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Thread: Getting back together really does happen!

  1. #2361

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    Originally Posted by Mustardseed
    Beginning of August 2018, I decided to text him a simple text just cause August was when we first met and I was feeling a bit emotional. I honestly, did not expect a response and went on with my day as usual ( I have/had come to a point where I was not attached to response from him. Whether he responded or not, I did not care). He CALLED me. We spoke for almost 3 hours straight about everything we were up to and he mentioned that he had missed me but did not know how to reach out to me after everything he had said to me. He eventually came over and we really talked and ended up sleeping together and him staying over. It's been two weeks but things are still going great. I'm trying not to rush things since I do not want to make him feel like I am pressuring him even though I love him and want us to be how we were, I've noticed that I have changed a lot over the years and I have to be patient with "US". Today, as I was I was getting ready for work, I watched him sleep in MY bed and I honestly couldn't believe it - I thought about how hopeless everything had seemed over the years and months and here we are cuddling in bed, going on dates, talking on the phone and making plans. It's honestly unbelievable.
    I registered just so i can reply to your post. It brings me a tear in my eye every time i read this portion of your post, especially the part i bold-ed.

    I loved that part and i am very happy for you two. I am in the same situation but i`m the guy in my story( me 33y her 31y). It was a short but very intense story. After 2-3 months when she decided that she is not well emotionally and she wanted to be alone (even though i tried to tell her that i can be there for her and help her go trough all her problems) . I left without begging or anything because i know anything i do or say will only push her further away and my actions during the period we ware together spoke louder than any words i could say now. Every date we had was a surprise for her, i would take her to a place i knew she loved, or i would bring her preferred chocolate, picnic at home, i would left her notes in the house to tell that even though i`m not there i`m thinking of her. Don't get me wrong, i gave her the space she needed also, i wasn't trying to suffocate her with my attention. When we split up she told me that i'm the best man she ever know. We never told each other the words "I love you" but she slipped a few times when i surprised her and said quietly "this is why i love you" and i told her that i`m falling fer her. I haven`t spoken to her in two weeks(NC) and if she never decides to write to me or call me i won't initiate contact. I know she has to fix her emotional problems and after all the fog is gone she will see if she truly loved me or not. I think the hardest part for me to let go is that i'm afraid that if i let go that can happen to her as well. I did some social stalking but now i un-fallowed her on IG and made a new facebook account because i didn`t want to unfriend her there but still wasn't able to go trough the day without looking if she is online, when she was last online, did she post anything new and i'm afraid any post i will make will be influenced by my state of mind and indirectly will speak to her. I had a few long relationships but i was kinda immature then, it took me about 4 years to be alone and don't get involved in any relationship to get to know myself, to know what i want in my love life and get ready to open my heart to someone new and when i was ready there she was.
    ATM i can`t sleep well, hurts every second when i'm at home, i hate weekends because i have nothing to distract myself from thinking of her, my chest hurts, there is a battle happening in my stomach.
    I want her back, but i want her to reach the place you reached, for her to be sure that i am the best for her until then i'll try to pick up the pieces that she left behind and build a better self.
    On a positive note i am sure that anyone can get back with his/her ex( except maybe the toxic/abusive relationships) but it takes some kind of maturity on both sides for the relation to succeed.
    - Never take someone back until you are sure that he/she won't do that again, because if you do, you will always be afraid of that and you won't be able to be the best self around him/her.
    - Never beg, call, text a person that broke up with you, remember that him/her found in her heart that you are not good to them. If you do any of those things it will never change her/him mind. Let them figure for themselves and if they do( most of them do ) than you know that is their decision that brought them back. Let them the time to miss you. Let the actions and the person that you ware when you ware together to speak for you. The only time i recommend to initiate contact is when if he/she broke up with you for something you did, and that only after you pick up yourself and can have a mature conversation about what you did and how you change.
    - And last but not least, always and i mean ALWAYS try to fix yourself or the relation while you are still in it. Always take a step back and think what you want in life, is he/she someone to you could live with for many years, and i tell you, in most cases the answer is yes, because you picked him/her already, and the motives that are against that in most cases are some things that can be fixed trough communication., it all depends if you are willing to make some changes of if he/she is willing. The timing is the biggest fact. I see people coming to this forums only when they have a big problem, most of the people come here to see how they can get their ex back, few come to see how can they fix a problem in their relation, by the time they get involved the damaged is always done.

