*Will He EVER propose???*

Okay. Here is my story. Me and my guy are high school sweethearts. We dated in high school for two years, went to prom together, then college happened and we split up. 2 years later, we met up and got back together. I moved in with him to a different state after some months passed and we have been living together for 2 years now. We bought a house together last year in January. So as of now we have a home together, we have two dogs and are very happy together. He has started his career and I am a few semesters away from a degree. His family loves me. They considered me the one who got away and that he's lucky to have me back. I kind of agree but I don't tell him that, that's just condesending you know?

We are happy to be together. Here's the problem. We agreed when we bought a house together that we wanted only each other and marriage and kids, the works. We went ring shopping once last year and we talk about our future. We talk about kids and stuff. His family, as I said love me. We get compared to his uncle and aunt who have the perfect marriage, ( we are seen as future version of the uncle and his wife, which my guy likes. He thinkit's kool because he admires the relationship they have that great marriage going) His mother refers to me as his fiance every time she sees me though we have made no annoncement of the sort. His step dad has now picked up suite. So all of his family and friends refer to us as being engaged. My guy thinks it's amusing and already thinks of me as a little wife. My mother has now started bugging me about weddings and grandchildren (I'm spanish so of course getting married and having kids is a big deal in spanish culture) As annoying as this all gets sometimes, what annoys me more is NO proposal!!!!

He has the money for it as I have made it clear I don't want anything fancy at all. Many oppurtunities have ccome and gone. His family is loaded and wants to pay for our wedding, so it's not a matter of finances. We have the money and family support. He just HASN'T done it. It has been making me upset considering. We had a miscarriage last year and it woke me up to the reality of our situation. I'm not under his insurance because we aren't married so when I get sick I can't go to the doc without paying a chunk of my bank account. If we get pregnant again, we are screwed without health insurance for me. We do everything a married couple would do, the bickering, family functions and each side of the family has met each other. My mom and dad love him. Has our families expecting it to happen screwed up getting proposed to? I have not pressured him, but I feel like our families are. I asked him about it once since I noticed this problem and he just smiles at me and says it doesn't bother him.

I always thought of getting engaged after college but we are already in this stable relationship with the same goals in mind. We chose our house for the location schools and etc. So I know it's not just me. Last Christmas my mother visited and I thought it was the perfect oppurtunity for it. I expected it and nothing. Our families were together for the holidays and nothing! I asked him about it as a joke then he looked serious for a second and said he didn't consider proposing when my family was here. Is my guy that clueless? I don't want to confront him about it because I don't want to nag. That would make it worse. But do I just hang in there? I don't want to have this pent up annoyance going on. Do I ask his mother to knock off the fiance thing? I want to have good standing with his mom so making her look stupid might not be so wise when she has told everyone so already. I am getting the where's your ring questions and getting prodded for wedding dates. All I can do is look to my guy for his response.

AHHHHHH!!!!!! What do I do? I am concerned about the pressure our family is putting on us, any complications in the future (ultrasounds?), and future plans. I will be graduating very soon and looking for my career. Would this be the perfect time to get married before I start a job, so I don't take any time off? I am all over the pregnancy prevention make no mistake about that (for the sarcastic angry people!) but the last time got pregnant I was on the pill, so I am naturally cautious about what will happen or could happen. So do I play the waiting game and try to control my anxiety, tell him how I feel without pressuring him like my family...WHAT DO I DO????

*Oh to add a tid bit! I think of engagement as you are engaged for a year or two before actually getting married. While you are engaged you set everything up the date and all that stuff. But I do consider that there needs to be a year and a half before the date. So it's not like I expect to get hitched right away and he knows this.

welcome to enotalone. how long have you two been dating now and how old are you. if you are under 25, he may just not be ready for it.

have you just asked him point blank, "where do you see this relationship headed?" in the sense that you aren't asking him to propose today or tomorrow, but you want to know if he does see that in your future or not.

Rather than asking him "when are you going to propose" (because you are right, this might be 'nagging' or presumptuous, or make him feel uncomfortable), bring it up in a way that makes him feel good, let him know that you love him very much and want to take another step towards your future.

From what you have said, there's no doubt he is a fantastic guy and can see you in his future too.

yes, i agree, frame it in a positive way.

it sounds as if he is already comfortable with your relationship, that he doesn't need that jump to get married. have you guys have a talk about this lately?

