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Thread: Getting back together really does happen!

  1. #2381
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    14
    Originally Posted by BreadStick
    What do you mean with "if I had some balls or would know how -"?
    Ok, I can't be sure, maybe I wrote that too fast, but I had feeling that if I had more confidence and not being always there for her, step a back little, that she would come back sooner. She was always scared of losing me as a friend when I stepped back a little. But I must say that we genuinely cared for each other, even when we were just friend.

  2. #2382
    #1 Guy knocks Girl up in college. They have been on and off, usually keeping in contact and getting back together because they have a kid together. Finally, she got sick of the cycle 2 years into their relationship and cut it off with him. He communicated with her mom for anything pertaining to their child. He didn’t chase her and actually took some time to be single (we were guessing that he just was not okay with being “tied down” and still wanted to experience the party life). Girl always knew she wanted her ‘family’ intact and she loved him. After 7 months, I guess he exhausted himself and realized he wanted that life. They got married 1 year later and she is pregnant with their second child.

    #2 Guy and Girl in HS have been dating for 3 months. He was a player but accidentally knocked up the girl the first time they slept together, but this was unbeknownst to them. He ghosted her after sleeping with her and kept dating and sleeping with other girls. She never reached out to him and lived her life. She found out she was pregnant one month after and contacted him. They’ve been together for 7 years and married for 4.


    #3 Not a full success story but an ex coming back. My ex and I dated for 4 years LDR, he was in the military and stationed 4 hours away from me. He would only be “home” for 6 months until he left again for deployments for another 6 months. LDR was tough on me since I had issues with needing constant validation. Long story short, he broke up with me when I had a freaked out episode on him when I went through his phone. We were intermittently in contact; but I rebounded 3 weeks after the breakup. 5 months after the breakup, with limited contact, he reached out to me to see if we could get back together. I feel like he wanted this because he could not find anyone else and saw that I was happy with my “rebound” (and I genuinely was!). By that time he asked me, I fell in love with my rebound and the “rebound” relationship was more ideal than LDR. He has been intermittently asking me to get back together and give us another chance, but I really just didn’t have feelings for him anymore and moved on. He eventually blocked me recently and I feel like he is trying to finally move on. I was pretty broken up about this separation, but eventually got over it when I moved on to someone else. Kind of bad in a way that I didn't heal, so I brought alot of baggage with me to the next relationship.

    #4 - Bonus - Me as the dumper! felt like reconciling with an ex I dumped but he jumped into it so fast that I backtracked.

    I was in a relationship with this guy for two years. Super sweet and amazing. But eventually I fell out of love with him and I was immature and did not know what I wanted. So, I broke up with him. He threatened to kill himself and all kinds of dramatics (letters, calls, showing up at places purposely knowing I will be there, driving by my work/house, leaving gifts, sending text messages of memories we had together, calling me on other numbers because I blocked his phone, having his mother call me to give him another chance, emails, long voicemails, etc.) which went on for a couple of months. And then all of a sudden he stopped contacting me; I didn’t like any of the dramatics but I’m sure subconsciously my ego liked it so it was weird when he suddenly stopped. I thought about him more and more. I stalked him on social media 4 months after he stopped reaching out and saw that he got a new girlfriend (who weirdly resembled me). And I FREAKED out. I started reaching out to him and begging him to talk to me. Repeat lactate; meeting definition of severe sepsis; resets--- reflexes; remind everyone.
    Like whoa, that sent me recoiling back faster than a slinky. I think me reaching out was mostly for my ego; but I think there was a chance in there that made me want to get back together with him slowly and eventually if he had just stayed cool and did not assume that every contact was a chance for getting back together. I have learned a lot since then (and grew up), so I have left him alone and let him live his life and let him be happy.
    But this is a lesson to all the dumpees... don’t do grand gestures, don’t be so desperate for them. Because it is soooo unattractive, and reconciliation often is being attracted to that person again. The only time he was able to get value back in my mind was when he left me alone and showed me his life didn’t focus around me. And as much as you want to get back together, don’t jump into it like you have been waiting for them to fire that gun. Ease into it and allow them to redeem themselves.

