after what time dumpers usually come back?

Assuming they are to come back at all that is

Mine came back after about 2 weeks but said nothing about reconciliation, I guess he was waiting for me to say it... I didn't so he dissapeared and I'm wondering if after 4 months he mises me more (like I do) or is completely recovered.

I know one can't figure that out cause every case is different, but I just want to hear your stories

It took my ex about 2.5 months to tell me that she was still in love with me. This was after her 2 month rebound, ridiculous amounts of partying and drinking, and almost flunking out of university.

Although she never came out and said she wanted to get back together, that may be because at the time I repeatedly thanked her for breaking up with me. Her doing so really lifted the rose-coloured glasses off my face.

I dont want this to come out horrible but every ex I ever had came back...sometimes it was 2 days, 2weeks, 2months etc...but they always came back. Usually it was when I was ok with them leaving, once I stopped thinking of them & realized I was better off...they reappeared.

Mine contacted me after 31 days of NC. I was really moving on well with my life and suddenly she texted me out of the blue "I still think about you everyday". She didn't say she wanted to get back together but I think she probably does miss what we had. It does knock you back when you hear from them after such a long time and now I just feel angry at her. If she would have said it before I would probably have been alright about it.

And then what is the right answer to such text???

Cause although I still want him I can't imagine what my answer would be - ?

I replied back with "Charlotte, I have respected your decision to move on and I have moved on too and suddenly you text me out of the blue! What are your intentions towards me?"

She replied back with "I just wanted to let you know"

I mean * * * ?!

I didn't bother to reply back and i'm now in NC again.

Very good answer! Brilliant!

But I understand her too: she probably still feels strongly about you and thought it may make you feel nice to know that you are on her mind. Sometimes it's just an impulse.

Many dumpers come back and give the lame "I miss you" lines just to feed their ego. If the dumper really wants you back they would say so..they would make it very clear..they wouldn't just write ambiguous messages. You did the right thing by not falling into the trap of asking what he wants...the fact that he disappeared when you didn't grab for the dangling carrot means that he wasn't serious and just wanted his ego boosted.

My story is similar to Veromites - about 2.5 months in when I had asked kindly not to be contacted for several months to let things cool down and we both move forward.

The email was straight to the point from her - a simple hi how are you etc. I replied with a yeah pretty good, too soon for contact but happy to have life back on track and be single. Haven't heard a thing back since - but I'm sure at some stage I will.

Like others have said though, it's usually once you have really moved on or are right on the brink. Lifes funny like that sometimes.

Many dumpers come back and give the lame "I miss you" lines just to feed their ego. If the dumper really wants you back they would say so..they would make it very clear..they wouldn't just write ambiguous messages. You did the right thing by not falling into the trap of asking what he wants...the fact that he disappeared when you didn't grab for the dangling carrot means that he wasn't serious and just wanted his ego boosted.

Thank you, that's my opinion too (learned from ENAers )

I'm now thinking "what if" but your post reassured me!

I dont want this to come out horrible but every ex I ever had came back...sometimes it was 2 days, 2weeks, 2months etc...but they always came back. Usually it was when I was ok with them leaving, once I stopped thinking of them & realized I was better off...they reappeared.

Same here.

They must have some sort of second sense for when to try for a second time around....

One caveat:

If there are any embers still going in your heart, it can be all too easy to find them flaring up again.

So, all in all it's to think with your head, and proceed with caution, if at all,

lest you find yourself like this guy:

Many dumpers come back and give the lame "I miss you" lines just to feed their ego. If the dumper really wants you back they would say so..they would make it very clear..they wouldn't just write ambiguous messages. You did the right thing by not falling into the trap of asking what he wants...the fact that he disappeared when you didn't grab for the dangling carrot means that he wasn't serious and just wanted his ego boosted.

I agree with this, Elsewhere.

And philove, EXCELLENT response to this charlotte lady, HA!

Yes and "coming back" can mean many different things. They can return for the ego boost of making sure you still care by dangling the "I miss you" carrot. They can return to start a friendship. They can return to apologize. Or they can return to rekindle the romance. Although, in the last case, if they really want you back, they will let you know.

Yes and "coming back" can mean many different things. They can return for the ego boost of making sure you still care by dangling the "I miss you" carrot. They can return to start a friendship. They can return to apologize. Or they can return to rekindle the romance. Although, in the last case, if they really want you back, they will let you know.

It's true, there can be different motivations, but even if it's friendship the person's after, there will be consistency, and actions to follow this up.

Thanks odile, everyone has said I responded well. I know I have the upperhand again but it really doesn't feel like it! I personally wish she never contacted me because she has set me back again.

ask them to move in very very close to their computer screen...what do they see? OH! it's my middle finger giving them the answer to their inquiry, LOL.

* * * * ' em...move on, man.

It's true, there can be different motivations, but even if it's friendship the person's after, there will be consistency, and actions to follow this up.

OK I don't know how you got that point here but it just nails my situation: he asked to be friends and I was very eager to try, we were supposed to meet up, have dinner, talk things over - suggested by him many times, always agreed on by me - and never happened! He would always flake out!

it all depends on how acriomonious was the breakup....quite often it is not 'til WAYYY down the line that such 'reconnection' can occur, if at all....learn the lesson, heal, and move on, man...there is too much opportunity out there whether it be new friends, interests or new loves....when we're old we'll be kicking ourselves at all the time we wasted ruminating over something that was never really there but our clinging egos.

when you least expect it, almost over them or completely over them, but they eventually come back around.

Oh, really? 8 years ago I dumped a girlfriend and NEVER came back around. Don't plan to with my current ex, either.

I do everything I can while I'm with them - everything to make it work and I give it my ALL. If even that fails, what's the point in coming around AGAIN?!

What was your relationship like with this girl you never went back to, Seymore?

OK I don't know how you got that point here but it just nails my situation: he asked to be friends and I was very eager to try, we were supposed to meet up, have dinner, talk things over - suggested by him many times, always agreed on by me - and never happened! He would always flake out!

Yeah, that sucks.

The flakiness just tells you how insincere he was. :sad:

Yup! I don't understand why?! I took his decision with dignity, didn't make scenes, he shouldn't have felt like giving me false hope! I kept my pride though pain, at least I deserve enough respect not to be lied to, it's over anyway, what's the goal in lying, grrrr.

What was your relationship like with this girl you never went back to, Seymore?

Freaking torturous. She was manipulative and controlling, ever-so-casually letting me know her ex was going to come by if I couldn't make it 40 miles to see her on a whim. Constant mood swings, even hit me once when I went to have her "promise ring" resized, telling the jeweler that she lost weight and it didn't fit. She freaked out that I mentioned her weight (she LOST it, not put it on!) and started hitting me like crazy.

She came by my college pleading for me to take her back once I said it was over, promising that she could "be so good to me". I left, didn't look back, didn't miss her one bit.

I saw similar traits in my latest ex, albeit without the hitting, and I left and have no plans to reconcile with that one, either.

In both of the above relationships, I heard all the excuses and still compromised and gave them my all.

That wasn't enough, so I left, head held high, knowing I did everything in my power to be the best boyfriend I could be.

Don't get me wrong, I've made my mistakes with women. Once or twice I reached out years later to a girl I dumped that truly didn't deserve it. But at least now I know which ones are good for me and which ones are bad. If it's a good one I usually realize my mistake by a month or two later.

Don't get me wrong, I've made my mistakes with women. Once or twice I reached out years later to a girl I dumped that truly didn't deserve it. But at least now I know which ones are good for me and which ones are bad. If it's a good one I usually realize my mistake by a month or two later.

That's the kind of answer I was trying to find.

Meaning: if we are 4 months after - this conclusion would have been made by now, nothing left for me to secretly hope for... right?

You probably don't need 1 more reply, but my ex who broke up with my came back around after 3 weeks. He said he wanted to be friends, and has become very chatty with me via text and IM.

When he started sending me the "I miss you" texts, I told him I need to know what his intention is-I wanted to set him straight that we can't be more than friends. But then he wanted to see me, and of course, once you see your ex, the old feelings come back again..that being said, I've been good at controlling my emotions and staying steady and firm.

He texted me after he saw me saying he wanted to put his head into a hole afterwards....that he had wanted to kiss me or hug me, but didn't want to do anything to hurt me. I think he really realizes the mistake he made breaking up with me, but maybe I'm wrong.

That's the kind of answer I was trying to find.

Meaning: if we are 4 months after - this conclusion would have been made by now, nothing left for me to secretly hope for... right?

If he's broken up with you, disappeared for a bit, then come back again and been all flaky... even if he comes back again, are you sure you really want to be with this guy???

My feeling is that if he were really interested in you in the way that you want him to be, 4 months is more than enough time to have missed you if his love was real.

Prediction-wise, honestly, sometimes there's no telling what people will do.

He may reappear in your life at some point.

However, considering the information you've given us, he sounds incredibly immature.

The way I see it is that if he's incapable of being a friend, how can you expect him to be worth dating?