"Call Me Every Day" & "Answer Phone/ Return Calls Immediately"

I have noticed that some (many?) people expect communication (a phone call, text message, email, IM, or whatever) from their significant other every single day.

Why?

A. I need to hear the details of my SO's day so I know that s/he isn't doing something s/he shouldn't (i.e. cheating).

B. I need the reassurance that s/he still loves me and cares about me.

C. I feel too lonely when I don't hear from him/her.

D. All of the above/ Other

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I have also noticed that some (many?) people expect their significant others to call them back or text them back within a certain period of time, whether it is as soon as they get the message, the same day, whatever.

Why?

A. If s/he doesn't get back to me within ___ period of time, s/he might be doing something s/he shouldn't (i.e. cheating).

B. I need the reassurance that s/he still loves me and cares about me.

C. I feel too lonely when I don't hear from him/her.

D. It's all about respect. If s/he doesn't get back to me within a certain period of time, clearly I am not a priority/ their highest priority. I expect to be a high priority.

E. All of the above/ Other

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Last question. What level of communication do you expect in each stage of a relationship? You can define each stage as you'd like.

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Why am I asking these questions? I feel like I have atypical expectations of relationship communication (at least compared to some trends I see on this specific forum), so I would like to understand other people's points of view better.

Thanks!

YS

Why?

 

A. I need to hear the details of my SO's day so I know that s/he isn't doing something s/he shouldn't (i.e. cheating).

 

B. I need the reassurance that s/he still loves me and cares about me.

 

C. I feel too lonely when I don't hear from him/her.

 

D. All of the above/ Other

 

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The answer for me is

E. None of the above.

We communicate daily because we love one another and have a sincere desire to touch base just to say hello and see how each other is faring thru our day.

Has zilch to do with loneliness, fear of cheating, keeping tabs, etc. It isn't about expecting a reply by a certain time either. Couples who have mutual respect and ENJOY touching base daily will do so not because they need to check in at a required time but because they WANT to. Big difference here...

Not sure what is strange about the concept of loving someone enough to love hearing their voice daily?

OH and research/studies have shown that couples who communicate often vs not very often tend to be stronger relationships in general. This doesn't mean that only those who talk daily have strong relationships or that if you do talk daily it will be strong, but it DOES mean that those people who were surveyed who DO have strong relationships tend to talk daily or every other day at a minimum.

Thank you JadedStar.

I thought I was the only one who liked to hear my bf's voice every day and know how his day is going...

You know I can't ever rep you since I am always repping you, but you took the words straight out of my keyboard, Jaded.

Well put.

Even though I have personal issues and relationship issues, I love my boyfriend and want to talk to him/see him/love him everyday!

But I do think some people want communication for the wrong reasons, but not as much as you might think.

See above...........

I totally agree with this. Communication on a daily basis is about loving that person and wanting to talk to them because it is enjoyable to do so.

Communication is not always equal to communication.

While there is no doubt that the more often you have a meaningful communication (which sometimes can be silly little talks/ giggles, that no one else would understand), the healthier your relationship is.

However on the other side, quantity of being in contact with a SO doesn't equal always high quality of communication.

I'm guessing this thread idea came from my most recent thread lol

Honestly, it's not a matter of how "secure" I feel or whether I trust him or not. It's just as simple as me wanting to hear his voice at least once a day.

You would think someone would be flattered if you told them that, but some people take it offensively & feel like you're trying to force them to do something.

It's just nice to know that this person thought of me today, & he cared enough to pick up the phone & dial my number.

I'm sorry, but if the person I'm with can go a day without talking to me, that's a dealbreaker.

Has zilch to do with loneliness, fear of cheating, keeping tabs, etc. It isn't about expecting a reply by a certain time either. Couples who have mutual respect and ENJOY touching base daily will do so not because they need to check in at a required time but because they WANT to. Big difference here...

 

Not sure what is strange about the concept of loving someone enough to love hearing their voice daily?

To me, nothing is strange about it. In fact, I usually end up talking to/ having communication with my boyfriend every day, with the exception of when either of us is traveling and communication would be difficult due to scheduling. In that case, we usually end up talking for hours and hours when we get together, because there's so much to share from the time that we've been apart.

Why do we keep in touch? Because it's nice to hear from him, just like you said. I know he doesn't expect me to call. I don't demand that he call, either. It just happens. And it's nice, it really is.

The part that I'm having a difficult time understanding is the expectation part.

OH and research/studies have shown that couples who communicate often vs not very often tend to be stronger relationships in general. This doesn't mean that only those who talk daily have strong relationships or that if you do talk daily it will be strong, but it DOES mean that those people who were surveyed who DO have strong relationships tend to talk daily or every other day at a minimum.

Not at all surprised!

I thought I was the only one who liked to hear my bf's voice every day and know how his day is going...

Me too. My question is, what happens if you can't hear from him one day? Is there an expectation that you MUST talk every day? What happens if you don't? Are you disappointed? Hurt? Looking forward to the next day when you can talk? And why?

