To those who have been dumped for someone else

Four months ago my long term boyfriend of three years dumped me for another girl. It has been a long, hard and painful journey, but it does get better. I have learned a lot from my experiences and have actually become grateful for this in some ways. Being dumped is bad enough. You have to get used to life without your significant other. You don't have that support you once did and are now forced to rearrange your future that you once planned around your ex. You have to deal with going to places that remind you of them or hearing songs that take you back to the good times. It’s not an easy process, especially if it was a complete surprise. During this time you try and work on the things that led the relationship to fail. If it was your own fault you may try to work on your qualities that your partner did not like, for one reason or the other. Sometimes there is no need to fix any qualities. Instead, you have to take the time to realize that you gave the relationship all you could and if they did not see that...then they did not deserve you anyways. It takes a lot to make the physical changes and gain the mental strength, but hopefully, you got a concrete reason as to why you didn't work for them. Answers help the healing process.

Through my experiences, I think being dumped for someone else is the ultimate heartbreaker.

I am sure many of you have been dumped for someone else. And I am sure many can say it was "their loss" and that "I deserve so much better than them anyways". If you are one of these people, I strongly admire you. I unfortunately was not. It was not that easy to let him go. I could not say "screw you" and move on with my life. I think there are a lot of people out there who felt the way I did. It was a process that I do actually feel fortunate enough to have been though for some reasons that I will get too. The worst feeling through all of this is the first one to arise, and that is the feeling of being replaced. You immediately feel like the relationship meant nothing to your partner. You feel like you meant nothing to your partner. You wonder how they can start a brand new bond with someone so quickly, while you are left to pick up the pieces. I often wondered how I would ever fall in love again. I wondered how long it would take until I actually felt happy…a feeling that I thought would never return. It seemed so bizarre that my partner could be happy and fall in love so quickly. Then you experience some resentment to their new girlfriend or boyfriend. You start to blame them for letting it happen even though you know it is really your ex you should be hurt by. They were the one who wasn’t supposed to hurt you.

Some may say that the partner may have mentally prepared themselves for a while before getting the courage to dump you, which makes it easier for them to move on and experience new love. But then you wonder why they didn’t respect you enough to share their honest feelings. Why would they lie to you and tell you that they loved you when they had someone else in mind?

You hope and pray that the relationship does not work out for them. You want them to feel as miserable as you do. You had to go through the pain of breakup and process of healing alone, while they are out having fun. You realize there new partner is getting to experience all the fun things you miss doing with your ex. You hope that they come back, so you can either take them back and start anew, or so you could get satisfaction in telling them off. You begin to do all the wrong things shattering some dignity. You beg and try to force them to remember the good times. For most of us that really doesn’t work and we all secretly know this. We all know they have to come to the realizations of what they want for themselves. So then you go no contact. You can’t bear to see them with the person you love, so it’s all you have left.

You’re left with so many unanswered questions that make it impossible to move on. You wonder what this new person has that you don’t. You wonder what mistakes you made that led this to happen. You wonder if you should have seen this coming and could have prevented it. And the worst of all…. You wonder how the love of your life did this to you, especially after you gave the relationship everything you had. One day you begin to realize that you did not make any mistakes. This was not your fault and you do deserve better. You begin to notice more around you and see that there are better people out there who won’t hurt you, no matter how perfect you thought your ex was. I swore up and down I would never find someone as perfect for me as my ex. Four months later I realize he wasn’t the perfect one for me because his love was not strong enough to hold my hand. It took just one person to break the strong bond I thought we shared and I guess that says a lot. The best feeling is when you can honestly say you were the best thing your ex ever had and it is a shame they let you go. You no longer get angered by the fact you helped them financially and offered constant support. You now recognize that you can give it to someone more deserving. Despite what they did to you, a part of you will always love them. And that is perfectly ok… they did teach you something.