    I wish you all the best and to have your happy ending and don't let an bad experience go by, learn from it, be better.

  2. #2362
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    Deleted.

    ................

  3. #2363

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    Nov 2018
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    I' sure many may not agree with me, i know that i'm a positive person, incurable romantic and always try to see the best in people. I'm not going with the tough that she will come back, she might meet someone today and fall in love like never before, but i know that she ever comes back i have to work on myself, to get out of this state and again be the man i was when i meet her, maybe even a better version of myself.
    If she came back today to me i would say no for two reasons, i'm not yet healed and i know that the time has passed is not enough for her to be really be sure that she made a wrong decision and in a few weeks time we will be in the same position.
    Every time i was the dumpee, at one point in my life they came back, one way or another, but most of them ware to late, and when i was the dumper i always went back even if only to see that i made the right decision.
    Stay positive, hope has a small place in our/your recovery but the most important thing is to try to move on as hard as it is.

    To share one story at least :) :
    My first relation was about 14-15 years ago(we ware around 18-19yo old). We ware together for about 2 years. In that time we had many many ups and downs, we ware young and she had the the grass is greener syndrome. i think we broke up 2-3 times until i finally said it`s over. Even though i was the dumper i only said what she wasn't able to say, so i could easily say that she dumped me. Hurt like hell but time passed and i managed to move on. After 1-2 years (NC) she tried to come back but was to late. She tried to reach me for over 7-8 after, called me every time she remembered something from our relation, every time she could find an excuse but i wasn't in there anymore for her.

  4. 11-12-2018, 03:58 PM

  5. #2364
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    Originally Posted by SeakerJohn
    Being smart woman as you seem to be, you must always think what is best for yourself in life. After his words of never loving you, try to think what could made him to say it. Another woman? Possibly. You can try to get him back - there are many courses on line. Or you can try to get another guy. He is not the only one in the world. And don't forget tyhe world doesn't end with him. Good luck.
    I dont Think he is ever coming back, he is that kind og guy who never Goes back.
    Thanks for your reply it means alot

  6.  

  7. 11-13-2018, 07:26 AM


  8. #2365
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    Originally Posted by SeakerJohn
    Being smart woman as you seem to be, you must always think what is best for yourself in life. After his words of never loving you, try to think what could made him to say it. Another woman? Possibly. You can try to get him back - there are many courses on line. Or you can try to get another guy. He is not the only one in the world. And don't forget tyhe world doesn't end with him. Good luck.
    I just can't see me with anyone other than him. I really felt deep in my heart that he was the One

  9. #2366
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    Any getting back stories Where The dumper said "we will never get back together" or "I dont want to give us a second chance"?

  10. 11-23-2018, 01:11 PM

  11. #2367

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    Hi all, it has been roughly 4 months since my ex of 4 years left me and started seeing someone else a week after our break up (and only a week of knowing the new girl too before we broke up). It has been a long journey and I can feel my healing process slowly coming to fruition. Iíve received so much support and emotional strength reading through all these stories. I do have some I can share.

    Story 1:
    - A coworker of mine (M) and her now husband (S) split up for almost a year back then when they were dating. They both were fighting a lot and going through issues. Eventually they mutually split up out of anger (she couldnít even remember who broke up with who). S eventually moved away. They both went NC for the whole year and moved on with their lives, never expecting to be together again. Then a year later they happened to reconnect through social media and still knew they cared for each other. M didnít date anyone in between. Not sure about S. But they decided to give it a go again and took it very slow from then on and grew up from the communication issues. 20 years later they are married and have kids!

    Story 2:
    - not a successful one but exes do come back. A really good friend of mine who is helping me cope with my toxic break up told me her story. She was the dumper (but felt like the dumpee because her ex was abusive and flirting around with other women in front of her). She left him and took a long time to heal. This was well over a year ago and she is still healing from the abusive scars (but she does not love him anymore). He eventually wanted to move to another country and live a different life (grass is greener) and couldnít care less about my friend who was heartbroken. She gave the relationship her all and got nothing in return. A few months after the break up and hard NC from my friend, the ex-bf comes back to test the waters. She ignored him. Then weeks go by and he starts being desperate and telling her he has grown up and leaned his mistakes. That he is full of regret. She absolutely hates him to this day with the way he treated her. And at the same time to this day, he still wants her back.