Communication is not always equal to communication.

 

While there is no doubt that the more often you have a meaningful communication (which sometimes can be silly little talks/ giggles, that no one else would understand), the healthier your relationship is.

 

However on the other side, quantity of being in contact with a SO doesn't equal always high quality of communication.

Really good point. I understand what you mean. When I can't talk to my bf for a few days/ few weeks (if he's traveling), we make up in quality (when he returns) what we couldn't do in quantity.

Relationship stage: 2 years in living together:

I should know approximately where and what he's doing at all times.

Because he is my partner, and I'd like to know what he's up to. I plan my dinner or TV nights according to when he'll be home, if he's eaten already, if he wants to go out tonight, if he has hockey later etc.

1) D other- none of the above.

Yes he should reply to my messages or texts as soon as he gets them. It's courtesy. Unless he has good reason not to at that time.

2) kind of C but not really, it's not about being "priority" per se, only courtesy.

Relationship stage: dating/ new relationship:

Questions 1 and 2 both have B and C as answers. I want to know I'm liked, missed and wanted. That means I want calls, texts and emails.

If you're committed to someone and choosing to be in relationship and SHARING your life with someone...isn't communication a natural part of it?

I don't expect communication everyday, it just happens.

It happens for the basic reason that we're two people that have made a choice to be together, and make a life together and share our lives together. Part of doing so involves communication, from the most basic call to say goodmorning, to texts throughout the day, to phone calls into the early hours of the morning.

Some people may have different needs, or wants, or expectations, and its important to find a partner who shares the same desire in these things, or finding a compromise.

He's a large part of my life, and vice versa, and we've created a bond that is strengthened and maintained through daily communication, and yes sometimes daily ongoing communication.

It certainly does vary. In the beginnings of a relationship, I think the communication is certainly different..it may be part of getting to know each other, or the need to tell them everything all the time is different then being in a relationship several years in. There's a level of comfort and security that if it so happens that all we do one day is a few words via text, or barely any communication, it's not the end of the world..we're busy, and it doesn't mean the relationship is falling apart, we get it and understand and know that tomorrow is another day and they are still there.

I'm guessing this thread idea came from my most recent thread lol

 

Honestly, it's not a matter of how "secure" I feel or whether I trust him or not. It's just as simple as me wanting to hear his voice at least once a day.

 

You would think someone would be flattered if you told them that, but some people take it offensively & feel like you're trying to force them to do something.

 

It's just nice to know that this person thought of me today, & he cared enough to pick up the phone & dial my number.

 

I'm sorry, but if the person I'm with can go a day without talking to me, that's a dealbreaker.

Nope, this didn't have anything to do with any particular thread, more like a general trend that I've noticed and am curious about.

Of course it's very, very nice to talk to your SO every day! That's not the part that I'm interested in.

I'm more interested in what happens when you DON'T talk every day. How that makes you feel and how that makes you view the relationship. Since you said that's a deal breaker for you, why? Why do you NEED to hear his voice every day, as opposed to WANTING to hear his voice every day?

YS

There is no expectation from each other that we have to talk each day or at a certain time, rather we have made our OWN expectation in our own head that we want to touch base each day. In other words I am not expecting to hear from him each day at a certain time, rather i am expecting in my own head that i want to touch base with him by end of day because i enjoy talking to him. And even after all this time i still get this little surge of excitement when i get a text notification and see his name attached to it...or a missed call/voicemail. You would think that at some point that this would grow mundane but so far it still hasn't.

I can't think of many reasons that might keep me from sending at least a simple text to my SO on any given day unless i am traveling and my phone went dead. Even then i have access to other phones and can call him if even for a few minutes.

I just don't buy it when people say they can't text or phone an SO in three or so days like we hear on this site all the time. There is very little on earth that would make me SO busy i couldn't text or phone my partner. I am not sure what these people are so busy doing but i guess I am not ever THAT darn busy. lol

I don't think it is a necessity to hear from someone every day if there is a really good reason for them not calling... but it should be a relatively normal part of their day...

Them NOT calling is more a worrying indicator of something... a sign that you don't mean that much to them, or you're a low priority on their list, or they don't care that they're doing something that bothers you etc. I think that is why you hear so much about that expectation on this board... people are sensing that they're more into their partner then vice versa, and the lack of calling is something that is a red flag they are worried about.

I've always found that when a relationship is going well and going somewhere, the other person wants to talk to you once a day... you are a very important part of their life and they'd call you once a day in the same way they brush their teeth everyday or take a shower or whatever.

I mean, if a partner can work up more enthusiam for brushing their teeth every day than calling you every day, that really tells you something about the status/worth of the relationship in their own mind. Maintaining the closeness just isn't that important to them.

I wouldn't expect an everyday call from someone i was only casually dating or had just met, but if they were officially my boyfriend? You betcha!

Relationship stage: 2 years in living together:

I should know approximately where and what he's doing at all times.

Because he is my partner, and I'd like to know what he's up to. I plan my dinner or TV nights according to when he'll be home, if he's eaten already, if he wants to go out tonight, if he has hockey later etc.