  3. #2383
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    54
    I've spent so many nights on this thread in the first couple of months of my breakup, that I can't event believe I'm back here.
    While I still love my ex, I'm feeling much better about not having him, and I'm finally OK with an option of not getting back together, although I still have a strong feeling we will. But, let's see how that plays out.

    I'm back here to share an amazing story of a really close friend of mine (very recent).
    She broke up with her fiance at the approximately the same time I did with mine, and they have just recently got back together!! It's been a year! They had no contact for the first month, but then they had contact (and some sexual encounters) since then (for over 8 months). Basically, they were in contact the whole time - and let me tell you it was HELL for her. She just couldn't move on. But she persisted, grew as a person (spiritually) and finally when she almost gave up - he told her they are back together again! :) What I don't like about this is that I don't see her being independent yet as she should for a healthy relationship, and I'm afraid same issue will come back up - but we'll see. She says she is a different person now, but is this enough?

    But yeah, there's another success story.

  4. #2384
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Age
    44
    Posts
    191
    Hurray!! 😃😃 I enjoy reading those! I have also reconciled with my fiancée (see my first post of 15 years ago), and celebrating our 6-month wedding anniversary this week!

  5.  

  6. #2385

    wedding

    Im glad to know everything worked out :)

    I remember the time i had my wedding reception, about 10 years ago and we live in the hollywood area.

    We had planned everything with planner. Was really something :)

  7. #2386

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    3
    I got the love of my life back. Unfortunately he left me again.
    (I'm 28 he is 30)
    Long story short.
    Me and my friend fell inlove, I've never loved someone that deep before, I don't think I will again. Because he wasnt just my lover he really became my bestfriend also.
    First time he broke up we hadn't been together more than 2 years. And we lived together that time as well.
    He broke up mainly because I relayed on him too much when it comes to being happy. I made him my world and lost myself in the process.
    Anyways we were FWB a whole year after the breakup. Then one day I decided enough, either be with me in a relationship or I'm out, I deserve better.
    He panicked and cries and begged me to be his again. I took him back eventually and he promised me forever.

    And then awhile ago he ended it again, after 1 year.
    This time it wasnt because of me, it was because himself.
    He is too depressed about a lot of stuff in his life, probably most that he is 30 and cant hold onto a job, he cant provide.
    But there many other factors as well.

    First time he broke up I begged him to please give US a chance again.
    This time I told him I accept his decision. Because I do. It sucks because I love him so much!
    But if he cant love himself , he cant love me.

    I truly wish him the best in this world and I hope he one day will find happiness within himself!

    And who knows, maybe one day he will come back and maybe just maybe I will let him in again in my heart.

    But for now, I'm gonna focus on myself and only me.

  8. #2387
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Posts
    15
    Forgot about this forum bit made a promise before that ill post when something good happens from my break up.

    Sept 2018 broke up with ex fiance. Tried (not desperately) to remain in contact with her. For 2 weeks. (Wanted her back) but I found out she had a thing w/ her coworker and so they dated etc. Less than a mo. I decided to go no contact cold turkey. Deleted everything. I did all of these not because of hatred but to help me move on. After 2 mos, I started moving on. Slowly forgetting her.


    It has been 8 mos. and a getting back together is happening. Not with my ex fiance though but with my childhood crush when I was 16 yrs. I met her recently because of a common friend. And we have been talking and getting to know each other. I plan to take it this slow as we both have stated our intentions.

    Not the getting back together youre expecting but better. Just focus on qhat is good in your life. Things will happen for you kist give it time :) stay strong everyone!!

