Why do girls go back to their ex boyfriends?

I've been in love with this girl since i met her. She's so amazing in every way but she has a tendency to keep going back to her ex-boyfriend. He's a complete ass-hole and takes advantage of her forgiveness and trust but he can't forgive and trust her in return. He's a cheating douche that doesn't deserve her at all. My question is why do girls go back to undeserving ex's and leave the most deserving out in the fray.What is so "magical" about them to forgive them so easily?

I hear that the girl sometimes believes that she can 'fix' what is wrong with the ex, or that he truly needs her help in some way. I don't know how true this is though.

A lot of it has to do with esteem. They feel they can't do better or leave cause they will never find someone who will "love" or "understand" them again.

Classic prey phrases..."no one will ever love you understand you like me" "I can't go without you I will die without you" "You are going to throw away all the time we spent together cause of 1 mistake?"

It is not just women, everyone falls prey to it. When you get beat down so much you start to believe the lies, grow a custom to it. When you try to start something new, you can't break free from the old cycle. No can tell you different, don't try to "help" it will just cause tension in your friendship just leave them be, eventually most people break free on their own.

I think comfort is a part of it too.

I don't know - for me - once it's over it's over and I wouldn't go back.

You aren't in that relationship. You have no idea what this guy is really like when they are one-on-one.

you're right im not but shes told me what he's done before and it makes wanna kill him for it.

familiarity, outweighing the good over the bad, comfort zone, insecurities, the promise of change, promises period. So many different things. Only she knows.

- fear of starting over with an entirely new, unfamiliar man

- known devil is better than ...

- "man, this is as good as it gets. Why not tough it out with the last one then? Atleast, he will be obliged to have me back in his life."

If she's doing that to you, don't be her fall back. If she knows she's got you to fall back on when her ex hurts her again, then she's risking nothing. You need her to know that you're not just gonna be waiting on the sidelines if she decides on you.

I've been in that same situation. The girl I loved keeps going back to this loser who cheats on her. The guy's a pothead and alcholic and really she's not even sure why she's with him. I asked her why she was still with him and her only reason was she's hoping he'll change. For some reason she just feels like that guy will change after two years of him doing the same crap. Some girls just don't know when to let go.

ya its ridiculous how some girls can't let go. theres gotta be something i can do. i know u shud jes walk away and find someone else but i believe she's worth the time and effort to break her away. i know its not up to me but i can guide her thru it hopefully.

I know how you feel and it took me a long time to get over but I realized I was just wasting my time. I wouldn't say quit completely but start looking for other options. A girl that keeps going back to a guy that treats her like crap has to have some kind of self-esteem problems. I know my case the girl did so I started looking for girls that want a guy that knows how to treat them.

I know how you feel and it took me a long time to get over but I realized I was just wasting my time. I wouldn't say quit completely but start looking for other options. A girl that keeps going back to a guy that treats her like crap has to have some kind of self-esteem problems. I know my case the girl did so I started looking for girls that want a guy that knows how to treat them.

U may be right but i'll still give it a shot. I don't feel like its a lost cause just yet. Some ppl deserve better like this girl.

The sad part is some people do deserve better but they don't realize it. I hate seeing girls that have a lot going for them settle with losers that don't know how to treat them right. Does she have a histroy of bad boyfriends or is it just one?

Ya she's been with this guy for 3 yrs and pretty much shared all her 1st times with him. Since she started college its been pretty off and on she said. He breaks up with her cuz hes pissed at her, takes her back but dusnt trust her and fully forgive her for doin nuthin where he shud be apologizing. * * * * pisses me off cuz she about cried wen she told me wut he's done.

I hated that. Having the girl you love cry to you then going back to the same guy that made her cry. I won't get too wrapped up in it. If she doesn't know how you feel yet try letting her know and from there if it happens it happens.

Sorry for such a long post, but I feel like my story may help. My girlfriend has been divorced from her ex-husband for about 2 years. He treated her like crap, wrecked her credit and left her for a 19 yo girl (he is 30 right now, 28 then). After being engaged to this girl, she apparently kicked him out. When their relationship starting getting rocky, he began contacting my girlfriend and begging to get her back. At first she ignored it and told him no way, but the more he bothered her, the more she thought about it and her old feelings returned. The most amazing thing is that not only did I treat her like a queen, I am about to graduate from pharmacy school and have a great job. He is a loser pot-head with a ridiculous job. I was suspicious that she was talking to him, but never in a million years expected her to break up with me in order to be with him.