1) D other- none of the above.

 

Yes he should reply to my messages or texts as soon as he gets them. It's courtesy. Unless he has good reason not to at that time.

2) kind of C but not really, it's not about being "priority" per se, only courtesy.

 

Relationship stage: dating/ new relationship:

Questions 1 and 2 both have B and C as answers. I want to know I'm liked, missed and wanted. That means I want calls, texts and emails.

Yep, when I lived with my ex, I had a similar view. We checked in every day at a minimum "to keep the ship sailing," LOL.

You say that it's courtesy to respond to texts/ messages when you get them. Definitely agree. You say "unless he has a good reason not to." Just wondering what reasons are ok reasons for you.

I don't expect communication everyday, it just happens.

What happens if/ when it doesn't?

What happens if/ when it doesn't?

I would answer this if i could, but i can't, since it has not happened as of yet.

Nope, this didn't have anything to do with any particular thread, more like a general trend that I've noticed and am curious about.

 

Of course it's very, very nice to talk to your SO every day! That's not the part that I'm interested in.

 

I'm more interested in what happens when you DON'T talk every day. How that makes you feel and how that makes you view the relationship. Since you said that's a deal breaker for you, why? Why do you NEED to hear his voice every day, as opposed to WANTING to hear his voice every day?

 

YS

How does it make me feel?

-It makes me worried if it happens a few times. If it's a regular habit, it makes me feel like maybe he's not as invested into the relationship as I am.

Why is it a dealbreaker?

-Because personally, the people that I don't talk to on a daily basis are not that important to me, & vice-versa...& I think it's safe to say I can apply that to 90% of people.

Why do I need to hear his voice?

-I need to & want to. I want to because I love him & care about him, & it puts me at ease to just hear "how was your day?". I need to because it's in my nature to worry, & if I don't hear from him for a day, I start to worry & wonder if something's wrong.

I dont understand this either...lol How BUSY can someone be for 3 or 4 days straight that they dont have 2 mins to call their SO?

Sheesh somedays Im sooo busy I dont have time to take a bathroom break at work BUT I still find time to email/text or call my SO. Because I love him & want to see how his day is going

If my SO went 3 days without calling me I would be worried sick & he better have a very good excuse why he didn't call. A good excuse would be he was stuck in a third world country that had no phones AT ALL LOL.

 

 

What happens if/ when it doesn't?

I speak to him the next day.

We always make a point to even send a simple text.

I know that it doesn't mean anything if we don't get to verbally talk to each other. We'll send a text saying goodnight, if worse comes to worse, and thats ok for us, because we generally know what we do everyday, why there was no contact, what we're upto, and we know that tomorrow we will get to catch up, see each other, etc.

There's security there that we don't feel the need to freak out or get upset if we don't get in touch one day. But it is common courteosy to try and send a simple text, MSN message, or leave a voicemail saying hope you had a good day, talk to you tomorrow.

What occurs every other day of the week should give you security to know that one day of missed/non communication doesn't mean anything and isn't the end of the world.

I dont understand this either...lol How BUSY can someone be for 3 or 4 days straight that they dont have 2 mins to call their SO?

 

Sheesh somedays Im sooo busy I dont have time to take a bathroom break at work BUT I still find time to email/text or call my SO. Because I love him & want to see how his day is going

 

If my SO went 3 days without calling me I would be worried sick & he better have a very good excuse why he didn't call. A good excuse would be he was stuck in a third world country that had no phones AT ALL LOL.

IMO it is all about priorities. People say they are too busy to call in three days or so but come on, if it is a priority time will be made. I know people who are SWAMPED but make the time EVERYDAY to go to starbucks for their fave latte, you won't tell me that can't take five to call or text their SO If their SO is on their minds.

When you are committed to someone, I think it's irresponsible to not make any contact for a day or more. You really are never too busy to shoot a text just to say hi. It is just the least you can do.

You say that it's courtesy to respond to texts/ messages when you get them. Definitely agree. You say "unless he has a good reason not to." Just wondering what reasons are ok reasons for you.

He's actually busy. Busy does not include:

-playing video games

-watching TV

-casually hanging out with friends

-casual family gatherings

Busy does encompass:

-working (actual work not "being at work")

-formal dinners/ outings

-skiing or other sports

-important meetings or gatherings

-being in a place where you cannot/ should not be calling or texting (hospital, movie, etc.)

It's vauge you see... Let's just say I expect to the call, text or message to be responded ASAP. As soon as he is out of dinner, done skiing, or has a break at work I should be messaged. He recieves the same courtesy.

IMO it is all about priorities. People say they are too busy to call in three days or so but come on, if it is a priority time will be made. I know people who are SWAMPED but make the time EVERYDAY to go to starbucks for their fave latte, you won't tell me that can't take five to call or text their SO If their SO is on their minds.

Exactly! I agree completely. In the in the grand scheme of things my family & SO are my #1 priority in life & calling them everyday, regardless of how busy I am is a must....in my book.