    Story 3
    - my first ex and I were LDR for three years. It was a toxic relationship and full of drama and trust issues. Eventually my ex left me for someone else that was a coworker. I was devastated and being young and dumb, begged for a couple of weeks and cried my heart off. I went through the darkest time of my life. Eventually I moved on and I am now being sad over my most recent ex. Ironically the moment I started dating my recent ex back then (4 years ago), was the day my first ex reached out with texts almost every week! I wasnít sure if my first ex wanted me back or was looking for an ego boost, but I NEVER expected to hear from them again back then when they left me. I ignored all texts for a while. Last I heard she has moved on and is married with a kid coming along. Iím really happy for her and wish her the best. Iím indifferent to her though in terms of our random once in a year catch ups.

    We never know what life may bring us. It takes two very mature people who have gone through the motions of many painful events in order to take the time to reflect on what true love is. And that true love is also a full time job despite what movies and Disney-logic wants us to believe, which is that itís easy and happily ever after. Iíve come to realize that my situation is nothing special. Itís the typical ĎI love you but not in love with youí reason. At the time of the break up, I thought that I was the only one going through this because what I had with my ex was so Ďspecialí. But in reality she left for greener pastures (or at least her idealized version of the new partner). And that type of break up is so common and I ignored the red flags for years. She hasnít been single for over 12 years and had three LTR back to back, monkey branching. At the time I thought it wouldnít happen to me cause she was so in love with me and Ďgot meí so much (silly me). She did admit to me that I was her Ďidealí but she was bored (immature view of excitement), didnít want sex (lost attraction from lack of effort on both our ends), didnít feel a spark (which she deemed very important after four long years), and crushed on others (who logically are NOT good partners for her).

    It seems her logical side has gone out the window. Her new partner cheated on their ex for her. Her logic is, ĎIf they cheat for me, they wonít cheat on me.í

    We sometimes really question our choices in life. I think when you are dumped, the initial shock and trauma is a lot to handle. But as you start reflecting all your exís words in hindsight, you start seeing the BS that comes along with it.

    Keep in mind that your ex is now NOT YOUR PROBLEM. I can think of many flaws now that my rose tinted glasses are off. Sure I miss her still and think about her still, but itís not as intense anymore. And I also think about her flaws and tell myself that I no onger has to deal with them. She was quite abusive as well. My friends saw it, her own family saw it. Except I didnít see it. Until now. I can safely say that even if she comes back now (after her honeymoon phase dies with her new partner) and all the masks comes off, I will NOT take her back. We all know our exes very well. We can tell their maturity level and they may be predictable. It is VERY HARD for people to change. They must go through TOUGH life experience (like we are right now) and look inside themselves. I know she will NOT be doing the self improvement that I am doing as when she is so focused on someone else, there is no room to focus on herself.

    Rest assured that in the long run, if you were left for someone else/single life (assuming you were a good partner and did nothing wrong), you will come out on top. Because they will be stuck in the same chapter and recycle through it over and over again while we, the heartbroken, are forced to pick up a new book (and good thing we do).

  12. #2368
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    Bump! let's keep tis trend going!

  13. #2369
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    I don't know the exact time frames but I have a story.

    It's actually about my parents. My mom and dad first started seeing eachother when they were around 16 years old. Since then they broke up about 3 separate times. It was due to my dad being young and selfish and not wanting to commit fully to my mother. She dumped him because he was full of hot air.

    But they got back together each time. They were both very stubborn and never quit. My dad found an excuse to go see my mom at her house and would not leave before she came out to talk to him. Since then, they were together for good. They were about 20 at the time.

    It shows that if 2 people care it will happen. My mom told me that a real man admits his mistakes and fixes them for the woman he loves. If they don't go the distance they don't care enough and we should forget them. Never wait around, never beg. Dad said pretty much the same. So it rings true.

    They are 60 now. So you can see it worked out for them :)

  14. #2370

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    BUMP!!!

    I'd really like to read some more success stories about exes coming back.


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