  9. #2388
    I have three success stories to share..
    1) The first one is a family friend where the girl broke up with the guy in high school after a two year relationship. He still wanted her back but she broke up with him anyway because she didnt think he was "the one". They were apart for 5 years and she had two boyfriends during that time. Now they have been married for 12 years.
    2) The second story was another friend who broke up with her boyfriend of a couple of years becuase she wanted to be free and to do her own thing without the pressure of a relationship. The boyfriend was really sure she was the woman for him. After being apart for three years, they met up for coffee and have now been married for 20 years.
    3) and lastly, another friend of mine had a 5 year relationship with a girl in high school and they broke up for about 4 years and both got married to different people and had a kid each and then they both got divorced to those people and are back together after 5 years apart.
    Hope this cheers some people up 😊
    Last edited by ThunderCooki; 05-07-2019 at 01:04 PM. Reason: Adding another success story

  10. #2389
    This thread has been working wonders for me. Everytime I start to overthink stuff that's going on with my ex, I come back here, read a few stories, and then I'll forget what I was overthinking earlier. Doesn't give me hope or anything, it's just a great distraction with a positive feeling that's much needed for me right now.

    I'll share a few stories and later comment on my current situation. My life is full of getting back together or attempts to do so.

    - First girlfriend on high school, she would dump me every 3 months because we were not on the same page, I was more in love than she was so she would always break up with me but would come back by the 2 month mark. This happened 3 times and she attempted to come back a fourth time. By that moment, I was already fed up on the on-off relationship and finished everything for good.

    - Some time later, I met a new girl, we had great chemistry and started dating. She had just been out of a relationship and was moving forward slow, unlike me that I wanted our dating to become a serious relationship quick. I noticed we were not on the same page after 3 months dating and broke things off, she agreed. Some time later I regretted my decision, tried to win her back but she had already moved on. A couple of years later she contacted me again but I did not give it much thought as I was under the impression that she was already in a relationship; she was not. I found that out a while later and when I attempted to talk back she had already started dating with a guy she's currently in a happy relationship with. I'm happy for her since we always got along great, we never matched our timings right.

    - Later on in life, when I was about 21, I met the girl with who I had my longest relationship. Our relationship lasted almost 4 years but ended because it had become too toxic. She would try to manipulate me into doing all sorts of stuff and things ended for good when she actually wanted me to stop seeing my family and that was something I would not do. She broke things off. I believed we could work her differences with my family but she would not agree. Despite dumping me, she would come back to me a couple of months later. Deep inside me I knew she was not the right person for me so I rejected her. Long story short, she has been attempting to get me back through different ways on the last 3/4 years. I know I don't want anything with her so this will just never work. It goes to show that if you've given your best and you've been nice to the other person, they will regret their decisions of breaking things off, however, the decision of reconciling will be on your side when this happens. I believe that if you do what you know is right, time only gives you more and more power.


    Despite having plenty of examples in my own life to have hope and trust in the power of time, I'm currently puzzled and have been through a very rough time for the past month and a half. I fell in love with a coworker that I have direct relationship with and have to see and have lunch with everyday. I met her almost 2 years ago and, at first, I wouldn't even notice her. We began working together and slowly I started to get to know her. I became curious, however, I would not give in to the thought that something could happen with her since she was a coworker and I was doing pretty fine on my own. By that time, she was in a very toxic relationship with a dude that did to her almost the same things my ex did to me. We bonded and fell in love with each other, however, I let her know that nothing would happen in between us until she was done with her ex. She had been struggling to end that relationship but the guy would constantly make her get back together by making her feel guilty for breaking things off.

    After lots of therapy she was able to break that relationship and we started dating. We had a great time together and connected in many ways, I had never met anyone I had so much in common with. Everything had been going perfect for around 6 months until she told me we needed to talk.

