ending life very soon...ive made my decision

i have read some posts from other people and i feel a lot of the same things, i have a hard time putting into words how i feel so other people posts have helped me identify some things. im 21 years old, i have depression, and bipolar disorder which i take medicine for but it never helps , ive been on so many different medications before with all the same outcome. my whole adolescent life was spent in juvie, boot camp, rehab, and mental hospitals. ive had a drug addiction since i was 14. ive been to jail 3 times ,the first time was when i was only 19.now i just cant get away from my horrible life. ive been abused physically mentally and sexually. i never had anybody to talk to my whole life so some of my emotions have been pent up for a long time. none of my friends feel like real friends because im afraid of what they will think of me if i tell them all this stuff. im tired of feeling alone. i feel vey distant and i dont trust myself. if i decide to kill myself i know exactly how im gunna do it, and im very very close to that point right now. ive had attempts in the past but they were only cries for help, now i want to do it the right way. i could just be that 1% whose life is doomed to fail and cause them misery and cant be helped. even if i wanted to call a suicide hotline i cant cuz i dont have a phone. my mom doesnt get home till 10:30 tonite so im alone till then. by the time she gets home i could be long gone. im sorry for everything ive done, im sorry for wasting everybodys time, im sorry for being mean,im sorry for being a failure, im sorry for everything. this world would be better off without me so i cant hurt anyone anymore emotionally. i want my mom to know im sorry and i wish she knew how much i love her. she'll be better off without me. im going to go to sleep and not wake up. thats all i have to say ......thank you for listening

I'm guessing you're planning on overdosing.

I recently lost a family member that way. She overdosed in her car, & they didn't find her body until days later.

She left behind 2 kids, whose lives are now permanently shattered.

You're apologizing to your mom & telling her you love her, which shows me that you're not the least bit selfish.

Don't do this to your loved ones. There are so many people out there who care about you & whose lives would be ruined if you left this earth.

I know you don't really want to die, or else you wouldn't post on here. You're still seeking help & some words of encouragement...& you can get that here.

Talk to us.

Don't do it....there is ALWAYS another way. Talk to us, PM us. I agree with (PsychGirly). You are looking for help or at very least approval. Therefore you are not absolutely sure this is the right thing to do.

The things you are feeling, I have been there. Can't you attend therapy or counsellling? The problems you mentioned can be fixed, trust me. It won't be easy but with the right surroundings and approach, you can do it.

i have no ther choice im having anxiety attacks and i cant stop i have to do something

Go to the doctors. Go get HELP it is out there. Just stay strong and know that death is something permanent whilst life can ALWAYS be improved no matter how dark it seems it does get better. Its always darkest before dawn.

The world would miss you, whether you believe it or not.

i have no ther choice im having anxiety attacks and i cant stop i have to do something

What do you like to do? Do you work-out of have any hobbies?

Why don't you try to take your mind off things by posting up some pics for us? Do you have any pics of yourself, or any loved ones?

I'll do it if you do it I'm having a hard day myself

i dont kno how to put pics up.....im sorry i know your all trying to help me but this is the only way for me..i do go to counseling but i cant open up to them

i dont kno how to put pics up.....im sorry i know your all trying to help me but this is the only way for me..i do go to counseling but i cant open up to them

Do you know how to use photobucket?

Just go to link removed, make an account, & upload some pics. Once you do that, let me know & I'll tell you how to upload them.

I know you don't want to go...at least not yet. There's still hope.

Please let us try to help you.

You said: "i never had anybody to talk to my whole life so some of my emotions have been pent up for a long time. none of my friends feel like real friends because im afraid of what they will think of me if i tell them all this stuff. im tired of feeling alone."

You aren't alone anymore. That's why we are here. Talk here, you will not be judged and you will not be shamed or penalized.

Please don't end your life. You are not a waste. You can get over what you are feeling. I know it seems hopeless, but give us a chance to help you.

Your life is worth living. Just ask your Mom. God doesn't make trash.

Then go the doctors they could give you medication to help. Stay here and talk to us! How was your day today?

Cmon, let us help you

image removed

We can SOOO be your puppies =]

I'm with Psych, tell us your hobbies, or what you like to do?

What is the number one thing that makes you feel good? Everybody has at least one thing.

i not sure what to say anymore...i just dont kno..

Think of all the beauty in the world, hot summer beaches, think of travelling, meeting new people, new friends.

i not sure what to say anymore...i just dont kno..

What's going through your mind right now?

What happened today or recently that triggered these thoughts & emotions?

i like animals...i have a cat ...i know hes gunna miss me

i like animals...i have a cat ...i know hes gunna miss me

Aww, what kind of cat?

I really want one, but my mom isn't too fond of them. I don't know how to convince her to let me get one.

You cant leave your kitty!! When my gran was seriously ill her cat got ill in sympathy and nearly died! It layed on her chest everyday and wouldnt move.

Your cat loves you, you can make good friends. I always feel like no one really knows me either, but I have me, and I can make my future what i want it to be and thats the best thing.

I have three cats, their surrounding me at the moment its quite scary.

i got into a verbal fight with my mom earlier.. she hates me now...im sad and alone

i not sure what to say anymore...i just dont kno..

Sure you do! What one thing makes you feel good inside? Doesn't have to be anything big...start with something small..

Mums say stuff they dont mean all the time. My mum called me a failure and said she hated me, but she didnt mean it. People say nasty things sometimes. Chances are she didnt mean it, and she loves you and maybe she doesnt understand you but she would MISS you.

K, your mother may get angry with you, but mom's don't hate their children. That love is unconditional.

i honestly dont have any hobbies

Surely you have a pic of your cat...can you upload it so we can see?