THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[effanrr]

Day 8 NC
The Relationship Remorse
I am not sure if i was acting sane. I was not loving myself due to my finances, could not look myself in the face and hence could not look at her. It is possible I was lashing out and projecting my frustration with life on my GF. I have waves of grief but I am not resisting or running from them. They don't last long. My priority is on self-care, Eating clean, exercise, de-cluttering. I am considering going to a relationship SH meeting tomorrow. I may double down on the same trip to a numbers / money meeting which is an area I have been working on my whole life. I have adhd and I learned a bit problem is keeping track of finances. I am glad i found this thread because a closed friend (non professional) suggested confronting my GT to get closure and moving on . I concur with the consensus I am picking up on this thread - "when it doubt - stay out". Frankly i have very little choice in the matter, so it is a matter of conserving energy and directing resources.

[effanrr]

I am in NC with my GF. I have her on my cell plan - i have been paying it for last 2 years. What should i do? tell here to get hear own or wait another month she will likely want to reconcile?

[Carus]

Eff* - To get help with your situation you should start your own thread. Probably in the Healing section....

Regards
Carus

[effanrr]

Day 4
I must look for and respect red flags.
Listening to an audio on grieving is helping. The frequency and intensity of the triggers are reducing. What is sad is the loss my ability to shape my reality, (if you want to change something, change the way you look at it). I did was not looking when this relationship started in a very sober way (for me), in that we were friends only for the first 4 months. not touching no kissing, etc.. We had a spark not a physical one and not spiritual. When I look at this person I will always feel love and attraction but it does not overcome the other realities of we are both facing, i.e., exceedingly stressful financial situation (life or death). The physical component was healthy on one level but i bit to vanilla for me. We both were brought up and schooled in a very religious environment and i feel i am less restrained then her. Maybe this was one of many red flags that would make any other relationship a non-starter. I ignored the red flags. I commit to writing the red flags down on paper that are non-negotiable in case i ever have a relationship again. Frankly, i am done with relationships and don't care anymore. I am considering moving out of country in few years anyway.

[Carus]

Umm....Did you even read my message??^^

[movingfwd20]

3 weeks NC after 7 years in a committed relationship... He broke up with me!

[SixOfOne]

Day 84

OK, I'm finally accepting that it's over. No more grief, no more anger, no more denial. I'm learning to truly love myself and to understand on a gut level that I deserve to be happy without compromise, without giving myself away for nothing in return. Not looking forward to these upcoming holidays, the first since the breakup, but this too shall pass. Hang in there, y'all. It really does get better.

[Carus]

Not looking forward to these upcoming holidays, the first since the breakup, but this too shall pass. Hang in there, y'all. It really does get better.

You are correct*

[dr_loomis7]

Just found this thread, great idea, especially since I'm sure my friends are tired of me talking about her.

Day 11 of NC...In a way, I understand why the breakup had to happen. It was necessary. Out of this, I've seen a lot of things I need to change both for the next relationship and just quality of life in general. While I'd love to try to work things out, she needs to grow as well and start being her own person. I hope this happens when she starts therapy in the New Year. I've seen her once unintentionally and it hurt she didn't even acknowledge me, just ran out. My biggest fear right now is she thinks the door may be closed because of my actions and wording in my final message to her but I also realize she chose this course of action as opposed to trying to work it out. There are days I get super depressed and want to call her and days I'm hopeful. I look forward to the day when she's not the first thing I think of when I woke up or last thing I think about before going to bed. I've been through enough of these to understand the pain won't last forever but this one hits me particularly hard because this is the first woman I even considered wanting to spent my life with.

For now, I'll get my life back on track, start doing things I once enjoyed, work on myself and continue to surround myself with friends.

[Jambalaya421]

8 yr relationship 2 kids under 5. ex is avoidant attachment style and shows zero empathy or emotion.

broke no contact many times over first month. I was beginning to soften her up with pics of kids and showing I care. Not begging, just sharing my views. Bought her cute flowers and her favorite pizza in shape of a heart delivered to work. She thanked me, but also did not say happy thanksgiving back the next day.

So today is day one of official no-contact. it is so hard with kids, but we currently have a schedule in place that allows us not to speak unless emergency.

we were in love for 6 years and she stood by my side through legal troubles and stood up for me to family. last 2 years we drifted apart due to no date nights and arguing. she yearned more fun and freedom. I blame stress of young family.

I know she loves me, I know she is confused. I know if I give her time she will come around because we have above average love at one point and I will trust my record. In the meantime I am going to lose 50 pounds and become the best option.

Day 1 in the books.

Stay tuned