    When we talked, she told me that she was not feeling the same towards me as she had felt at the beginning of the relationship, but that this wasn't because of anything I was doing but rather because she hadn't had time on her own after her previous relationship. She insisted on the fact that she saw me as a perfect guy and that she liked me in many ways. She also said that she had feelings for me and that every time we hanged she would have a great time. I asked her what would our next step be considering her mixed feelings; she was unsure so I told her that we could do our best to work things out but if she had no energy to do so it was pointless, she agreed on the fact that she did not have any energy. I suggested a break, which she refused because she would not feel comfortable having me hanging while she decided what she wanted to do with her life. Therefore, I suggested to break up and she agreed with this. She preferred to break up and told me that if she thought, later on, that she wanted to be with me, she would let me know, and if I was in another page by then, she preferred to feel regret later on. After this, I was devastated but went directly to LC. Ever since then, I have only talked only for work reasons or any topic that is at hand whenever we have lunch together. Other than that, no contact, no chat, no nothing. Just the minimum possible contact.

    I did call her once after 3/4 weeks asking her if she thought there was any future in between us, she told me that she had no way of knowing how she will feel in the future. After this, I asked her if there really was no other reason she did not want to be with me. I asked her to tell me so even if she had to break my heart and that I would not become mad at her or anything, that I needed a clear reason in order to get some closure and begin my healing process. I suggested that she tell me that she had no feelings for me, or did not like me anymore, or that maybe she wanted be with other guys. She denied everything and said that saying any of those things would be lying. That she did in fact like me a lot, had a great time with me and didn't think of being with anyone else. She did mention that she felt that we could be a great couple and that that's what she felt it was time for us to become, however, she was not ready to start a new relationship after the last one she had. She even mentioned that she really wanted to take care of our relationship because I was not a random guy but a really special one for her and that she wanted things to be OK between us. I accepted that answer and let her know that my conclusion was that it was bad timing and that I would move on. She agreed.

    Ever since then, everything at the office is super weird. I do not overdo anything and I have kept my relationship with her at the minimum possible contact as it was at the beginning of the break up. Every time I have to interact with her, I will be as polite and friendly as possible to keep things professional, however, it's not the same from her end. Everything has been hot and cold ever since. There might be times when she's cool around my but many other times when everything will be super tense. This is only happening from her end. I am not answering to this tension with more tension but rather just being chilled around her.

    I've recently started to actually move on since I have been growing tired of her attitude but it's difficult, especially when there's daily exposure. I just really hope that some time around she just makes up her mind and apologizes for her erratic behavior and either gets well with me as coworkers or just comes back but it's been a pain. Anyhow, I do feel everything is getting better from me. The first few weeks were terrible and I even had a few panic attacks. Anyhow, nobody's worth making your life miserable. I think I'll just put my hope thinking that if I've always tried to do my best, the best will come for me at some point.

  11. #2390
    Thank you for this thread. Ive read the entire thing and it seems that 90% of the rec are men going back. My ex left me for another guy after months of us talking about getting married.I can honestly say at one point i really was the love of her life other than her ex husband from many many years ago.her words and actions showed it. The reasons i was given were all environmental ,and honesty easily handled with a bit of work. They really didnt have to do with us other than some minor things. We were only together for 8 months so i doubt it was long enough. All these stories are about men coming back and also 2yr + relationships.

    I can say this. The mother of my kids left me after about a year, i begged pleaded all that stuff said some really hurtful things. Well after 6 months she came back and we were together for another 12yrs.

    Just hope the love of my life, the first one i truly wanted to spend my life with realizes what she gave up for some dude. She moved in with him right away although she had no where else to go. To fast to soon rebound i hope.
    2.5 moths since bu and 2 months NC.

    I know thats not really that long, and im just now getting over the depression.
    I couldnt handle speaking to her yet anyways. I will say that the other that came back did only after I let go and moved on. She showed up out of the blue. I was special enough to that girl, just hope this one thinks so too in time.
    In the end i know this pain will pass, ive been through it before(not anything like this), but it will pass too. My experience is similar in the fact that yes time and Nc worked the first time as also working on me. Silly though right now i know this but pitting it into action is much harder. I treated her well except during the BU. I told her secrets and broke her trust. Thats honestly the hard part for me to deal with.
    Last edited by Jonibrasco; Yesterday at 11:07 AM.

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