We have been together for two years now. We dated in high school from junior to senior year also. I am 23 and he is 25. We both agree we want to get married and have kids. He is a cop and likes the idea of little sons and daughters looking up to him as a role model. He loves me very much. He takes off work if I am sick to take care of me. We always talk about the future especially our house and anything to do with my future career. We discuss what to do about me having a job when we have kids because when he gets called away to work it's not like our future kids could be left wherever. I have to be available to take care of our kids til they go to school. We talk about the future..you get it lol. If you read what I put above you see his family loves me my family loves him. It seems like the perfect time to get engaged, but nothing so far. We were split up for two years so it's not like he has cold feet about wanting to date more people and all that junk. I just don't know if I should approach him about proposing without coming off as being naggy. Especially since we both want to get married it's just a matter of when I am getting frustrated with.

hmmm.... you know, you are both young. something i notice, going into my late 20s, almost 30s.... is that guys are all single, and then once their friends start getting married, all the other dominos fall also. have your boyfriends' male friends started getting married yet? I think once they start, your boyfriend might feel ready to take the plunge himself. I think he just may not be ready yet, but he does seem very into you. i bet he will do it, but maybe not as fast as you would like. but as long as you two are happy and committed, that is more important than a piece of paper and a wedding ring. (of course, so long as you do not get pregnant again and need medical insurance!!!) if you are going to keep trying for a child, you may want to sort the insurance issue out first.

From what you posted it sounds like he is getting pressure from everywhere, including yourself. You said you don't nag him, yet you seem to ask him about it.. he most likely is feeling the pressure. He is just out of school, just getting his career going, just getting his life the way he wants it. Marriage is a big step and not just a "pent up annoyance" to alot of people. Give him some time and space, and perhaps tell your family to ease up a bit. He will do it when he's ready, not when you force him to.

I actually mentioned to him my mother called and nagged me about getting engaged and played it off like my mom was being a bit silly and getting overexcited. I causually pulled a "so should we just give her a time frame or a date in mind?" he just shrugs it off, but not in a jerk kind of way, more like an absent minded guy way. I forget to mention his flaws. He tends to be immature sometimes. He loves video games and staying out late. So do I. But he puts things off sometimes because he is having fun. I worry exactly that he is getting everything he wants from this relationship as is and hasstopped trying to keep the romance going. I have explained that to him a couple of times, but most guys are retarded in the romance department. Plus I can tell when he has a present for me. He gets all hyper happy and always gives me his present early because he can't wait. So I would see if he had a ring for me, but nothing. I am so worried about sounding like the annoying girlfriend, but my mom has scared me when it comes to the pregnancy last year and no insurance. We were both sad about our miscarriage, but it brought a truth out that we agreed to a life together but lots of things need to still be resloved. One of them is engagement! Sighs, I wouldn't dream of leaving him and vice versa, so no teaching him a lesson by leaving. How would you bring up getting engaged without seeming like a freakaziod (who else watched that cartoon?)

I have asked him in total 3 times over the last year and up til now. I keep track of how often I ask as to not sound annoying. We aren't trying for kids, but that does happen like last year. I tell him that if our parents bugging us about engagement is bothering him we should talk to our families about it, but he says hes fine with his family telling everyone we are engaged. But this starteda year ago so of course when people see us we get bugged about it. He graduated 2 years ago. If you could tell this is a response to Freefaller then yes it is. I want to get married. I am just getting annoyed at the waiting game. I take the ring shopping and the allowance of his family calling us fiances as hes okay with getting engaged soon. But a year later is a bit trying. I am not forcing him, I am not nagging him. Our families are nagging us so I am not adding to the pressure. Which is why I am on this forum asking for input on my situation. I can't exactly start telling people we aren't engaged and make his mother look stupid, you know?

i think you should give him a few more years before you really start to panic. clearly he has enough pressure from his family, i don't think you need to remind him either.

PS - does it really even matter? if he is a good and devoted bf, you two bought a house together and share a life together, you are basically married right now, without the official committment. i'm sure it will come in time, when he is ready.

I know, it's just the pressure from our families you know? I feel like when we bought our house we were excited and planned on getting engaged. Then our families caught on and started chriping away. So now we have screeching from both sides and no silence. It almost seems like when our families butted in it screwed everything up. I get bothered more about the family nagging then he does. He is usually soothes me about my annoyance. He says it doesn't bother him as much as it bothers me. And I know it's true, because we know each other that well. And to answer a previous question, none of his friends are getting married. In fact they are still acting like idiots, getting drunk and living with their parents. His friends love me, his best friend since high school loves me too (and that's the most important vote the best friend vote) and he bugs us about getting engaged too. His sister bugs me about being a bridesmaid. But again he insists he doesn't mind all this nagging. At first I thought it was because he was getting ready to do so, but nothing. Should we just move away from all the crazy people? lol His influental and rich family is ready to bestow gifts upon gifts on us the day we set a date. Which I think adds more pressure. It's like get married for half a million dollars or something. We love each other, but I am feeling like our families are really messing things up. But I can't talk to his family about it without looking like I'm paranoid or something because my guy isn't concerned with it. I feel like he should talk to his family about backing off ,but he doesn't want to.

