I don’t even know where to begin.
I am 24 and he is 23. We met in University. Some background on our relationship: we’ve been together 3 Ĺ years. We are now LD, because he works in a different city than I do. We lived together for two of those years. Our relationship has been extremely rocky, but recently, we’ve made it better and it’s working so perfectly. The problem is my boyfriend is obessessed with self-development and he doesn’t think he can manage it, while he is in a long-term committed relationship. He wants to focus 100% on his self-development, so he feels the relationship would interfere.
Recently, I told him that I couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to know if he wanted me in his life, or not. That’s when I found out another part of the reason why he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He doesn’t think I’m the “one”.
He loves me. He enjoys my company. He can even see himself being extremely happy with me in the future, but where the problem is, is his mindset and his ideals. I’m not the ideal person in his head. He has this perfect person all set up in his head and I don’t match her. He knows I’m not the one he wants ideally (in his head). So right now, we’re going on a break, so that I can give him some space to think.
He’s trying to figure out if he can truly drop the feelings about me not being the one he wants, without ever being resentful, because that is what he feels will truly determine whether or not our relationship can have a fair chance of succeeding. He feels very strongly that he won’t be able to, but he wants to be 100% sure. He says he doesn’t want to date anymore, unless the ideal girl, who matches his description 100% comes along. He says he loves me so much, but he doesn’t think he can let go of this mindset and he’s worried he’ll resent our relationship in the future.
This is extremely frustrating to me, so I would like some insight from you guys. He’s not lying, when he says our relationship is everything he needs and he’d be perfectly happy with it. He is happy now, but he’s worried he may feel differently in the future, because he knows I’m not the ideal girl in his mind. He is worried that these doubts will ultimately be the thing to end our relationship. Can someone give me some advice on how I should deal with this and if there is any advice I could give him? We're having one last talk tonight, before we go on a break, or maybe break up for good.