THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

Day 7 - Ex's sister and dad came to my work. It was really awkward, but they talked to me and were really nice. I miss them I came home last night and bumped into my favorite picture of my ex. Shed like, 3? tears and left it at that. I've got a date tonight, so I'm moving forward. Go me?

Day 1 (ARRRRGH)

Ok so that text initiated a full scale conversation. But I feel good. Not that I would recommend breaking NC to anyone here, I've had experience with it making me feel horrible.

But it was nice to hear from her and be there to offer a bit of reassurance on her uni worries etc. We threw a few texts back and forth, kept it light and jokey and it was pretty good. I said it would be nice to catch up soon, and she agreed we should meet up over a cup of tea or something. I'd like to follow through on that. Not today, maybe not this week, but sometime soon.

Day 33 for me after my many emails since out 2 year breakup started in Sept last year ...her final kick to me was 33 days ago when I was having 2nd thoughts of trying again and then she tells me she and her new boyfriend of 5 months had a great time in costa rica and he asked her to marry him "so life is good" and furthermore that during our time together she never really loved me nor was attracted to me and she is "so sorry" for leading me on and hopes I " find the happiness I deserve" (see my earlier "ouch" thread for details of her email replies in full if interested) ...so my biggest challenge: controlling my rage when I ruminate and thus not emailing her a really hurtful and angry letter (referring to her ex hubby on why I agree with the reason that he had an affair on her etc etc)...yes I am seeing a therapist ..reading some helpful books (among many) ie. 'the journey from healing to abandonment' and 'dare to forgive' 'rebuilding' and 'the mindful way through depression' plus doing meditation yoga journalling losing weight and now over 5 months have had no drinking at all...trying to make new friends and face down my many dragons ...trying to be happy for her vs wanting to rip her head off knowing I would just hurt myself too. ...ultimately I do care about her...but am praying a lot to god to help me close the door to heal and for now just focus on me...maybe down the road we can become friends but not right now.

will no contact work for me prob is i am just to weak to do it i am all over the place if anyone can help with advice on my situation please

Who cares.......

Still hoping for him to get back in touch.....

Im visiting his home country in a few weeks...and secretly hoping he will be there at the same time. It is very unlikely but who knows....

Just got back from my trip skiing to sweden and man it was a blast! Swedish girls are so nice - barely thought about my ex over the four days, exept when I was going through my camera and found some photos from her 30th bday party last december. I was wondering whether to send hem to her, but then figured NC it has to be, for now. I'l just dump them onto my PC, and put them in a passworded zipfile for now.

And lo and behold, just checked my work email and there's an email from her from last thursday, which was the first day of my trip. She'll have gotten my out of office email - I'm assuming that doesn't count, right??

Anyway, now I'm back in the real world, I really miss her as a person. We did get on well during the good times. I can see the way forward, but feeling this sort of accepting sadness now.

I saw my ex and her new boyfriend for the first time tonight. Thankfully I was going by in a car but it was definitely them. I haven't seen or had any contact from her for 3 months now. She looked really happy, and he was pretty much the stud I imagined he would be. My heart is broken all over again, just when I was feeling like I was turning a corner.

It's been 7 months since the split and I can't let her go, it's really starting to scare me now. I feel helpless and it's not through lack of trying. I'm in counselling, I keep a journal, I see friends, I'm keeping active - I'm busy pretty much every night of the week. I'm going on holiday on Sunday and even that doesn't excite me. I'm starting to believe I can't live without her, which terrifies me.

By the way, for anyone who wants to throw me the 'it will get easier with time' bone, let me tell you: it DOESN'T. It gets harder every day and I don't know how much longer I can take it.

Tips for No Contact

1. wait first. suppressing that desire to call is gonna make your body & heart feel a lot of tension and result in the opposite effect. tell yourself that it's not the end of the world if you call...but make yourself wait a few hours, after a few hours, tell yourself to wait a few more, etc.

2. get away from the phone. get out of the house and jog, do whatever it takes to change the setting you were in when you got the impulse to call. similarly, distract yourself by doing something else (shop, watch tv, eat, read a book, play video games, etc.)

3. imagine the conversation you'd have & all the negative things that can come out of that conversation. you'd get rejected again and feel that it's really over, this time, again! you'd find out that they have found someone! you'd find out that they haven't found anyone, but still don't want you back!

4. think of all the crappy things they've ever done to you. relive each moment. feel the sadness, pain, anger, frustration they'd put you through.

5. call someone else! go down your phone list and call someone til they pick up. talking to another person will let you vent and release some of those feelings of frustrations, sadness, despair, etc.

