I've already troubled her once before by asking her permission to view porn.

I don't view porn anymore. That's over. This is all thought-stuff.

That's a cop out, in my honest opinion.

I don't know normal girl who wouldn't have dumped you upon reading this thread.

You know you are wrong.

You know you feel guilty.

Stop prolonging taking the blame.

That's a cop out, in my honest opinion.

 

I don't know normal girl who wouldn't have dumped you upon reading this thread.

 

You know you are wrong.

 

You know you feel guilty.

 

Stop prolonging taking the blame.

Right, so what do you think? I should ask my gf permission to date this girl? If she wants to break-up with me for asking that question then fine. If she says no I can't date her, then I'll stay away, but that gives enough information to give her an indication of how I"m sort of feeling or at what level of maturity I'm at for a serious relatoinship.

Or I could just not do anything at all here and forget pursuing this girl at the office.

Do you really not realize what you are saying? Please re read everything you've said. Do you really want to be this person?