My ex is still with his new girlfriend and I have accepted it. I have come to terms that this is for the best. If he found love again, I will too. And it will be much better. I am happy again. I can laugh again. It was a mental and physical process, but it made me a better person. Here is some of the things I have learned:

1. I learned how valuable trust is. It made me appreciate my family and friends because I know they will always be there and be on my side. I thought my trust would be shattered with guys after this experience, but I don’t believe that to be the case. It just made me eager to prove to someone new that I can be trusted and find someone who I trust.

2. I learned that I can be as happy on my own as I am in a relationship, if not more so. I finally did things for me. It took me a while to get to this point but now that I am here I am glad. I finally spend my money on myself and do things I did not have time to do before. Best of all I don't feel even a little guilty for doing so.

3. I learned that I could be a good listener. Experiencing this type of breakup led me to help others with relationship issues. I wanted to do something positive,

4. I learned that a date is just a date. I got sad on what would have been our actual three year anniversary, but quickly learned that it is just another day and I must go on.

5. I learned that I can’t sit around and be upset and bitter. It is not worth it and only sets back my progress to finding a new and exciting relationship. And it makes them feel happy to be missed so much.

6. Best of all I learned that it is not the end of the world

Again, I realize that all situations are different, but I advise you to stay close to your friends and family. Do not bottle things up. Talk about what bothers you to them because that’s what they are for. Let your ex go and don't try and talk to them until you can do so rationally. Even if you deserve some explanations from your ex, don’t expect to get them. Some day they will grieve your loss, but for now they are covering it up. Things may never make sense but I guess love doesn’t make sense either. You deserve the best and let someone special give that to you whole heartedly. Never know what is in store for you.

So forgive them. It makes healing a lot easier. And know you will cross their minds at some point, even if they say or act otherwise.

Remember: It takes a relationship gone sour to make you appreciate and understand an amazing one.

I've been through all of this in the past 6 or 7 months and it's still painful once in awhile. Sometimes I just wanna call her up and ask her what the heck she did that for, but I already know what she would say. I really like your post and appreciate the time you took to right all that down because I can't express my thoughts like that.

Remember: It takes a relationship gone sour to make you appreciate and understand an amazing one.

Everything's for a reason

I am 2 weeks away from my 1 year break up anniversary. I am having a dark day. Your post mentioned a lot about what i am feeling.

I have come very very far..so i also know that it will pass soon.

However i still look forward to the day when I am the first thing on my mind. He still creeps up on me and it bothers me.

I dont think of him fondly anymore...he is who he is and he needs to experience what he needs to. However i still love him..He is still in a place in my heart, while i know i am not in his and probably never have been either. But even with these feelings i know that i can never trust him again. The wounds are too deep for that. I forgive him..i honestly do, but i cant get past the feeling that if we ever would try to reconcile..it simply just would not work. A Sad feeling..because you know that thing you have longed for for so long can never be a reality. So moving on is the only option..the only door I can take.

But what i do feel is this eternal nagging feeling that something just is not right. That my senses are still telling me that I actually was his most perfect fit, but he could not own up to that to himself. Even now when i look at his datingprofiles sometimes i get a feeling that he is still looking for me. Ridiculous huh.. (Yeah i look sometimes...dont know why really)

Its a weird feeling i get. But reality has it that he has NEVER once called me, never taken any initiative to contact me. If time will tell...than all of this time TIME has been telling me that it is over and done. No if, When or but. No denial. He has been extremely consistent in showing me that i am out of his life. So i am not in denial about that. And it does not even hurt anymore...

So why still this feeling?...aaarrrgh. What is that feeling?

I guess...

It is high time i start opening my heart up for someone else, to really go out there and find a cute guy to give my attention to and my love..in the new and improved way. I feel ready..because the substitution guy i have chosen right now is not working out. And i dont feel like doing things half anymore..

I just hope that my intuition wont fail me this time, that this time i will get it right, i can trust my feelings and act on them.

I really need a good experience now, so i hope the Universe will grant me that..