6. learn to let your feelings and impulses pass. every intense emotion stays in your body for a period of time and eventually decrease in intensity. this relates to step 1-wait it out.

7. take it easy on yourself and live through it each second at a time.

Nice post, Id only say careful with the shopping and eating, at least in moderation

Well i am new to all this and i really want help to get her back, here is my story...

This is Day 2 Of this NC thing, I was scared at first to try this because my absence is what broke us up in the first place. This is soooo hard...i find myself thinking about her every minute of the day and wondering what she is doing.

Keep your eye on the prize!

Broken - I feel you 100%. Do you have aim/msn? I feel exactly like you... it's like I think I'm doing better, but then I realize that no, I'm not.

Day 3

I am still waiting for things to get easier...i guess it would have been easier now if I stopped talking to my ex a long time ago. Learn from my mistakes everyone....cut them off or you will still be suffering almost 2 years later! I regret always the way I handled the breakup. I made it so easy for my ex...he NEVER had the chance to miss me. The day we broke up he contacted me and kept contacting me after wanting to be friends by text, email, msn and phone! We were in a long distance relationship...if we were in the same country he would have wanted to see me as well...in fact whenever I traveled to where he was (my sister lives there and I used to live there 5 years until i had to leave bc i could not work there). Anyways we would always see eachther. I helped him move on by ALWAYS being there like such a fool. I never once ignored him bc I am too nice. Any crumb of contact he gave me I jumped and was so nice to him...when what I really should have done was ignore him. Now I am the one to suffer and he is someone I dont even like anymore. I miss what he used to be, how we used to be. Now he is someone I would never look at....I guess I am just hurt from the pain he caused me and the death of "us" and the old him...now its like he is some cold big headed jerk.

Broken - I feel you 100%. Do you have aim/msn? I feel exactly like you... it's like I think I'm doing better, but then I realize that no, I'm not.

Yep I do, I just PM'd you if you'd like to talk anytime. Thanks x

Waiting for the other shoe to drop and for my tears to come pouring out...

I forgot the exact day I started but I'll assume...

Day 33?

It's called NC for a reason.

Day 2

I think after our brief chat yesterday I have a newfound admiration for my ex. She's kept to her word, and used this breakup as a chance to get more focused on her education, and I think that's very amicable. I certainly don't want to be a distraction, as I know she's gonna do fantastic and end up in a career she truly loves.

That said there is a little bit at the back of my mind that's hoping she'll start to really miss me once this last batch of exams is out of the way. This is the girl I want to be with. I've not healed entirely, but I feel I've made good progress over these 2 months, and right now I feel comfortable saying 'One day, when she's ready, I would love to get back together'. Whether this opinion changes over the next few weeks/months, who knows? But today I know I'd do anything to be with her, and if that means spending time apart to work on ourselves, then so be it. And if not, well, at least I've tried to better myself

Day 8

It's been 4 months since the break-up.

I saw him in school today (we pretty much have the same classes), but today was different. For some reason, I keep running into him and I'm sure it's just a coincidence. I don't know why, but I'm sure it's not good for me. I still want him back terribly and I miss him so much, but I know he doesn't care anymore.

I don't know why, but I don't want to let go because I feel like there's still something between us... something that's beyond words, something that only my heart can understand. And the sad reality is that I can't just walk away.. but I can't stay either.

Oh God, help me.

Well, I'm actually married and possibly about to be divorced so I don't know if NC applies to it, but hey she's being very bitter and talking with her has become pointless. I just hope she doesn't try to keep my half of the tax money when it comes back, lol!

I have to return some things to her but rather than knocking, I'm just gonna leave them in her car.

My feeling for today is relief. I'm getting information together in case of a divorce to show to an attorney. She is a very selfish woman that I should not be with, and I need my love for her to stop sucking me back in and looking foolish everytime I speak to her.

Day 1. Here we go!

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I went out last night with a new guy. It feels good to, er, get some (although not EVERYTHING) again. However I came home feeling like crap and missing me ex. Today a mutual friend told me a few things that my ex told him such as it was a "mutual decision" to split, that he was "really upset" about it and that "we were only broken up for now". What a fool! He thinks I would take him back after that? Please!

DAY 12

God, still riding a rollercoaster of emotions, I just want to stop hurting. GAH!!!!

i am finally standing on my own. you want me to be there for you regardless of how you treat me. you want me there even though you 'love' (???) her. i won't. i'm NOT.

i've held in too much pain. too much anger. too much resentment. too much jealousy. i'm done.

just another day