Oh to add a tid bit! I think of engagement as you are engaged for a year or two before actually getting married. While you are engaged you set everything up the date and all that stuff. But I do consider that there needs to be a year and a half before the date. So it's not like I expect to get hitched right away and he knows this.

You are both very very young to be making such a big decision.

Aren't there other things you want to go, like go travel, do other things aside from work/house, /work /retire?

This could be how he is thinking.

Also, why rush? What is the hurry?

you change a LOT in your twenties and wht you want at 23 could be very different to what you want at 25 or 27 or 29. Probably the same for him too.

when you broke up the first time... who broke up with who? Did he? You say his family has also put a lot o pressure on getting you two married; do you think they also put a lot of pressure on him for you two to get back together?

If so, this really isn't fair of his family to do so.

I know if it was my parents, they would be extremely worried that their 23 year old daughter wanted to commit and get settled down so young.

Oh to add a tid bit! I think of engagement as you are engaged for a year or two before actually getting married. While you are engaged you set everything up the date and all that stuff. But I do consider that there needs to be a year and a half before the date. So it's not like I expect to get hitched right away and he knows this.

see I don't see the point in this either.. what's the point of more than a year engagement... then it seems like the wedding is more important than the marriage.

It's almost like he assumes you're ok with people assuming you're engaged. Maybe he doesn't realise that you actually want to make it official, and that you really do want him to propose?

It sounds like he would be ready for it, judging by your history and his obvious commitment to you.

I would just like to point out that I am 22 and newly engaged. We are very happy, but are waiting for a year or two to get married. The 'engagement' to me is more of a committment to get married, and to show the world that we love each other and are to be married. Plus, I can't afford a wedding in 1 year.

Also, that's bullocks if you think that I can't do all the things I want to do even if I am married. I can still travel! Work on my career! I don't expect to settle down and become a housewife just because I have a husband.

I would just like to point out that I am 22 and newly engaged. We are very happy, but are waiting for a year or two to get married. The 'engagement' to me is more of a committment to get married, and to show the world that we love each other and are to be married. Plus, I can't afford a wedding in 1 year.

 

Also, that's bullocks if you think that I can't do all the things I want to do even if I am married. I can still travel! Work on my career! I don't expect to settle down and become a housewife just because I have a husband.

of course you can work on your career... that's what people do regardless...but you can't travel on you own.. (which is what I was getting at! )

And there are a lot of things you learn in your twenties, that for me, were so important to learn on my own. I think it's important for everyone to be on their own for a while in their twenties.

I'm a bit confused at the 'showing the world' comment. Isn't it just important that you love each other? When I love someone , I dont' need to 'show the world'

Of course it is more important that we love each other. But I like to show that I am committed.. I want to shout it from the rooftops!

(i get very defensive when people suggest that I am too young... sorry if i sounded rude there!)

Of course it is more important that we love each other. But I like to show that I am committed.. I want to shout it from the rooftops!

 

(i get very defensive when people suggest that I am too young... sorry if i sounded rude there!)

hmnn... I guess I wonder why if you are so secure with who you love/ what you are doing, wy do you need to proclaim it to everyone?

If you've had other people suggest you are too young, I can see why you would get upset, but they are only saying it from experience, from having been there and from having felt so confident that they were sure of things when they were your age too.

Everyone things they know everything (including myself). Even now i say things that i'm 'sure of'... i'm 31 and my parents are in their 60s and they do the samne thing!

Honestly, tell him you'd like to get married within the next 18 months so - ideally - engaged within the next couple of months - and how does he feel about that?

Sounds like he's not going to say "no way!" - and if he does -then you can talk about why.

If he nods and agrees - wait 2 months. If nothing happens in.. 3 months.. propose yourself.

Seriously - what else can you do? Sit around getting angry and frustrated and then attack him with all that resentment when you could just be more direct about things? Is the "fairytale proposal" worth all that?

why don't you propose?

why don't you propose?

DN, I have no idea why so many women are against this and consider it unromantic. I proposed. I thought it was very emotional and romantic.

The important thing is the marriage - not the wedding. Most people seem happy enough to agree about that. Well if it's not the wedding - its certainly not the proposal!!

Besides - i just hate the idea that its unromantic if we do it. Why is one sex doing it more romantic than another sex doing it?

DN, I have no idea why so many women are against this and consider it unromantic. I proposed. I thought it was very emotional and romantic.

 

The important thing is the marriage - not the wedding. Most people seem happy enough to agree about that. Well if it's not the wedding - its certainly not the proposal!!

 

Besides - i just hate the idea that its unromantic if we do it. Why is one sex doing it more romantic than another sex doing it?