ForeverXo well donde there! you really nailed what someone feels when they are left for another person. totally realte to everything. that is just amazing...u really expressed those feelings well. top of the pop ! as for me she left me for another...always denied it..but my gut feeing always told me so. she did contact me, wanted to remain friends..but i couldnt and tought nc would bring her back..it didnt..now am healed i contacted her but she doesnt seem to want to get bak in touch . she is still with the other dude. but now am free i sitll think of her from time to time. but i know it will never be again. like broken said, the damage has been done and even though i have forgiven her, i dont think i could start anything again with her. the only option is to move forward..find love again, this time learn from the past and smile at your future. am stronger and happier person than i ever was!

Ex fiance cheated on me and left me for a different man (not the one she cheated on me with) so it was like a double whammy, took me like 7-8 months to get over it dated again and I was dumped again, I don't know if it was for someone else but I would rather not know.

I literally have no trust for women but I know I'll get there once again, and yes being left fro someone else hurts like hell because you feel liek your not good enough, your confidence self esteem is shattered and you feel like you can never trust anyone again.

Lovely touching and informative post! I will say more later as I'm typing from my blackberry...a few books I've found really helpful are "the journey from abandonment to healing" and "dare to forgive"...both have some very useful and practical exercises for working through the pain rage and sadness in order to let go

Many hugs!

Excellet post, I found myself nodding along all the way through it. Thank you.

exactly what i have been going through. i can relate to it all. my ex married the one he left me for 2 months afterwards. its been so hard coming to terms with this. so hard not having him in my life after 10 years of being together. i do feel like i was replaced, its not fair. i'm doing alot better now, but it was very rough for awhile. i know i will move past this and be a better person, with time. but its just so hard right now.

Sums up what I went through/am going through as well, exactly. The feeling of being replaced by another is so terrible. My ex did not cheat on me physically, I believe, but there was someone she immediately started seeing after she left me - something she always denied up until the last time we spoke. We had our issues, but rather than work on them together, she left for someone new. She is having the time of her life with him and the only thing I can think about is how it should be me instead...

Thank you for your post. It was very insightful and describes exactly what I am going through.

It definitely is a great post,I can so relate.My ex has told me there is nobody else,but I don't believe her because she cut me off so quickly after being so clingy and insecure about knowing where I was and what I was doing for two years.To all of a sudden not even calling and wondering how I was coping.

I wish she would have been truthful and just said she found someone else,as I

know she's too insecure and has abandonment issues to all of a sudden want to be alone.A big hug to anybody going through this.

Goodluck and keep fighting! This pain will someday be worth it. I too believe everything happens for a reason.

I had the same feelings that I was his perfect fit too. And the more I think about it, I probably was. But if they fail to recognize it then what can we do. I do believe someday near or far they will realize it. But we will never know. They won't admit they were wrong. And even if they do, by then we will be moved on. Throw the positive thoughts out in the Universe and you will get the happiness you want.

same thing happened to me 4 months ago with my ex boyfriend and i too was with him for 3 years. this is exactly how i felt and feel. it hurts a lot but i am feeling just a little bit better. he denies being with her but i kinda feel like he is. i dont know but i feel better knowing that im not the only going through this. thank you for sharing your story.

same thing happened to me 4 months ago with my ex boyfriend and i too was with him for 3 years. this is exactly how i felt and feel. it hurts a lot but i am feeling just a little bit better. he denies being with her but i kinda feel like he is. i dont know but i feel better knowing that im not the only going through this. thank you for sharing your story.

 

You're not alone! And I find it ironic that my ex tried to deny that they were together too, until she made it public... one week later. I'm glad to hear you're feeling a little bitter. Just keep busy and you'll be perfectly happy again. Goodluck

Its a weird feeling i get. But reality has it that he has NEVER once called me, never taken any initiative to contact me. If time will tell...than all of this time TIME has been telling me that it is over and done. No if, When or but. No denial. He has been extremely consistent in showing me that i am out of his life. So i am not in denial about that. And it does not even hurt anymore...

Hi, My situation is exaclty the same. After 5 years replaces me for someone else. And suddenly acts cold and businesslike. And after everything is arranged, contact stops completely. He was thinking about marrying me, and then he shows he doesn't want me in his live anymore, because he doesn't give any sign at all.

It is the opposite: he lives a similar live but with a new and exciting girl...

HOW can they do it? I am sure he loved me. How can it just go? Can feelings really totally disappear?

Hi, My situation is exaclty the same. After 5 years replaces me for someone else. And suddenly acts cold and businesslike. And after everything is arranged, contact stops completely. He was thinking about marrying me, and then he shows he doesn't want me in his live anymore, because he doesn't give any sign at all.

 

It is the opposite: he lives a similar live but with a new and exciting girl...

 

HOW can they do it? I am sure he loved me. How can it just go? Can feelings really totally disappear?

Its their way of dealing with it, its immature and lacks respect for the other person, i had the same thing as soon as everything was sorted i wasnt wanted, they may say thats its tough love but in fact its ignorance .

my ex strung me along for 6 months and then paraded her new beau in front of me, its a way of them showing you how much they are over you when they really are not, if they were over us totally they could still be civil and talk to us.

Ex fiancé cheated on me dumped me this was after three years said she wanted to be alone a week later telling me she has butterflies for some doucebag at her school. But there just friends a few days after that her facebook profile changes to in a relationship, then she taunts me for weeks after that how she loves him so much and thinking about kids and getting married.

All I can say is screw people like that they will get there's one day.

Ex fiancé cheated on me dumped me this was after three years said she wanted to be alone a week later telling me she has butterflies for some doucebag at her school. But there just friends a few days after that her facebook profile changes to in a relationship, then she taunts me for weeks after that how she loves him so much and thinking about kids and getting married.

 

All I can say is screw people like that they will get there's one day.

Karma will get them

Ex fiancé cheated on me dumped me this was after three years said she wanted to be alone a week later telling me she has butterflies for some doucebag at her school. But there just friends a few days after that her facebook profile changes to in a relationship, then she taunts me for weeks after that how she loves him so much and thinking about kids and getting married.

 

All I can say is screw people like that they will get there's one day.

ouch, i hear ya. all we can do is leave people like this to their own demise. karma will take care of them. as for you, live well - that's the best revenge.

I just wanted to bump this thread for anyone who might not have seen it, or someone new here...

And to let you know that karma does indeed take care of them.

My husband left me after 12 years of marriage. We had 3 children together and the youngest had just turned 2. Although heartbroken and in shock for some reason I was able to accept the situation. Then I found out there was another woman involved and it hit me bad. While he was playing "happy families" celebrating his daughter's 2nd birthday he was seeing someone else. For six months I drifted through life in a state of shock. Then I thought I would try an on-line dating site and through this I met someone else and my life was instantly turned around in a way I never dreamed possible.

The new relationship taught me so much and one thing I know for sure, I will never go back to my ex-husband (his relationship has now broken down) which I never could have imagined in the beginning of the split.

As another poster said everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that.

What happened to that new relationship btw ie is that why you are here with us ?

Hugs regardless !

I had the same feelings that I was his perfect fit too. And the more I think about it, I probably was. But if they fail to recognize it then what can we do. I do believe someday near or far they will realize it. But we will never know. They won't admit they were wrong. And even if they do, by then we will be moved on. Throw the positive thoughts out in the Universe and you will get the happiness you want.

you know thats what hurts the most.. is feeling like you were perfect for each other and have so much in common.. then she throws it all way.. i will never understand that..

What happened to that new relationship btw ie is that why you are here with us ?

Hugs regardless !

Yes it is. It didn't work out but I can't blame anyone other than myself for that. I messed him about in the beginning. Maybe it was too soon after my marriage had ended. I was confused and a bit of an emotional mess. It was also a LDR. In the end too many issues got in the way (one of them being my ex-husband). My story is on here somewhere. It was only after he ended the relationship that I realised just how much I thought of him. I wished I had trusted my emotions right from the beginning.

I messed up. Big time. I guess I deserve to be on here.

But it has taught me one thing ... and that is that I can love again and be loved again.

Hugs back!!!!!