Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: Is it disrespectful not go to a loved one's funeral,because u cant stand the pain?

  1. #1
    iamtrying
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    177

    Unhappy Is it disrespectful not go to a loved one's funeral,because u cant stand the pain?

    Hi everyone,Im really conflicted with this.
    In my family, there is going to be a funeral or two (predicted) this year.
    I dont want to go, because i cant stand the pain. I love these people so much, and i cannot bear to go to their funeral. When i was little i went to my grandma's funeral and was crying really loudly through the whole thing. It was really horrible, for everyone.

    I know it will be my last chance to say goodbye, and their official time to rest in peace. So i feel if dont go, i might regret it later. I think my mum and dad and other people in my family might be really insulted and angry if i dont go. But i know if i do, i wont be able to control my heart and ill make a huge scene with my crying and make the whole experience more upsetting for myself, and everyone. It will be really awkward as well, because i never let my family see me cry.. I dont like crying in front of others, and there will be alot of friends of the departed there, and i just dont want to be a part of any of it.

    I really really dont know what to do. I dont want to be disrespectful to the loved one that has passed..

    Please help me, what should i do???

  2. #2
    ellymay
    Member ellymay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    31
    Gender
    Female
    Everyone is different. Some people are "okay" at funerals and some people just can't, emotionally, do it. If you really can't even bare to think about going talk to some of you family members about it. It will help to know what they think.

    If they are sympathetic then you don't have to go. After the funeral when everyone is gone maybe you could go by yourself so no one will see you cry. If you go afterwords it isn't disrespectful. It's more personal and intimate if you go by yourself if you think about it.

    -Elly

  3. #3
    waveseer
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    11,826
    Thanked
    1
    I'm okay at funerals that aren't family, but I avoid family funerals because I can't cope with everyone's pain at the same time.

  4. #4
    PsychGirly
    Platinum Member PsychGirly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    LOS ANGELES
    Age
    28
    Posts
    2,252
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    It's completely your choice.

    It's not disrespectful if you don't attend, even if your family says so.

    I know how hard it can be to attend the funeral of a loved one. I had to attend my father's a few years ago. I knew it was going to be extremely hard, but I also knew I would regret it if I didn't go.

    Bottom line: Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. Just think hard about it & make sure you won't regret your decision later.

  5. #5
    hers
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    15 Yemen Road, Yemen
    Age
    33
    Posts
    12,453
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    31
    One thing to remember is that you can't run away from the pain. Eventually it will catch up to you & you will have to deal w/ it. Just be prepared when that day comes.

    I made a scene at my grandfather's funeral & I didn't care one bit. I was so close to him & I've never felt such pain before. I still cry for him. Today is 2 years that my grandma died, & monday will be 6 years that he died. I still cry over both of them. It's ok that I do.

    And it will be ok if you cry for them. Emotions & grieving are part of life. There's no escaping it, no matter how hard it is. Just know that it may creep up one day & you may have to deal w/ it eventually.

    For now, going to the funeral is your choice. I'm glad I went to my grandparents' funerals b/c it gave me closure even though I still get sad for them. But it helped me get thru the actual pain of it faster.

    Good luck.

  6. #6
    Cognitive_Canine
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    17,569
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    5
    Funerals ARE for the living. Mourning is done to help the living coup. This service is closure for you.

    If you feel like it will do more harm then good, politely tell the family of the deceased that you do not think that you could handle the funeral but that your heart is with them. Tell them that you feel that you will be a disturbance and do not want to detract from the service. And ask if there is anything else you can do.

  7. #7
    villie
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    165
    You need to make sure that you wont you wont regret it. Usually they go for a few hours, and yes it would probably be extremely painful for that time, but If you stay at home while everyone is there. Will you feel better? Unlikely.

    If you go, you can always where sunglasses. dont worry about what they'll think of you if you cry. Even if you dont like crying infront of others (and who does!), they wouldn't judge you for that. If you have a partner, take them with you for support. or a close friend to lean on.

    Its more likely you'll regret not going than going.

    but if you feel you really cant, explain to the family, most people would understand. funerals are tougher for some and thats ok.
    Last edited by villie; 03-26-2009 at 02:00 AM.

  8. #8
    KG
    Platinum Member KG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    2 miles east of Hicksville
    Posts
    6,111
    Gender
    Male
    I was this way for a long time. When the funeral was going on, I would spend the time in a quiet stting, like a park, and remember the person that passed. I cried, but on my own.
    I always let the family know that I couldn't handle it, but would grieve in my own way. They were OK with that.

  9. #9
    iamtrying
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    177
    Thanks for the replies...
    I dont know..I really dont know. I will talk to them about it though. That could help alot in making my decision, depends on how they react i guess.

  10. #10
    indierockgrl
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    477
    My boyfriend died unexpectidly 4 months ago. I did not go to his funeral. I do not regret my choice. Noone was prepared for his death... and i was in denial at the time. I am bothered by the fact that people look so different in death and the last thing i wanted was that vision in my mind forever. I wanted to remember him the way i last saw him. that is comforting for me anyway. This summer i want to go to the cemetery where i will say goodbye my own way. I think you just have to do what is best and most comforting for you. Noone else should judge or tell you what you should do...

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
My Dad Died on May 5 And I can't seem to get over it
I am so sad. I can't sleep. I wake up at 3 am every night. I can't believe he is gone. I want to die as well. I can't believe he is gone.
Boyfriend pushing me away
My boyfriend's father passed away 6 months ago. It was something that wasn't completely sudden, as he was usually in and out of the hospital for a
The loss of my beloved man.
[FONT=Book Antiqua][/FONT][COLOR="#FF0000"][/COLOR][SIZE=3][COLOR="#FF0000"]Im a new member on here and Ill be happy to share with others feeling

Featured Threads
Who is in the wrong?
This person isn't really a "friend" she is 24+ years older than me. I have a feeling I'm getting taken advantage of because of my age. I started
I became engaged with a girl who calls herself a "free spirit"......need clarity
I met a wonderful and bright girl 3.5 years ago and she by far stole my heart. She is appositely beautiful, funny, intelligent and outgoing. She is
Has anyone ever totally given up on finding love?
Hello everyone! Well I been wanting to post this for a few weeks now. I don't really know how to say it or word it. But, who here has or knows
Today "should" have been our 6 year anniversary
Today was suppose to be our 6th year together. Today is the first time on this date that we are not together. We made this date a big deal
Shoud I break up because my girlfriend hooked up with my cousin in t
I'm jealous because my girlfriend had casual sex with my cousin before she met me. We've been dating for a year, she's very funny, caring, sexy
I'm in love with my co-worker 😥
My coworker and I started working together about 10 months ago. We work closely together all day just the two of us mainly. From the day he started
Aggressive Courting
There's this girl I really, really like, and would really want to be in a relationship with. Unfortunately, recently I messed up, and now I think she
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •