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Ive been in NC with my ex g/f for 11 days, perhaps it was the shock of everything and I was in denial or perhaps my pride kicked in, but I was doing really great keeping her off my mind until today, I had a horrible dream about her, woke up depressed and my whole day has been ruined ever since. I have been dwelling on everything that led up to my break-up and what I did or didnt do. Its funny all because of a bad dream my mentality has pulled a total 180 on how I have been thinking up until this point. A co-worker today asked me how she was, unaware of the situation, then I had to explain the whole thing to her which brought it up again. Sorry for the pity-party, but in reflecting on everything it made me think of a few things in particular that made me questioning contacting her. When she dumped me I had nothing to say to this girl but why after that I took off without saying anything else, instantly started my car and drove off, this might of came off as I was more angry than emotionally upset, maybe i even was, i dunno, so if she has this notion that I am angry with her and we are on bad terms would this might fuel her not to contact me at all opposed to if we ended it better. I thought of just sending her a text saying no hard feelings or I respect your decesion, but am afraid this would lead me to seeking a reply and if I did then the vicious cycle begins. Also I seemed oblivious to actually why I repeled her away , I dont suppose now that I understand telling her I know why and maybe apologizing would help either. Perhaps I am making excuse to talk to her, I dunno, I am sorry that this is so incoherient, probably should even be a thread, I just need some support and suggestions on if I am doing the right thing continuing with NC and if all these things are a bad idea

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Sounds like you are more concerned with her feelings and/or response to you than your own. If you feel you must, I would just send something like "Just wanted to say no hard feelings. You made the right decision." and leave it at that. Anything beyond that would be categorized as an "attention seeking behavior."

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Gday mate. We are in pretty similar positions. I am into Day 10 of NC with me ex, and told her I hated her on the day I requested NC. She was sort of nice on the phone until I really started getting angry.

 

But.....while she deleted me off facebook friends list and the like, she then sent an email 2 days ago requesting me to join it. So I think NC works. I think she wanted to see I still cared, and she wanted me to break NC by accepting. I did nothing.

 

How bloody awful are the dreams you have about them? I just had another last night, about 4 out of the last 5 nights now. She was angry at me in the dream and wanted nothing to do with me. It makes it all the more hard.

 

Keep up the NC buddy, she will contact you if she cares. If you contact her, it pretty much makes her think you NEED her - that's the last thing you want. You want her to need you.

 

Make sure you keep posting back on the progress.

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thanks bud, I will. I just don't like the thought that it is a game, I hate playing games cept. for scrabble and chess, In my dream I was in her house but she kept on avoiding me, everytime I tried to go in a room to sit next to her she got up and went to some other part of the house. I asked her brother what was the deal and he said "dont tell her I told you but she is thinking about leavin' you for guys that are into the one-night stand kinda thing" I was so upset I woke up, this bothered me for sometime, still does, Now I am a grown-up and realize, yeah dreams are not real, but they can sure as hell be scary cause they mirror your subconscious or worst fears. I dunno why I ask questions I already know the answer too, yes I need to keep up with NC, I guess I just needed to talk about things with others. Biggest fear is i I stay in NC that she will never call me again. Everyone tells you to move on, its for the best, that sort of advice, I understand that this is the road I need to travel, but when your emotions are all screwy, and your head isnt on straight we feel like we want more practical clean cut advice on what to do to get him or her back, lol this is not reality though, just seems it would be comforting to talk to a relationship-guru who is gonna say "everything is gonna be alright", But I know thats just what we want to hear anyways

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Is this the first break up of the NC kind? I am on my 2nd with the same girl, and she is seeing someone already too, so I am stuffed. NC is just to try and show her what she lost, I know she wont ever be with me again.

 

Either way, NC is the way to go since you are so far into it (11 days is a lot I think). If she doesn't come after you, then there is nothing you can do to save it, I really believe that. Yes, girls like to be wooed and made feel special, but they also will reach out if they want you. This will give you the answer without you having to ache over trying to win her back.

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You will get back together. Thats my feeling. It took me 9 months to win back the same ex Im talking about here, so I can talk from experience. Every time I tried NC she would come running back, although not with the promise of a relationship, but hinting at it.

 

This time there is another guy, so I have no chance. She said she couldn't get back to the love for me she had before the breakup, and so really why would she bust it off with this guy and try a 3rd time with me?

 

NC is my only option. I hope it works for you in terms of getting back together, I think it will.

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Hi there,

 

There really is no way to know if your ex will come back or not, and holding onto hope can be a dangerous thing for you, emotionally speaking. The key is to let go of that hope and work through your emptiness to realize that you can stand on your own two feet without your ex. This is going to be what you realize on your own in time, and right now it will very hard for you to accept it. Now, I am not saying that your ex won't come back -- I am saying there is no way to know, and you have to give up expectations while at the same time doing the right things. This might not make sense right now, but read on.

 

What you are experiencing is completely normal. I've been there, and seeing this as a game will just mess with your head. The key is to realize that the actions you are taking (in this case, NC) are about you, and not about getting your ex back. If she comes back, it's going to be because she realizes what life is like without you, and makes a choice for a deeper commitment, so long as you allow her to face life 100% without you. So, your actions might lead to your ex coming back, or might not -- the point is that you need to let go of expecations of her returning, because having hope will trigger your abandonment wounds, and she will reject you if you pursue her, and that will send you into a depression, which is why "no contact" is so important.

 

Now, that said, your ex, on her own, needs to be confronted with the consequences of her choice -- namely, losing you forever. If you let her have you both ways (i.e. having you in her life, but without the commitment), then you're really going to suffer. It's okay to respond to your ex, but only tell her that you want to respect her space so that the two of you can move on. You can remind her that being contact makes harder to move on and you really can't be friends right now. Otherwise, avoid contact that could be interpreted as you pursuing her. That is hard, because over the days and weeks to come, she may do things that "trick" you into pursuing her, and then she will reject you or not meet your expectations (or hope) and then you will get angry and/or depressed.

 

If you are struggling with closure, you could tell your ex that you would like to have closure, letting her know that it will help you to get over her and to move on. That is ok because it's not threatening to her. This is a bit of reverse psychology, and only do this if you can be mentally and emotionally be strong -- it doesn't sound like you could handle that. You can't be weak and desperate if you choose this route, because then she will see you as an insecure person and drop you like a hot potato and you will get very depressed. It is so important to move on without expectations.

 

You are feeling the emotional pangs of abandonment and emptiness, which is very normal, and it is very difficult to resist the urge to contact your ex, but doing so will only send you into a depression while you are in this vulnerable state. You need to realize that your ex is focusing on her needs in a very selfish and narcisstic way, and she is not really concerned about your needs. She might show a little bit of caring, but it won't be much. This is hard to see, especially at this early stage, because you will be tempted to put her up on a pedestal and to dwell on all your good memories, and you will wonder why she seems to be having such an easy time getting over you. The truth, she has to cope, too, and there a lot of defense mechanisms that kick in to help her get over you, and she will likely feel relief in the days and weeks to come, and this would be very hard for you to witness, so stay away from it.

 

You are experiencing emptiness. So the real question is this: how do you take actions that maximize the potential for your ex to go into HER emptiness and have the chance of facing the reality that her choice means losing you forever, while at the same time not holding onto to any hope or expectations that she will come back? This is hard, but necessary, because you have to realize that if she were to come back to you, and only if the relationship is VIABLE, then it's really only worth it for her to come back because she works through her emptiness of living life without you and discovering that she misses you and wants to make a conscious choice for a deeper commitment. If she doesn't do that, then it would never work anyway, and knowing that, and if you understand it, then you can be strong and know that you can move on without any expectations.

 

She could come back, but if she did so without facing her emptiness, she would take you for granted and then dump you again. Of course, it varies and I don't know your full story, but if you do not pursue her in any way (NC, with occaisonal polite but distant replies to contact if she initiates it), and if the relationship is a viable long-term relationship, then it typically takes a couple of months before she can consciously process her emotions and have the chance to feel empty without you. If you pursue her, or if you respond to any mixed messages from her by pursuing her, or if you get sucked in when she reaches a little, then you will dilute the process and she will not feel the full consequences of her choice. That is why NC is important.

 

It is amazing how an ex can get you to pursue them and they don't even know they are doing it -- when you do pursue them, they reject you and feel even more certain of their decision. They get you to pursue, but then they reject you again and again and you will go into a depression. Stay out of those traps. When she contacts you, be polite, but remind her that you want to give and respect her space and freedom, and that being friends right now just won't work. Be caring, but do not tell her that you miss her. Let her be insecure about you -- maybe you have moved on and found somebody else? She won't know. Let her be insecure. Let her face the possibility that you are gone forever. Do not initiate contact with her, though.