Girls have a way of rationalizing these types of decisions. As others have said, there is almost always a self-esteem issue. My girlfriend always told me how bad he hurt her, but now that she has taken him back, she doesn't realize that she has given him a free ride and now he knows he can treat her like crap and she will take him back. She also doesn't realize that she will be taking a major step back from where she was the first time he cheated on her. She will know that not only did she make a mistake by taking him back, she will know that she ruined a great relationship with a great guy to do so.

My solace and advice to others out there is this: people don't change. If he treated her like crap and cheated before, he will do it again! When he does, she will almost invariably come crawling back to you. The question is, will you be strong enough to resist when she comes back? If you take her back after she has treated you like crap, then you are doing the same thing she did. The best thing to do is to forget about them and when they come back, you will have the last laugh!

Hope this helps!

She may have told you reasons why she shouldn't be with her ex, but she never said any of his positive side. Was he her first? Maybe she still cherishes their good memories together and hope that it will always last. Have you confess your feelings for her? She seems like a girl who still lives in a fairytale Most girls are blind when it comes to love, some are just being careful.... So if I were you, make it clear to her that you want to be the person who'll make her happy Good Luck

i started this thread about pattern of events, she hasnt to my knowledge yet gone back, but im waiting for the moment to occur, just use your logic to secure you decision.

she has split up with her husband on and off for 20 years of being together, i met her on a single phase, and a few things have happened which are indicitave of her going back, so im on the back foot and waiting. its as if she cant be without him, reliance yknow the comfy pair of slippers crap.

once rot sets in my friend bail out, its like rust to a car it can be repaired but the niggles always come back. good luck in your decision.

She definitely knew that I was the one who wanted to make her happy. Obviously, she is only remembering the good times she had with her Ex. The amazing thing is that she got extremely mad at me when I called her out for being back together with him and called me a psycho stalker, when all I had done was look at her facebook page and saw a post about it. I think it is all a defense mechanism to try and make me look bad so she feels better about what she did. The only reason I even said anything to her was that she lied to me after we broke up and said she was just taking some time for herself and wasn't back with him. I was angry because I had let her keep my TV until I move into my new house in May. She only got pissed when I called her out and told her I wanted my TV back.

She not only used false accusations to try to make me look bad, but she was also mad because she was trying to keep me as a back-up plan for when he screws her over again. I still have love for her but I would not take her back. There is no way I could ever trust her again after this.

I don't think it is possible for people to make a major change that will create a difference in a relationship. Her ex is selfish and will always be selfish. He is also a manipulator, which is how he got to her. Now that she is back with him, it is only a matter of time before he starts telling her what to do and disrespecting her, just like he did when they were married.

i finished it last night, i hope this shows that you can do it. have some dignity and hold your head up very high!

So get this, I sent her a very polite text message yesterday asking her to let me know a good time for my friend to go over to her house and pick up my TV. Her only response was "OK".

Well, this afternoon I get a random text from her saying "I'm sorry. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything"

WFT?! Am I supposed to feel sorry for her now? She is just trying to make herself feel better because she knows she was wrong both to break up with me and for yelling at me for no reason. I'm still trying to decide what to say, or if I should even respond at all.

I agree, people don't change but make improvements, if and only if theyre up for it but i dont think he will change, he knows hes got her wrapped around his finger and it pisses me off. She doesn't know how i feel yet but i can't jes stand by and watch him ruin her life, i left out some details cuz i didnt wanna ramble but, she deserves better and i can only do wut i can until its over. I'm tryin to forget her but its like im torn between scylla and charibdis, to make it short i mean that either way i choose to pursue or let go means a road of pain and difficult obstacles to overcome with her. Im jes hopin shes worth it.

She may have told you reasons why she shouldn't be with her ex, but she never said any of his positive side. Was he her first? Maybe she still cherishes their good memories together and hope that it will always last. Have you confess your feelings for her? She seems like a girl who still lives in a fairytale Most girls are blind when it comes to love, some are just being careful.... So if I were you, make it clear to her that you want to be the person who'll make her happy Good Luck

 

Ya he was her first which makes this really difficult. Nope she never mentioned any positives, jes negative. Nah i haven't told her how i feel, it jes ain't the right time. Certain circumstances are preventing me from doing it, its not like i don't wanna tell her but right now isnt the right time. Oh ya she is exactly like that, "living in a fairytale", u could call her a hopless romantic. she puts up stuff like And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you I'll wake without you there, Isn't something missing? When the time is right i'll let her know.

ya she said "i dunno but i feel like i can't be without him"... ugh bull * * * * ... but maybe im jes jealous