 

Take control and let the ball be back in your court. I know it's hard, but you can do it. You have the advantage now of knowing that this is about you. She may seem to forget you now, and not to miss you, but if the relationship is viable, and if you do not pursue her, then she will miss you and will face her emptiness, but that doesn't mean she will come back. That, ultimately, is something only she can decide, and there's no amount of pursuasion from you that will change her mind.

 

You have to take care of yourself, do not pursue her, and let go of the hope of getting her back. In this regard, then you can honestly say to yourself: (1) I can stand on my own two feet without her; (2) if she doesn't come back, then she didn't have emptiness without me, and therefore it never have worked in the long run; (3) if she were to come back, having faced her emptiness, then you might be willing to let her back into your private world, which will never be the same as it was before -- it would take work, patience, and love to reconcile.

 

The key here is to give up trying to control things in order to gain control. I am telling you that you can take steps that maximize the chance of her coming back as a result of working through the emptiness of losing you forever, and you have to realize that if she doesn't do that, then the relationship would not likely have worked out anyway. Viable relationships stretch out like a rubber band with a break-up, and then, so long as you have space apart and do not pursue her, it can spring back together. But, if it doesn't, then you know that it wasn't meant to be.

 

I know some of this is probably not what you want to hear. Most viable relationships are salvagable, but you have to take the right steps, and you have to make yourself your number one focus. If person A loves person B, that's great. If person B also loves person A. That is even better. If person A loves himself and person B loves herself, and they both love each other -- then that is really special. Take care of yourself -- that's what she is trying to do, too.

 

I hope this long message makes sense to you and helps!

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I guess, I see how NC could give you nothing to lose and everything to gain, its alot psychically easier than texteing or calling her, theres plenty of cute girls out there, I know, but anytime I went out with or persued a pretty girl b4 I found out there personality was a total turn off, didnt even have anything in common, thats why this girl is so special to me, I feel like I would do anything to be with her again, and I guess if thats doing nothing at all, then so be it, that journey will be far more productive than hasseling her

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Not only is it physically easier, but pursuing her, texting her and contacting her will push her away and will prevent her from being able to see what life is truly like without you. You would face the same rejection over and over and it would drive you crazy and make you depressed. Good luck.

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"It is amazing how an ex can get you to pursue them and they don't even know they are doing it -- when you do pursue them, they reject you and feel even more certain of their decision. They get you to pursue, but then they reject you again and again.."

 

Dear Mr.SoandSo2009,

 

I want to say that you post should be read everyday twice by all ENA members on this getting back forum It is the only way to get your ex back--if there is even a small possibility of getting them back. As a dumper, this is precisely what I did and felt when I dumped my steady boyfriend. If a dumpee doesn't understand this, then it is a waste of months, years.

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-- when you do pursue them, they reject you and feel even more certain of their decision. [/b]

 

Dear MrSoandSo2009 and Siberia,

 

Why does pursuing make dumpers ever more CERTAIN of their decision?

 

I mean, I know that it makes them feel secured and avoid emptiness. But please explain why it makes them more certain of their decision --ditching you?

 

I am the kind who has more motivation/strength to do the right thing if I am given good reasons and explanation. I trust your wisdom without question...but the more I understand everything, the easier it is for me to feel that I WANT to stay away rather than having to FORCE myself to stay away

 

Don't get tired of me just yet please

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Dear MrSoandSo2009 and Siberia,

 

Why does pursuing make dumpers ever more CERTAIN of their decision?

 

I mean, I know that it makes them feel secured and avoid emptiness. But please explain why it makes them more certain of their decision --ditching you?

 

I am the kind who has more motivation/strength to do the right thing if I am given good reasons and explanation. I trust your wisdom without question...but the more I understand everything, the easier it is for me to feel that I WANT to stay away rather than having to FORCE myself to stay away

 

Don't get tired of me just yet please

 

There are various possible reasons just as there are various possible scenarios. Typically, though, the dumper has made a difficult decision that has been weighing on his mind for a long time. He may or may not have been aware of this consciously, but you can be sure that subconsciously something was in the works for a while. This is the detachment process that most dumpees don't recognize is happening in their partner because they are too emotionally involved. This detachment process is a powerful defense mechanism, and when the break-up finally happens, the dumpee is often shocked and suddenly behaves in desperation.

 

This desperation is like negotiating with death -- it's a fight to live: "I want to live! I want to live!" But, the dumper has his mind set and rarely is able to change on the spot. It takes time, space, and distance for the perceived "threat" (see next paragraph) to be reevaluated.

 

The key words are "defense" and "threat." So, there is a threat (i.e. something that could cause pain) to the personality. On the surface, the dumper's behaviour may seem irrational, but at a subconscious level of awareness, the most reasonable course of action is to protect the personality from possible pain using whatever resources are at its disposal (i.e. defense mechanisms -- anger, avoidance, inappropriate laughter, denial, and on and on).

 

The dumper himself may not even have a very good understanding of why he behaves the way he does in the aftermath of a break-up, but his actions will demonstrate to you a manifestation of that powerful defense mechanism that essentially sees the dumpee as a threat. Pay attention to ACTIONS more so than words if you want to be able to recognize how the dumper is engaging in a kind of defensive behaviour (shutting down, tuning out, creating distance instead of closeness).

 

When they hold onto you as a friend, that usually means that some part of the dumper is not ready to completely let you go, because the dumper does not want to face to full brunt of his pain since most of his energy is being spent in avoiding that pain or emptiness. This is very painful and confusing for the dumpee, who will then engage in a kind of process to justify holding onto the friendship and who will tend to put the dumper up on a pedestal. Although the dumper may want to hold onto the dumpee, it is just to avoid the full consequences of his decision, and the dumpee ends up being abandoned. Of course, sometimes a friendship can develop, but most of the time, this doesn't happen in the aftermath of the break-up.

 

Some dumpers, who are experienced, will attempt to explain to you what went wrong, and will try to have closure in a caring way, and they will let you know that it will take a long time before you can be friends and that you should remain out of contact. This is a healthier way to break up with somebody.

 

Sometimes dumpers are totally cold and just want you to go away. Whenever you bring up the relationship, you simply remind him of the pain he is trying to avoid. I've been in that situation myself. I pursued an ex one time and she got angry and said to me something very insightful:

 

You can talk about anything with me, but not the relationship. Whenever you mention the relationship, it forces me to think about it and causes me pain, and then I just want to run away from you."

 

The rest of time, she was completely able to NOT think about it, which, for me, was amazing at the time. "Out of sight, out of mind." She also saw no reason why we couldn't remain friends. What an ordeal that was!

 

Of course, I was not as clever then as I am now, and I made all the mistakes that everyone else makes

 

Another way to look at it is this: when you hunt for explanations, or try to be around the dumper, or when you bring up the relationship, or when you pursue him, you are completely disrespecting what he has asked for -- that he wants to be single and free again -- and you are fighting an uphill battle against his defense mechanisms, which are waging a war that you can't overcome with any amount of logic or reasoning. To win that battle, that kind of CHANGE requires something much deeper or more personal then what you can achieve by having a conversation during the turmoil of a break-up.

 

(DISCLAIMER: I'm not a professional -- make your own judgment!)

 

 

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A very good analysis Mrsoandso. Dumpers do perceive dumpees as a threat, because dumpees want to pull them back to a painful corner they are desperately to leave. The decission to leave is never out of the blue, though it may seem so sometimes. Dumpers have been thinking about breaking up, even subconsciously, for a long time. They may have made a series of unsuccessful attempts at breaking-up in the past, but reconciled each time due to dumpee's tears and their own fears. But each unsuccessful break-up only strengthened their desire to eventually get away--when the time is right from them i.e when they feel strong enough.

 

Once they announce the break-up, all the past pain of relationship and long preparation of breaking up swells up in their mind. They are almost intoxicated by an intense desire to break free. From now on, anything the dumpee says or does is a hindrance to their goal of breaking free. All sweet gestures, gifts, conciliatory talks, tears, pleads--all are hindrances to their goal of break-up. The feel dumpee is deliberately planting obstacles in dumper's path of flight.

 

Talking about relationship during break-up is physically painful to dumpers. I have been there. When I dumped my ex (4.5 years ago) a thick curtain fell down in my mind. My mind went ABSOLUTELY blank when thinking about my relationship, and it was a very deep and serious relationship. It was almost as if I was biologically incapable of thinking coherently about the relationship. A dense fog would cover my thoughts and trying to see through it was impossible. I really think it was a biological defense mechanism, and even at a gunpoint I wouldn't have talked about the relationship. The mental fatigue about the past was unbelievably overwhelming. I perceived everything my ex said or did as an attack on my decission.

 

In this situation, if the dumpees pursue, woe be to them They are not only pushing the dumper away, they are ruining their chances of reconciliation. Now is the time to let the dumper meet his goal--that of dumping and leaving. If we don't cooperate, the dumpers will leave with more vehemeance. If we cooperate, they will still leave, but will remember that we respected their decission. The key thing is to agree gently, without passive aggressive behavior. That means, not being sarcastic, not yelling, not abusing, not asking them to go to hell, etc

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I very much wanted to..but I got into another relationship and didn't want to hurt the second person. So I stuck with the second person even though I wanted to reconcile with my ex much after the break-up. It was more a matter of principle for me to not dump my rebound and I was determined to not let my second bf down.

 

Now my second bf has dumped me. After 4.5 years of being together.

 

This is life.

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Talking about relationship during break-up is physically painful to dumpers. I have been there. When I dumped my ex (4.5 years ago) a thick curtain fell down in my mind. My mind went ABSOLUTELY blank when thinking about my relationship, and it was a very deep and serious relationship. It was almost as if I was biologically incapable of thinking coherently about the relationship. A dense fog would cover my thoughts and trying to see through it was impossible. I really think it was a biological defense mechanism, and even at a gunpoint I wouldn't have talked about the relationship. The mental fatigue about the past was unbelievably overwhelming. I perceived everything my ex said or did as an attack on my decission.

 

 

Hey, were you aware that you were not thinking clearly and were floundering in the fog at that point in time? Or did you strongly believe that your decision was rational, that you were all cool and calm unless the dumpee is around stressing you out, that you were really doing these out of your will rather than any defense mechanism, and that you didn't want to talk about it not because of the fog/pain but because it is in the past, you want to move forward and don't want to go back there so there is no point talking about it?

 

I guess I am after my ex's words too much and maybe I really should just look at actions. Seriously....whenever the relationship subject was brought up he really looked like he was in physical pain that is caused by something greater than just "wanting to move forward, we are not together any more so there is no point talking about it"

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I should point out something that I overlooked in my post:

People break-up for a reason. (or reasons!)

 

So I'm not suggesting that the dumper is completely irrational in what he's doing. On the contrary, I am saying that typically the dumper is not fully aware of all the "variables" of his decision, nor is he entirely aware of all the stages of his emotions. His focus is to carry out his decision, and then to avoid thinking about the consequences as much as possible.

 

The fog (can we call it the "Siberian fog" as a tribute to Siberia's insight?) is more likely to lift from his thinking if the pursuer let's him go out of her life without any anger, blame, or guilt. She does this by telling him that she accepts his decision, and then she virtually disappears from his life. He then has a chance to go into his "emptiness" without the ex around to constantly validate his decision to break up by challenging his defense mechanisms.

 

There are no guarantees of the ex coming back, but by respecting his decision in the most literal way (i.e. breaking up = get out of my life completely), and doing so in a caring, dignified manner, the chances of BOTH of you understanding your emotions and decisions will increase (i.e. movement, growth, change). The conclusion of this process does not necessarily mean that two people will reconcile, although viable long-term relationships often bounce back when the right steps are taken.

 

Actually, the ideal situation, when a viable relationship is going sour and no amount of communication is able to rekindle things, is to mutually agree to a strategic break up of some length of time in which you both agree with the decision as a way to test out the relationship. A lot of the couples you hear about who got back together actually agreed to break-up from one another. Of course, for most of the situations on this forum, it is too late to do this.

 

Regardless, what should be clear is the need for time and space apart, and this could be days, weeks, or months, but mostly likely weeks or months.

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My decission to break-up was not a calculated decission, but an implicit, emotional one, and deeply embedded in my biology--i.e. there was no "deciding" really but gradually arriving. A dumper doesn't breakup for the fun of it (in a serious relationship). O gosh no. They usually have endured a lot of pain in the relationship and slowly they reach a tipping point. Dumpers may have for long suffered neglect, or may have been taken for granted, or cheated on, or strung along without a commitment, or subjected to a lot of boredom you know, or just been giving too much and receiving too little--I mean, just because we are all dumpees here, doesn't mean we are all saints here.

 

Once they decide to break-up, it is their body speaking, not brain. The body refuses to go on. Yes, when I reached that point, I found it physically painful to discuss my relationship. What a fatigue it was. I would start groping through the "Siberian Fog" haha and only feel terribly confused and terribly angry about even trying to do that. So I had to tell my ex--look I'm sorry I cannot talk about the relationship. Not because I don't want to. But because I am incapable even if I try.

 

The relationship was dead. Do you take delight in talking about a dead loved person? No. It is sadistic to force a person to talk about it at all. So what I can tell the dumpees, do NOT initiate relationship talk. You hurt the dumper by doing that. They will resent you for it. Leave the past relationship alone. It is dead. Bury it in the private garden of your mind, and cover it with wreath and candles. Play out an imaginary funeral where you lay it rest peacefully in a coffin. Say a prayer. And let it go. Finito.

 

Whatever new chapter ensues between you two--will have to be a brand new relationship. And that is possible only if you and your ex have gone your own ways and rebuild your lives.

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I mentioned a break up I was in above in which I pursued my ex for explanations and she told me that my actions made her want to run away from me. I learned a lot from that experience, and I can tell you that another variable was the sense of the passage of time. Let me explain.

 

After 1 month had passed, I felt like it had been such a long time. It seemed like weeks and weeks and weeks. Each day felt like forever. I would sit at my job staring at the clock. It was horrible.

 

After 4 weeks, I foolishly pursued her for explanations. What she said to me was:

 

"I am not going to change my mind. I am still assessing my single status. There is only a little bit of love left."

 

She and I were actually on good terms after the break-up. She was contacting me every day, but I then told her to leave me alone. The 4 weeks went by and I was desperate and she could smell it. She told me: "The break-up feels like it just happened yesterday." She was trying to tell me that she didn't have enough time.

 

My actions were pushing her further away. She wanted to "run away" from me (her own words). That was hard because we both still cared for each other very much.

 

So what is the point? The point is that for ME, it felt like a really long time had passed, but for HER it felt "just like yesterday" when we broke up. So, when I foolishly brought up the issue of the relationship, the pain was still very much present inside her, and she very much wanted to get away with it. She said that when I brought it up, it "forced [her] to think about it", which she obviously was trying NOT to do. She felt like she hadn't had any time to process her new "single status" and my approaches were very threatening to her.

 

So, time passes slowly for the DUMPEE.

But, time passes much more quickly for the DUMPER, when the dumper is avoiding her pain/emptiness.

 

She was avoiding it in a big way. She filled up her life with her work and her friends. She had no spare time for anything else. She worked constantly, and then went to parties as often she could. So, from her point of view, time was flying by, and from my point of view, time was agonizing and slow.

 

Siberia, do you have any comments, from the dumper's point of view, in terms of what you did to pass the time or what your perception of time was compared to the person who you dumped?

 

I think that would be insightful for people here who are so anxious to contact their exes.

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Dear Mrsoandso,

 

Yes your ex was right in saying that from her point of view, a month is nothing, and break-up seems like yesterday. When I left my ex, I really wanted to not be dragged into explanations, or guilt trips, or analysis. The funny thing is (and this is something all dumpees should pay attention to) the more *sense* my ex's arguments made, the more logically *correct* he was in his analysis, the more vigorously I shut himself off.

 

Dumping is like Sneezing. It is not wrong or right. It is a reflex. You sneeze because you want to eject a particle out. You dump because you want to eject a person out. Can you hold logical arguments about sneezing? No. Same with dumping. Leave your debating skills aside. You can win the debate and lose the dumper The choice is yours.

 

 

I had moved myself away from my ex physcially--i.e. I moved to another country to pursue my studies. I slowly recreated a life without my ex in it. That helped a lot. I also found another man who was the exact opposite of my ex, and I was happy to be dating and befriending him. And I wanted NO interference from my ex. On the other hand, my ex was waiting and pining. He wanted to REVERSE the time.

 

When you want to reverse time, you are acting against its flow, making time flows real slow. But when you are rushing ahead and have little desire to look back time moves faster. Life moves faster. So while a dumpee is fixated backwards and a dumper is fixated forward. Hence the difference in time perception.

 

This is more complicated than Einstein's Relativity. LOL.

 

So yes, a month is nothing.

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